Fashion Victim

A few weeks ago I realized that I needed something to wear to a dinner at a friend’s house. And there was no doubt that it was going to be The Best Dinner Party Evir because it was a girls-only event.

In other words: NO BOYZ WER ALLOWED BECUZ BOYZ HAVE COOTIES and because they do not enjoy talking about shoes, make-up, or Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair, all of which are Guaranteed Hot Topics wherever two or more females are gathered. Them’s the rules.

Anyway, when I started trying to find something to wear and realized that my closet was sorely lacking, I went to the Steinmarts and brought home a few shirts to try. In my head, I wanted to find something that looked sort of like this:

Except, of course, I would never – NEVER – belt something um, there, because I’ve got a whole lot more going on above and below the belt than the model does.

Plus, you know, I’M TWO OF HER.

Anyhoo.

I decided that I would try on the shirts and let D. tell me which one he liked best BECAUSE I AM STUPID, THAT’S WHY and the first shirt I put on looked similar to this next one:

D.’s reaction was something along the lines of “That shirt? Really? Are you sure?”         

So it was immediately out of the running.

The next shirt was my favorite, and it resembled the picture below – sort of a Japanese-style print, with a black fabric band instead of some pesky skinny belt. Granted, the neckline begged for a camisole underneath, but I could live with that. I also loved how it looked with some pants I’d bought, and I was feeling pretty sassy when I walked in the living room to show it to D.

D.: “Do you like it? Because if you like it, that’s all that matters.”         

Me: “I really do like it. But you don’t?”

D. “Well. It’s, um, interesting. But if you like it you should absolutely get it!”

Me: “But you don’t like it?”

D. “I’m not sure I understand it.”

Me: “Well, if you didn’t know me and you saw me wearing this shirt, what would you think?”

[LONGEST. PAUSE. EVER.]

D. “I would probably think that you were wearing a uniform from some sort of Asian Hooters.”

So that one was out. I’m pretty quirky clothes-wise, but there are several looks I try to avoid, and I would venture to say that “Hooters uniform” is fairly near the top of that list.

In the end, I settled on a shirt that resembles this one:

The one I bought is black and white instead of multi-colored…but it’s very flow-y and spring-y and billow-y and comfortable-y as can be.

Perhaps because it does not touch my body at any point other than the shoulders.

But the best part of all? You would never see me wearing it and suspect that I had on a Hooters uniform. From Asia or any other continent, for that matter.

So that’s a bit of a fashion victory, isn’t it?

We just won’t talk about the fact that you might see me wearing the cute, flowy shirt and wonder whether or not I was pregnant.

Which, really, is what every girl dreams of when she’s buying new clothes.

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Comments

  1. ROFLOL! Hooters from Asia that was a riot! Thanks for the laugh.

  2. Tammy H says:

    I bought the sassiest little dress from Mia Moda in the Vestavia City Center. I have always wanted to buy something there, because really it would just make me feel cool. I spent more than I should have on one cute dress. My husband’s reply – not the “you spent too much” speech that I expected, but “ARE YOU SURE THAT DRESS DOESN’T MAKE YOU LOOK PREGNANT??” It has now hung in my closet for 3 weeks.

  3. It seems that all of the clothes right now are ambiguous in the maternal department. I hope that that style goes away by September. Because then I won’t be pregnant anymore. And I probably won’t want to have a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and a 2 month old in tow and have people asking me when I’m due again! That may not do alot for the post-partum self confidence!

  4. “Asian hooters !” Snort ! That was FUNNY ! I agree most clothes these days beg for camisoles underneath. Ya should have got it and worn it for Martha and Sissie and then told us what they said about it……..now THAT would be a funny post to read……

  5. Rocks in my Dryer says:

    OH, I just bought one of those is-she-pregnant-or-not? shirts from Old Navy and I LOVE it. No sucking in required!

  6. *ROFL*
    You made ma laugh AND feel better about shopping. Because, I make up two of the models, too.

    I’ve even tried Lane Bryant for shirts – and they reveal WAAAAAY to much of my saggy self. “Asian Hooters” I wish I was that, um, firm. *L*

    Thanks for the shopping tour and the laugh.

  7. Bossy is glad blousy is the new tight.

  8. The pregnant question is precisely why I avoid all of the super-cute flowy peasant style shirts out there. Having had 4 children in 4 years, people would assume I was pregnant without asking, and start spreading rumors about me. I hope you enjoy your purchase.

  9. Can we have links to the places you found those tops.

    I liked the Japanese one, btw.

  10. SO FUNNY! LOL so that my baby girl had to turn her head to see what was so funny. Asian Hooters. Yup.

    Careful with the flowy shirts – I was wearing a similar one on our honeymoon in Hawaii, and we were going to go see the volcano, and I got warned that if I was that pregnant, I’d better not go near the fumes. I wouldn’t be pregnant for a whole ‘nother week, buddy!!!

  11. The comment about asian hooters was classic. HAHAHAHAHA! I love it. I swear everytime I need a good laugh, I just mosey on over here, and I find at least one. Good on ya BooMama! Ta for now dahling!

  12. Asian Hooters… hahaha.

  13. Your hubby’s funny, too! You guys must be a riot together!!

  14. Oh My Gosh. I screeched out loud at D’s comment about Hooters. J is sitting RIGHT HERE next to me, and I had to read him the whole post.

    I was crying so hard I acutally picked up the phone to call you, but you’re not there.

    That is THE FUNNIEST THING EVAH’

  15. Posts like this are exactly why I check your blog about 10000 times every day!

  16. I actually like all the tops! Glad you were able to find something cute & comfy.

    I just tried on a shirt very similar to #2 yesterday at TJ Maxx and it got a “no go” from my hubby as well. Men….what do they know? :)

  17. Ok, I really, really, REALLY like the asian hooters shirt. But I think I would Hoot right out of it!

    Gayle

  18. Sarah Kate in WA state says:

    Oh my – you just crack me up! (Note to self: For the sake of the laptop, put down the Diet Coke before reading BooMama) Just what this “single-mom-for-two-more-days-until-dh-returns-from-his-business-trip” needed to brighten her evening. Thanks for the laugh!

  19. Let’s do a fashion show for your D and my John… they can take turns giving us careful, sensitive and thoughtful comments filled with nice long pauses. The only problem is that after about three shirts, John will give up, roll his eyes and say, “You look fine, okay? NO, you don’t look pregnant. YES, it looks cute. Anything else I’m supposed to say?” And then, they can go back to playing the Wii. :grin:

  20. Never ask a man for fashion advice. He will only tell you that you look pregnant or like a librarian. At least at my house.

    What I want to know is if you are bringing some hot wings to the dinner party.

    :>)

  21. Girl, i bought a smocked dress and a very nice top which i love, but they do have that cut that would make one think i was having a little fat chunker (baby). Shame because they are comfortable as all get out.

  22. I think it’s very cute! You go to that party and feel great Boo… no matter what your husband says!!

  23. Okay. D wants me to be VERY clear that the Asian Hooters line is not original, that it is from “The Office,” and that he cannot in good conscience take any credit for it other than finding just the right time to use a line from “The Office” in conversation.

    Just so we’re clear.

    And that is all. :-)

  24. Asian Hooters like…wow…that is a new one.

  25. I recently tried on jeans at The Buckle (YES I TRIED IT…IT STUNK). The guy was really trying very hard to be kind…he kept putting me in jeans that were “snug” and saying that was the right look for me…and finally I found some. Then we start discussing the tops and he quickly informed me I needed to wear shirts that had elastic around the waist and bloused out above that. If that wasn’t some sort of insinuation of a tire around my middle, I am not sure what was. *sigh* twin belly will never leave.

  26. I quit asking my husband for fashion advice because if it’s trendy then he does not like it period. So if I like it I wear it. I just try to wear things he likes when we are going on a date.

  27. I love those sassy clothes too but I look about 13 mos pregnant in all of them :( Boohoo Boomama. I love them ALL in theory but all I ever wind up with are teeshirts and little polo’y type shirts LOL. xoxo melzie

  28. Big thumbs up to D for working an “Office” line into everyday conversation.

    Just remember that anything that comes out of a man’s mouth when questioned about how clothes look can’t be taken at face value.

    It’s just a free-flowing jumble of words to confuse you so that we can run for cover.

    It’s a defense mechanism. Like octopus ink.

  29. Your blog is SO fun to read, Boomama!

  30. Hey, I LOVE that asian hooters top (and love The Office reference, too!). My man is pretty good about flat out telling me if something doesn’t look right, but he doesn’t get trendy. When it comes to trendy, better to ask a girlfriend!

  31. I love all of those shirts!!! Don’t ask the hubby’s for fashion advice…they just don’t get any of it, LOL. Have fun at the party!!!

  32. There is nothing like a husband serving as a fashion critic to make you feel all warm and cozy on the inside.

  33. You cannot ask a guy about this style of shirt. None of them like it. We all know that they can make you look pregnant unless you’re thin _and_ doing the model stance. A thin person will look pregnant in these too when they stand normally. But, if you want to be fashionable, don’t worry about looking pregnant, and go for it! :-)

  34. I’m sure you look fabulous in the black and white, but I’m just thinking it’s a shame you didn’t actually buy the multi-colored one, because the one pictured seems to be the same color scheme as your sassy shoes from awhile back!:-)

  35. See. I have issues with this whole style. Let’s just say it’s not my favorite thing to have people ask me when I’m due when all I’m due to do is eat another piece of chocolate. But I’m sure you look lovely.

  36. I have been asked if I’m pregnant three times recently (recently as within the last year).

    The first time I cried. The second and third time I cried as well.

    Fashion sucks. Let’s bring back Moomoo’s

    Jamie

  37. My husband had pretty much the same reaction to a empire-cut top I bought recently. “It makes you look pregnant” is NOT the reaction I was going for. Never ask the husband what he thinks about clothes. Ever.

  38. I also cracked up with the Asian hooters comment! Then, when I saw the picture, I couldn’t help but agree! LOL

  39. Oh my goodness!! I just laughed myself silly at the Hooter’s comment! I really, really needed a good laugh!! Thank you!! I’ll be back – I love to giggle!!
    God bless!

  40. I bought a similar shirt but it didn’t fit proportionately and kept riding up over the boobage. My husband kept pointing out that for someone who HATES to draw attention to the overly large ones God blessed me with, that I was doing exactly that.. However, I got another one the other day and it has stayed down and in place just fine.. I think it’s all in the cut… anyway, again I loved the asian hooters quote too…

  41. Oh, that one was great!

    This isn’t the year for fashions for anyone with anything resembling curves or lacking bird legs. I have decided that new shorts are out of the question. With my enormous calves, I absolutely cannot have skinny shorts that come all the way to my knee. absolutely. cannot.

    Any thank the Blessed Lord that dresses are back “in.” At least now all I have to match is shoes.

  42. i really need to start seeing some normal women in these kind of tops before i can go for them. all i’ve seen are very skinny models with no muffin top so it’s really hard to tell if it’s gonna work for me.

  43. i’m appreciating these tops right now, being 5 months pregnant myself… and i may start a petition that all women must wear them FOREVER! That way when i am no longer expecting people won’t be able to tell if I lose all that weight quickly, a la Hollywood style, or take my good ‘ole time…

    blessings,
    karla

    ps – and those are some darn cute ones you posted.

  44. Silly boy. Doesn’t he know he’s not *supposed* to understand the second one because it’s in Japanese?

    That being said, I’d be all about clothes that confuse because, well, I’m quirky that way. Like, have you ever seen Andrew Lesko’s question mark suits? Now there’s come clothes that confuse. The question marks alone are “things that make ya go ‘hmmmm?’ Oh, and I might add that he once boarded my flight in a LIME GREEN question mark suit with neon orange question marks.

    So I’d have to say, the “Asian Hooters Confusion garb” would work, but then again I would wear white shoes before Easter so you can’t go by me.
    Blessings,
    ~Toni~

  45. it’s high time I get my husband a blog of his own for such times as these. honestly, women need him in times of crises. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, he is a woman’s best friend for sure. That’s it, he’s getting a blog! And it’s not for men, it’s for all the girls out there who need advice like you ladies!! He is wonderful to have as a friend for girls. I’m not the jealous-type, nor am I worried. That’s it, every girl needs him. He’s perfect. he would have given you honest, and uplifting advice that would make you feel good about yourself. Praise your unique qualities. Tell you how sexy you look. We just need to come up with a great name for him.

    I would have gone with shirt number 3 by the way. (Oh, and hit him with it, accidentally of course.) that’s just me.

  46. Yeah, I’ve gotten to the point where I blatantly lead my husband along… “Hey, hon – here’s a new shirt that I got and I just LOVE IT.”
    That way, any negative comments he makes can be purely blamed on male cluelessness, and not on any female hyper-sensitivity.
    It doesn’t really work that well.
    But it makes me feel better.
    PS. I liked them all. A lot. Shirts that give almost no indication of your actual form = awesome!! :)

  47. First read of your blog and I love it!
    I also love the long flowy shirts. Sure they might make me look pregnant, but I prefer that to the plumber’s crack problem that came with the previous style of too-short-shirts-with-low-rider-jeans.

  48. Did you try it on with the cami or without? Because if it was without, I’m sure he was thinking why you were so uninhibited all of a sudden. I am also “blessed” (or cursed as I think of it) in the upper regions of my body, and it makes shopping very difficult sometimes.

  49. hee hee hee its the flowy tops that have kept me out of maternity tops as long as I have! And I am 27 weeks pregnant! Thank God the style of tight and too short has passed! BTW, I think the first top is cute, and so is the Asian Hooter uniform top!

  50. I didn’t know Asia had HOOTERS! ROFLMAO! Great post!

  51. I love ALL those shirts … I know what you mean, though — a girls gotta be careful nowadays.

    I took a “couple” (ehem — read five) shirts home for my husband to see and tell me if I looked any more pregnant in them than I needed to look, being that it’s the style now — and because, I’m not pregnant.

    And trust me — if my husband says it looks hot on me, it goes back to the store. His “hot” speaks volumes, if you know what I mean!!! lol!

  52. Asian Hooters girl OR pregnant ….

    Oh, that IS a tough choice. In the end I probably would have gone the potential prego look as well. And, I’m quite sure you looked extra sassy in it!

    You should have saved the asian hooters one for D’s eyes only. ko-knee-chee-wah! ;-)

  53. Should I be concerned that most of your posts make me want to go shopping??!

    BTW, if I had the, um, “equipment” to work at an Asian Hooters, I’d sure ’nuff wear the uniform! :-)

  54. BooMama,

    I’m sure your shirt is lovely. I have an idea of what you bought, because I bought a very similar thing. Then I went to Cato and bought a big (wide) red belt and big red jewerly to go with it. It keep the shirt billowy around my waistband (where Jehovah Jireh knows I NEED it), but the jewelry makes everybody OOOOHHHH and AAAAAHHH like I just stepped off the runway. The bigger the jewelry the better. Or do teal or aqua jewelry if you like. I have black and white straight leg capri pants. And find some cute Mary Jane shoes too. I’ve gotten more compliments on my outfit than I ever anticipated.

  55. I’d like to ask you and your loving husband to perform at our next dinner party! And note to him: bears.beets.Battlestar Galactica.

    Now, I may be politically incorrect here, but my experience of the Asian body type would indicate that a HOOTERS there would not be quite the same experience-more like hoo? I know, I know, TACKY! It’s just that being blessed (as if I were feeding the 5,000 kind of blessed!) I can dream of smallness, can’t I?

  56. Shelly says:

    Hysterical. I’ve finally ventured over to your blog after seeing your name come up repeatedly in other locations. I adore it! Thanks ‘sista!’ :) Still laughing at the Asian hooters and boys have cooties comment. Blessings

  57. lol. i haven’t been to your blog in a few days and can’t believe i missed this fashion extravaganza! [it’s making me feel better about my post today]

    Don’t feel bad about D’s comments [it’s clearly your bad for involving him the first place, let’s be honest] This weekend, when I asked my hubby what he thought of the black platform shoes I bought he said, and I quote: They look like corrective boots. End quote.

    But it’s not his fault. They just don’t GET it.

  58. And my new bathing suit resulted in, “Well…That about covers it, doesn’t it.”

  59. “I’m not sure I understand it.” Is probably not the best answer. I’m just saying.

    I love this post so much.

  60. You are so funny! But you also challenge me, like with Kelli and Heather.
    Thats why I’ve nominated you for the Thinking Award. The post is up on my blog.

  61. That was hilarious! I’m glad you found a nice shirt to wear.

  62. Here’s our version…

    Me: “Hi Honey, did you like my new shirt?”

    Big: “Umm…well. It’s okay.”

    Me: “What do ya mean by okaaaayy…? Wy don’t you like it?”

    Big: “It’s just that…well, it’s just that it makes you look a tiny bit…um…frumpy.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, I got it on sale–I don’t have to iron it…”

    Big: “Well, it’s okay. If you like it.”

    I’ll just take my self esteem and pack it up for another day…Oh, and there was the other shirt I bought, with an empire waist. He said I looked pregnant in that. I really do love him. I do. Really.