Every Tuesday night one of my best friends and I meet for supper – with kids in tow. It’s a great chance for us to catch up over chips and salsa while the children work diligently to see who can spill the most queso dip all over the table.
It’s fun. You should join us.
Last week my friend NK’s younger child needed a nap more than she needed to eat out, so they had to cancel. I decided that it would be fun for Alex and me to still go to dinner together, so we headed to a neighborhood deli for a little mama / son date night. The atmosphere might not be so great, but I knew the company would more than make up for it.
Once Alex had his cheese pizza and I had my salad, we started covering some of his favorite conversational topics: friends, Mickey Mouse, monsters, VERY VERY BIG MONSTERS, and SCARY! GIANT! MONSTERS! THAT GO! RARRRRRRRRR!
Eventually Alex decided that he was more interested in eating than talking, and I found myself staring at the little man as he devoured his pizza, wondering what he will look like when he’s older. And it occurred to me, as I watched him, that he’s going to grow up, and I cannot stop the process.
Before I knew what hit me, my eyes filled with tears. All I could think about was how the little man’s cheeks are thinner by the day, how his ankles are now slim and defined, how his calves have muscles instead of squishy rolls of baby softness. And with everything in me, I wanted to stand up in my chair and say: PEOPLE, WHAT IS UP WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP THE CHILDREN FROM GROWING UP? IT MAKES ME VERY SAD.
You should probably keep in mind that I’m the same person who cried when I filled out a form for Alex’s Mother’s Day Out last week, because it’s the last form I’ll ever fill out for MDO since he starts preschool at a different place this fall, and clearly I am far too emotional and unstable to be a voice of reason in terms of this whole children-growing-up thing, and perhaps I should look into a prescription for a light nerve pill of some sort.
Anyway.
When I finally composed myself at the dinner table, I decided, right there on the spot, that since I don’t have the superhuman power of stopping time (sadly, I can only melt steel with my eyes and create wind where there once was none), I might as well embrace the fact that Alex can’t stay four forever. So I turned to him, determined to look his future square in the eye, and said, “Alex? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Without missing a beat, he said, “Oh. A fireman.”
We talked about firemen for a couple of minutes, and then Alex grabbed my hand mid-sentence, looked straight in my eyes, and said, “Hold on, Mama. Just a minute, Mama. Hold on.”
“What is it?” I replied.
“Mama? Well, Mama? I just want to be Alex when I grow up. I just want to be Alex, Mama.”
And the tears, they started again.
I have no idea what Alex will look like when he’s older. I don’t know what he’ll do for a living, who he’ll marry, or where he’ll live.
But I do know one thing.
If, above all, he can “just be Alex” as he makes his way through different ages and stages?
Well, I think that’s the very best plan for the future that I’ve ever heard.
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I’ve been going through the same thing with my boys, my oldest is 17 and while my age doesn’t bother me, his does, there is no way my smiley, chubby cheeked toddler has grown into this broad shouldered man that stands before me today….
If he can spend the rest of his life being okay with being “Just Alex”, you’ve done a better job than most parents, and he’s better prepared to be whatever God has planned for him to be.
A very fine life choice indeed.
That is sweet. We had to go check out a nursery school for Cerys, she’s only 2 1/2 but they start at 4 here and there is a waiting list to get in to some schools…so we walked up there on Friday and looked at it and my eyes welled up as soon as we walked in. My husband just rolled his eyes at me. :) But they are so young!!!! And they grow so fast!!!
My little one is only 18 months old, and I’m trying to figure out how to keep her small.
Great post…
((boomama)) huggin you and knowin what youre going thru. But you are doing an awesome job :) Just Alex is the best thing for any of our kids to be. xoxo melzie
I love to hear of other moms having date nights with their boys. My son loves it when I take him out and we sit and chat…I learn so much about monsters too!!!
And I am with viscountess also – God will call him to do some big stuff one day and when that happens, he will be confident in who God created him to be and that will be more than enough to trust Him.
My son is 13. The past year especially has brought so many physical changes in him. I’m sad to see my little boy slip away but it has been so rewarding to watch this incredible young man appear.
My daughter is 16 months and I get the same flashes as you. It’s fiercely frightening. Just now I laid her down for her nap and she held on tight with both arms in a hug (not in defiance to her nap!) and I said, “Promise to always want to hug me!” *sigh* My tears are right there with ya. Extra hugs to Alex today!
This was so sweet. They do grow up way too fast. I love reading your blog. This is my first time posting but I’m always checking your blog. Thanks for sharing! God bless!
Doesn’t it go by just way too fast?! Painful, I know. I weeped yesterday as my Doodles wrapped up kindergarten.
I hope and pray that my kiddos will embrace your sweet boy’s ambitions to just be ME.
LOVE. IT.
It made me teary-eyed reading about it. My son is almost 15 mo. I’d love to keep him small…just ain’t figured out how yet.
It’s so sweet: he just wants to be Alex! Sounds like a wonderful thing……
awww..it is so hard. watching my oldest go to Jr prom this past weekend, almost did me in. I can’t imagine how I’ll be when he graduates, or when it’s the youngest’s turn. I may need more than a little nerve pill.
Tears, too…aren’t little boys the sweetest? I have boys 3, almost 4, and a 9. It seems that there are moments, like yours, when they just say the right thing for a Mama’s heart. Yep, they do!
Love ya! Holly
I just went through something similar in signing off on my 17 year olds options sheets for grade 12. It hit me this is the last time I’ll be signing school forms for her for option choices. Where had the time gone?!! I’ve always wished we were granted a day or two for each child a year that we could just have them small again so that we could relive those times. Not that I don’t like the times now with them,because I’ve enjoyed every stage, but there is just something about the squishyness and innocence of the preschool years that would be nice to revisit
:-( THAT ABSOLUTELY BREAKS MY HEART!! A. is oh-so sweet!! LOVE HIM!!!
We must be on the same bloggy wavelength because I just wrote about the. very. same. thing. My oldest will be 8 soon, and yesteray I peeked in her room and I saw her lying on her bed, on her stomach with her legs up and crossed at the ankles behind her, reading a magazine and twirling her hair around her finger. I suddenly saw her as a teenager and it near about broke me!
What a smart little man. I wish that I could sometimes “just be Amanda” but as an adult, you sometimes lose sight of just being yourself.
I need to work on that.
hmm..i’m betting when he grows up he’ll be consuming a lot more pizza than he did that night–and that may give you another reason to yearn to keep him little ;)
Something tells me that just being Alex is going to be more than plenty.
And if you figure out how to keep them little, let me know.
Um, so this “wind where there once was none” comment cracked me up but just the part that thinks I’m still 12 so please don’t pay any mind. It just made me giggle like a school girl, that’s all.
And now I should prolly delete this since you think I am a psycho bloggy stranger.
besides that little side bar of funnyness, I totally got your point and understand. My 20 month old already talks in pretty much complete sentences already.
Ah, bless his heart! Sweet little man!!!
And sign me up for the lifetime supply of nerve pills, thank-you-very-much. I think we’re in for a bumpy ride! :D
From time to time I’ll look at my oldest (7 YO) and tell him, “OldMan, just stop growing up! I just can’t bear it.” And he always responds, “Don’t worry mom. When I get older me, my wife and 3 kids will come live with you so you don’t have to be without me.” Oh…great…joy.
Awwww… I know exactly your feelings; when I look at ds who’s almost 4, I can’t believe so much time has passed since I first became a mom… And I wonder so often who he’ll be when he grows up! That is so sweet – you need to write it down and give it to him when he’s “grown up”!
I am going through the exact same thing with my 4 year old. I can’t believe I only have one more year with him before kindergarten. My son, too, wants to be a fireman, but right now his main goal is to marry ME! HA!
I know what you mean… I almost had a meltdown the other day when I realized I had an almost 6 year old! Where in the world does the time go??
Jonathan shaved his upper lip for the first time Sunday night. I bawled.
My boy is 8 and this brought tears to my eyes, too! So smart and wise one moment and so young the next. How sweet. Make me want to go pick him up from school and hug him!
You’re killin’ me. I know exactly how you feel. My six year old just discovered his first tooth. My eight year old (I’m blogging about it tomorrow) got his first phone call from a girl.
It HURTS.
Are you kidding me? Did you HAVE to make me cry today? :)
Hey Boo Mama,
I have a not so little 4 year old too and I know exactly what you mean. It hit me when he’s suddenly developed a social life (what’s one of those?) He says “Just going round Joel’s Mum, alright?” He even went to the cinema the other day to see Spiderman 3 with some friends, I was really worried that he would be scared of the baddies and want me to comfort him… did he? No way!
Sob, sob… think I need chocolate to console me!
Thanks Boo Mama,
Del
http://www.peteanddel.blogspot.com/
Why you gotta do this to a pregnant mama whose two year old is daily getting longer and skinnier?! *sniff sniff*
Tears welling up in Central Texas! My first grandson, 5, loves his Emmie, and told me his heart breaks when I leave. He promised to hold my hand in the mall when he’s 14, to prove his love for me will never die (like there will be MALLS then!). He starts school in August. I understand…. Precious boys.
If you miss those squishy baby thighs…you could always have another one, you know.
A beautiful post!!
AHHH! How sweet is that!? : )
Great plan little man!
Ahhhh BooMama. There is such pain involved in raising children. The thing is, though, that I think God wanted us to know a bit about what He feels when we grow. I once read a joke that I thought was rather funny, that sort of pertains to this.
Why did God invent teenagers?
So that parents would know what it feels like when your children think they know more than you do, and deny your very existence.
Okay, maybe that’s not nearly as funny as it seemed when I originally read it. But that may well be that I’m still so tired from PG’s surgery yesterday to fix it so he doesn’t have a hole in the roof of his mouth anymore.
As for the whole 28 days thing. I think it’s for small things like cracking your knuckles (guilty), saying cuss words or eating too much salt. I’m sorry, but chocolate is just one of those things you can’t go without for 28 days and expect to not want it after that. LOL! Ta for now dahling!
Dear me! Were you trying to make me cry? It worked. I feel the same way. Sad that they are leaving “babydom” but joyful that they are growing up. What fickle people we women are….:-)
What a sweetie…I am emailing you a poem that sums it up!
We are kindred spirits, Boomama.
Yesterday I was doing the whole “cleaning out the dressers for a new season” thing and I started crying because another season had passed and my kids are bigger and older and I can’t stop it.
And then I saw that Penney’s commercial where the mom and daughter are walking down the sidewalk and she keeps growing up, and then she’s all grown up with a little girl of her own and the grandmother comes out and holds the little girl’s hand. Weepy, I tell you!
I just fought back tears when the Baby Joey was rescued on Wonder Pets. So if you find a good light nerve pill let me know.
Precious :)
When I see the elem. school where cp will go this fall, I get a little weepy. And since I can see it from my backyard, that happens a lot!
So sweet, and a wonderful plan for the future.
Exactly how is it that just one mom and son can have soooo many stinkin’ cute stories? I mean really? My kids just poot and pick their noses and ya’ll really just don’t want to know about that!
What a cutie. Time does go by too quickly. I cannot believe my oldest son is 10 1/2 and almost as tall as I am!
My very first baby, the one that taught me how to be a Mama, will be turning 16 this summer, and learning to drive.
He is taller than I am and quite the hansom gentleman and all around cool teen,(just ask the girls in his youth group).
But, I still remember him slurping spaghetti for the first time, in his diaper.
My little baby with spaghetti in his hair is about to drive away from me.
It all happened so very fast.
Really, there should be a pill for this!
Oh – I feel the pain! My sweet chubby cheeked child is now 14 years old and over 6 feet tall! He shaves and has hairy man legs! It seems this metamorphosis happens overnight – in a blink of an eye they are grown and you are looking up at them instead of bending down. He still loves his mama though just like Alex will still love you when he has hairy man legs! Savor every precious moment…
You are not alone in your super power of creating wind where there was none…My husband can do that, too!!
This post hits very close to home for me, so I had to focus on the funny!!
That is so sweet!
Mine is now 16 almost 17 and he still has that same sweet face and those twinkly blue eyes that have always melted my heart.
They grow up too fast! Enjoy every single moment!
Wow.
Did this ever make me feel better about my little guy growing up before my eyes (while I look everywhere for the remote so I can press the pause button).
He’ll still be my Nicknack, and how great is that? It doesn’t get any better.
Thank you.
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