My friend Elise was the first one of my friends to have babies, and as a result she was our first go-to expert on Matters Concerning Children.
When her oldest boys were five and four, Elise told me about something that happened at the dinner table one night. Her five year-old didn’t want to eat what she’d fixed for supper, and after some gentle encouragement proved ineffective, E.’s hubby very lovingly outlined what I have come to refer to as P-Dub’s Suppertime Law.
If memory serves, P-Dub’s Suppertime Law went something like this:
Since your mother has prepared a delicious meal for you, you may either eat what she has cooked, or you may leave the table. And if you leave the table, you may not have a snack, alternate meal, or, above all, ice cream. Because if you leave the table, you’re all done eating for the day. Thank you.
Y’all have no idea how brilliant I thought that was when I was twenty-five and single.
The funny thing is that once Alex was old enough to eat real food, D and I put P-Dub’s Suppertime Law into practice. And with the exception of one meal in 2006 which will be known forever in our house as The Unfortunate Lasagna Incident (or: Why We Now Refer To Lasagna As “Pizza Noodles”), we’ve managed to escape a good bit of dinnertime drama thanks to P-Dub’s words-o-wisdom.
Which brings us to tonight. When we had us an old-fashioned Baked Beans Medley Breakdown at the dinner table. Oh yes ma’am we did.
Now for whatever reason, Alex has a very strong sense of when he’s full (what? what must that be like? what? you mean you don’t just keep eating UNTIL YOU’VE FINISHED AN ENTIRE CASSEROLE?), and he doesn’t really care for the feeling of being full (what? what must that be like? what? you mean you don’t just keep eating UNTIL YOU’VE FINISHED AN ENTIRE CASSEROLE?).
Anyway, since the little man seems pretty tuned in to when he’s had enough to eat, D and I usually just ask him to at least try everything that’s on his plate. He doesn’t have to love it or finish it or ask for seconds – he just has to try it. And as a result of the fact that he’s tried a lot of different stuff – at least I guess that’s the reason – Alex likes to eat things like butterbeans and pork tenderloin and roast and sweet potatoes and English peas. He’s not a picky eater at all.
Until tonight. When he spied the aforementioned Baked Beans Medley sitting next to his potato casserole.
I will spare you the details, but the enforcement of P-Dub’s Suppertime Law has never been more nerve-wracking than it was around 6 pm central time. We had quite the showdown on our hands, but when the little man finally realized that there would be no Oreo in his future if he balked at the beans, he decided that he’d give the beans a try.
And y’all. You have never heard such gagging and crying and carrying on in your life. You would’ve thought we were asking him to eat rutabagas covered in moldy hair.
Once Alex finally managed to choke down a lone pinto bean, he decided the beans weren’t so bad. I don’t think the recipe will go to the top of his preferred foods list (#1? Donuts. #2? Chocolate-covered donuts. #3? POWDERED donuts.), but in the end I felt pretty good about the fact that we stood our ground and made him at least try them.
I felt pretty good, that is, when I wasn’t feeling guilty.
It’s been very important to D and me that the dinner table not be a war zone, but tonight, I confess, it was a bit of a battleground. And I did not enjoy it. Which leads me to some questions.
How do y’all handle Situations Regarding Food with your kids? Do you have any hard and fast mealtime rules? When your child resists something you’ve cooked, do you offer something else? Do you let it go? Or do you stand your ground?
Because now I’m second-guessing myself. I know that this isn’t a life-altering dilemma, but it’s making me a little crazy that we let our dinnertime deteriorate over, you know, BEANS. The boy is a good eater, baked beans or no – and I’m wondering if we should have left well enough alone.
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We use that same “law” in this house and out of our seven children.. not one is a picky eater. They will eat just about anything and try anything at least once.
Ah, it is so reminiscent of, I don’t know, about an hour ago? Food “fights” are common in our house and we already use P-Dubs Suppertime Law. (and to imagine I never even met the guy). Tonight’s “fight” was over delicous and simmering-all-day beef stew.
Oh my I wish I had wisdom…unfortunately we struggle with our 4 year old on food and it becomes more of a battleground than I’d like it to be.
He usually will eat what I make, even if he doesn’t like it, but he packs it into his cheek and chews it for an eternity. This drives my husband and me a little bit crazy…so you will probably hear “JUST SWALLOW” a few times if you happen to be at our house at dinner time.
We give him a small portion of whatever we are having and we do expect him to finish what’s on his plate. Are we setting him up for food issues for life? I sure hope and pray not! This is a tough one for us.
Oh and I also forgot to mention that my son has a very active gag reflex! Be thankful tonight with Alex was an isolated incident…but I’d say it sounds like you handled it well. Don’t second guess yourself…better to hold your ground than serve something different. I just usually try to have 1-2 things that I know my kids will like, even if they don’t love everything (ie: bread, applesauce, fruit, etc.)
We tend to use the same method although I never knew it had an official P-Dub title until now. Once you give them an Oreo, well you know the rest.
Seriously, the child will not need therapy because you made him eat a bean. Unless you covered it in Texas Pete, he will be fine. :>)
You have to at least try the food before you say “I don’t care for these ______, mommy.”
I then use my judgement as to whether the issue should be pressed. I know that one of my children does not like baked beans. So at lunch today, I put broccoli in place of his beans and my other son who loves beans did not have to have the broccoli. Everyone was happy!
Each child is allowed to not care for a few items of food. But you are NOT allowed to refuse an entire food group!
We tried the “if you don’t eat this, then no food for you for the rest of the night” thing in the past. It was then that I realized that *I* was the one being punished! I cannot stand the thought of any of my children being hungry! So we usually just make them eat their food or let them go without dessert (trying to make sure that the dessert for that meal is a super-favorite one for the picky child to miss out on).
Now, I’m all for other people having that rule– I think it’s a great one! But it really bothers me a ton so I don’t use it that often (although I have on occasion). For me, I show my love by cooking and serving so it is a HUGE deal to me.
I think when it comes down to it, it is the ATTITUDE of the child. Gross carryings-on of drama (which include tears, gagging, whining, etc) will usually mean that mommy is setting the timer and it BETTER be all gone!
But if the child has a good attitude and uses good manners, then mommy may even get up from the table and make you a pb&j or a bowl of Easy Mac.
I”ll be honest. I’ve cultivated a “no picky eaters” policy by *ahem* not being honest. At times.
Take Jonathan for instance. From the time he was able to eat solid foods, he refused to eat anything but chicken. So, any meat that was on his plate became “chicken”. Hot fogs, steak, pork, whatever. We called it chicken, and he ate it. And once he was about 7 (oh, I said 7) we tested the waters by calling things by their real names. And alas, he ate it, loved it and asked for more. To my knowledge, he never caught on.
Then there was the sugar thing. He was convinced that he could only eat cereal doused in sugar. Mind you, this kid is the ultimate example of hyper activity on sugar. So, for years, we would shake the “closed” sugar container over his cereal. Not one drop of sugar fell, and he without a peep. We worried what would happen later, but amazingly he decided one day he didn’t need sugar on his cereal, so we were saved.
Otherwise, we have held fast to the same rule you talked about. Hard and fast.
Now, if you can tell me how to get Jonathan to eat foods that have ‘touched’ each other on his plate? I’ll love you for-evah. And evah. Amen.
Our hard and fast rule has always been this:
1. You will try it.
2. If, at any time during the trial period you (a) make derogatory comments about the putrid taste of said item (b) gag and/or throw up at the table or (c) cry or throw a fit because you have to try it, you will receive an additional helping which you must eat in its entirety before leaving your chair.
We’re oh, so well-known among all the kids at school and in the neighborhood for our stance. Kids come over for dinner just to see if we’ll hold our ground with them as well as our own kids. We still have one of my 31-year-old son’s friends sitting at the table this minute with a plateful of spinach…he’s been there since he was 16.
In all seriousness, Alex will not be warped forever because you stand your ground. Really and truly. He will be a better man because of it.
I think you are doing the right thing. That’s exactly what we do in our house and it makes for much more peaceful dinnertimes. Just remember if you make something else then there is no turning back. My kids don’t even know that other moms make seperate meals for their picky eaters and I like it that way:)I think if you give in now that dinner will become more of a headache for you.
We have two lovely daughters who eat just about anything set before them with a happy heart and a hearty appetite.
Then, God created John Deere Green to inhabit my home, weasel into my heart before he ever sat in a high chair, and personally contribute gray hairs to my scalp.
The child likes little to nothing except cereal, hot dogs, mac ‘n cheese, yogurt, and hamburgers.
We had the rule that you must try all new things that make their way to the dinner table. We had a rule that if you’d tried it before and liked it that you had to eat the same number of bites as your age.
All that went out the window when JD found every meal time a battleground. I learned after great grief, weeping, and gnashing of teeth (all this done by the mama) that I will pick my battles wisely.
I now offer food, make him try one bite. If he is polite and does this, then he may have peanut butter sandwiches as an alternative.
Sending him to bed with no food at all resulted in repeated stealthful trips to the kitchen after everyone else was sleeping. I would rather a joyfully given pb sandwich than a thief looking for Tootie Frooties in the middle of the night.
Good Luck!
Good job girl! I don’t force my kids to eat something that they just don’t like…but yes, they must try it first in order to know if they like it! When my daughter was two she started to pass out from hypoglycemia, she did it a couple of times and after the gamut of tests, they just declared her small for her age and she needed to eat more frequently,and never, EVER miss a meal or snack time. We made a mess for ourselves just trying to get her to eat. We pretty much gave her whatever she wanted at any time. (She had to have high protien with complex carbs, so it was mostly healthy choices…MOSTLY…) Now we are at the end of the damage control and can finally breathe…so whatever you do, just keep sticking to your plan!
i wish i had done something like that from the start. but i didn’t because i had my own food issues that came with me from my childhood. i’m a very picky eater. very. that probably set the stage for my kids to be picky eaters simply because i was raising them and influencing them by giving them plain cheeseburgers and no lettuce on their tacos and such.
so now, we have issues.
i try to cook what they like. if they don’t like what i cook they have the option of eating fruit for supper instead.
there’s always at least one person who doesn’t like something that i cook.
like i said, issues.
We too use “the rule”. They (10, 8 and 5) must try it also. That being said I can still remember with amazing clarity when my parents made me eat black eyed peas. I was in 3rd grade and labeled a picky eater. It was beans or nothing. After one bite and subsequent(sp) gagging fest I chose nothing. I still love my parents but I haven’t eaten any kind of bean since.
Caroline has been known to live on one cheese cube for several days.
We refer to it as the supermodel diet.
Obviously, I am no help.
Our usual plan of action is: They have to try it and if they don’t like what I lovingly and painstakingly prepared (ha!), they can have anything that they can prepare themselves (usually PB&J soup or cereal.) But mommy isn’t going to cook 2 meals.
~Leslie
ack! don’t 2nd guess! if you start now, you’ll be doomed forever….remember, they can smell fear!
let me preface my whole babbly response by saying we have 3 girls – a 6yo & 4yo twins – who are all excellent, read non-picky, eaters and we do NOT want to make food or eating an issue. in our house the “f” word is f-a-t.
we too believe that only one meal is made, you eat it or you don’t. if you don’t, you don’t, but then that’s it: no snack, no dessert (although we also do not require you to “finish” dinner to get dessert when we have it) no nothin’. this option has yet to be chosen by any of the kidlets.
if you do choose to eat the meal you must have at least one bite of something before you can snub your nose at it (commonly referred to by many households as the ‘no thank you’ bite), including repeat foods; also, if you want 2nds of something, you need to have one bite of everything else on your plate before you get the 2nds.
we have friends who have 2 of the pickiest eaters i’ve ever seen. they DO make 2 and 3 meals, all dictated by the children. you should see their “snack” cupboard, it’s bigger than my pantry and those kids are allowed to eat out of it even at mealtimes.
so while my opinion is biased, i say, you made a good rule that is fair and equitable, feel good about it and feel good about the fantastic eating habits you’re providing.
the end :D
our oldest (9) is a champion gagger. so we make sure they have a cup full of water to swish down the offensive food. also they believed that whole thing of “plug your nose and you can’t taste it” for about 6 months. after 2 summers of cooking home-grown zuchinni, he’s finally not gagging on it. now for the other 3.
*oh, and we had to call it Pizza Noodles from the start, otherwise they wouldn’t touch lasagna
we have that same rule in our home.
the only time it backfired was when our oldest boy gagged on the peas and almost threw up all over the table.
Needless to say, we don’t force him to eat the peas.
But they must try everything at least once. When they were younger, I put it on their plate regardless.
I think that the rule is a good one. Alex is just getting into that age where he is realizing he is separate from you and Dave and can have his own opinions.
Obviously, he has his opinions regarding the Bean Medley ;0)
And he won’t have to enter therapy over the dinner “fiasco” of September 24th 2007. He’ll be fine!
Blessings,
Karla
I’m only 15 months into this whole “mommy” thing and dinnertime stresses me out to the point that I, myself, cannot eat. Silver lining: No dinner = pre-baby weight! Score!
One of my biggest pet-peeves is when momma’s cater to little boys and fix them something else–(I’m not sure why this doesn’t happen with girls–maybe it’s the opposite gender thing) Anyway, I think it’s awesome that you require your son to try new things. We have always made our kids try something once–believe me the gagging and carrying on won’t still be happening when he’s older. It’s a good thing you’re doing. His future wife will thank you.
My own little man was a champ tonight eating his first green peas since he was 15 months old. Of course I got them down his throat after promises of Pez. It did the trick and he now says he “Luvs” peas. Whatever it takes, right? My goal is for him to try one new food per week. I have set my expect ions low on this one. But boy cannot live on dino chicken nuggets alone, I tell you.
We stick to P-Dub’s Suppertime Law as well. Although I must say we’ve never called it that. I had no idea it had such a fascinating title.
And we’ve had similar meltdowns over mashed potatoes. MASHED POTATOES. With LOTS of FAT added. Is my child insane? Is he not truly SOUTHERN? Perhaps he was switched at birth with a Yankee baby who’s mommy was just visiting when she went into labor? (No offense to my lovely northern friends. Yankee is purely an affectionate term.) We even grounded him from watching American Idol one night. I must say, that is not a parenting moment I’m proud of.
But, MASHED POTATOES? REALLY?
Our philosophy is simple: you can eat it or you can be hungry, your choice. If you choose not to eat it, if you are capable of making yourself a peanut butter sandwich, have at it, otherwise you’re out of luck ’cause I’m not makin’ two suppers around here. But if you don’t eat whatever mama’s serving now, you surely won’t be eating anything mama might choose to serve later.
So eating has never been an issue in our house. Stand your ground, BooMama, you’re doing just fine.
We stand in similar line with the P-Dub law. If it’s new you will try it (and that includes swallowing). If you do not like it (and have conveyed it politely) then you will eat everything else on your plate. You may have seconds of those items.
Occasionally when there is not much in the “other things” category and DS (8) has tried it and been polite I will allow HIM to make himself a sandwich or heat a corn dog or something. But Mom only makes ONE meal!
If they both eat a decent amount of dinner (standards not set in stone) then they may have dessert which is usually a popsicle or something. But if they give the “I’m full” when I feel they are just trying to get out of eating a food that is not their favorite then they have the choice. But if they get up it is NO dessert and no more food until the next meal (which is usually breakfast, of course).
Well, my boy isn’t old enough to eat much, tonight was his very first night with squash before that it was all just baby cereal.
But…
I grew up a picky eater and I honestly believe that some people taste things differently than others. This was pointed out to me in college so too bad I couldn’t have used it on my mom! I have grown to like some foods (on my own), but never when they were forced on me.
However, anything with raw onions in it and that’s the only thing I can taste. So I think I will make my son try something and if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t have to eat that part of his meal. But I won’t be making other separate meals just for him. And of course I will try to make things I know he likes.
My husband on the other hand was brought up to eat everything that was served and if he didn’t like it he had to say “I haven’t learned to like it yet”. I think this is just plain mean, to make a child eat an entire serving or meal of something they don’t like. there very well could be a good reason they don’t like it (see above) and as long as they aren’t being obnoxious about it I don’t see why you have to force the issue.
That all said… it’s your house and you make the rules! I think what you’re doing is perfectly fine!
Our rule is similar, but since I have the same “sensitivity to being full” we enforce like this:
1. You can pick ONE food item per year (chosen New Years Day) that you get a free pass on eating. You may eat PB&J in its place.
2. You must eat what was cooked, no “short-ordering” unless the item was the food you chose for rule #1.
3. IF you claim you are full, you do not have to eat anymore. There will be NO snacks, deserts, etc. though for 3 hours.
extra rule: To get desert you have to stay AT the dinner table without complaint until everyone is done. If you have left just enough room for desert, then that is okay IF you didn’t complain about what was cooked. Attitude is everything in our house.
Given that my 9 year old teenage daughter held her nose whilst putting a fork full of pasta into her mouth (to prevent gagging on the spinach)tonight, I’m probably the last person to give advice. In fact, she was trying to eat the pasta in the only way she could, so that she could actually earn the right to have a bit of apres meal chocolate.
Apparently, I should be asking for advice, too. :)
Remember, though: the less dessert Howard..er..Alex eats, the more Boomama can have. Just sayin’.
Since we quite obviously have had SO much experience… ;)
We’ve tried our hardest to put that P-Dub’s law in practice, even in the 18 months we’ve had to even begin it. We hope it’ll work. We hear it does if you stick to it… unless, of course, you have a child like my brother who, at four or five, wouldn’t finish his supper, and so my parents, thinking a P-Dub style law was the best thing, told him that if he wouldn’t finish it, they’d wrap it up and save it for his next meal… which happened to be breakfast. He smiled a sad little smile and replied, “Okay, Mommy and Daddy.” Then gave them his plate to save for breakfast. That’s when they looked at each other, bewildered, wondering if they really should follow through with that… they did, btw. And he ate it.
Of course, then there was my parents’ other child, who shall remain nameless, who, until, ahem, she was at least five or six, repeatedly fell for the “You’re full, huh? Hey, do you have room for ice cream? That’s what I thought… eat your dinner” trick every. single. time.
And, for the record, Troy had butterbeans for the first time this past week… and you’d think THAT was ice cream. He couldn’t get enough…
I grew up in a household where I wasn’t allowed to turn my nose up at any meal (besides liver…my mom made that excpetion and didn’t force us to eat liver), but I’m still a picky eater. Only now I don’t have to cook things I don’t like, so life is full of a lot more joy. My oldest son inherited my strong food preferences. Sugar? GOOD Fruit? good. Vegetables? Meat? no thank you. We still insist he eat what I cook for supper, and he’s not allowed to get down until he’s finished. And he does finish what’s on his plate. SLOWLY. But one night he actually gagged on what he was eating. And I let him right down. Because he was too young to fake it, and because I gagged on a few meals myself growing up and I knew I wasn’t faking it. His pickiness and slow eating is a source of continual frustration for his dad and me, though, even though I know I’m just getting payback for how I frustrated my own mother all growing up.
We have never had to be sticklers on it because both girls are pretty OK with trying new things. They always seem to at least take a bite or two and sometimes they even think they like it until about bite number three or four – LOL!
I think they at least need to give it a try…just my two cents.
Our suppertime law goes something like this:
“This is dinner. You may eat it, or not. If you eat it, you may have dessert. If you do not eat it, you will not get anything else to eat until breakfast tomorrow morning.”
That’s it. We don’t whine/plead/cajole/beg our kids to eat, and I absolutely refuse to play short order cook in my own kitchen. The decision is theirs alone and the consequences are clear from the get-go.
My youngest likes to put ketchup on anything that isn’t 100% delicious by her standards — this includes broccoli and other green vegetables. She also swears that if you cover your ears, the bad taste won’t bother you. She has my MUST-HAVE-CHOCOLATE gene and would rather DIE than give up dessert!
My oldest is stubborn and chooses to walk away from the table quite often rather than finish eating his dinner. We decided that he needed some different motivation for eating his dinner, so we offered him 1 hour of playing his favorite video game for every COMPLETE (including an appropriately sized serving of vegetables!) meal he eats. Worked like a charm!
NOW, my burning question is this: how do we get kids to stop interrupting us when we are talking to someone else (on the phone or in person)? I’m in desperate need of help for that one!
Since Oldest Child was Howard’s age (she’s 13 now..) her pediatrician has always said she needs to try enough bites to eat her age. Being the Mother of all Mothers that I am, that’s what we always encouraged. Thinking that there would be an end somewhere in the near future when she realized how important nutrition was…suffice it to say that counting bites of food was cute when she was four and even five or six. She is, after all, learning important nutritional facts. Let me just say, however, that counting THIRTEEN BITES OF FOOD EVERY NIGHT gets rather old.
Since Oldest Child was Howard’s age (she’s 13 now..) her pediatrician has always said she needs to try enough bites to equal her age. Being the Mother of all Mothers that I am, that’s what we always encouraged. Thinking that there would be an end somewhere in the near future when she realized how important nutrition was…suffice it to say that counting bites of food was cute when she was four and even five or six. She is, after all, learning important nutritional facts. Let me just say, however, that counting THIRTEEN BITES OF FOOD EVERY NIGHT gets rather old.
We have used that law, but with some modifications.
You eat what is put in front of you. If not, there will be no snack till next meal. Next meal will be what you didn’t finish the previous meal. That plate of food will be covered, refrigerated, and microwaved for next meal.
The boy wasn’t picky at all. I never used that on him, but the girl….Oh. my. goodness. Talk about stubbbbbborn!
We only “battled it out” using this rule…once…..that was all it took, but you know………I reheated about 1/4 cup of chili for almost 2 days before she finally ate it.
She didn’t fight us again about food…ever.
I’m not a parent so I can’t join in on the conversation but I loved this line!!!
“You would’ve thought we were asking him to eat rutabagas covered in moldy hair.”
Classic:o)
Not that you needed my approval, but you did the right thing. We have some pretty hard and fast rules about eating in the Georgia Mom household and so far it’s worked for us. Our girls are great eaters, they have good table manners, and we can take them anywhere without fear of embarrassment (well, the youngest did flip her chair backwards during dinner the other night and when I looked down her dress was above her head and the nice elderly man sitting behind us got to see her pink panties, which did not make me happy, but for the most part we can take them anywhere). So, stick to your rules girl! They will pay off in the long run!!!
This is a case of fighting the battle to avoid the war. I usually don’t make my kids eat anything, but they can’t have seconds of anything unless they’ve eaten “firsts” of everything being served that night, and I have insisted that they try something, like you did. The result is that they are all good eaters, none of them highly picky, and dinnertimes now are very peaceful because they know the rules and they know from experience that the rules will be enforced. You may have had a meltdown last night, but if you had given in to the Oreo you would be going through this every night. What kid is going to eat any kind of healthy food if they think there’s a chance of an Oreo instead? You did the right thing.
We use sort of that same law…if you don’t like what we have fixed, you don’t eat. However, I do have a little guilt that my little butterball who might wither away to nothing much like her Momma…(um…ok…so not really) might TRULY be hungry later and what kind of Momma would I be to just tell her “Sorry kid…you can just STARVE!” So, if she loses dinner and comes to me later hungry, I give her a spoon of peanut butter. That way, she isn’t getting anything she wants, but I know she isn’t going to bed on an empty stomach. And while she likes PB&J sandwiches and is ok with a spoon of it, it becomes less appealing when it BECOMES all you get. Takes that guilt right away!
My kids have issues – but I’m VERY blessed to say that we’ve never had food issues. That might be because of two things:
1) From birth I instilled in my children the idea that pickles were the ultimate dessert. This bit of “readjustment” to the food pyramid gives me two sons (age 7 and 5) who would trade cookies for two dill spears.
2) I didn’t force anything, but I never gave them other options. You don’t have to eat what I put in front of you, but I’m not making you another meal. My 5 year old prefers mushrooms in his soup, while my 7 year old likes sushi.
It helps that my ex-husband is Cajun, and I graduated from HS in New Orleans, so my kids (even though we live in Georgia) have experienced a wide range of food. We lived in Europe for 2 years and that expanded their horizons also.
If all else fails – give them this tidbit of science that my oldest brought home when he was in Kindergarten:
You get brand-new tastebuds every 30 days. Therefore, if you don’t like the way something tastes, then you need to wait a month and try it again.
I’ve gotten a lot of steam from that! And it IS amazing how they may not like it the first time, but they’ll keep on trying it. Some foods they still don’t enjoy, but they don’t fight trying things.
~Lone Butterfly
My youngest two children are great eaters. My eldest that’s another story. He has his dad’s picky tastebuds. When he threw up his dinner, all over the table mind you, because his taco had just yellow cheese not yellow and white, we knew it was in his head. He’s a texture guy. Weird meat textures freak him out. He’ll eat tons of veggies and fruit. I cannot begin to describe our battles at every meal. He never won, but eventually we figured out that we weren’t winning either. We were making him hate meal times and potentially foods he might like on his own. We just encourage him to try a tiny bite of things. At age 12 we’re finally making headway in some areas. He tries and likes lots of things on his own terms. Your Alex sounds a little more moldable. Keep up the good work and stand your ground.
You are SO on the right track, BooMama. We use the same rule and guidelines around here. The only thing I would add is that since we make them at least TRY everything, we do not force them to eat something again if they genuinely do not like it. For example, we have one that is a really good eater but detests bananas. He gags at the sight of them. Since he has bravely eaten a banana and THEN decided he didn’t like it, he is forever recused from bananas. (This could also stem from the emotional scars I have, caused by an unfortunate potato salad incident when I was ten years old. To this day, I want to cry and suck my thumb at the mere suggestion of potato salad.)
Have a blessed day!
Food is a constant struggle here. My 4 year old will refuse foods that she loved last week (like spaghetti – what kid doesn’t like spaghetti?!) I’ll admit I waver a bit on this depending on my mood. Most of the time we have the try a few bites rule – often with the same results you had. Sometimes we just tell her that she doesn’t have to eat it but that’s all she’s getting for dinner – no snacks later. On rare occasions I have made her a pbj sandwich but I’ve since stopped that because I don’t want to encourage the pickiness. My goal now is to have at least 1 thing at each meal that I know she’ll eat. Dinner is always the hardest meal and as a result, there’s usually not an evening snack.
Our rule was you had to taste whatever was served. You could POLITELY refuse to eat any more but had to taste it. Since both my parents grew up in India – they knew what a priviledge it was to even have food at all. We could NEVER make disparaging remarks about food. All my sibs and I grew up to be very good eaters who eat everything!
Sounds like you are on the right track with Alex…. all shall be well.
Hmm..I should adapt that LAW. I currently make 3 diferent meals at dinner for 4 people.
What was I thinking when I started that?!
Well, I have to say that I’m a bit more relaxed with this whole dinnertime thing. My rule is USUALLY to take one bite of everything, and at least give it a try. However, if it’s becoming a battle, I relax a little. I usually say “No seconds on other foods until you’ve tried one bite of everything.” And it usually works. If I fix a meal that one of the kids just hates, then they’re allowed to fix themselves a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich. Something quick, and nothing that needs to be cooked. If they’ve fallen into a routine of “Not liking” what I’ve cooked for awhile, then I fix them something they love for a couple of nights, and that usually breaks the cycle. Good Luck!
We live P-Dub’s law like a religion with our eldest. She is picky like you would not believe, but she knows that I mkae one dinner. One and only one, and if she leaves the table, then she will not be eating anything else for the rest of the evening. She is actually OK with that rule – which makes me nervous – but, as I tell the kids every single day, this is not restaurant. You do not “put your order in”
On the plus side, she eats a very good breakfast and lunch (plus snacks at school) so I know she’s not starving. And the other two kids are not picky in the least. I think we struck the fear of God in their hearts :)
I agree with your methods. Did you know that kids can and mostly will develop a taste for a food over time if you continue to prepare it for them and encourage them to taste it each time? Yes indeedy. I am living proof that it works, for in my adult life I actually crave, and will occasionally prepare and eat, beets and lima beans, both of which I did the gagging thing over when I was a kid! Keep it up. We do it with our Alex too and it’s hard but I think it’ll pay off for them later in life.
Same law goes in this household. I am not a short order cook.
Our kids don’t have to try it but they are not getting any thing else or desserts.
Good for you! That was the hard part, next time he’ll know your not going to give in and being so dramatic isn’t going to sway you.
I’m a nanny for a 2 yr old and let me tell you, she knows whats going on. She know’s with me that drama and tears don’t work, she rarely tries anymore. But with mom and dad they do. So anytime they say no she pulls out the stops knowing they will give in. So I ususally leave the area cause it drives me nuts to see her act that way when I know she knows better than that.
Whew sorry for the vent, the point is if you stick to your guns then the next time it’s easier.
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