A few months ago I wrote about how I was waiting on some stuff related to some things. In fact, Melanie and I have been waiting together, and OH, the waiting we have done. Because there has been a lot of waiting. So much waiting, in fact, that we sort of forgot we were waiting because waiting felt so familiar. It was our new normal! And we were understandably thrilled.
Who wouldn’t be?
After all, holding patterns are fun.
Well.
Wednesday night I sent an email to someone who has been our Official Contact during the waiting. This person, an employee of A Large Corporation, has guided us through conference calls, planning sessions, more conference calls, more planning sessions, and finally, even more conference calls. In fact, I am a conference call expert now.
(Go ahead! Ask me anything! And I will tell you about the necessity of pressing pound after you enter your conference number and then waiting until after the tone to announce your arrival on the call. Because, you see, I have learned things.)
But Wednesday night? When I emailed our Official Contact?
I got a reply in about four seconds. A reply that informed me that our Official Contact – who is smart and professional and all-around wonderful – is no longer an employee of the Large Corporation. Clearly something was awry.
And then, Thursday morning, Mel and I received an email from the Big Boss. The email was very kind, very gracious, but the bottom line is that the deal is over. Done. Not gonna happen.
Internets, I will be very honest: I was none-too-happy about those developments.
Because any way you add up those developments from a financial standpoint, it looks like this: months of waiting + no deal – loss of potential income = WHOA, NELLIE, THIS IS GONNA SMART.
And any way you add up those developments from an emotional standpoint, the sum is pretty much the same: WHOA. NELLIE. SMARTING.
And that is why, around 11:30 yesterday morning, when I should have been running errands, I turned into a shopping center, parked my car next to Panera Bread, started to cry, called my husband, proceeded to cry some more, took my laptop into Panera so that I could tell the internets all about my troubles, realized that there weren’t any tables available, fought back tears, walked back out to the car, sat down in my seat, and cried some more.
So I guess you could say that I was a little emotional.
After all: WE WERE COUNTING ON THIS. Our families, in so many ways, have been counting on this.
But do you know what? Smack dab in the middle of what was no doubt one of the most draining 24-hour periods of my life, God gave me the gift of an absolutely incredible afternoon. My husband hugged me when I walked in the door and assured me that everything was for the best. My sister offered some mighty wise perspective via email, as did Emma Kate, whose email is now printed out, folded, and tucked away in my Bible forever and ever. I will treasure it for the rest of my life.
Emma Kate’s friend Jennie reminded me of the words to “He Leadeth Me” (which, by the way, will send you straight into the ugly cry, oh yes it will). Lysa called and was so encouraging that I actually contemplated running some laps or something.
Don’t worry. The lap-running urge passed. Aye, and quickly.
Then I picked up a little boy from preschool. He had clown paint all over his face, pizza all over his shirt, and a smile as big as the sun. He grabbed my hand as we walked to our car, and he told me it had been a GREAT! DAY!
Much to my surprise, I was starting to agree with him.
Mel and I talked later that afternoon, and we marveled at all the doors God has opened in the last year. We can hardly complain. My friend Daphne called to check on me, made me laugh until I wheezed, and agreed that while I’m in a different spot than I thought I’d be right now, it’s probably going to be a better spot than I could have ever imagined.
I asked her if there was going to be any cash money at this new spot. And then we laughed some more.
Then Janie emailed to check on me and to let me know she was praying. I went to Bible study, where we had an incredible time of fellowship as we studied passages on suffering (can somebody say, “I GOT ME A WORD”?). Alex had fallen asleep by the time I got home, so I crawled in his bed and kissed his little face. And I was reminded that there’s no “deal” this side of heaven that could compare to the joy of being that little guy’s mama. This I know for sure.
The rest of the night was blissfully ordinary: talked to the husband, watched some TV, chatted with a couple of sweet friends and giggled like crazy. By the time I went to bed, I felt like if I started counting my blessings, I would never, ever finish. There’s just no way to name and number them all.
So the stuff and the things? That we’ve been waiting on since April? Not gonna happen. Not now, at least.
But the body of Christ? Alive and kickin’, my friends.
And for now, that is all I need.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Amen! And again I say, Amen!
February 1st, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Amen and Amen!
That is really all you will ever need.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Oh sweet sister in Christ – ain’t it the most amazing thing – God DOES care about our hurt feelings and ugly crying faces. I’m sorry your plans didn’t work out – that happens a lot, but His plan is working and you are a big part of it for a lotta people.
Bless you and thank you for your openness and sharing (and mad writing skillz).
February 1st, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Yep, and for all eternity.
That’s sort of a long time.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Oh Boomama, I can feel your frustration and pain. Got kinda teary reading this post. Remember:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Jer 29:11-12
Call upon Him, (and we are praying for you) and He WILL listen to you!
Amanda
February 1st, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Not sure what “went down” yesterday that made you have these feelings but boy was it great to read the revelations in your post. Thanks for opening my eyes too! Blessings…
February 1st, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Thank you for writing this. Your honesty has blessed my day. While I am complaining about the weather and waiting in line at Costco, I needed to be reminded of the real blessings that are lavished on us daily.
Thanks again, I needed this.
Diane
February 1st, 2008 at 4:26 pm
This was a heart aching (yes, I’m choosing to use my verb that way), beautifully written post. May God continue to meet you when you need Him the most, in the precious hugs of your hubby, the conversations and emails with dear friends, and in Howard’s sweet, sweet face.
I feel like eating chocolate in your honor.
((((hugs)))) gretchen
February 1st, 2008 at 4:27 pm
And maybe that realization, and shift of perspective was exactly where God’s been leading you all these months.
He is good.
Blessings,
Karla
February 1st, 2008 at 4:37 pm
This post has just really touched me! Thank you for sharing!
February 1st, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Oh Boo Mama–
Sometimes those things we wait and hope for for so long seem so very important, and then God shows us what REALLY is- loving family, friends, and of course the wonderful blessing of our kids.
I know you prefer to write in the “humor” genre, but I can see your talents apply to the “serious” as well. I truly felt your pain and joy reading that blog- and am thinking back to a few posts ago when you were so worried about writers block related to your upcoming missions trip.
Praise God! He has answered at least one prayer for you and shown you that you CAN write about “serious” stuff and still be effective, witty and fun.
I know the answer is not really how you would’ve wanted it to come, but that’s how it is sometimes. I’m praying for your trip and lovin’ on you from afar!
Oh, and amen to Jeremiah 29:11-12!
February 1st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I’m so sorry for the disappointing (and surprising) news. Thank you so much for sharing your journey-through-emotions in such an eloquent and grounded in Christ way. Not only did He bless you, but many others as well through your story. May the Lord continue to bless you!
February 1st, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I’m so sorry that your plans did not work out the way that you had hoped. I’m still struggling with plans that haven’t worked out like we wanted. Hubby and I married nearly four years ago, and thought we would have our own child (I have a son from before…) by now. We haven’t been able to…and we’ve even become foster parents with the intent to adopt. That was about 1 year and a half ago. Still nothing. I wonder about the waiting, and the closed doors. But above all of that, I have to know that God is sovereign, and His ways are much higher than mine. That is something that I can rest in, knowing that He’s got the very best planned for us.
Thank you for sharing.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I’m so sorry things didn’t work out. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your blog blesses me everyday and I know God will continue to use you to encourage and minister to others.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Even with all the vagueness, I totally got ya. Sorry for y’all it did not work out, but He must have another/better plan for y’all.
Thanks for sharing!
February 1st, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Someone once said (I think it was in my Beth Moore devotional) that when God doesn’t answer our prayers, it is because He has something even bigger in store for us.
Thank you for keeping it real. And, keeping it REAL FUNNY!!!!
February 1st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Well, I’m sorry the deal is done. I hope something better comes along for you in that line of cool something to do .
Love y’all!
February 1st, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Well, we’ve all heard the saying, “When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.” True. But God is so much more than that! Not only did He open a window somewhere in your future – one that otherwise would’ve been closed – but He sent you wonderful friends, family, and spiritual family to encourage you and stand with you.
Eph 6:13 “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to STAND your ground, and after you have done everything, to STAND.”
Praying for you and (virtually) standing with you, BooMama!
February 1st, 2008 at 5:20 pm
1. At several times, I wanted to say “PREACH it, MAMA!”
2. Now you’ll just be prepared for the next round of conference calls for the NEXT big thing God is bringing your way.
3. I like your realness.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I have been going through secondary infertility for about 5 years. And to keep me on my toes, I have endured two miscarriages in the last 2 years. It is a hard and rocky road I travel. Today is my 36th birthday. What a scary number for an infertile woman. This morning I was reading my Bible and writing in my journal. I have been reading a Christian book about infertility called Hannah’s Hope. Anyway, one of the verses she has in her book is Psalm 27:13-14. “I am STILL confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (in this life) Wait for the Lord; be STRONG and take heart and wait for the Lord.” My handy dandy Life Application Bible notes said this about the verses. “Waiting for God is not easy. Often it seems that he isn’t answering our prayers or doesn’t understand the urgency of our situation. That kind of thinking implies that God is not in control or is not fair. BUT God is worth waiting for.” Wow…He is worth waiting for, even if the waiting is SLOW and full of HURTING at times. I will be praying for you and your situation and your upcoming trip.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:29 pm
You will look back at that “deal” and be so thankful it didn’t work out. It is amazing how God protects us from what we really want! Even from the things that seem good. Sometimes from things that seem (gulp) holy. Hindsight will bring you unbelievable joy!
I think that you should rest knowing He has something else for you both that will knock your socks off.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Girl, He’s working it out in His time. I sure it must hurt, and it’s totally human to cry and be confused, but be sure He’s working it out. His ways are higher than ours, He sees the big picture, and we don’t. I’ll stop now with all the cliches. But be encouraged.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I know it hurts. Disappointment always does.
When one door closes, another one always opens, it might not be today or even tomorrow.
But you will, one day, look back and realize from your swank bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel while waiting to tape the Tonight Show as the Two Mama’s Who Created a Vast Media Empire, that every thing worked out just the way it was supposed to. And then you’ll be off to tape Oprah and then on to New York for the press junket and the book tour, etc. etc. and you will laugh, laugh at that Big Boss who passed you and Big by.
You rock!
February 1st, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Speak the truth, sister! I feel like we just did a little church online.
May the God of comfort continue to reassure your heart that He is in control — therefore, you have hope and joy.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I completely agree with an above comment…when God closes one door, he opens another…usually a bigger and better one…SO much bigger and better. This post was so touching…I’ll be praying for you and Melanie. Y’all are the best in our eyes! :)
Sarah, TN
February 1st, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Friend, let me just say that the Big Boss and the Large Corporation is stoopid. I for one was waiting with baited breath for “some things.” Me thinks you need to approach some other Large corporation about some stuff related to some things, ’cause you are worth your weight in gold. And fried cheese. Yes m’aam that is some high praise right there. I would totally call some of my high level contacts at Large corporations to sing your praises but I just remembered I don’t have any. Should I find some I will totally sing it sister.
I would drive down to that place you live and drive around looking for that beautiful driveway of yours so I could give you a big ‘ole hug but I think that might frighten you. I sense that might somehow come across as stalking rather than soothing and that seems a bad way to meet in person. Instead I will send you good thoughts from Nashville and let Howard do the hugging.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Ahh, Sophie, I have hot tears rolling down my face. I’m praying for you friend…for HIS stuff and things to fall fresh and bless you and Melanie. Really, y’all are so dear to my heart.
Come by and read my post from today about yesterday–comments, too. I don’t think it will surprise you, but your post does fit in with what I was thinking about. Really. God is up to something!
And today? It’s a new day–fresh and good. God has a few wonders up His sleeve. I pray they bring ALL that we both need and more :)
Love you, friend!
holly
February 1st, 2008 at 5:57 pm
You really emphasized something that I have learned in the last couple of years. People can’t “make it” without a support group/safety net/Body of Christ! They can’t make it through illness, through job changes, losses or hurts. Cash and deals won’t help then, only the love and support of God’s people. Here’s a hug across the miles and an unused kleenex to blow your nose. Love you friend!
February 1st, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Darn. It. To Tarnation.
I know how excited y’all were about this. But, I’m hear to say that God knows what we need, how we need it and when we need it. Regardless of our kicking, screaming, wailing and stuff. He’s much better at parenting than I will ever be.
So, I’m still praying for the two o’you. I think this process will provide dividends that we are not even aware of at this point.
Why? cause obedience is always rewarded.
I’m reminded of that every. stinkin. day.
btw- Love you, sister friend. And my phone line is always there.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:16 pm
After this post, you do not need to fear the ability to write serious for CI! And you know, they probably want you to interject your wonderful sense of humor, too. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:16 pm
A long time ago I was told by someone that not only do I need to accept it when doors close but its also a good idea not to sit watching that closed door, wondering what it would have been like if I had walked through it… Like to say I’ve learned that lesson well but closed doors are hard to leave behind.
So glad God gave you a glimpse of his greatness nestled in everyday things beyond your already opened doors.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:18 pm
You know, looking back over my life (not that I’m THAT old or anything) I’m amazed over and over again at God’s faithfulness. Why is it so easy to forget that He never changes?
February 1st, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Okay, can I tell you that I realize I should be amening with the rest of them, but the speaking in code is killing me.
But! Today was a day at my house. The baby stuff left. Went to a family that will be happily putting a snuggly baby into it in about 5 1/2 months or so. Me? Bummed. That was the last shred of lean on it stuff that I had. No more babies. We wanted more than one (and kind of got that), but we’ll have an only child in our house. We had plans, but God had different. I’m sure we made Him giggle a little. It’s all good, though. I cried, I hugged, it’s better.
Feeling your bummerness, though. You know, yes– it is all for the best and something always works out. Sometimes even a better secret, keep it from your internets kind o’ deal. He’s got you covered, girl. Feel the love in the meantime.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Ah, my friend! I know you and Melanie both are so disappointed. To have watched God work and then see what seems like a closed door, just makes you wonder “what the heck has he been doin’?” He HAS a plan that you are smack dab in the middle of, and your attitude is pleasing him to no end right now. (Even if for a few moments you stamped your feet, and shook your fist in the air!)
Praying for you!
February 1st, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Thanks, Sophie, for sharing this with us. The next step will surely amaze. He is so faithful, and so wise to protect us in the process. Loving you! Kelly
February 1st, 2008 at 7:08 pm
The best laid plans of mice and men….
You mark my words, Sophie: God has something even better in mind. Just you wait and see.
Sorry about the “wait” thing, but there’s not much way to avoid waiting on this side of Heaven.
Loving you and praying for those better things,
Diane
February 1st, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
February 1st, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Amen to the last part! I bet that company is going to be sad they burned a bridge one day. I mean please, where else do thousands of moms look for their daily laugh at the same page? :)
Love ya Sista!
February 1st, 2008 at 7:42 pm
It’s a curious thing the way the Lord can close the door on things, allow trials in our lives, or not give us something we think we desperately want–sometimes major things and major trials–and yet He gives us something that far surpasses that which He took away. His love poured out in a way we never would have known otherwise. Much love and prayers sent your way, dear Sophie…
February 1st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
What amazes me so is how we are all so connected with one another. I could feel your disappointment as I started reading this post. I am so sorry that the stuff and the things didn’t happen for you two.
Thank you for taking us through the day as it unfolded and bringing us to the realization that we have all that we need, in Christ and in one another.
Jer. 29:11-12
Lovin’ ya in Indiana,
Darlene
February 1st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
i love that perspective that having a relationship with god gives us. even when we are heart broken and disappointed we know he cares.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Sorry to hear that you are dealing with some “stuff”- God just has a way of working it all out- we just have to be patient and deal with it!
Thanks for the info on Dave Barnes- He is awesome!
February 1st, 2008 at 8:35 pm
When the door seems to slam shut, that’s when God’s power is really at work. Keep your positive outlook — I’m truly disappointed for you.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I’m sorry to hear things didn’t work out as you had hoped…praying the Lord continues to give you His peace…that passes all understanding. Hugs!
February 1st, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Oh, I’m sorry. Many times ever since reading tidbits about your waiting I’ve whispered a little prayer for you… even this week I did. (While listening to John Waller.) We serve a God who has good and perfect plans for us; who (as I’m learning this week in Stepping Up) is 100% FOR US. And knowing Him, trusting His character, perhaps He is protecting you from something. I believe this… when God says no it is because He has a bigger yes. :) Praying you feel His assurance.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Hey BooMama… I’m glad that your afternoon improved… Sometimes things hit us and we can’t see our way.. then God sends us a map… and we, in our little tiny minds, begin to see the light.. and then we see His way… pretty cool.. this God thing… ;-)
Hello to Sister… I am feeling better. Still having some trouble breathing but that’s to be expected with bronchitis.. Thank you so much for stopping by the past year! I can’t believe I’ve been blogging a year now. Thank you for checking on me since I’ve been sick.. I do appreciate it.. I hope you are well..and that you have a wonderful weekend.. Hugs to you and BooMama.. Cecil
February 1st, 2008 at 8:57 pm
BooMama, so glad to hear that as usual God is proving Himself to be faithful – and near. Go have a bowl of cheeze-its and creamcheese… :) Laurie
February 1st, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Sophie – I know a little something about waiting. I waited for a long time for a husband and now I’m waiting for a baby. I think at some point – we are all waiting for something – and it stinks! But I have to hold on to the hope that when I get to the other side of the waiting – God has something bigger and better than I would have anticipated on my own. I pray that it would be the same for you. And I think we never draw closer to God or know Him better than when he has us in a holding pattern.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Love this post. Thanks for being real. If we could just all be honest and admit we need to have a good cry life would be so much better. God is faithful and we are praying He will guide your steps!
February 1st, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Bless your heart! How in the world do you do it? You just made me laugh tears of sorrow and joy for you. I’m so sorry for your disappointment but am so touched by your sweet humility. The “running laps” comment made me laugh so hard I nearly had to get my inhaler to use this late at night.
Love and prayers,
Terri