Now Where’s That Trusty Anvil?

I am quite certain that at some point in the next few hours my left eyeball is going to shoot out of my skull like a cannon and land on the coffee table. And while I’ll probably think “EWWWW, that’s pretty gross,” I don’t think I’ll mind the relief, OH THE SWEET MERCIFUL RELIEF from the relentless sinus pressure. I’ve actually been watching television tonight with my left eye closed, and I’ve concluded that I’ll more than likely be okay vision-wise when my eye does in fact separate from its socket.

Just in time for Halloween!

See? I CAN be festive!

The thing is that there’s really no escaping the Blinding Sinus Pressure, because I get it honest. When I was growing up, Mama often used to tell me that she had “sinus,” and I didn’t really know what that meant other than “SHHHHH! QUIET! NO TALKING!” while Mama walked around the house with her thumb pressed over whichever side of her face was afflicted. However, since I’d never had a sinus infection of own, I just didn’t get it.

But then my friend Daphne and I moved into a little mold trap called Hathorn Hall when we were in college, and our sinus cavities became filled with Every Known Bacteria, and we’ve both had chronic sinus problems ever since. We often like to compare notes on the severity of our symptoms, but ever since I had the sinus infection that went into my eyes and transformed said eyes into goopy red slits, I’ve considered myself the hands-down champion.

I am understandably proud.

Perhaps I should get a trophy.

So I’m going to continue taking my allergy medicine and stuffing my nose with various mentholated items. The good news is that I don’t feel bad at all, so I can continue to vacuum my rugs until they’re threadbare in anticipation of a prospective buyer showing up at our house.

And if my eyeball does in fact shoot out of my skull, I’ll just clean that mess right up and get back to the vacuuming.

Because I am nothing if not practical.

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Comments

  1. Do let us know if that eyeball comes shooting out, won’t you? Since your eyeballs are attached to your skull by 6 muscles apiece, it wouldn’t actually hit the coffee table, it would simply dangle from the socket hanging down to about the end of your nose.

    This is good news for the Halloween look, and for keeping the stacks of Smarty Pants Quarterlies on the coffee table from getting mussed.

    See? It’s what we like to call a win-win.

  2. Well, I don’t know if mine has progressed to the infection stage yet, but I am having a bit of the “sinus” myself. Somehow I feel if I could just drill a hole over my right eye I would feel OH, SO MUCH better.

    What with all the cotton defoliant and cotton gin dust, soybean and rice mill dust in the air, I almost always have at least one round with sinus infections in the Fall. So far I’ve escaped it this year, but I feel it settling in for the duration now.

    From one sufferer to another, I hope you feel better soon, BooMama.

  3. I find that sinus medicine can in fact may you quite creative, or loopy, but they are really one in the same. And it helps when I take twice the recommended dose. But I don’t recommend it. Feel better soon! And watch for that eyeball.

  4. Oh, Boomama, that doesn’t sound fun at all!
    OK…this could be worse. You could have been on my trip to Hawaii from heck with your sinus infection…or should I say also, that my trip could have been worse with said-sinus infection!

    Hope you feel better soon!

  5. This is making my eyes water to read it! I’m not envying you AT ALL right now, except that your Halloween costume will be way cooler than my own “Mama taking her kids trick-or-treating” one:)

    And FYI, I’m giving up. I surrender; my house’ll be off the market next week until the spring. Which is good, since my washer and dryer died the day my fridge did, and now my moving money has been spent at Lowe’s! (again, I really need to just email you!!)

  6. Will you take a picture of your eyeball before you vacuum it up? Think of the traffic that could drive to your blog. ;)

    Hope you find some sweet relief soon!

  7. I am feeling your pain. Personally, my eyeball couldn’t have popped out this morning because my eyes were actually swollen and stuck together. Attractive.

  8. i feel ya girl. seriously. right now, the main effect of my sinus troubles appears to be dizzyness. quite fun, i tell ya.

    ever try to push an already wobbly grocery cart while dizzy? :)

    hope ya feel better soon. try taking a shot of apple cider vinegar. i guarantee it will clear up the sinuses.

  9. Try Afrin Nasal Spray. While very unlady-like for the Southern Belle, it has quick results, doesn’t keep you awake at night like Sudefed does, and works quickly. Take Sudafed in the AM, let it wear off through the day. But, don’t take that huge megadose stuff mixing in with Claritin. YOu’ll regret it, trust me. Take a simple 25-30 mg tablet. Or whatever they call Sudafed now. Sometimes you have to ask the pharamacist to local plain Sudafed, because, you know, of the meth people trying to do their thing with it.

  10. I hope you feel better really soon!

    Kim

  11. Around here, those are called “science headaches” (courtesy of my 7 year old’s pronunciation).

  12. Aw…there isn’t many things more miserable than a sinus infection. I hope that you feel better soon.

    Try the Afrin-it does help!

  13. You and I live in one of the worse places for this kind of stuff!! Isn’t that good to know? LOL
    For me it’s not so much the eyes but more like a cement truck that seems to empty itself into my head via my nose and ears.
    It seems to get worse every year tho’ so I’ve given in to Rx which isn’t so bad since I seem to have lots of friends when I’m taking that stuff…I think I must be more entertaining when I’m medicated.

  14. I have found that using a nasal saline spray when I feel a “sinus” coming on helps to prevent it or at least to minimize it. I had a friend who recommended this…she actually does the saline nasal spray twice daily year round…she hates them that much. It works for me.