For the six springs before this one, D. and I lived in a big subdivision where almost every single tree had been mowed down unless it was part of a natural buffer between streets. We had about four trees in our backyard, none of which were much taller than I am.
And as a result of those conditions, the pollen was minimal.
But in our new-to-us house, we’re nestled under a canopy of trees. The pine trees are so high that I have to wrench my neck to see the tops of them, and we have oaks, dogwoods, plus blooming shrubs.
And as a result of these conditions, the pollen is killing me.
For the last two mornings, my left eye has been swollen shut, and it’s only after several rounds with a warm washcloth that I can coax it to open. Without going into overly gross detail, I will just tell you that there is some gunk. And it is nasty. And I feel like before I engage in conversation with anyone I must give them permission to LOOK AWAY if necessary BECAUSE I AM HIDEOUS.
But I won’t be quite so hideous (well, at least not to some of you) in about a week because guess what I ordered from what my mother-in-law calls “Amazon dot cee-zero-em”?
Don’t worry, y’all. I really think my toes can handle them. They’re one part of my body about which I’m not self-conscious in the least. But now if I had to wear the shoes on my, you know, stomach, they’d have never made it into my “Amazon dot cee-zero-em” shopping cart. Trust me.
Emma Kate is usually my shoe-buying conscience, and when we see each other we automatically take off the shoes we’re wearing and swap. We don’t even have to announce it anymore (e.g., “I think I want to try on those shoes. Do you mind?”) because at this point it’s pure reflex.
And ultimately I made my decision to buy the shoes because I realized that if I were to see Emma Kate and she were wearing them and we swapped shoes as we always do, I would run away far, far away from her and keep the shoes forever because I would love them deeply at first sight and have to have them for my very own.
Which seemed to be a pretty good indicator that I was not motivated solely by the sales price.
And yes, I know that they are a bit quirky. But so am I. For this I have no defense.
I do, however, have another story about Emma Kate. As if the whole hypothetical thievery of her hypothetical footwear weren’t enough.
Last Monday night we were on the phone for the last five minutes of the Mississippi State / West Virginia basketball game. Since I have cable (THAT I LOATHE) and EK has DirectTV, she had a five-second broadcast delay that I was not experiencing. She quickly became frustrated with hearing me yell at something related to the game and then having no idea what I was yelling about until she saw the action five seconds later, so I finally told her that I would be quiet so that we could continue to watch the game together on the phone without me spoiling her fun because we are grown women and all.
You simply cannot imagine how difficult it was for me to maintain my composure during the last two minutes of the game without giving away critical information before EK saw it happen on her television. But I did it. Being able to discuss the game with Emma Kate was more important than fulfilling my near-constant impulses to scream my head off, and so I suffered in silence, down to the very last play when West Virginia beat us at the buzzer.
Since I was five seconds ahead of EK broadcast-wise, I knew about the tragic outcome before she did. And when it happened, I put my head down on my kitchen counter and shook it back and forth, wishing I could somehow roll back the clock and devise a different strategy for our last defensive series. About the time I was starting to re-structure the play in my head, my dear friend Emma Kate - who was just then seeing the end of the game - let loose with what could only be described as a wail. The wail of a wounded animal, in fact.
Y’all, I shot up from that countertop like a cannonball and nearly threw the phone across the room because what in the name of Cletus was all that noise?
“That noise” was Emma Kate. And she wasn’t just disappointed. She wasn’t just yelling. She was grieving.
As I told my friend Daph earlier today, the only way I knew to respond was to remain very very quiet and speak very very softly in very very soothing tones.
Finally, I almost forgot to tell you that Wednesday night I chipped a tooth in my sleep.
And I have no idea how it happened.
Unless I was dreaming of eating peanut brittle.
Beth F. says:
Oh no, a chipped tooth and a gunky eye. I hope your eye is better soon.
And good choice on the shoes! They are quirky and wonderful!
March 30th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Heather L. says:
That whole tooth-chipping thing is eerie because Meredith Viera on the Today Show did THEVERYSAMETHING on THEVERYSAMEDAY. She woke up with both her front teeth chipped and had to visit the dentist at 5AM! I had never heard of someone chipping a tooth in their sleep, but 2 people in one week? That’s stranger than strange!
Love the shoes!
I rule in favor of the plaintiffs!
March 30th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
fully operational battle station says:
Yay on the shoes. Good choice indeed, don’t let the haters get to ya.
My Mom gets a shot every spring for her allergies, maybe something to look into….?
The tooth chipping is strange. You should really stop punching yourself in the face while you sleep.
Jamie
March 30th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
Elizabeth says:
How strange. The other morning (either Wed or Thursday-I can’t remember because I too wake up with pollen crusted eyes and in a haze) Anyway-do you watch the today show? Meredith Viera chipped a tooth in her sleep too-they showed her at the dentist at like 4am !! Wierd Huh? Now that I think on it I don’t know which is more strange - me knowing that or the fact that I commented on it. Well, Happy Weekend!
March 30th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Kelley says:
Maybe your new cute funky shoes will serve to distract people from your gunky eye and chipped tooth.
Just a thought…
I also just wrote a post called “pollen palooza” on my blog. We’re fairly new to the Southeast, so I think it’s insane.
March 30th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Tee says:
BooMama, you had already made up your mind you were going to buy those shoes–sale or no sale. Take a photo of your feet when you get the shoes! :-)
March 30th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Trista says:
Well, we now share a common bond. I just got up from the couch, in which I had been laying on with a warm washcloth, the Visine AC, my just got finished taking my Zyrtec and Singulair.
We sat outside last night with my inlaws to have dinner at the Fish Market and between that and taking the kids out today, the pollen has taken over my body!
Hope you (and I) get to feeling better!
March 30th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
NspiredbyFaith says:
A CURE for the pollen problems you are having. Find some honey grown within a 60 mile radius of your home and take 1 or 2 tablespoons a day. Either just in a spoon or with food. It’s like taking a pollen vaccine. It works, I promise!! (A good place to find home grown honey is a farmers market or a feed store)
March 30th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Emma Kate says:
I’m howling!!!!!!! Howling alright!!! And can you believe WV won the NIT? We had them the ENTIRE game for goodness sakes!!!
I happen to LOVE the shoes — quite Sassy — that is of course the biggest requirement. I bought some new ones today and couldn’t wait to wear them out. Unfortunately, I came home with blisters tonight. Disgusted. Looking forward to wearing the cute orange shoes!!
March 30th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Daph- says:
Oh, Boo and EK, the wound is still too fresh. Of all the shots to the heart of my Bulldog life (and heaven knows there have been many), this one may have hurt the worst.
March 30th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Sarah's in the midst of it says:
How you managed to tie together pollen, shoes, Emma Kate, and a game into a coherent, hilarious post is beyond me.
You’ve got talent, girl. :-)
March 30th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Big Mama says:
I have just literally laughed at loud at the play by play of you and EK watching the game via phone simulcast.
Poor Emma Kate, I feel her pain. And yours.
March 30th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
EEEEMommy says:
Advice for the eye: put a tiny bit of Tear-Free Baby Shampoo on a very soft (and clean) toothbrush add a touch of warm water and gently brush your eyelashes, then rinse well with warm water. I know it sounds weird, but it works much better than just a warm washcloth.
By the way, I love your randomness and how you make it seem so Not Random! :)
March 30th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Barb says:
For heaven’s sake, BooMama. Gunky eyes? Wailing friend? Chipped tooth? Thank GOODNESS you got those cute shoes. That makes up for a little of it, right?
March 30th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Phyllis R. says:
I’m barely seeing through the gunk in my eyes to write this. Thankfully, however, I can see well enough to say that I LOVE your new sassy shoes. Oh, and I have heard of the same remedy of teaspoons of local honey working on allergies. At this point, I would CATCH a bee and even let it sting me to get relief from this stinkin’ pollen.
March 30th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
Amanda says:
So you have a couple days before the shoes arrive, right? Plenty of time to get a french manicure-pedicure to offset the eye swelling and maximize the impact of the new shoes. My golden retriever has been carrying those pollen strings into my house on his hair. They are driving me crazy and making my eyes itch!
March 31st, 2007 at 12:27 am
Jennifer says:
My husband woke up with a chipped tooth once - he attributed it to grinding his teeth in his sleep, which he has done since childhood but now does only occasionally. Could that be the culprit?
March 31st, 2007 at 1:40 am
Diane J. says:
I literally laughed out loud over you coming up off that counter like you’d been shot out of a cannon! Hee hee! ;-)
A chipped tooth, huh? Hmmm…grinding your teeth in your sleep, or maybe you’ve been sleepwalking to the fridge and crunching ice in your sleep. You think? :-)
March 31st, 2007 at 4:24 am
Theresa says:
BooMama, you are just TALENTED!!! I’ve never known anyone who could string so many unrelated events together and make it a funny story!! My daughters would both love the shoes, and I probably would have tried to wear them 25 years ago during my “foot fashion” days!
March 31st, 2007 at 5:50 am
the sour kraut says:
You sure you don’t have pink eye?
March 31st, 2007 at 6:55 am
LeAnne says:
*LOL* That’s too funny! Everything except the swollen eye and chipped tooth. I know that the shoes will make everything all better. There’s just something about buying something cute. Love this blog!! Teehee :o) And I know about the pollen! That’s all my cars are - one big pollen ball! Where the air looks like a big dust storm went through, it’s actually the nasty green/yellow stuff……
March 31st, 2007 at 7:20 am
Sunni says:
The shoes are too cute! And they will go great with your chipped tooth.
March 31st, 2007 at 7:45 am
Melanie says:
Your nemesis pictures are a hoot.
You just go ahead and wear the sassy shoes and no one will notice the not-so-sassy eye. I am sure the shoes will make your eye feel better, too.
March 31st, 2007 at 8:03 am
Melene says:
I just read in the paper this morning that the NIT printed t-shirts for the winning team and they spelled West Virginia wrong on the t-shirts. They spelled it West Virgina. AND THEY WORE THEM ANYWAY.
It really does hurt when your team loses-especially this time of year. Here’s to next year, less pollen and fun shoes.
March 31st, 2007 at 9:22 am
DeenaMarie says:
Maybe the chipped tooth was from the weeping and gnashing of teeth over your team’s loss?? Could be the pain of watching that defeat went deeper than you realized! LOL!!
And I agree with bloggers world-wide…it is your quirkyness that calls us back here, time and time again…so even though I voted “no” on the shoes…you go girl!!
March 31st, 2007 at 10:55 am
Shelley H. says:
Hi! I’m so sorry about your chipped tooth, your teams loss AND THE FACT THAT I WAS SICK YESTERDAY, DID NOT SEE YOUR EMAIL ABOUT THE CDS AND MISSED THE SIGN-UP!….ok, I’m fine now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. My favorite singer/songwriter is John Mellencamp (I am a midwestern girl, you know).
P.S. I’m SO GLAD you got the shoes! :)
March 31st, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Shelley H. says:
Oh yea, I’m also sorry about your gunky eye…. :(
March 31st, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Shelley says:
SO glad you bought the shoes! You simply must post a picture of you in them!!
April 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am