The women in my immediate family have never really been known for our grace. We’ve certainly made valiant attempts to become more graceful – Mama taught ladies’ exercise classes for years; I took ballet until I was eighteen; Sister cheered all the way through high school – but by and large, we’re a stumbling bunch.
And while Mama has always contended that she doesn’t drink alcohol because it makes her thumbs numb and thus renders her incapable of cutting her food, I personally believe that part of the reason she doesn’t imbibe is because she fears the effect that alcohol would have on her balance. Remaining upright is a tricky proposition for all of us under the best circumstances, and there have been many times when we’ve been known to trip over a perfectly flat expanse of floor or a pesky molecule of oxygen that’s floating underfoot.
Don’t even get me started on the effects of, you know, the wind.
It’s probably no surprise that all three of us have fallen down stairs and suffered broken bones as a result of our astounding poise. Mama fell down the stairs at our old house and broke her arm; Sister broke an ankle when she took a tumble down some exterior stairs at her office (in fairness, I believe there may have been some icy conditions involved), and I fell down our basement stairs and broke my leg because apparently air makes me lose my balance.
In short, we’re an orthopedist’s dream.
When D and I bought this house last year, one of its biggest selling points was that it would enable us to be free and clear of stairs. There are just a couple of steps up to the front door, and the only steps inside the house are two very wide ones that lead down into the living room. Given my family’s propensity for falling, fewer steps seemed like a very good thing indeed.
Well.
A month or so ago I asked Mama if she wanted to come for a visit after Thanksgiving and help me decorate my Christmas tree. Mama loves to decorate a tree, whereas I love to put up garland and hang wreaths and set my dining room table with Christmas china. So we make a pretty good team – especially since I rank the methodical placement of ornaments right up there with getting a root canal without the aid of anesthesia.
Sunday afternoon D put up our trees, and Monday I pulled out all the storage bins that are filled with decorations. I’ll be the first to admit that the boxes have made the house a little, um, cluttered right now, as evidenced by the fact that yesterday morning I walked into the living room in my sock feet, accidentally stepped on top of a large plastic Rubbermaid lid and slid, as best I could tell, approximately three-quarters of the way to Tuscaloosa.
I am an elegant, nimble flower.
Yesterday afternoon I left the house so that I could run some errands by myself, alone, without anyone else with me, and when I got home Mama had made tons of progress on the tree. Nobody can decorate a tree like she can – unless it’s Sister, who has some mad tree decorating skillz her own bad self – and aside from a few finishing touches, Mama’s work was done. The tree looked beautiful.
A few minutes later I was in the kitchen, and I heard a noise that I’ve heard countless times in my life, a noise that clearly indicates Oh My Word, Someone Has Fallen. The noise was immediately followed by D saying, “Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY?,” at which point I took off down the hall, more than a little bit worried that there was a trip to the emergency room in our near future.
But right before I walked into the living room, I heard Mama laughing. She was laughing A LOT. And she was assuring D that she was perfectly fine, that yes, she had lost her balance, but she was absolutely, perfectly fine.
I can’t even tell you how relieved we were.
And y’all?
When I stepped down into the living room to check on Mama – knowing full well that she was fine but just wanting to make sure with my own eyes – and when I saw what you’re about to see, I collapsed into a laughing fit so severe that I nearly wet my pants. And while what happened wouldn’t have been even remotely funny if Mama had been hurt, the unusual nature of her (thankfully) minor tumble left us all with an incurable case of the giggles.
But before you look, just let me assure you that MAMA REALLY IS OKAY, PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED, SHE IS FINE, SHE WAS LAUGHING WHEN I TOOK THIS PICTURE, IT IS OKAY FOR YOU TO LAUGH, TOO.
We still haven’t been able to figure out how she landed in this particular position. But I guess that when you’re as klutzy as we are, the only surprising thing about falling down is that sometimes you wind up in the most unexpected locations.
With the most unexpected views.
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ahh, yes… um..I’m just inspecting the under-side of the Christmas tree. Yeah, that’s it. ;)
I’m glad that Mama is okay!
Oh my word! I am certain mother appreciates that picture. How funny.
Oh, my word…..so just HOW did she land in that position but nary a thing is shaken from that tree???? I mean it is fully in tact…….things that make you go HMMMMMM………..so glad she’s ok!! And I can just imagine you in a laughing fit over the sight of Mamma under the tree……
bless her heart!!!
Glad that Mama is okay! Hey, are you doing your really cool card tree this year? The internets want to know!
Mama is going to need to take something before she goes to bed tonight!
At least she fell in the privacy of your home. I made a beautiful fall at a friend’s wedding reception and had to be carried away on a golf cart with a broken foot! Good times indeed!
Oh, poor Mama!
At least the whole darn tree didn’t come down on top of her. That would been such a waste of her mad skillz.
Oh My Land! Your poor mother. Very funny decorating skillz.
You make me laugh. Just what I needed before I tackled this term paper!
Oh my word – too funny!
It’s a wonder she didn’t whack the small of her back on the corner of that VERY broad step. . .and even MORE freaky than that is that while I was reading your post, I was in a time warp and thought I was reading ANTIQUE MOMMY (right BEFORE you in alphabetical order in my internet favorites folder) whose site I had just left. I felt like I might fall over myself as I tried to figure out just why Antique Mommy was using the word “mama” with abandon. I moved into the moment when I read “sister.”
Glad she’s okay. It’s a wonder there was a repeat of the fish farm incident when she fell.
ROFL! This post was hysterical! I’m still picturing sliding across the floor in the bin lid! Thanks for the laugh. I’m glad Mama is okay.
Roxanne – that was an excellent call on your part. I’m just sayin’.
And Bailey’s Leaf – I AM doing the card tree. Can’t wait!
Maybe she should stay down there until Christmas is over. It can be a very dangerous season, as you’ve already noted with the plastic bin lid.
If your Mama was really clumsy, she would have taken down the tree with her. She shows some gracefulness you didn’t give her credit for!
Glad she’s all right! (And wasn’t she lucky to land face up so you didn’t take a hiny picture for us Internets to see.)
That was an impressive feat.
A kindred spirit! I understand, sister, I do.
Now you’d think with seven years of ballet, tap, baton and jazz, I’d be coordinated, right? Nope. In fact, Chris said we needed to pad the walls when I was pregnant all four times–not because I was crazy either–because I ran into walls and corners and such for no reason at all. I agree with your Mom–that is why I don’t drink. For goodness sake, I have enough trouble not hurting myself or others!
You bless me, you sweet flower!
Hysterical. And you don’t have to tell us, but I noticed there’s a blurry spot. Did Mama show some skin? :-)
BTW, you need to write a song about this :)
The laughter, it’s more than I can handle. Poor Mama.
I am so pleased that you took a picture, though. And shared.
You’re the best.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve…
Mama got eaten by our Christmas tree, hanging up the ornaments Christmas Eve…
Yeah, there is definitely a Country Christmas song to be discovered here.
I’m glad she’s alright, but I have to say I did laugh out loud. (At the office.) Your poor mama! I’m on the clumsy side myself, so y’all have my sympathy.
How she didn’t manage to pull the tree down on top of her I’ll never know…..This would be a delightful picture to use on her Christmas card this year!
By the way, your tree looks gorgeous!
Tell me about falling!! I’m good at it!! :-)
Bless your mama’s heart! Glad she is okay though….
it looks like the tree is trying to hide her!
Just trying to figure out how that could possibly have happened is cracking me up. THAT is what you call talent!!
THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!
How in the world did she get UNDER the tree!
Have fun with your mom in town!
Much love
Kim
Oh my heavens… I AM laughing out loud — I can’t believe you weren’t helping her up… instead you are photographing her… and the gentleman… he’s not helping her…
“Wait — let me get the camera.” THAT’S HILARIOUS….
ok — now apparently MY thumbs are numb. There is no gentleman in the picture. What was I seeing??
My husband thinks she is just working on the tree… he thinks a tree must be perfectly balanced. That’s why we never decorate the tree together… LOL
I’m glad she let you take a picture! :)
And here I’m laughing, and I don’t even know Mama. I’m thrilled she’s OK. Otherwise, this laughter would be very, very inappropriate.
(Great story by the way, with or without the ending.)
STOP IT!!!
Tell Oui Oui to simmer down!!
xo,
J
Physical comedy is the best!
Thanks, Mama!
Oh, I am laughing right along with you! I’m glad she’s okay. How DID she manage that position!?!!??
Now that is some tree decorating dedication. I don’t know what is funnier. The photo or the fact that she let you take a picture of her ON THE FLOOR!
Oh, your poor dear mama. I can relate. I can SO relate.
But, I must say, she’s got some nifty looking shoes there, so that’s a plus. When I slip and slide on those pesky molecules of oxygen, I always hope that at least I’ll be as picture-ready as your mama is. Kinda like when my mama says not to wear underwear with holes in them when you go to the grocery store in case you get in a car accident. If such things are going to happen, we might as well be cute in the midst of it, right?
Oh how I sympathize! My husband coined the term “pulled a Sarah”. Another way of saying that someone tripped! I’m glad that your Mama is ok!
If you hadn’t heard that noise I would have just thought she was checking on the ornaments under there!!!!
Your family takes the cake. I fell 3 or 4 times during my pregnancy and my husband accused me of instilling the clumsy gene before they were even born.
I have no idea what he is talking about.
I did lol when I saw the picture! I hope she isn’t sore after her fall.
I’m sorry, but I’m still laughing….
I’m laughing so hard at this. I’ve read it twice, the second time out loud for my husband. He’s got tears rolling down his face he is laughing so hard. This hits VERY close to home. In our old house, I fell down the stairs about once a week. Thus the reason or master bedroom is on the main floor in this house!!
Glad your mom’s okay, but tell her thanks for being a good sport and giving me a good laugh!
Seriously, my sides hurt. :)
blessings
steph.
I was still laughing about you sliding almost to Tuscaloosa when I got to the part about your Mama falling UNDER the Christmas tree. Oh, my WORD, how funny! I’m glad neither of you were hurt because it’s really bad taste to laugh at somebody that’s injured. I’d have still laughed, but it would have been bad taste. ;o)
Hilarious! I am just glad she didn’t hit her head on those stairs!
And Alex doesn’t mess with your Christmas china? My girls would have it chipped and broken for sure!
Glad your Mama is fine. Been lurking in your blog as well as Big Mama’s for a long time and feel like you are family. Hope that’s not too stalkerish.
Just wanted to share my best ever fall. Was walking in some deep snow, fell face forward into a snow bank while simultaneously realizing that my pants and underpants were now somehow magically residing gracefully around my ankles.
Luckily there was only one person to view this exceptional sight. Perhaps not so luckily it was my boss.
That is hilarious. And sometimes you just have to laugh, even before you find out if they’re hurt.
My mom and I laughed hysterically while we watched my father break his tailbone when I was five years old. It was funny until we found out he was actually hurt.
I’m SO glad your mama isn’t! :)
Okay, I’m laughing so hard I can barely type! How did she get UNDER the tree????!!!!?? If I would have been there in person to see it, I guarantee that I would have peed my pants laughing. You just made my day! Thank you!
I don’t know what I more amazed at: her ability to fall UNDER the tree without knocking it over, or that she stayed there while you went and got your camera and took her picture!! ;0)
Blessings,
K
I am so glad Mama is OK. I have that gene and reading all the comments made me feel so much better about my clumsy self! We named our first daughter Amy Grace and my Daddy said, “What – you’re hoping by giving her the name she’ll actually have some?” My nickname growing up was Grace, and not beacuse of the wonderful gift of our Savior on the cross!
But here’s my question…in the picture it appears as though Mama is wearing what my Mama would call “A nice, sensible shoe”. Something with support, and with a nice big old rubber sole that should keep the dear woman from going keister over teakettle under the Christmas tree!! In stocking feet I could understand, but with Gramma shoes on!??!! The mystery deepens… :D
Christine
She should have just said that she was checking the water level in the tree base. Oh, wait, artificial trees don’t need water. Maybe she was just checking the underside of the tree to see if she needed more ornaments.
I had a wonderful time at my cousins house last week. We laughed hard and often and we almost peed our pants too!
Oh my crackers. I am sitting here in the dark with tears rolling down my cheeks because I have laughed so hard. My stomach and back are begging for mercy. Thank you sooooooo much for giving me the gift of a laugh tonight and I am sooooo glad your Mama is ok.
Oh, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. And I may even wet my pants, too. That is one of the best blog posts I’ve read from anyone in a long, long time. I think I was in need of a good laugh. Thanks, BooMama!
OMG! That is so funny! I was trying to figure out why you got a visit so early from Santa, with the title you gave this writing. I was laughing when you were sliding on the lid, but I started laughing a little harder when I got to your mom in the other room decorating the tree and then it clicked that she was going to be under the tree and I could hardly get to the story because I was laughing so hard! When I got to the picture I just totally lost it! My eyes are black from the mascara running down! I can’t wait to read it to my husband! I will have another great laugh! I needed a laugh right now! Lots of stress! My daughter’s WEDDING in 30 days! Keep the great stories coming!
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