I Feel That It’s Time For An Update On My Hair

Several weeks ago I made an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted. I had put off The Day of Reckoning as long as I could, but the necessity of a salon visit became very clear to me when I saw a picture of myself, realized that my roots were approximately three inches long, and cried out for God to deliver me from my hair negligence.

So a cut and some highlights seemed reasonable.

But sadly, I had to cancel my appointment because the husband and I had mixed up our schedules, and NO WAY was I taking a 4 1/2 year-old with me to get my hair done because THAT WOULD NOT BE VERY RELAXING, NOW WOULD IT?

I think not.

And now is where my tale of hair woe gets a bit dicey.

I had big plans to reschedule my appointment, but since the Hair Wizard is over two hours from my house, there were some logistical issues in terms of finding a convenient time for an appointment. And sadly, as the post-cancellation days passed, I started to realize my pre-Uganda Hair Wizard window was closing. There just wasn’t enough time.

So you know where this is going, don’t you?

Because obviously the conditions were ripe for the devil to get a home hair color foothold. And while some of you have the skills to carry out successful home hair color ventures, I do not. I can only create tiger stripes of spotty yellow color. The devil knows this.

He preys upon the weak, my friends. He preys upon the weak.

So while I didn’t exactly plan to go to the CVS and stand in the home hair color aisle for twenty minutes and convince myself that I really could replicate the Hair Wizard’s sun-kissed highlights, that is exactly where I found myself a couple of weeks before the Uganda trip. I had to go to the drugstore to pick up some medicine for the little man, and before I knew what happened, I picked up a box of highlights.

Oh, and the Lord tried to intervene. He did. He first used my child, who was a little farther down the aisle than I was and suddenly screamed “GO AWAY!” to no one in particular. At first I thought that he felt threatened by a somewhat surly CVS customer who kept rolling her eyes at Alex because he was singing to himself, and HOW DARE A CHILD DO THAT IN PUBLIC, but now I truly believe that my child was rebuking the spirit of home hair color oppression that had fallen all around me.

A little child will lead them, my friends.

But I was so blinded by my own transgressions that I couldn’t see straight.

Go ahead and raise a hand if you’ve been there, sisters. Go right ahead.

The Lord didn’t stop with Alex, however. Because a few minutes after I failed to heed the warning from my child, Melanie called.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Oh, um, just standing here in CVS. Looking at a few, um, highlighting kits.”

“DON’T DO IT!” she replied. “GET AWAY FROM THERE RIGHT NOW! DON’T DO IT!”

I’m telling you: the force behind her admonition was nothing short of GET THEE BEHIND BOOMAMA, SATAN.

I paused for a second, then tried to explain myself: “You know my situation. I have to do something. My roots are atrocious. I have to do something. I just have to.” And then I collapsed in a sobbing heap in the middle of aisle four.

Okay. Maybe notsomuch with that last thing.

But even still, my hardened heart was unreceptive to the home hair color truth. And despite Big Mama’s attempt at home hair color intervention, I closed my phone, grabbed my child’s hand and marched right up to the register with a box of highlights.

And I bought those highlights, y’all. I did.

Now I know – I KNOW – that it’s frustrating for you to read about my fall from professionally-administered highlights again and again. You and I both know that I know better – because I’ve been burned several times before. I have had more reconstructive color than the law should allow. But we all have areas that can be strongholds of temptation in our lives.

Home highlighting kits just happen to be one of mine.

But rest easy, internets, for this is actually A Story Of Hair Color Hope.

Because the week before I left for Africa, I stood in front of the mirror in our half bath and started to apply those home highlights. And I don’t know if you’ve ever had the Spirit just rise up in you and tell you to GO ON AHEAD AND FLEE from something, but that’s exactly what happened to me.

I dropped that highlighting wand like it was on fire. And I ran to our bathroom, jumped in the shower, and washed that bleach right out of my hair.

Oh yes I did.

Glory!

The road since then has not been completely free of home hair color temptation, however. Vanity scored a significant victory when I applied some temporary root touch-up color right before I left the country. And while I recognize that those sweet Ugandan children didn’t care one bit about the condition of my roots, I JUST WANTED TO LOOK CUTE FOR THEM.

AND I AM CUTER WHEN I’VE GOT MY BLONDE ON.

But three weeks have passed, and the temporary root touch-up, it has faded. It is as far as removed from my hair as the east is from the west. Which means I’m right back to where I was when I started this tumultuous hair color journey almost four weeks ago.

We have a Very Important Wedding to attend next weekend, and quite honestly I have been fearful of what my hair will look like by then. In fact, I have worried that the wedding festivities will be marred by my tri-color trainwreck of a hairdo. And I have prayed for the strength to stay away from aisle four of the CVS. Because I know that another trip down aisle four could take me farther than I ever wanted to go.

It could take me straight to brassy platinum blonde, y’all. Oh yes it could.

So you can imagine my delight in announcing that I am off to see The Wizard one week from today. I didn’t think it would be possible to get an appointment on such short notice, but she’s working me into her schedule.

The Lord has once again provided a way out, my friends. His grace knows no bounds. It covers a multitude.

And in about seven days, that grace will flow down and cover my roots with beautiful, evenly distributed highlights that will be applied by a licensed hair care professional.

Hallelujah.

And amen.

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Comments

  1. Amen, Sister, Amen! You have fought the good fight and you have overcome!

  2. I understand! I really do!

  3. Glory, hallelujah. Now with every head bowed, and every eye closed. I see that hand. Thank-you. Thank-you.

  4. Well just give him praise for he is so worthy!

  5. FYI, I thought your hair looked good in all those ball kicking and running photos. I am a product of those kits, though (for financial reasons only!), so what do I know? It’s possible people could be staring at me saying, “She’s been to the CVS” and I wouldn’t know it.

  6. Just as I am without one plea…

    Amen, sister, amen.

  7. Oh my gosh, I’m so close to taking my craziness of a hair color into my own hands but I do believe that now, thanks to you, I can persevere until I can get into my hair wizard. Thank you dear!

  8. I was right there with you a couple weeks ago! We were ONE DAY OUT from going down to Florida. Why is it that we feel the need to look good for people we don’t know and will never see us again? My roots were illegally long and the total opposite color to the blonde that was growing out. My mother-in-law was with me in the hair color aisle though…and she has a cosmotology background so I felt ok about the situation. Everything turned out looking good…but now I’m hesitant to go back to the salon and pay an arm and a leg for what I could possibly do at home…save me from myself!

  9. You are a nut. A nut which I dearly love! :) Your testimony in these dark hair days shall reach so many.

  10. Please come sew up my side .. please …

  11. “Because obviously the conditions were ripe for the devil to get a home hair color foothold.”

    I’m only to this line and all I can say is, “Oh no she didn’t! Oh no she didn’t!”

  12. Thank God she didn’t.

  13. But not a hair of your head will perish. (Luke 21:18)

    Now, if you had succumbed to the devil’s prompting on aisle four, I’m not so sure you could claim this promise…

  14. The whole time I was reading that, I heard the organ and choir singing their “amens” and “hallelujahs” in affirmation.

  15. My roots are gray and I just can’t handle it! I’m getting my hair done tomorrow night (PTL!) but a week ago I had had it so I got the Miss Clairol roots kit and put some medium blond on my roots. They are now orange. I know they are orange. People can see they are orange. And my hair lady will probably do some tsking at me when she sees it ……but I just couldn’t take the gray roots one more day. And orange seemed a little better than the gray.
    I feel you.

  16. You’re so much stronger than I. It seems you only give in to temptation about once a year….

  17. Oh, Boomama. The shame. You took that little child with you to buy the goods. ;>)

  18. It seems it is the week for hair “stuff”. I finally got me a new style this week! Come check it out!
    And sadly, I have this weird blond/white streak just to the left of my forehead that is now slightly more obvious with the new layers. Ugh. And I’m not even 30 yet!

  19. Not wanting to drop a mortgage payment on my 13 year old’s dirty blond hair, I just foiled it myself last week. I believe her exact words were, “MOMMMMMMMMMM, it’s Barbie blonde! You might as well put me in a BOX on the shelf!”

    Yah – probably won’t do that again…. not that she’ll ever let me near her again….

    http://www.truthinsoliloquy.wordpress.com

  20. will you be giving this devotional to your sunday school class this sunday? because we all need it girl and you preach it so well.

  21. you are too funny! I am one who finds myself on the hair care aisle in complete awe!! I wonder what color I want to be next…
    I am thinking I will go with caramel brown with blonde highlights – this time by a professional – hehe
    BTW; if you ever want a “hair wizard” a little closer to home I LOVED the lady who did my hair :)
    Have a great one!
    Kim

  22. I think you just made my day. I haven’t laughed that hard in I can’t remember when. Thank you.

  23. thank you for that beautiful testimony, boomama. we have much to learn from your struggle, sweet sister.

  24. Well. I don’t know what to say. Which is fine…I’m laughing too hard to talk anyway.

  25. Oh my, thank you for the laughs!! I, too, have fallen prey to the home hair color aisle. In fact, I, at one time, actually coerced my DEAR HUSBAND to assist me in the home hair coloring act. That, my friend, was not a pretty picture.

    After that unfortunate turn of events, dear husband said he didn’t care if it DID cost such-and-such, I could get my hair highlighted professionally every time I needed to as long as I did not force him into home hair coloring bondage again.

    Enjoy your time with the Hair Wizard.

  26. I’m especially thankful for God’s mercy & grace with your hair saga:

    “All things come from Thee O Lord, and of Thine own have we given Thee.”

    :)

  27. You?

    Are a loonie. (Name that movie, someone!)

    But you?

    Are a stinkin’ HOOT.

    There’s a reason I read you everyday!

  28. You are hilarious! Thanks for posting this!

  29. I pay to be blonde, too, sister. But I did something ever more foolish recently. My hairdresser has been going through family issues and such and because I didn’t want to bother her, cuz I’m that kind of gal, I went to…dare I say it?

    Pro-cuts.

    Watch your tongue, Cindy Beall. The young man butchered my hair and I have made every attempt not to leave the house for the next two or three months.

    Thank God I don’t have a real job, you know, like the kind where you wear shoes, put make-up on and leave the house.

    Whew.

  30. Boomama, I visited the CVS to cover up my gray. The goal was to cover the gray and not let anyone notice that I had done it. Well, in the end, my dirty blonde hair came out BLACK! Yes, black! But, a week has passed and with multiple daily washings, it has lightened up to a tolerable state. Oh, the joy of being frugal and on a tight budget, the lengths we will go to stay on budget and keep the gray out!!!

  31. I am so proud of you for throwing the wand away and washing that mess out of your hair…I’ll pray you won’t be tempted again. I’m heading to Memphis tomorrow for my color and cut. It’s definitely worth the drive to get it done right, sister!

  32. LOVED. THIS. POST!

    Like Joseph in Potiphar’s house, you fled from the temptation, sister!

    Hallelujah!

  33. God is so good to send you help in time of need! And I’m so proud that you managed to stop yourself in time ;)
    Me, I would prob make you cringe, but I can’t help myself. You’re a better woman than I, BooMama.

  34. hilarious – glad you saw the light, sister (and not the highlights)

  35. alas, my hair wizard would not follow me to thailand… where they do have the same aisle of temptation. of course, it’s all for very, very dark hair and it’s all in thai. and i don’t speak in tongues…

  36. I was delivered myself, just yesterday. Hallelujah! For the first time since November I am not ashamed to leave the house:-)

  37. You’re a HOOT!

  38. Love it. And the responses are hilarious too. What would we do without each other to help pull us from these miry pits that we may get ourselves into.

    Way to be strong, boomama. Well done.

  39. People do not realize what we deal with on a daily basis do they?!!

  40. I went to a hair wizard once. I left looking like a zebra, so I don’t do hair wizardry. I just let it all hang out.

    *dropping head in shamefulness*

  41. OH.MY.WORD!! I think I ruptured something. Of vital importance to my bodily functioning.

    Could you PLEASE post a warning label on posts like these– so that those of us who aren’t awake yet can sort of ease into it?

    ROFLOL! Thanks for the giggles, snorts and grins- what a great way to start my day!!

  42. My lands! I can’t even believe you would even allow that thought to cross your mind! Love ya H

  43. Girl…I know from which you speak. My hand was raised high, and I was praying you would see the light.

    The temporary home color kit is definitely the way to go, the bleach wand is a tool of evil.

    How you turn hair color disasters, and sometimes, cream cheese into posts that keep me riveted is amazing to me. Your gifts are many.

  44. You realize that it’s just not fair to post this without pictures, right? I’ll be waiting for the results post.

  45. This is a masterpiece right here. Seriously.

    I wrote about my hair this week, too. But after reading this, I’m going to go and take down the posts. They don’t deserve to live on the same world wide webby as your hair posts.

  46. ROFL! I am SO PROUD of you for resisting! Stay strong, stay safe!
    Oh my, if only I’d been so strong. My friend and I thought we could “mink” one another’s hair (two colors of highlights you know, for an even more sophisticated look). And we labored for hours. Hours I tell you! And all for naught. As the day waned, so did our sanity. Things went from bad to worse to catastrophic. At almost midnight we realized we resembled nothing so much as a couple of dogs just eaten up with the mange. We knelt right there in the bathroom…well, we were laughing so hard we couldn’t stand up…and then we lay prostrate on the floor in abject humiliation, cooling our red faces on the tile and gasping for breath.
    Eventually God gave us the strength to get back up and — without looking in the mirror again — we did what we had to do. I took what was left of the red and she took what was left of the blonde and we annointed our heads, yeah, and laid our hands upon them and prayed. Lord how we prayed! And behold, a miracle! The mange had been muted! Halleluiah! No need to hang our heads in shame. Not quite the sophisticated look we’d been aiming for, but neither was it an unmitigated disaster. God is good, yes He is.

  47. You just wait until the silver ladies move in – you think you have root issues now? Lord help me, and he does, every.five.weeks. ::weep::

  48. Umm, so does this Hair Wizard, the great and powerful Liza live near the Georgia state line?!

    I haven’t had a decent cut since I moved to Georgia 5 years ago. Maybe it’s because I balk at paying $100 for a cut, but I mostly think it’s a plethora of evil hair vixens who have their own agenda with my locks.

    …and today I pulled my FIRST gray hair from my head. :-(

  49. You are too funny, girl! That was post was a great laugh this morning before work!

  50. With God ALL things are possible, even hair appts.
    Give him the Glory!!!!! ;)

  51. My Hair Wizard called just this morning to inform me that she only has “about 45 mins free tomorrow”. Yes..that’s right… tomorrow! Tomorrow…the three days before the speaking engagement (that she KNEW about)…tomorrow!! The tomorrow she was supposed to save me from the aisle 4 at the CVS tomorrow!!

  52. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition (which in your case is diet coke and fried chicken but I digress) – I am hampered in my follicularly challenged changes because of this strange thing called – a budget! So I do the home hair colors and realize that at my age – nobody other than me and a few picky gals at church even notice! I’m clinging to the cross of fake blonde – and I buy those kits that have a base color and highlights in same kit – so when it messes up – it is TOTAL conversion. Glad the Hair Wizard is available to you – go in peace sweet funny one!

  53. I have a ‘cover your gray’ kit on my cabinet. I am fleeing the temptation NOW. Thanks!

  54. “But I was so blinded by my own transgressions that I couldn’t see straight.”

    But you were so blinded by your own transgressions that you couldn’t see the highlights!

    This. Was. Hilarious!!

  55. You have got to get someone closer to home! I once colored my hair red and it was horrible! I will never try that again!

  56. You have now coined a phrase which will forever be in my personal lexicon:

    “AND I AM CUTER WHEN I’VE GOT MY BLONDE ON”.

    The devil has tempted me, as well, but these roots are going back to their natural color very, very soon. Pray I don’t go for blunt cut bangs, please, as I’m very disgusted with my hair at present moment.

  57. We’ve all been there! Some of us just go there more often than others. I too have found a hair wizard and I am so glad! Just like yours, she is popular and busy so I make an appointment for every 4 or 5 weeks so that if one falls through it’s only a bout 9 weeks tops that I don’t see her.

  58. Another Boomama classic post. This was perfect.

    I don’t even go down the home hair color aisle anymore. I just don’t trust myself.

  59. Delurking to say that I’m fixin’ to go see my own Hair Wizard who is 3hrs away from my house. Yes, m’am. I am taking off work and driving 3hrs to get a haircut. What kind of priss-pot mess is that? But you know what? I am apparently in good company. Preach on, sister, preach on.

  60. I am so much cuter with my blond on that i didn’t even get mad when the police officer gave me a ticket for accidentally running the red light( while “discussing life” with my 5 year old )because instead of writing red for the hair color – he wrote BLOND!! That was a great moment of victory for this mama!!

  61. My hair is my weakness, too. Although last weekend I succumbed to the worst of all sins–to save a few bucks by getting a trim at Cost Cutters instead of visiting my tried and true regular stylist. Let’s just say it didn’t go so well and half of my hair was left on the Cost Cutters floor.

    Apparently their version of a trim and my version of a trim were not the same. I was butchered, really, and it will take me a year to get back to where I was. Talk about devastating. So, I guess be grateful for your color oopsies which can be easy to fix! Just imagine if you had to wait for it to grow out each time you gave in to your whim.

    God is good! :)

  62. And all God’s people said, “amen!”

  63. Girl! you are too funny!!! Get Thee Behind Boomama Satan! What a riot!!!!

  64. I hear ya sister!! I think I am learning a lesson as we speak. I am always looking for something “new” to do with my hair, I am the girl who goes in and says, “I”m tired of my hair, can you just please do something fun and cute”. Well, not that it was my hair stylist fault, she was just doing what I asked, but we decided to go a little darker, well, it ended up being a lot darker and I got it all cut off, what was I thinking???? I once was a blonde and now I think it is called Auburn. It is a little uncomfortable when I have friends who talk to me and say nothing to me about my hair which in my mind is DRASTICALLY different I know they notice. So what does that mean they don’t say anthing about it, they don’t like it?? Okay, I feel better now that I got to vent to someone who might understand!

  65. See now… it’s posts just like this that make me realize that SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME! I don’t care about my hair so much as long as it’s not in my face and it’s not so stringy that someone wonders if I’m really just an unwadded, cut ball of yarn.

    So clearly, when we meet, you will want to give wise advice about my hair… and I give you permission to do so. As long as you don’t tell me to go blonde.

    Praising the Lord for snatching your hair from the fires of gel.

  66. Preach it

  67. LOL!

    i wish i could spend a day in your head… i’d laugh ’til i peed on myself.
    :)

  68. Oh my goodness. I adore you! I really do. I just had to come forward and confess that.

  69. Oh this is absolutely HILARIOUS! Thanks for sharing the moment of weakness that reveals your humanity!

  70. Oh…I laughed and I laughed.

    On a side note…I replied to an email you sent me in November and I keep getting an non-existent email address message back.

    The email is in regards to Lisa Bergren’s The Busy Mom’s Devotional

    Thanks,
    Amy
    amyalathrop@gmail.com

  71. oops…I forgot to ask…will you please email me? :)

  72. Since moving 4 months ago I have not found anyone to color my hair. I, mean trust anyone to color my hair. When I can I drive 3 1/2 hours to get my hair done! I asked my hairdresser to give me the formula for my hair color in cases of I can’t drive that far to get my color on. Anyway, he did and I go to Sally’s and buy the hair color for 2.99 and a friend helps me touch up the rootage. Praying for some hair favor here and asking for divine direction to the right person for my hair! :o)
    Loved this hair story!!!

  73. Yay!! Too many times have I been the victim of the colossal error that is hydrogen peroxide. My hair has never been the same.

    Shoulda done as my sister did and just used, oh yeah, koolaid.

    I’m sure you can just picture our beauty! :)

  74. “tri-color trainwreck of a hairdo…”
    And that is why the masses enjoy reading a daily dose of BooMama!!!

    When I feel that I have to apologize for primping and being prissy (okay, vain…), my response is that “Jesus likes me to be cute all the time.” He does. This I know. Because He has seen me without makeup. I truly understand, BooMama. I do.

  75. Stepping away from that wand of wickedness was an act of courage.

    And you are THE funniest thing ever. EVER. This was a classic.

  76. That is hilarious… I am trying to grow my roots out right now & will soon be very gray, alas the hair wizard may get a call from me if I can’t stand it… Oh what we beauties don’t go through…

  77. You’re a better woman than I, I had me a bunch and I do mean a bunch of grey hair and the Revlon Colorist box said dark brown. Now I’ve got to face the congregation at my salon tomorrow with a head full of home colored dark hair and explain what happened.

    I can hear their heads shaking already….

  78. AMEN Sister! Would the ushers please come forward to take up the offersing so Boo Mama will have the money to visit the Hair Wizzard.

  79. Kelly in Carrollton, GA says:

    Oh dear. I have been there, done that, and regretted it deeply. On a SATURDAY night, no less! My sweet preacher husband took one look at it and said, “I’ll bring you a tape.” (Sigh. It was that bad.) Never again!

  80. I have gone to Salon 2000 for years in Trussville. They have always been good to me. =)

  81. I got my hair cut short a few weeks ago, and she gave me some of those little Posh wings. I tried to explain I wasn’t nearly hip enough to carry them off, but she assured me.

    At approximately 8 am I cut them off. She’ll be mortified at my next cut, but at least I don’t look like the Wendy’s mascot.

  82. Praise the Lord you were rescued! I have done my own hair coloring, and even attempted highlights once or twice. I never had a disaster (praise God) in the color department…all my disasters are in the cut department. I’m in desperate need of a cut now, but hide it by always wearing my hair up. As long as I have huge hair clips and ponytail holders, I will survive. Hallelujah! Amen.

  83. Delurking to say this post is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. You are hilarious. Now, knowing that you are vulnerable to committing hair color sins, I think the Lord would want me to tell you that should Satan drive you to Aisle 4 again, and should you be weak in flesh and spirit and be unable to resist the urge to home color, you should at least avoid that new Perfect 10. They should have named it Fair to Middlin’ 15, because it takes longer than they claim and it only covers gray for three weeks.

  84. Would love to know what it is about the Hair Wizard that gets you to travel so far! Wouldn’t someone local be more convenient???!

  85. So very, very funny! That’s the best sermon I’ve heard recently! Oh, and Rachel, the name of the movie you quoted is “The Holy Grail”.

  86. You. Make. Me. Laugh! (…mostly because I know exactly where you’re comin’ from, sister!) In fact, I just posted about my hair recently too:

    http://blog.o2bnaz.com/2008/02/my-southern-hair.html

  87. I laughed at this one, sister. I laughed even harder as I viewed an ad, perched perilously next to your home hair color post. It was entitled “Hair Dye” – try all kinds of colors at our website. booohaahaa! Bless ya!

  88. I love me a BooMama revival meeting. You talk the talk and it makes me smile. Many thanks for that grin today.

  89. You do crack me up! I’m brave, I color my own hair. Clairol Nice ‘n Easy #120. I don’t mess with highlights. It’s simpler that way. :)

  90. Dear BooMama, thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning. I really needed it. I see my male (married, believer) hair wizard on Tuesday and he will wash (color) that gray right out of my hair. We have “church” for about three hours every five weeks and it does wonders for my spirit and my hair. Thanks for reviving my spirit with your funny, beautiful self. Love you.

  91. Jennifer says:

    So, so funny! I am of the opposite hair spectrum (very dark, lots of grey) and have too oft’ succumbed to the temptation of aisle four. Sadly, I have not found a hair wizard. But the least time I tried, the wizard-in-sheep’s- clothing made my roots MUCH lighter than the rest of my hair. So friends have commented, “You mean you PAID for that?!” Thank you for enlightening me to the sisterhood of hair. Yours is beautiful, by the way :)

  92. Elizabeth E says:

    Well, my experience has been that, in traying to save a few $s in the hair color aisle (or with a “friend” with hair experience) has always cost me BIG $s in corrective hair therapy within the week via my reliable Hair Wizard. Hilarious post!!

  93. I love your choice of drug stores. ;-)