You Might Want To Brace Yourselves Because I’m About To Talk Politics

D. recorded the Republican presidential debates last Sunday morning, and later that afternoon we sat down and watched every single minute.

Over the last week I’ve taken a little time to process it all, and I think I have some reactions that you probably haven’t found in the mainstream media.

And as a result of my reactions, I feel compelled to address what I feel is a critical, all-but-ignored issue during this presidential debate season: the Republican candidates’ hair.

ALL IN GOOD FUN, OF COURSE.

And let me be very clear about something: I am grateful to every single one of these men for being willing to serve his country in the most demanding job in the world. Even when I disagree with a political candidate, I have great respect his or her willingness to lead us. Oh yes I do.

But I still need to talk about this hair issue or else my head will explode. Because internets, I haven’t seen so many (ALLEGED) bad rugs since the last time I was in a low-end carpet warehouse.

It was shocking, really.

And while it is tempting to shy away from this topic because I generally try to steer clear of politics, I feel that I have to confront these issues head-on (pun TOTALLY intended). It’s a public service as much as anything else.

So let’s take a candidate-by-candidate look. Unless otherwise indicated, all photos are from ABC.com – since, regrettably, my camera and I were not in Iowa for the debates.

And I’m going to say something nice about every candidate before I discuss his hair because I am Southern and I can’t help it.

tancredo.jpg
Tom Tancredo

Nice thing: He got the only “awwwww” of the whole debate out of me when he said his greatest regret was that it took him thirty years to accept Christ as his Savior.

Hair thing: Typically salt and pepper hair tends to be a little more, um, blended. So we either have salt and a hairpiece OR salt and a smattering of Grecian Formula. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt by going with the latter. Mainly because of the Jesus thing.

But my gut tells me that there’s some sort of adhesive involved in his hairdo. And it truly saddens me.

romney.jpg
Mitt Romney

Nice thing: He was completely in control throughout the debate – articulate and dignified – and judging by the fact that he won the Iowa straw poll, his performance must have impressed voters.

Hair thing: There’s no doubt that Governor Romney has a full head of his own hair, but it’s too fixed for my taste. If I can see defined layers in a man’s hair, I start to worry that he spends more time in the salon than I do. And I just feel that any potential leader of the free world probably has more important things to worry about than having his layers sculpted. Call me crazy.

paul.jpg
Ron Paul

Nice thing: He was no-nonsense and outspoken in the debates. Absolutely nothing about his performance seemed calculated, and for that reason alone he was a breath of fresh political air.

Hair thing: It’s all his, baby. He’s gray and he owns it. No complaints from me. Because, you know, I’m sure that of all the post-election feedback Dr. Paul received, his utmost concern was FORGET THE POLLS – WHAT DID BOOMAMA THINK OF MY HAIR?

mccain.jpg
John McCain

Nice thing: Any way you slice it, this man is a patriot, a real-live American hero.

Hair thing: Well done, Senator McCain. Your hair is natural, age appropriate, and it doesn’t distract from your message. Which, frankly, can hardly be said for some of the other candidates.

Like, for instance…

hunter.jpg
Duncan Hunter

Nice thing: It was obvious that he is passionately supportive of our troops in Iraq. And he also made some good points about why he thinks it makes sense to finish what we started over there.

Hair thing: Oh, bless his heart. It’s the hair that time forgot – very Robert Wagner as Jonathan Hart circa 1982. And the fact that it looks like he has pulled one part of the hairpiece down to the side of his face – so that he gets some fake hair / real hair blending – just makes for a situation that would drive any professional hairdresser to tears.

My advice? Lose the (ALLEGED) rug. One good Iowa wind, and that puppy is gonna set sail for a cornfield.

huckabee.jpg
Mike Huckabee

Nice thing: He came across as the quintessential nice guy, completely down-to-earth and approachable. He was grandfatherly, almost – in sort of a Ronald Reagan way. Only younger.

Hair thing: I spent a considerable portion of the debate trying to figure out if he was wearing a toupee’ or not. I don’t think he was – I think his hair was just super-shellacked – but if I had been in Iowa, I would have moved heaven and earth to touch his head so that I could get a definitive answer.

And then I would’ve promptly been escorted to jail.

brownback.jpg
Sam Brownback

Nice thing: His comments made it clear that his family is his heart and soul. And he is crystal-clear about his stance on some of the bigger issues, which is increasingly unusual in the era of sound bites.

Hair thing: All I could think was that his hair looked like he had rolled it. Especially in the front. And while certainly I don’t believe that he rolled it, I do believe that his advisors should tell him to cut it, because he’s walking a fine almost-televangelist-‘do line. And you know, a little pouf on the top is fine for a televangelist. It puts him one inch closer to heaven. But on a Presidential candidate? Not so much.

thompson.jpg
Tommy Thompson
photo from cnn.com

Nice thing: Governor Thompson had some great insight into the state of health care and why he feels America gets it wrong. He’s a common sense kind of guy, it seems, and I appreciate that.

Hair thing: I couldn’t help but wonder if a small bird landed on his head and decided to rest there for the debate’s entirety.

A bird which may or may not have been three to four shades darker than his natural hair color.

I’m just sayin’.

giuliani.jpg
Rudy Giuliani

Nice thing: He was surprisingly well-spoken, and he oh-so-naturally utilized specific, relevant examples from his time as mayor of NYC.

Hair thing: Mr. Giuliani wins my Best Hair Prize. Which technically doesn’t exist, but if I had one, I would absolutely give it to him. There were no attempts to cover up the balding or the gray, and the hint of a buzz cut was fun and practical.

Also: his tie was SMOKIN’.

So. I think that about covers it.

And I have no doubt that Americans will pull together and go to great lengths to help these candidates discover hairstyles that are on the cutting edge. I mean, I certainly don’t want to split hairs, but I do believe that we need to be vigilant, and I for one plan to go over future debate hairstyle trends with a fine-toothed comb.

(As a brief aside, I would just like to say that, after almost two years of blogging, I’ve never written a more pun-laden paragraph than the previous one.)

(And for some reason, that makes me strangely proud.)

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Comments

  1. All I can say is “hee hee” and when are you going to discuss the Democratic candidates hair?

  2. Oops, that should have been candidates’ not candidates.

  3. HA HA HA, thanks for the great insight into this all-important matter! :-D

  4. This is one of the most insightful commentaries I’ve heard so far this year. But I feel I must point out that grey
    (gray?) hair often starts at the temples, as did my husbands. And I would like to take this opportunity to address the rumors that I once referred to this look as “sexy” by stating that, while I did make said statement, I was in fact referring to my husband to be, not Tom Tancredo, and as I have stated before, Scott can make anything sexy, even putting leftovers away in the pan they were cooked in.

  5. Oh you are crackin’ me up!! LOVE the puns! I’m really sorry I missed the debate now.

  6. You have me on the floor- lile literally rolling ono the floor. If I could say some thing funny right now, I would- but HOW can I top that????

  7. Yes, the depth and breadth of hair folly-(cle) among Democrats is surely Boo-worthy. Thou must enrich us with thy opinions of those who part closer to the… er… left. Hee.

    Check them out here.

  8. Well, we didn’t record the Republican presidential debates and I missed it, so I very much appreciate your commentary (the puns were great)! :)

    The (ALLEGED) rugs fascinate me. I must say, I’m glad I’m not a man worried about loosing my hair. I just have to worry about gray hairs and finding just the right match of hair color to make them disappear.

    Thanks for the laugh today!

  9. Too punny. I’m just so proud of that last paragraph, I only wish I had styled it myself.

  10. Girlfriend, if your local paper approaches you about writing their voters guide, go for it!

  11. LOL!!!!

  12. Oh my. I read each day, and I knew that I *really* *really* liked you, BooMama. But with this entry, you’ve stolen my blog-lovin’ heart!

  13. You have outdone yourself–AGAIN!

    Oh! It is such a long time till November ’08! Such timely and informative Boomama commentaries might just help us make it through all the debates, commercials, mud-slinging, and (alleged)scandals that are sure to assault us.

  14. Oh my word, LOL doesn’t do it justice!

    And, as a fellow Arkansan and brief same-church attendee (we are pratically related), I will speak for the former Governor Huckabee and say that his hair is his own.

  15. You.Are.Hilarious.:)

  16. [:)…=smiley w/toupee

  17. I’m dying – this was a GREAT post! Your last paragraph rocked!

  18. You need to go over to Bullfrogs & Butterflies blog, she has a post about a site (lhj.com I think) that you can submit your picture (or that of an unsuspecting presidential candidate) and try out different hairstyles.

    Really, you would be doing a great service to our country to get their hair issues taken care of.

  19. Leave it to Boomama to keep us informed on everything from how much butter to use in a pound cake to the Republican presidential candidates…this is my one-stop shop!

    Perhaps you could be an on-the-spot-reporter at either the RNC or the DNC… I’m just sayin’ with you bein’ southern and all and throwing in the good comment FIRST…

  20. Oh good gracious, BooMama….

    YOU. ARE. HI.LAR.IOUS!!

    I oh so needed a good laugh today and certainly got one with this post.

    Southern women know hair and, girl, you hit one out of the park today!!!

    Blessings,
    Dori

  21. LOVE your debate coverage. Please keep it coming! Can’t wait to hear what you think of John(the Breck girl) Edwards hair!

  22. “the hair that time forgot”…classic, classic line.

    You make me so proud.

  23. Thank you so much, Boomama, for your service to your country. It takes a brave woman to tackle the really tough issues.

    Being the wife of an extremely handsome man who is becoming follicly challenged, I endorse the clipper method of hairstyling.

    Lock ’em all up with a hairstylist, some muscle, and a pair of clippers, and every dang one of those bad boys will look like he’s ready to kick some Democratic butt.

  24. All I have to say is Ha HA HA HA…that was good!

  25. So. Very. Funny.
    Politics at its best!

  26. FOX News should really look into hiring you as a host. This is very, very important subject matter – I would be glued to your show. :)

    Sarah, TN

  27. I liked your pun paragraph, especially after living with a friend whose entire sense of humor was based on puns. In fact, she won second place in the World Championship Pun Competition. Yes, there is such a thing! Here is my account of her performance.

  28. Stephanie says:

    Ooooooh – please do the democratic party too! That would be some real entertainment!

  29. Oh BooMama – seriously, shouldn’t we be discussing much more serious topics when it comes to politics? Dig deeper – I’d like to find out important information like – how are their homes decorated. :)

  30. Mitzi White says:

    Found your site by accident but had to “save” it. You are too funny and a joy to read.

  31. On serious note, I have met Mr Huckabee (my bosses’ good friend in Little Rock) and his hair is all real.

    Good perspective on that very important topic! I wonder if you looked at past presidents, if their hairstyles showed anything about their leadership….Hmmm, like Teddy Roosevelt’s part down the middle and mustache.

    You’re a funny Girl!
    Love ya,
    Holly

  32. What a hairy subject you have taken on! Salon worthy discussion for sure ;) xoxo melzie

  33. I am so glad you included pictures!

    I usually don’t like to talk politics unless it is in person. But for you, Boo, I make the exception. You crack me up… and it seems we’re like minded in some areas.

    Marsha– wife of a former receding hairline hubby who has been completely buzzed for over a year!!! And I’m talking Mr. Clean buzz, not ze beer buzz.

  34. I need to clarify that I did not mean that he DRINKS Mr. Clean, but that he shiny hair free head even got him a free ball from the opposing team’s mascot an an Astro’s game.

  35. This is fabulous and too important a topic to be missed when considering who should be the leader of the free world. Please, please, please do the Democrats so I can truly be informed when I go to the polls.

  36. Just so you know, Governor Huckabee IS a great guy, really down to earth, wonderful type person, and would be a wonderful president. I’ve said so for about 10 years now. And his hair is all real. :D

    Hugs,
    Melinda

  37. Knowing that you watched the debate makes me like you even more. Your last paragraph was totally awesome!! Way to go on the pun usage. You crack me up!!

  38. you make me laugh! I love you for it!!!

  39. The last paragraph = BooMama classic for years to come.

    I need to find some youtube of those debates… but I think my husband and my daddy would be ashamed of me and tell me I’m not a good Republican when I told them it was only to see the candidates’ hair. And then they’d laugh when I said the hair scrutiny was at your suggestion.

  40. This so cracked me up. I am in Iowa and I think that if I promised any of these guys my vote, they’d come sit in my living room for awhile. Each day in the paper we get an update on where they are in the state. Mr. Romney was even in my town for a “Ask Mitt” meeting. We are already enduring political commmercials here.

    Now…I feel I should offer to head to Drake University in Des Moines on Sunday to be your eyewitness to the Democratic
    debate.

  41. A keen eye and incisive wit – Boomama for president? Naw – a southern woman really couldn’t be rude enough to survive in the oval office – and she’d have heck with the gaudy rugs and so forth that seem to be required furnishings. You are a hoot indeed.

  42. LOL- I will never look at any of those men the same way again!!!!!

  43. I hope someone at FOX news reads this and asks you to become a political commentator for them. You could do our political system a real service and give it a swift kick!

    Blessings,
    Karla

  44. I love that you were kind about their politics, but you would (allegedly)dog their hair. That is so southern.
    I am so glad to be back from the offline world.

  45. Never have I had so much fun reading about anything political. Thank you, Boomama, from the top of my head to the bottom of my heart.

  46. You crack me up! Kudos to you for even getting me to read something political…just wait until I can talk to my husband about presidential candidates. He will be so proud and I will make sure to tell him that BooMama is responsible for me knowing all I know about them!
    Mel

  47. That last paragraph was soooooo “Punny”…I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. hee hee

    Seriously, the whole thing rocked (or raked in some of their cases…)

  48. HAHAHA. that really makes me laugh, thanks for a giggle.

  49. The reference to Robert Wagner and Jonathan Hart were CLASSIC. It took me back to the “good old days”.

  50. This is such an important subject! I totally wanted Jimmy Carter to win back when I was in the 5th grade, simply because of his hair…and he was from the south and all!

    Perhaps you could do a piece on the candidates wives hair in the future, ’cause you know that’s way more important to us women!

  51. I agree with Karla…..this hair-larious post should be submitted to a network. There is no doubt in my mind that you would hear from them. I’ll never look at those guys the same way again. I LOVE the way you talk politics! :)

  52. THIS it the reason you sit at the head of the popular table.

    thank you, boomama.

    my favorite was sam brownback. BY FAR my favorite. totally picturing him putting in some nice hot sticks or benders or just good old school hot rollers.

  53. I’m just really really hoping that the parting pun shot wasn’t “pun-laden” = “bin Laden” somehow. Though that would have been awesome and hilarious.

  54. Compared to the belly button lint-picking I’ve been doing today, I’m going to consider this my moment of education and call it good!

    And with all this brain stimulation you’ve brought to me, it made me wonder if we have EVER had a bald president. Well, I mean, “wear it with pride” bald rather than “cover it up” bald.

    I bet there are some sort of statistics that their advisors tell them about, that shows that bald people NEVER get elected. Yeah, that would explain all the rugs, right?

  55. Thankyouverymuch, now I can’t read blogs when hubby is trying to nap because I laughed too hard! He’s taking his pre-going-to-bed nap after a hard day in the 102 degree weather (I kid you not) and I disturbed him! I’m still laughing – only in my head. You are too funny and I enjoy reading you and will continue to no matter who is sleeping at the time!!! You ROCK!

  56. LOL! You must do the Democratic candidates. You owe it to your country.
    You will have lots to discuss! We must have a southern prespective.

    I hope none of the candidates ever meet my former boss. He had the absolute worst hair piece every worn. It was so bad we call it the “wombat” (behind his back, of course, because he had absolutely no sense of humor when it came to his hair). It looked like an old, ragged bath mat that was a totally different color from his own hair.

  57. I just giggled the whole way through this. Where do you come up with this? I love you!

  58. It won’t be long before CNN is calling on you to handle all of their election coverage from here on out.

    “Tomorrow we will take a closer look at the candidate’s strong political ties. Can a candidate wear a pink tie, and still win this election? Until then, this is Boomama reporting for MSNBC. Back to you Brian.”

  59. Yay! My husband has that tie and I bought it for him! It IS smokin’, isn’t it?

    Also, my husband’s black hair is graying just above the ears, but is still black on top, so Tom Tancredo’s hair could very possibly be natural as well.

  60. You are so creative!!!

  61. Wow I needed a laugh and this made my evening…hmmm hair truly is important now isn’t it!

  62. Oh my! You have done it again! You’re TOO funny!

  63. This is the only information I will use at the voting booth come ’08. A truly inspired piece!

    What fun you are!

  64. Hee hee hee. This must have taken you forever, but it was well worth it. Very funny stuff.

  65. Next up, the candidates vie for top honors in the coveted swimsuit competition.

  66. Oh, I just CAN”T wait to see who changes their hairstyle when they get wind of the commentary over on Boomama’s blog!!! And yes, you should absolutely be bi-partisan and include the Democratic candidates in your commentary as well. It’s the civil thing to do!! ;)

  67. SO FUNNY! It’s about time someone discussed what we’re all thinking:)

  68. fisheyes says:

    Oh my goodness! i am literally crying at work and my face hurts! i am so thankful that i am alone in the office today. you are a nut and i absolutely love it. i really look forward to reading your blog every day!! thank you so much for that laugh!

  69. Loved this! Really, loved this!

  70. Thank you for this vital information. I have been agonizing over how to choose my candidate without actually having to listen to their blather. You, my dear, have certainly narrowed the field for me. I won’t say that you’ve pointed me to the candidate of my dreams, but you HAVE elminated a rather large portion of the selection. Hair is important. And a person who can’t manage their hair has no business leading me anywhere. Keep up the good work. I’ll be checking back in as the campaigns continue…don’t CUT-back now on your political commentary. Why, if I couldn’t count on your insights, I might just CURL UP AND die (DYE). Okay. I’m sorry. That’s all the hair puns I had in me. It’s early. My brain hasn’t had near enough coffee. And now I’ve actually put into words what a literary failure I am. (Heavy sigh). I just hope this condition isn’t PERMANENT. (groan)

  71. There was a debate? Oh thank you for the updates. I’m sure I was engrossed in a Hannah Montana story line of the utmost importance. What would we internets do without you?

  72. That was the most puntacular paragraph ever before written in life.

  73. Thank you so much for that wonderful commentary! I want so hard to make wise political decisions, but it is hard. You have breathed a breath of fresh “hair” into the political criticing process.

  74. O, Boomama. Always good value, you are!

    *wipes tears away from cheeks*

    That was hysterical. My tummy hurts.

  75. You’d better watch it or Fox News is going to snatch you right up!

  76. if there was a pun award- i would be giving it to you. if i was able to do cool little graphics i would draw you up a scissor and comb cross thingy that you could proudly put on the side of your blog for that awesome post full of fun hair talk. you go girl

  77. boomama, you’re a mess!

  78. You have forever and completely changed the way I view political debates! As a former optician, I used to get so annoyed by their bad choices in eyewear…now I can add hairstyles, or the lack thereof, to my list of annoyances! Issues, shmissues.

  79. Thank you, thank you, thank you for some much needed comic relief. Loved it!

  80. I can tell you with complete assurance that Huck’s hair is his own.
    I have known and been friends with Huckabee for years. He used to compete in (and WIN!) the Tomato Eating Contest that I held in south Arkansas every summer during our Pink Tomato Festival.
    The winner always got a golf shirt and after having helped him pull one on and off more than once, I know that his hair is firmly attached at the follicles. :-)
    He is a nice man too. But a lot less than he used to be….I have pictures of us together when he would make two of me. He has lost a TON of weight!

  81. Oh this was really great. I have a hard enough time focusing on the issues, and now all I’m going to be thinking about is HAIR!

  82. This is exhibit #1 of why I love your blawg.

    You go girl.

  83. Gov.Huckabee’s hair is all his! :)

    http://www.mikehuckabee.com//

  84. I heard an interview where a lady (Miss Laura Ingraham)was giving Mit Romney a hard time about his hair…and he said, and I quote, “Can’t change the hair. No-body messes with the hair!” HA!! He did say that if he ever felt really adventurous, maybe he’d undo the top button on his shirt!! I was a little surprised by his really good sense of humor and ability to take himself lightly! :)

  85. Well, this post was just about the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! Hubby and I laughed until we cried.

  86. LOL, now for the Democrats!

  87. I don’t know, Boomama … some of the men look like they are bordering on (um, jumping into, more like) the savings-and-loan problem … where they are borrowing from one side of their hair and loaning it to the other.

    So, can you please, pretty please with butter on top comment on Fred Thompson’s hair? Here are some pictures of him: http://www.imwithfred.com/, http://www.fred08.com/, http://projects.washingtonpost.com/2008-presidential-candidates/fred-thompson/(bad photo), http://bioguide.congress.gov/scripts/biodisplay.pl?index=t000457

    PLEASE??? He was, after all, a fellow southerner, born in Alabama, served as a senator from TN, and for the love of everything good and Southern, he still maintains his accent … he hasn’t gotten all Hollywood with it! Praise God.

  88. I thoroughly enjoyed your review. Thanks!

  89. You are heads on! None are heads or tails ahead of any other in my mind, but I do agree, like Guliani’s “hair” the best!

  90. Too, too funny. So funny in fact that I put you in my Friday Fun Zone! (you’ve been linked….)

  91. This was so great!!! I’m a US ex-pat w/o to US tv (which ain’t all bad!) and get my “news” from the internet! People like you really help me put this all in perspective. It could end up being about the hair… you just never know!!!

    Thanks for the good laugh and perspective and yes, even puns! I’m linking this if you don’t mind…

  92. You have me laughing out loud yet again! Thanks for your superb, down to earth writing, it makes my day.

  93. LOL I am so glad that some one other than me bashes political hair. I despise the Texas governor, he’s useless actually but he does have a good head of hair.

    I always watch the conventions to dis the delegates lack of make up prowess. It’s split evenly dems and repubs with the homely/earth mamas who need a dunk or two at the Sephora counter.