Several of y’all have asked how Elise and her boys are doing, and I guess if I were a normal, non-wordy person I’d just say “as well as can be expected” and then hit “publish post.”
But I’m so not normal. And so not non-wordy (which I believe is a descriptive phrase used far and wide because of the sheer awkwardness of its construction).
All that to say: I need to backtrack a little bit.
I mentioned before that Paul died as a result of a freak accident. I haven’t said what happened specifically because, well, I just haven’t, and initially it just seemed a little unnecessary to re-hash all the whys and wherefores in the midst of Elise’s shock and grief. Plus, after you make a statement like “it was a freak accident,” people start to conjure up all kinds of crazy scenes in their heads since we live in a culture where people expect “freak accident” to resemble a “Fear Factor” stunt gone terribly awry.
But the truth of the matter is that Paul fell off of a golf cart. The cart was moving, and he stood up, and he lost his balance, and he fell and hit his head. He never regained consciousness after it happened.
And that’s why, when E. and I were talking on the phone the morning after the accident, in the wake of something so seemingly random and “HUH?!?!”-ish, just about the only words of comfort I could offer were “God is Sovereign. He has known that this would happen and that He would allow it since before Paul was born.”
To which she replied, “I know. I know. Mama has been saying that to me, too.” Then she laughed a little bit through her tears and said, in typical Elise fashion, “But I would’ve liked to have been privy to just a LITTLE of this information beforehand, you know?”
So, to answer your sweet questions about how she’s doing: she’s doing pretty well most of the time. She’s doing whatever she can for her boys. She’s finishing up some remodeling work. She’s cleaning out her house. She’s tending to the inevitable business-y stuff. She’s comforting family members and friends. She’s crying sometimes. And she’s missing her husband.
But her faith is strong. She knows that God is Sovereign. She knows that God loves her. She knows that He is faithful. And she knows that He is good.
She really does.
She’s also laughing a whole bunch. In fact, a couple of nights ago when I told her that when I was typing some stuff for the memorial service program, her daddy walked in the room, sat down, looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Tell me a little bit about your walk with the Lord. And tell me if your husband walks with you” - well, I thought she was going to wet her pants. Hearing her laugh is a good thing.
But the shock of the accident - the magnitude of her family’s loss - not going away anytime soon.
Keep praying for her and her boys.
Casey says:
Thanks for keeping us updated. Her family will continue to be in my prayers.
God Bless.
August 1st, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Overwhelmed! says:
I’m so glad to read this update. I’ve been wondering about how this family is doing. Thanks for sharing!
August 1st, 2006 at 5:12 pm
kelli says:
Thanks for the update. We have been praying. The process is long, and never ends- it just changes. I’m so glad to hear she is able to laugh. When daddy died last year, we laughed all the way through the video memorial. We ate ice cream in his honor after the service. We cried, we laughed, we honored him- and still do- with the little things. Part of that is resting in the assurance that he is in heaven, so we call it “a vacation”. Along one we will join him on someday. Blessings to all of you.
August 1st, 2006 at 5:24 pm
chris says:
Thank you for the update Boomama. I’ve been wondering about your dear friend.
August 1st, 2006 at 5:31 pm
the other Sarah says:
Thanks for the update. I will continue to keep her family in my prayers.
August 1st, 2006 at 5:33 pm
Cmommy says:
Thank you for sharing~~~wow, that IS a freak accident…I’m shocked. Haven’t we all, in the past and present, made a similar innocent move?
God is God. Knowing that fact is huge, and true, and comforting. Our first daughter died at birth; she would be 14 now and we went on to have 4 more children. At the time of her birth, we were part of a church that believes “if bad things happen, it is the devil’s work”. I am very familiar with the grieving process and Elise is in my heart and prayers, as are you. I’m also glad she is able to laugh. It is healing. hugs, C
August 1st, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Barb says:
The part that put a big lump in my throat was, “She’s missing her husband.” Just the day to day not being with him has to be the hardest thing for her. So, so sad.
August 1st, 2006 at 5:37 pm
Rebecca says:
They’re in my prayers. Thanks for the update.
August 1st, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Shannon @ Rocks In My Dryer says:
Boo, are you comfortable telling us how old her boys are?
August 1st, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Brenda says:
I know she’s thankful that God chose you to be her friend. They, and you, are in my prayers.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:04 pm
sarahgrace says:
Thank you for the update- we will continue to pray for her and her boys.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Sarah says:
I’m still praying for her and her boys–and for you–and for her parents, and his parents.
Sometimes I just don’t like where the will of God takes us, you know?
But the fact that she can laugh? That’s a sign that she’s going to make it.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Katrina says:
Thank you so much for the update. Elise and her boys will continue to be in my prayers.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:25 pm
Rebekah says:
Thanks for keeping us posted. I’m still praying for them and for your circle of friends.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:29 pm
Nikkie says:
Thanks for the update Boomama, I will keep her and her boys in my thoughts and prayers
August 1st, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Karla says:
Thanks for the update! I have certainly been remembering Elise and the family.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Mama Duck says:
*hugs* and prayers to her and her children!
August 1st, 2006 at 6:38 pm
stacey says:
Another one praying… ((Hugs)) to your firend and her family.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:52 pm
allison says:
Praying. So sad to hear of your friend’s (and your) loss, but rejoicing in the strength of her faith. Sounds like she is taking comfort in the only true Comforter.
August 1st, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Suzanne says:
There’s a wonderful book called Treasures of Darkness by Sharon Betters that may help comfort Elise later on down the road. I will be praying, too, for her and her boys. So glad she is holding to the fact that God is sovereign. It is hard to understand, yet the Psalmist says, “in your faithfulness you have afflicted me”….and in Isaiah, the promise that God will help and strengthen us, and uphold us with His righteous right hand. (Isa.41:10). Take care.
August 1st, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Melanie says:
Thanks for the update. Elise and her boys will continue to be in my prayers.
My husband lost his dad when he was 9 and he always says that in retrospect he can see how God used it for good in many instances. Like Elises’ boys, he has the assurance that his Dad is in heaven.
I’m glad that even in the midst of this, Elise can have some laughter.
August 1st, 2006 at 7:35 pm
Mrs. Shannon H. says:
Appreciate the update. Will keep praying.
August 1st, 2006 at 7:54 pm
Theresa says:
I know she has a long road ahead of her but I so glad to hear that she can still laugh at moments
Thanks for the update, praying right now!
August 1st, 2006 at 8:14 pm
Susan says:
I will add them to my prayer list. And yes, God is soveriegn although it is so hard to understand His methods too many times.
August 1st, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Kristina says:
Thanks for the update.
August 1st, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Jen says:
I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HER AND THE BOYS ALONG WITH YOU AND YOUR AMILY,
JEN
August 1st, 2006 at 8:27 pm
Melissa @ Breath of Life says:
Thanks for the update. As I was reading your post, I was again reminded of “Steel Magnolias”:
Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.
Isn’t it amazing to think that when God brought your circle of friends together, He knew this time was coming. He also knew that Elise would have the entire blogging community praying for her, because of your blog.
On another note, and totally unrelated (which I hope isn’t bad blogging etiquette…since Addie brought that up today)…sorry I didn’t participate in Homes Tour. My excuse, though not as reasonable as yours, is posted on my blog.
Take care, friend!
August 1st, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Paulette1958 says:
Hey Boomama,thankyou for sharing about Elise. I tell you I think of her and the boys everyday. I put a blue ribbon on my mirror and everytime I see it in the bathroom I pray for Elise and the boys. I am saddened that we both are without husbands.
Blessings to you.
August 1st, 2006 at 9:22 pm
stephanie says:
Thanks for keeping us updated. I’ve had her in my thoughts.
August 1st, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Anonymous says:
I like your blog and truly enjoyed your tour of homes. I still have more to look at and it does take time if you leave a message. Is it to late to sign up. I thankyou for takeing the time to do the tour of homes. What a wonderful idea. Stop and sit a while on my front porch at the lake when you have time.
August 1st, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Meredith says:
“God is Sovereign. He has known that this would happen and that He would allow it since before Paul was born.”
I find great comfort in that! God is in control and I can’t change that. Thank you for sharing something I so desperatly needed to hear.
I will be praying for Elise and her boys…..
August 1st, 2006 at 9:47 pm
Anonymous says:
The family is in my prayers. My daughter lost her husband at the age of 35 and 5 years later the family is doing well but the hurt never goes away but after a few years the memories of a wonderful person over ride the hurt and life does go on one day at a time. Amy my daughter told me that time does heal.
August 1st, 2006 at 9:51 pm
Lori says:
Thanks for the update. Still praying through out the day as the Lord brings them to mind =)
August 1st, 2006 at 10:25 pm
dawn says:
Unbelievable - doing something he enjoyed so much. There is much sadness in this world - a little boy in a boat with his daddy and two more people (age 2) put his root beer in the cup holder just as the boat turned - he was thrown out of the boat, lost his life jacket in the process, and is at the bottom of a very deep, very cold lake. They still haven’t found him. Pray for his family as well. Thanks for keeping us updated.
August 1st, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Kari-MommaB says:
I cry every time I read a new post about your friend and the healing process she is facing. The tears are mixed as must be her emotions. I cry for her loss, I cry for the joy of her husband’s arrival in heaven, I cry for the babes he had to leave behind and I cry for you as her friend who undoubtedly loves her with every fiber of your being. I cannot begin to imagine her pain and in turn, yours. My prayers are with you all and I rejoice with you as you reflect that Paul is getting to laugh and talk with Jesus, face-to-face, waiting for the rest of you to join the party.
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:02 am
Jennifer, Snapshot says:
I was laughing one minute, in your fear factor freak accident, and then breathless the next when I heard just how ordinary the “freak accident” was. A book that I had read before I had a year with several downs (no ups, really), was Let’s Roll by Lisa Beamer, the 9/11 widow. It had God’s sovereignty and her acceptance of that fact all over it. It helped me to see everything as a part of His greater plan.
Thanks for the updates.
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:21 am
Perri says:
Continuing to pray for your friend and all involved. Praying for God’s peace during the days and weeks ahead.
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:40 am
Melanie says:
Thanks. You know, I don’t know why we ask that “how is someone doing” after a loss. I mean, how do we expect them to be doing? I really think we should just say what we mean- “I know this is terrible, and I have told you I am sorry before, and that I am here for you, and on and on. But I guess I am just telling you again. Just so you know I didn’t forget you, and the fact that you are having to learn a new way of going through life while I can just keep on living life as it was before.”
I think we should start that, what do you think? Maybe a new Southern tradition or something.
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:09 am
Brittany says:
This may sound very strange, but I read about this (Paul/Golf Cart) in my local paper (I’m in Gulfport, MS) but I cannot recall why it would have been printed here. Seems like the father of the man was local to here…maybe that’s it…
color me confused.
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:36 pm
HolyMama! says:
oh thank you for posting this! elise sounds amazing. i’m praying.
August 4th, 2006 at 5:02 am