Today I called Emma Kate because I had a little news I wanted to share with her, but when I said, “I have some news,” she immediately assumed that I was pregnant. Which of course I’m not. And if I were? Hello? I would have totally told the whole internet by now.
For the record, I would like to state that the assumption of pregnancy is perhaps the very toughest act to follow in terms of storytelling expectations. Anything after that is a letdown. It’s like someone guessing that your husband gave you a trip around the world for Christmas – and then you have to say no, actually, he gave me hubcaps.
I know whereof I speak on this particular issue because when I was eleven my daddy proudly gave my mama hubcaps for Christmas, and Mama thought it was a joke because she had spent the entire month of November dropping four or eighty-six hints that she wanted a pair of diamond earrings. Daddy, however, believed that the hubcaps were a perfectly lovely gift because at the time Mama was driving a Ford that lost a hubcap whenever she thought about driving over a pebble.
Needless to say, Mama failed to see the merit in the practical nature of Daddy’s tenderhearted yuletide gesture.
And also needless to say, when EK heard my actual news this afternoon, she wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as she would have been over, say, a baby, so I just gave up on my story and instead asked her what she was doing, because as best as I could tell she was wadding up plastic grocery bags and rubbing them against the mouthpiece of her phone.
As it turned out, she was buying some jeans. I can’t remember the specific brand EK was purchasing, but I can tell you without hesitation that they were not in fact Mom Jeans because Miss Thing would rather cut her hair with a butter knife than wear anything with pleats around the midriff area.
This is after all the same girl who contemplated ending her engagement when her then-fiance’ (now-wonderful husband) questioned whether or not she “needed” a skirt she bought at Goldsmith’s, at which point Emma Kate called me in tears and said in all seriousness that there was absolutely no way she could marry a man who didn’t recognize the importance of a good skirt. However, she came to her senses about fifteen minutes later, and you’ll be glad to know that they continue to live happily ever after.
Anyway, EK told me that she doesn’t mind spending a little extra on good jeans because she wears them every single day. And she doesn’t know it, but her statement about wearing blue jeans every single day has provoked great thought on my part, because what I have come to realize over the course of this afternoon is that I am not a dedicated jeans-wearer, by and large. I mean, I have some jeans, but I am by no means a jeans-connoisseur. As long as I can get away with boot-cut, I’m happy. As long as that whole skinny jeans thing is water under the bridge, I’m good to go.
I think part of the reason for my lack of jeans-dependence is because Mama always discouraged them. I’ve told y’all before about her deep and abiding disappointment in what I was wearing the night D. proposed, and I really think that if I saw her wearing a pair of blue jeans – which, just to be clear, is something I have never seen in my whole life – I would probably require some sort of therapy to recover from the shock of it all.
I’ve never seen D.’s mother wear jeans, either, though she does have some “darling Liz Claiborne pants, I mean they’re not really denim but they sort of look like a darker denim with white stitching? And they’re not tight or anything, oh heavens no, but they do have a little stretchy stretch to them, just enough so that they don’t hug your hips and thighs but they’re not really jeans, heavenly days no, because you know really if you think about it, jeans are sort of scratchy! They are! They’re scratchy!”
So, in the interest of fully exploring this Deeply Important Topic, I have determined that I need to give jeans a more prominent position in my wardrobe. If you have a favorite brand that will not require me to withdraw money from Alex’s college fund in order to purchase them, please let me know.
And please don’t suggest that I buy anything even remotely resembling low-riders. You’ll just have to trust me when I tell you that the outcome of that particular fashion scenario would be a muffin-top effect so stunning that you’d want to slap some butter on me and warm me up in the microwave.
January 11th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
I might be snorting out loud right now. That last sentence has me in tears!
My favorite pair of jeans are from the Gap, mid-low rise (Because I REFUSE to have the Mom Jean look as long as I shall live, even if it means I might be indecent if I bend completely over, which I am not limber enough to do.) Anyhow. They are boot cut and a medium dark blue. I love them so much I wore them until I was 27 weeks pregnant with Addison, and when I could finally fit into them again, I did a happy dance. Except that I could barely move:)
And I’ll stop hijacking your comments now.
January 11th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Currently every pair of jeans I own is too tight. I wear them anyway, and can breathe better after a few painful knee bends. My favorites are J.Jill “Tried and True” in boot-cut. (They even had them in brown this fall!)
I am sorely missing my thin capri khakis from Chico that I lived in all last summer. They are so much more comfortable than my too-small jeans.
January 11th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
You might want to try the Oprah site because she recently re-ran the Jeans episode with Stacy London (What Not to Wear) with all the tricks of the trade of “how to buy/what you are looking for” when it comes to jeans. It might help.
January 11th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
I just bought a pair at Kohls last week and found some with stretch and were boot cut. The brand was Daisy Fuentes.(sp) They are super comfortable. They don’t look momish. oh, and they were on sale. Gotta love that.
January 11th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
I love my Old Navy jeans. I, too, was afeared of trying the low-waist version, but once I did, (all alone, in the fitting room) I realized that the “muffin-top effect” you describe was a misnomer. I wear the ones that are “just below the waist,” and they don’t squeeze my extra poundage above or below the waistband; on the contrary they are extremely comfy. I’m NEVER going back to “Mom Jeans!”
January 11th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
Sorry, I won’t be much help here. I was also brought up by a VERY southern mama and she taught us to dress UP. To answer the door. And to go to the store for milk. And to get on an airplane. OH, and going to the DOCTOR? Well that almost called getting out the church attire. But if I did have a few pairs in my wardrobe, and I’m not saying I have (because my Mom likes to read your blog) they might have come from the Gap.
January 11th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
I too am cracking up at that last sentance. Hil-arious.
January 11th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Okay, I have to refute the person that encouraged you to go to Oprah’s website simply because the “perfect” jeans for my body type were $210. Um, no. So I went to my local Gap — where many folks seem to have gone. First, let me tell you, I am NOT your average Gap-model shape. So, I tried on about 35 pair of their jeans and I’m not even kidding. I think the ones I walked out with were ALSO the mid-rise boot cuts! Now I can order them from Gap.com when they go on sale for $14.99 (some are on sale now for $9.99, but they only have size ’0 tall’, so if your broomstick needs jeans, you’re in business!)
And, you know, I finally do have jeans that I like and like on me, but my body is not happy in jeans. It’s either skirts or windpants. Let’s hope if I run into Momma it’s the former!
January 11th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
It took me a long time to break down and buy jeans that didn’t come from Gap. It was like giving up on an old friend that used to be so faithful and true and then one day just turned ugly on you.
So, now I’m like EK. I pay a little more for my jeans because I wear them almost every day. I figure Caroline can probably get a scholarship to college.
January 11th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Gap Long and Lean.
Forgive my utter stupidity, but if you don’t wear jeans what do you wear? For comfy, everyday….?
Mary, whose mind is boggled by a life without jeans.
January 11th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Yoga pants, Mary. Yoga pants are our friends.
And the people said, “Amen.”
January 11th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
I am totally with Mary on this one. Do you walk around naked?
I’m a good Southern girl but I moved to a place where no one knows me and I have fallen into the jeans trap. Now if I have to actually go somewhere other than Kroger it takes me 45 minutes of standing in my closet to actually put together an outfit!
January 11th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
I live for jeans. If you have a Lucky Brand store, you will find informative sales people and a great pair of jeans. I used to swear by Gap jeans, but they went and changed all their styles, and now I can’t find a pair that I like. And I also have a pair of David Kahn’s from Nordstrom that Rock. My. World. But the price tag might send you into an early grave. I agree with EK. I wear them every day, and daggumit, I’m gonna look good in them. Hmph!! :-)
January 11th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
muffin-top effect — thank you for now giving me a new catchphrase. Something other than “cankles” (you know – calves + ankles with not a lot of delineation between)
January 12th, 2007 at 12:20 am
Oh, my merciful, Heavenly days!
I’ve been away from Blogland for a bit (I have an excuse note from my mother), and I feel I’ve returned just in time.
JUST IN TIME TO HAVE MY MIND’S EYE POKED OUT!!!
Mom jeans and muffin tops! Jeepers Creepers!!
Because I’m only 30lbs into my 140lb-weight-loss odyssey, my answer to this question wouldn’t be useful to you, but if you ever just hanker for Jeans By Omar (the tent-maker), I can hook you up!
January 12th, 2007 at 1:20 am
I like Old Navy because they’re cheap and they have a variety of lengths. I’m short and rather “egg-shaped” these days, but I like their “just below the waist” style. I like bootcut, although in my thinner days I did wear straight-leg. I also prefer dark wash because that’s a little more formal looking – you can wear them with flip-flops or heels. My “mom uniform” is dark jeans and a black t-shirt.
I just found out today that GAP owns Old Navy. Everyone probably knows that, but it was news to me. I’d probably like GAP jeans, too, but they’re usually too pricey for me (and I have an Old Navy closer to me). I also recently tried on a pair of jeans at Nordstrom called Not Your Daughter’s Jeans. They really did look nice and were about $80- $90.
January 12th, 2007 at 1:20 am
OK – Targets. They sell this line by Levi’s (I think) called “Blu,” and I swear by them. Just enough stretch to let you breathe if you’re bloated, totally comfortable, and cheap. They’ve lasted me 2 years and counting.
January 12th, 2007 at 1:48 am
Mama didn’t like blue jeans and wanted us to wear something “nicer.” I asked for a pair in 8th grade and they both turned their nose up. I did have a pair in 5th grade and I had a beer patch on the back pocket. I think it was Fallstaff beer. Jim McGinnis and your brother in law Scott had one on their back pocket and everybody thought it was cool. I did also have a pair in the third grade with my monogram on the back pocket but after the beer patch they were banned from the house.
January 12th, 2007 at 1:49 am
No use telling you the brand I wear unless you are thinking of coming to the UK for a holiday. Nothing fancy I can assure you. But you really do make me laugh out loud!
January 12th, 2007 at 1:52 am
I think mama thinks that blue jeans are something that you wear to the fields to pick cotton or bale hay.
January 12th, 2007 at 2:11 am
Oh heavens .. here I am, up far past my bed time .. laughin’ my tush (is that how you spell it?) off .. and I am sure wakin’ up those that have finally fallen alseep.
I am an Old Navy gal as well. You can get ‘em fairly inexpensively (Granny said we never say Cheap) and they do seem to have many shapes, sizes and colors. I am sooo with you on the skinny jeans, tell me again why those are popular again? Also, the zippers on the legs … what in the world are they thinkin’ bringin’ those back.
Anywho, I apologize for the typo’s .. as I said, it is far past Frannie’s bed time.
January 12th, 2007 at 5:04 am
Muffin-top effect! hee-hee-hee-hee I love that!! I work with a couple of older, heavier women who insist on wearing these low-cut pants and (other than wanting to cry for shame) I’ve never before heard a term that fits soooo well!!! You are the greatest!
January 12th, 2007 at 5:09 am
hi! I never saw a single piece of denim or jeans in my Mom’s dressing room. I mean NEVER! The proper lady, LOL! But I grew up on those, and still wear them everyday :D I just go for levi’s, which lasts me years. No low riders either. My son and Hubby might faint or something :D
January 12th, 2007 at 5:24 am
My favorites are the Amanda jeans by Gloria Vanderbuilt for those of us who have a few pounds we are trying to loose. I get mine at JCPenny. My teenager even told me they looked nice on me.
January 12th, 2007 at 6:11 am
Sorry, no advice here… I’m still in maternity clothes four weeks post baby, while I wait for my body to decide where it’s going to settle at… THEN I’ll be doing some serious clothes shopping.
That said, I hate clothes shopping with a passion.
January 12th, 2007 at 6:15 am
Listen, lady, run yourself to the nearest Macy’s and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY, try on a pair of DKNY jeans. I have big hips, small waist, am very curvy… and these jeans are the most amazing things I have ever put on my body. The best part? They can be dressed up with a pair of heels b/c most of them are “trouser cut” or dressed down with a pair of tennies.
GO!!!!!!!!!
http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=158859&CategoryID=8348
Okay. Those are ADORABLE. Now I want to go try them on.
January 12th, 2007 at 7:29 am
My all time favorites are from Gap (boot cut). But recently I discovered the most awesome pair at Costco! They’re Gloria Vanderbilt, but they don’t say Gloria Vanderbilt anywhere on them. They have the cutest little button pockets on the back and just enough stretch to make them comfy. Oh, yeah, and they were $16!
January 12th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Well I don’t get to live in my jeans and thank God since they are a very elusive thing to purchase and be comfortable in (for me)….that said, I refuse to spend money – real money – on them. As you and I are in the same city, my jeans spots are easily found. ONE….my ultimate favorite pair can be found in a MISSES size at the local Mart store in a brand with initials FG. They are boot cut and I LOVE THEM (and so does hubby, so that helps)….TWO….my most recent favorite pair were a find at the local thrift store by the name of Salvation Army. They have great jeans and great prices. I got an almost new pair of Boot Cut Anne Klein’s from there for under 10.00…..and Wednesday’s are half price day…..SAVE UP and go check it out. These were nice enough to wear when we have JEANS day at work…so how’s that for a FIND. But I know Anne Klein jeans can be found at dept stores too!
January 12th, 2007 at 7:35 am
I agree about the Kohls brand Daisy Fuentes (sp?) They are stretchy but not indecent and come up high enough to hold in leftover baby fat but aren’t so high that you think your still stuck in the 80′s. Kohls is always having some big sale or other. Happy Hunting!
January 12th, 2007 at 8:06 am
No one’s mentioned these jeans yet, so I’ll give you the heads up. Land’s End.
Yes, they are a little pricey and their “sales” aren’t much to speak of but they are true to their advertised size. I am a plus size woman and wear the boot cut with a little stretch. They are more comfortable than any jeans I have ever owned and, big plus, they have a 5-pocket style in corduroy stretch also that is very cute and even more versatile than denim. I only own 2 pair and switch them back and forth regularly so the investment is worth it to me. Good luck in your search!
January 12th, 2007 at 8:16 am
First of all you need a pair of high heeled ankle boots. They look great with jeans and make you look taller and thinner. Also they are now on clearence at many stores. My currernt favorite jeans are ANA at JcPenney. I haunt the clearance racks of my local mall on my lunch breaks and these are constantly on sale or clearance as the styles change. These jeans have great details but don’t look like you raided your teenagers closet. When you find a pair you like take in the size you think you are, the size above, and the size below. Trust me on this. After procuring boots and jeans head on over to Old Navy. They have Perfect Fit Ts on sale often. These fit well but are not too tight. This year’s style is a little longer, ensuring you can move and bend without worrying about anything scary showing.
Happy shopping!
January 12th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Zena Jeans are without doubt, the best hip jeans for mamas. Most of them have a touch of spandex in them and they just make me look better than I really do!!!
January 12th, 2007 at 9:07 am
I say wear you what you want. I’m a dedicated jeans wearer, but it’s because it’s what I feel comfortable in.
Hey, I just noticed Michelle’s comment–I thought she had dropped off the face of the earth. . . .
January 12th, 2007 at 9:10 am
I wear Old Navy, just below waist, boot cut. I also have a pair of SONOMA brand from Kohl’s that are a petite size, also boot cut with a little bit of stretch. I like those because they are just the right length to wear with flip flops or my skechers. I also have one pair of ANA trouser style jeans from JCPenney. These are my go out jeans, as they are longer and need to be worn with heels. I love jeans, but have a hard time finding ones that I like. The 3 above have been accumulated in the last two years. Since I have been pregnant 4 times since 2001 I haven’t had a lot of opportunity to wear regular jeans, but I love them when I get to wear them.
But, really, just stay home in the winter and then when spring comes get a few cute denim skirts and wear those. That is my plan.
January 12th, 2007 at 9:14 am
no advice from me — I like Calvin Klein’s jeans myself, but the last time I bought a pair was six years ago, so I have no idea how they are made these days.
like you, as long as it’s boot cut, cool…
blessings,
Karla
ps – my Thursday 13, yesterday, was in honor of you and BigMama
January 12th, 2007 at 9:14 am
I am not a jean wearer either. They have never been comfortable to me. Put me in a dress anyday. (I’m weird.) I did splurge and buy a pair of sevens a year or two ago and they have been the best jeans I’ve ever had – worth the money. Look on e-bay – you can get expensive jeans for more reasonable prices. I’ve done it and it works for me!
January 12th, 2007 at 9:16 am
My two cents on Jean shopping…be prepared to try on multiple pairs (like 10+) before you find just the right fit. (I read through the comments and there are least 10+ different suggestions) And be prepared to spend a little extra for a designer look.
Here are few things I’ve learned (from experience and from watching What not to Wear)…1) If you have junk in the trunk, you want no pockets or flat pockets. You do NOT want 3D pockets (like with snaps). 2) Go longer. Especially if you are shorter. Longer jeans (combined with flare or boot cut) give the elusion of you being taller and thinner. And you want the choice of shoes to be flexible (semi-flat or a heel). 3) Fit the largest part of your body and have the piece altered. Again, there is nothing like a good-fitting pair of jeans.
I’m tall, but hippy. I like the boot or trouser fit. I have 2 pair of Lucky jeans that fit perfectly. They have a little stretch and come in long and x-long. I think I paid $100 for each.
You will never look so hot than when you find the perfect pair of jeans. Believe me! Happy jean hunting.
Debra
January 12th, 2007 at 9:25 am
For the chunky butts of the world…If you can humble yourselves to walk into Lane Bryant, they have a natural waist, boot-cut jean that I LOVE!! I’m 5’5″ and I have to get a petite. Otherwise, I’m dragging them through the mud. You also might have to dig a little deeper in the humble department and go up a size or two. But it’s worth it!
January 12th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Head to Target or JCPenney. For $30 or less (not on sale) you can get a pair of Levi’s boot cut jeans that look like something out of a fashion catalog and have a little bit of stretch to them. They come in mid-rise and low-rise, and the price fits into my budget allowing me to buy more cute outfits for my toddler!
Or if you want an alternative to jeans for the winter go for boot cut corduroy’s in a Camel or Chocolate color. They go with almost anything, can be a little more dressy looking if paired with the right sweater or jacket. Maybe you could wear them around your mom without the adverse reaction. :)
-T (friend of the-mother-load)
January 12th, 2007 at 9:35 am
I so agree with the low rise thing. After Baby #6 I finally got down to a size 10 (and baby wasn’t even walking yet! Happens when hubs goes out of town for 3 months and you don’t get around to eating between Easter and Memorial Day) and I bought some at TJ Maxx thinking I’d be the cool, hip Mama. Someone had even bedazzled the pockets, so you know they were totally awesome. And then I spent all the day long with one hand grasping my butt seam and pulling them up with one hand.
Then husband looked at me and now I’m back to the Motherhood brand.
January 12th, 2007 at 9:49 am
See, THIS is why you won that award over at CWO, Boo Mama. I’m literally choking half to death. I couldn’t tell you what my current hub caps look like if my life depended on it.
Gap Regular Boot Cut Stretch. About $55. Guaranteed to prevent the muffin top affect.
January 12th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Love, love love the Style & Co. jeans at Macy’s. My NC town just got a Macy’s this year and now I know why I could never find a pair of jeans that fit. We just didn’t have the right store. The Style & Co. jeans are just $24.98 a pair and they have a bit of stretch in them (but not so much that the material looks like crepe paper, ya know?). Also, there is not an indecent proposal everytime you sit on the ground to read to or play with your kids.
January 12th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Levi 501′s.
And I hope EK’s husband now recognizes the importance of a good skirt!
January 12th, 2007 at 10:29 am
I watched the Blue Jean episode on Oprah too and thought it was pretty interesting too. It had some great tips for all our different body styles. Unfortunately I think my favorite ever-so-comfy Levi’s 550 stretch…are….considered…. Mom Jeans.
I think I’m supposed to be looking for dark mid-rise, straight leg jeans with a bit of stretch. Haven’t found them yet, but I guess I’ll look anyway.
January 12th, 2007 at 10:46 am
I am HOWLING at this post!!! Proud to report that not since 1992(the infamous skirt year) has my sweet man EVER asked me again if I just wanted something or if I needed it — it was a fantastic red skirt with horses for goodness sakes!!!
Happy jean hunting!! I’m delignted with mine and plan on enjoying them for years!!!
January 12th, 2007 at 11:46 am
Well, I’m not going to be any help. I literally own one pair of jeans that I hate. To make it worse, they’re hand-me-downs from my MOTHER. Alternatively, I live in sweat pants during the colder months and shorts during the warmer months. I guess I ought to get busy working out and losing weight so I can follow all this good jeans advice and get a pair that I love. My husband, on the other hand, won’t wear anything but Levi’s 501 or 505 jeans. Ever.
January 12th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Pure Color. You will spend a fortunate on this brand but if you are serious about wearing them ever day, this brand is worth every cent!
January 12th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
okay okay- fortune not fortunate….
January 12th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
I have to go along with several others and vote for Gap Bootcut. A close second is Banana Republic Bootcut. Try the darker colors…they are more “flattering”. But, this comment comes from a gal with three stacks of jeans in her closet…
#1 is the one pair I can wear now pile
#2 is the pile I will be able to wear when I lose that pesky 10 pounds
#3 is the “only if a miracle occurs” pile.
I’m sure noone else can relate to this. ha!
January 12th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
This morning I walked into the office of My Friend Erin-With-Four-Kids. She had her hands over her face and peered up at me through spread fingers. For a moment, I thought maybe she was crying. Then I realized she was laughing. By way of explanation, she pointed to her computer screen. Specifically, she pointed to the last paragraph of your post. I think, BooMama, you just might be the center of the blogging universe.
That’s some superlative BooMamaness. (And, if you’re interested in my tips on what to wear if your legs are FREAKISHLY long — say longer than your dad’s or your husband’s — then I’ll be glad to oblige. But I’ll just hold off for now.) … And I do seem to be channeling my lengthy message-leaving proclivities now.