When I was growing up my daddy was pretty visible in the community. His job required that he do a lot of PR work - spots on the local morning show, public service announcements, speeches at the Rotary Club, etc. So for him being in front of a camera or in front of a group was pretty much par for the course. And because being in the public eye of a small Southern town was all Daddy knew, he didn’t put much thought into “image.” He just wore what he wore - and if there happened to be a spot on his shirt when he taped a segment for TV, then there was just a spot on his shirt. He could’ve cared less.
One day Mama and I were watching the news, and Daddy, wearing his Favorite Ugly Sweater, was being interviewed about something like tomato plants or Japanese beetles or soil erosion. Riveting stuff. And as we were watching, we noticed that the fox which sat over the breastpocket and signified that This Sweater Is A Fine Utilitarian Garment From JCPenney was askew. Sort of like the fox decided to make a run for it, and, as he attempted his escape, accidentally caught his back left leg in one of the loose threads.
Anyway, like any Southern woman worth her salt would do, Mama immediately decided that she had to rectify the situation. When Daddy got home and changed clothes, Mama picked up the sweater (sidenote: my daddy has never carried anything to the laundry room IN HIS LIFE - I’m not even sure he knows where it is) and brought it to my room. Mama carefully removed the injured fox, only to find a hole behind it. The fox, sadly, could not be salvaged - we had to put him down.
Which left us with an unattractive, hole-y sweater (I’m SO wanting to insert a bad pun right here with the whole hole-y thing…my word it’s tempting). And you’re thinking, Why not throw it away? Well, I will tell you: because my mama is a child of the Depression, that’s why, and she doesn’t throw away ANYTHING. In fact, when I was unpacking boxes at Mama and Daddy’s new house last summer, I discovered that she had moved a pint of expired buttermilk from the old house to the new one. I found it on ice. In a cooler. I guess so that it didn’t get MORE ruined? But I digress.
So Mama and I decided that there was a very simple solution to the wounded fox / hole problem (hurts. not. to. make. pun.), one that would significantly up Daddy’s fashion IQ AND save the sweater. We would simply cover the hole by performing an emblem transplant: carefully removing an alligator from one of my brother’s tattered Izod shirts and then transferring it to Daddy’s sweater. And that is just what we did. Oh, we were so proud of ourselves. Daddy was none the wiser, but much more stylish. Or so we thought.
Two weeks later. Daddy was on TV again, explaining the proper way to root a cutting from a hydrangea or fertilize an azalea or whatever. Wearing The Sweater, of course. Mama and I were relieved since Daddy’s sweater was now sporting an alligator and not the much-maligned fox. It had all been so simple. Crafty, in fact. Until the camera zoomed in for a close-up of whatever Daddy was holding. And we saw it. And we froze.
Because the alligator, you see, was upside down. Like some sort of County Extension Service gangsta sign, warning all the 4-H agents that the county agents, THEY DON’T PLAY.
All I could do was sort of gesture toward the TV screen and say, “Mama. Mama? MAMA!”
When she realized that the alligator was about 180 degrees off its target, she just shook her head and said, “Well, that figures.”
And just in case you’re wondering? Daddy still has that sweater. Upside down alligator and all. I think it suits him that way.
Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer says:
Oh, you have to post a picture of it sometime!
July 3rd, 2006 at 6:32 am
Jeana says:
THAT…made me laugh out loud.
July 3rd, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Bev says:
You have the funniest mother on the planet I think. How blessed are you! I’d leave it upside down too.
July 3rd, 2006 at 1:11 pm
Kim says:
Love it!! Thanks for the morning giggle.
July 3rd, 2006 at 1:33 pm
Carol says:
Okay, that’s the funniest post I’ve read in a while. I’m surprised he still wears it - the man who has to have the soil pH just right and all. What a hoot!
July 3rd, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Neighbor Jane Payne says:
I love your style and sense of humor.
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Susanne says:
Hilarious! I can relate to the saving everything. My MIL is like that too! And this is exactly the kind of thing she would have done. Too funny!
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Sister says:
Oh, we ARE a funny bunch, aren’t we? :)
xo,
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:38 pm
Denise says:
LOL! I’m not sure what’s funnier - that you moved yucky buttermilk or that he still wears that sweater.
July 3rd, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Diane J. says:
Just think…..One day in the not too distant future, Alex is going to be just as amused by you and D as you are by your parents now…..Scary, ain’t it? LOL ;)
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Jan says:
I love your blog. I think mostly because in your family I see my own reflected, in all our down home southern innocence, pride, and sheer joy in life and in Christ. Also, you make me laugh!
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Paulette says:
Boomama,
You are so hysterical, the way you can make an upside down alligator hallarious. You are my favorite morning person, and I have never really liked comedy!!
My kids cannot get over me howling laughing at this computer. Caleb told his sister she must be reading Boomama again….
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:54 pm
Jennifer says:
LOL! Very funny.
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Kari-MommaB says:
Okay, see? THIS is why I keep coming back to read your posts… day after day after day!!! Oh, and by the way… just how DO YOU know when buttermilk has gone bad? I mean really! EEeeewww!
July 3rd, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Jennifer R. in Mississippi says:
Thanks for the laugh- Oh, but that was funny !
BTW- Mama said her grandmother’s fam- who were all Chathams- were from Meridian… hmmmm……
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Addie says:
I love the stories about your parents! They sound like a lot of fun. :-)
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:18 pm
Susan says:
I expect his audience is used to his sweater by now. They might miss it if he finally got a new one. Mr Rogers always had the same outfits.
Besides, you may just find your Dad has started a new trendy fashion. They could call it anti-grav critters! ;)
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:11 pm
Tina says:
Great post! And I admire your pun-resisting restraint.
I’m kind of anti-designer clothes, just on principal (especially for my kid) so I like the idea of the alligator being upside down. It makes a statement. If I had a shirt with an alligator, I would go right now and turn it upside down.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:29 pm
jenn says:
LOLOL, oh man, my head hurts now. Thank you. You NEVER fail to brighten up my day :-)
July 3rd, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Sarah says:
I KNEW there was a reason I didn’t read this post this morning! Because the good Lord knew that I needed to read it, right after my whole Haloscan/pinging headache, so I could laugh. And remember why on earth I blog:) And thank you, thank you, for your quick and easy solution to my techie woes. Such a good friend:)
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:16 pm
Lauren says:
Your story is oh so cute but your ability to tell it like you do is what knocks my socks off.
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:18 pm
theresa says:
Thanks I needed a good laugh.
July 4th, 2006 at 1:29 am
Tess says:
omg, that was too funny! “they don’t play”
July 4th, 2006 at 3:04 am
Kelli says:
WAAAA- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I just found your blog through Sarah at In The Midst, and am hole-y glad that I did :)
Keep sharing your life with us — it’s worth the drive!
July 4th, 2006 at 3:06 am
Robin says:
I am sure the only way these stories can get any funnier is to hear them in person. Are you tired of me telling you how much I laughed at something? Really, I just spewed DietDP out of my nose.
July 4th, 2006 at 3:41 am
Bev says:
And Robin, no chance Terry was there to take photo of said shooting Diet DP out your nose? Maybe a little video clip? Shoot, didnt think so.
July 4th, 2006 at 3:52 am