Wednesday night we went over to Martha and Sissie’s to exchange Christmas gifts. Sissie has been in the hospital for several weeks so that she could go through some intensive occupational and physical therapy on her hip (she had a bad fall back in September), and now that she’s home, she and Martha are dealing with ’round-the-clock sitters, all manner of medical equipment, and a whole new definition of “normal.”
The worst thing about this change in their living arrangements is that they don’t have the freedom that they once did. Everything that they do is dictated by waiting on therapists, waiting on nurses, making sure sitters show up, making phone calls when they don’t, and trying to sleep when they can.
So when we got to their house Wednesday night, Martha couldn’t wait to start telling me the stories of what life has been like since Sissie came home from the hospital. Sissie is now staying in the guest room because that bed is lower, and Martha has provided her with a little bell to ring when she needs something. Personally I feel that the bell is somewhat unnecessary since Sissie screams, “MAH-THA! MAHHHHHHHH-THA!” when she rings it, but I think it makes Martha feel good to tell her friends that she’s “gotten Mother this darling little bell,” and hey, I’m all for whatever gets you through the tough times.
More about all that after a bit of background information.
One of the first things I learned when D and I got married is that in his family you take turns opening Christmas gifts. In my family it’s a big free-for-all, with everyone opening presents at once, but in D’s family the tradition has been for each person to take turns opening one gift at a time, with everyone watching the person who is opening the gift. I’m fairly certain that I had nightmares about this tradition after my first Christmas with his family, because I hate and despise and abhor and loathe being the center of attention. However, now that Alex is at an age where he loves to open presents, he has turned the whole tradition on its head. And as a mother, I’ve never been more proud.
We hadn’t been in Martha and Sissie’s house for five minutes before Alex started handing presents to his grandmother and his great-grandmother, and it became very clear very quickly that there would be no taking turns, that the new tradition was going to be a three year-old screaming “OPEN IT! OPEN IT!” to anyone holding a present.
While the three year-old’s mama smiled like a cheshire cat in the background.
Anyway, here are Alex and Sissie after she opened one of her presents at the same time that Martha opened one of hers, and yet the sun still came up the next morning:
He was a little excited.
Here’s another picture of Sissie. Look carefully at her ensemble:
As far as I’m concerned, when you have a 96 year old woman who still takes time to sport a little animal print sweater and wear a belt that cinches her waist even when she’s recovering from a broken hip and can barely walk - well, what’s not to love?
The whole time that Alex was running the present-giving show, Martha was trying to tell me about the problems she’s had with some of the home health workers, which brings us back to where I left off in the third paragraph. I would really like to recount this story in direct quotes, telling it in the style that’s unique to Martha and Martha alone, but I think I would be typing from now until next Monday, and quite frankly I just don’t have the strength.
The gist of it is that Martha left Sissie with one of the sitters while she went to her Sunday School party, and when Martha got home “a little before nine, I was home before nine! I wasn’t even out that late!” she found the sitter sound asleep in the recliner.
Now I think that if I had been in Martha’s position at this juncture, I probably would’ve walked over to the recliner and very gently said something like, “WAKE UP WAKE UP YOU’RE ON THE CLOCK AND I’M NOT PAYING YOU TO SLEEP.” But Martha avoids confrontation of any sort, so here is what she did in an attempt to wake up the sleeping sitter:
1. walked in her bedroom and shut the door
2. opened the door
3. walked in the bathroom and shut the door
4. flushed the commode
5. opened the bathroom door
6. walked in the kitchen where she repeatedly opened and shut the door to the microwave because, according to Martha, “my microwave door is really loud, it’s terribly loud! and I don’t see how anybody could sleep through me shutting it, especially not over and over again!”
At this point Sissie woke up (no doubt because of that microwave door opening and shutting), so she started ringing her bell and yelling “MAH-THA! MAHHHHHH-THA!” The sitter still didn’t hear anything (”she didn’t even hear Mother’s bell! she didn’t hear the bell! and I had been at the Sunday School party and what if Mother had rang the bell and that woman wouldn’t have heard her! and, I mean, you see what I’m dealing with. you see what I’m dealing with!”).
So Martha took care of whatever Sissie needed and then went and stood in front of the recliner and loudly cleared her throat four or eleventy hundred times until the sitter finally stirred. And instead of asking the sitter what in the sam holy hill she was thinking, Martha simply said, “I couldn’t get you to wake up. And Mother even rang her bell!”
The sleeping sitter confessed that she had been a bit nauseated earlier in the evening, taken a Phenagren or two, and much to her surprise she became incredibly drowsy and dozed off into what might be classified as a light coma. Martha told her that it probably wasn’t a good idea to take medication like Phenagren when she had a job that required staying awake in order to care for the elderly, but the sitter was nonplussed and asked Martha if she could have her check seeing as how she had some Christmas shopping to do the next day.
At that point Martha (very politely, of course) told the woman that it probably wasn’t going to work out, what with her demanding payment for sleeping on the job and all. And what with her not being able to hear Sissie’s bell. Or, you know, Sissie’s shouting.
I’m sure at this point y’all think that I’m at least four, maybe five hours into our Christmas celebration with Martha and Sissie, but honestly I think that all of this had transpired by the 30 to 45 minute mark. Next up was the segment of the evening where Martha couldn’t decide if I would want a new set of pots and pans that she was giving me to be blue or red, so she confessed that she bought both and then she brought both sets into the living room and unpacked both boxes and had me make a decision right then and there after she offered an extensive comparison of the features of each and told me the story about how she found them and who helped her in the respective stores.
In the interest of tying up all the loose narrative ends, you should know that I chose the red pots and pans.
Martha was, quite simply, delighted with my choice.
So I will bring this portion of our Christmas tale to a close by offering you some adorable pictures of Alex and his cousin Melissa.
I have absolutely no idea what they did for the four hours we spent at Martha’s house that night, as I was so busy listening to Martha’s stories and making life-altering decisions about pots and pans that I only saw them when they ran through the living room.
And just think: I haven’t even gotten to the part where Martha tried to watch a DVD on her new DVD player.
It’s a marathon, people. Not a sprint. I’m pacing myself accordingly.
Roxanne says:
I think I might possibly need a break myself. . .time for some water and a little rest before the next leg of the race.
December 29th, 2006 at 11:03 pm
Big Mama says:
This whole post is like a late Christmas present. It is! It’s like a late present!
The outfit, the pots and pans, the bell ringing…it’s just too much goodness.
December 29th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
Lori says:
I find that I feel exhausted and a bit jittery. In a vicarious sort of way.
December 29th, 2006 at 11:51 pm
owlhaven says:
Isn’t that funny, though? Most of my kids also just disappear at the grandparents’ house and at the end of the evening when we gather them up I wonder what they did for most of the evening while I chatted.
Mary, mom to many
December 30th, 2006 at 12:12 am
His Singer says:
I am literally chomping at the proverbial bit in anticipation of the next installment!
Please, for the love of all that is good and kind, don’t keep us waiting long. I may get so agitated that I come down with a case of The Vapors.
And it won’t be pretty.
December 30th, 2006 at 12:25 am
Tammy says:
And to think I don’t always stop by here, Boomama…you being so popular and sometimes having so many comments that mine would merely get lost in the shuffle.
But now I can see I was simply denying myself of some incredible fun entertainment! :D Thank you for sharing this visit with Martha (Maaaaaa-tha!) and Sissy! Loved, loved this story!
December 30th, 2006 at 12:33 am
maria says:
ditto to Tammy’s comment. Boo Mama…will you write my life’s story? :) Where you find the energy to make everything so entertaining is beyond my comprehension. Happy New Year
December 30th, 2006 at 6:44 am
Lisa says:
Wonderful, simply wonderful! Please do post more very soon.
December 30th, 2006 at 7:49 am
Robin says:
Um, HELLLLLLOOOOO??? No pics of the pots and pans? Seriously, I need to see them. Living vicariously and all. =)
December 30th, 2006 at 7:51 am
Robin says:
Oh, yeah. Lovely post. Can’t wait to hear more. Sorry, didn’t mean to sound so snotty in the last comment.
December 30th, 2006 at 7:51 am
chupieandjsmama says:
Looking forward to the next installment! How about a picture of the pots and pans to go with it? Glad they got rid of that sitter. They should report her (but they are probably too nice to do so).
December 30th, 2006 at 8:24 am
maggii says:
oh I love hearing family stories…nothing this intresting ever happens in our family…LOL
December 30th, 2006 at 9:31 am
Tara says:
Hey, Boomama. I just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago, and I am totally loving it. As if all the other stuff about your life wasn’t funny enough, Martha and Sissie are just the icing on the cake. My MIL is from Mississippi, so this all hits so wonderfully close to home. Thanks for sharing your stories and giving me some good reading (it goes great with coffee…or diet coke)!
December 30th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Sarah's in the midst of it says:
If only I could be refined at 30 as Sissie is at 96–I confess to wearing the diet Coke shirt three times in a row. (But seriously, who could resist?)
I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story–and if you could just secretly videotape M & S and send me the footage, I’d appreciate it:)
Oh, and I just want to mention that Robin used her Christmas money one year to buy me a new set of pots and pans because mine were so crummy. That’s probably why she has to live vicariously through yours–she still hasn’t bought her own:)
December 30th, 2006 at 9:39 am
Kim says:
So great! Keep it coming!
December 30th, 2006 at 9:55 am
Sweety says:
Classic- My mothers name is MAAAHHHTTTHHHAAA- I can just hear it now!
Since I am in MS- I just luv all this family drama!
December 30th, 2006 at 10:28 am
Sister says:
Oh, it sounds like more FUN! Oh, more FUN! It just sounds like more FUN!
:), :), and :)!
December 30th, 2006 at 11:31 am
Gail says:
So fun to read! They sound so southern, or I would say Mississippi since I’m from there. Can’t wait to read more and I agree….where are the pots/pans, we need to see those!
December 30th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Jessica says:
I am from Alabama on the Mississippi line and I swear these people you are talking about are my family. You could substitute the names for Aline and Augusta and it would fit perfectly.
Southern women (especially those over a certain age) are a trip!
jessica
December 30th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
Karla~Looking Towards Heaven says:
the “Maatha” spelling cracks me up.
My mother is from Alabama and though she’s lived in MD for over 30 years, has maintained her southern accent and pronunciation of words.
My daughter went through a period of her life when she LOVED “Arthur” books. (which she pronounced “Ar-fur”)
While visiting my parents one summer, my mom kept saying “Ah-thah”.
Finally, my daughter couldn’t take it any more and said “Meme, it’s not “Ah-thuuh” (spoken like she has a wad of cotton in her mouth, and her tongue stuck to the inside of her bottom lip), it’s “Ar-fur”.
Blessings,
Karla
December 30th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Kelli says:
Oh. My. Word.
I’m out of breath, tea and feel quite faint from laughter.
Although I can’t wait til Part III — could you be a doll and wait a day or eleventy hundred?
I need to rest.
Holy Moly Guaca-dole!
December 30th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
Homeschool Mama says:
My girls would love Cousin Melissa’s shirt! Can’t wait for the 3rd segment…
December 30th, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Phyllis R. says:
It’s just as if I were there myself! It is! My entire family is from (and still lives in)Mississippi and so, I feel like I’ve had a nice little visit “home” without the visit. Can’t wait for the next visit!
December 30th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
MarillaAnne says:
oh man … I am so waiting for the next installment … something tells me some of this shouldn’t really be so funny … except that it IS very funny!
ttyl
pam
December 30th, 2006 at 10:04 pm
BooMama » Okay. This Is Definitely Going To Be The End. Really. I Think. says:
[...] Here’s Part Two And I’m Nowhere Near Finished [...]
December 30th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
Elise says:
I am finding myself laughing like a hyena (I realize that’s NOT how it’s spelled Boo) and reminding myself of how Paul used to laugh at A Christmas Story Movie. D’s family could be the next version! Let’s get Todd AKA maker of all Hollywood sound to see if he can “hook us up” with such a wonderful production on film.
December 31st, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Kristi says:
I. Love. It. :). My in-laws make us open one present at a time. And seeing how my husband is one of five kids (as am I:), and each now has a spouse, and a total of thirteen-ish grandkids…it takes all day just to open presents. Even when his uncle the dentist comes by and gives us new toothbrush/dental floss goodie bags (which we really do appreciate), we all have to open them one at a time!!!! Oh yes we do :). Next year, could Alex come with us to my in-law’s house and change things around for us also, p-l-e-a-s-e?!
Kristi
January 2nd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
BooMama » Ask And It Shall Be Given Unto You says:
[...] Okay. This Is Definitely Going To Be The End. Really. I Think. (you might want to read this post first) [...]
February 8th, 2007 at 3:39 pm