I am sitting in my parents’ living room watching a movie on AMC and checking email. I have no idea what the movie is called, but it has something to do with Natasha Henstridge running from scientists, Marg Helgenberger sporting a mullet and Ben Kingsley attempting to speak with a Brooklyn accent.
Also, Natasha Henstridge seems to have some sort of alien creature growing in her shoulder.
That must be terribly annoying.
Anyway, everyone here has gone to sleep except for me, and I’m in the midst of some fierce spiritual warfare because there’s a strawberry cake in my mama’s refrigerator.
And normally I would just eat the cake and be done with it, but we made a trip to the fish camp tonight, so I’ve already had fried fish and hush puppies and then several more hush puppies (are hush puppies a Southern thing? or are they everywhere? should I conduct a survey?), and I don’t really need to add strawberry cake to the caloric mix.
Of course, I probably didn’t need to add my third, fourth and fifth hush puppies to the mix, either.
However, in my defense, I drank unsweetened tea tonight, so HELLO, CLEARLY I AM VERY SERIOUS ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS.
So Martha went with us to the fish camp and she had on a darling jacket from Steinmart(s), just DARLING, and she could not wait to tell me about her trip to the new Olive Garden(s) in Hattiesburg where she got this chicken, this chicken with the most wonderful citrus sauce and you know their bread is so good! just so good! not to mention the salad which is just really, really tasty, even though she doesn’t really eat a lot of salad, she’s just not a huge fan of salad, but still, it was delicious! and the service! they had the best service! the most wonderful service!
Wonderful!
On the way home from the fish camp Martha told Mama and me all about the most stunning verbena plant she found at Walmart(s) a few days ago, and she said there were blooms everywhere! just everywhere! so many blooms that they took up the whole backseat once Martha and her friends finally wrangled the plant into the car, and Martha was so excited, I mean you can only imagine how excited she was to have found that verbena with all of those deep purple blooms, and she could not WAIT to put it on her patio, she couldn’t wait!
And then she put it on her patio and it was almost completely dead within two days.
And Martha doesn’t think that even she could kill a plant in two days, I mean it was PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL there at the Walmart(s), but she doesn’t have her ticket anymore and she can’t take it back and she doesn’t know what in the world to do but she’s sick! just sick! because it was PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL!
So by the time Martha finished her Tale of Verbena Woe (not to be confused with Martha’s friend Rubena, who is also PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL but as far as I know cannot be purchased in the garden center of any local Walmart(s), nor does she, you know, BLOOM), we were back at Martha’s house, and I had no sooner started to put the car in park than my mama was unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the passenger door.
I asked Mama if she was planning to go inside, and she said, “OH NO, I wouldn’t do that – it’s late! But I just want to check on that verbena.” And before I could point out that it was PITCH BLACK DARK, Mama was walking with purpose to the patio.
Which was perfect because then Martha and I had even more time to talk about the fact that THE VERBENA, IT DIED.
Within about two minutes Mama was making her way back to the car and telling Martha to get that plant in a shallow dish of water and out of the direct sun. Because somehow, even in the COMPLETE ABSENCE OF LIGHT, Mama was able to determine that the root system was healthy but the leaves were scorched, and I did not question her diagnosis for even half a second because she has been nursing all manner of plants to freakishly healthy levels since the Eisenhower administration inhabited the White House.
She has a gift, people.
Martha was understandably thrilled by Mama’s specific instructions, and she had an extra spring in her step when she walked in her house. I think she was downright giddy at the prospect of being able to rescue her verbena.
Plus, you know, her jacket looked totally cute with her medallion necklace and monogrammed purse. And that always makes a girl feel sassy.
(Sassy!)
(Just so sassy!)
(Sassy verbena sassy!)
Have a great weekend, y’all.
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:12 am
I’m from Southern Illinois, and hushpuppies are eaten far and wide there. We are not Southern there, we are Midwestern.
But Southern Illinois is awfully close to Kentucky.
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 am
Sorry, no hush puppies out here in the Northwest… I think we’re a bit too far away from all that friedness… unless you count the festival food fair we went to last night. Then there was friedness to be had by the gallon!
Although I do hope someday I will have the pleasure of trying one of these mystical hush puppies!
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:51 am
(clicking heels) “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” (clicking heels)
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:34 am
You are just a HOOT!! I stop by here when my spirits need a lift, and I’m never disappointed :)
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:55 am
Oh goodness, you have no idea how much I needed a good Mama and Martha story tonight. Thanks for obliging. I feel better now.
May 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 am
My 4 yr old niece, Zahra, was asking her mom (my sister) about the healthy food that she eats. She listed fruits, vegetables, and birds(chicken and turkey) she then asked what about dogs
Z: are dogs healthy food?
My sister: well – we don’t eat dogs.
Z:Yes, we do, Mama!
Sis: No, honey, we don’t.
Z: Well, what about hush puppies – we just had them remember?
kids are too funny!
May 3rd, 2008 at 5:45 am
Yay! I’ve missed hearing about Martha! Glad to hear she’s still so fun and sassy!
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:08 am
Oh my word that story gave me the giggles! What a way to wake up in the morning. As for the hush puppies, I’m in extreme southern Indiana and we have them here. I also get to have wonderful homemade ones every year at the big family fish fry but Dad’s family is all originally from Arkansas so that may not count.
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:14 am
This post makes me so, soooooo proud to be a Southerner.
Nuthin’ like a steel magnolia to make you happy. (Well, that…and hush puppies.)
p.s.- it’s been my experience that the term “fish camp” can even throw some people off. IMAGINE!
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:31 am
Hushpuppies are totally a Southern food, and lawsie I miss them terribly! We have them here at the local LJS, but that’s as close as you get to them in MD. I’ve always wanted to go to that catfish place near Hattiesburg on 49. It looked so inviting everytime we passed.
I’m lucky in that I’m getting some Cafe du Monde beignet mix brought up at the end of the month. Yum! It’s not the real thing, but as close as I’ve gotten in years. :)
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 am
Oh, it has been way too long since you’ve had a Martha story! It made me want to head to Walmart(s) to look at the lovely verbena.
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:55 am
We can’t help but love hushpuppies in these parts(south KY). I mean I do live in the unofficial ‘Catfish Capital’ of the world! We even have a summer festival in honor of the catfish.
I just Googled ‘catfish capitol’,out of total curiosity,and found that we have some stiff competition with Humphreys County, Mississippi as the true ‘capitol’(haha)
Anyway, my 4 year old little boy can eat his weight in hushpuppies. We all love ‘em here, so I can’t blame you for eating a couple or twenty.
Thanks for the laugh BooMama!
Oh, BTW….for some reason when I picture your stories about your mama and her friends, I picture it being a scene from ya-ya sisterhood!
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:08 am
my favorite part of your story is the monogrammed purse. i love monograms–i’m guessing it’s left over from the chi o days (i am pretty sure i owned *nothing* that didn’t sport some type of greek lettering). my husbands jokes that i would monogram the kids foreheads if i could get away with it.
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:11 am
I was born and (mostly) raised in Minnesota, and I have lived in Wisconsin, South Dakota, Arizona, Nevada, Missouri, Michigan, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Life’s bit hectic when you’re running from the law, you know! :) Hush puppies are definitely only a Southern thing…but our local Long John Silvers serves them. I’m sure they don’t taste anything like “the genuine article”. What’s a fish camp? Love your blog…stories like this last one wear me out!
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:16 am
Classic BooMama right there.
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:33 am
Was the jacket a size zero? Because I know Martha is just SO TINY! She’s just SO TINY! And it’s hard for her to find things that fit right.
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:39 am
oh Boo Mama, I am sitting here snorting…SNORTING. Thank You
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:48 am
I really needed this. Just got some sad news about a friend, and you made me laugh. And snort.
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:53 am
We have hushpuppies here in Tx and I can eat my weight in them, oh yes I can. But you have to go to East Texas to find a fish camp. We frequented them when we lived in Spartanburg, SC and loved them too much. Martha is a hoot, I had to go back and read the story of her…cinch up that robe mama!
May 3rd, 2008 at 7:56 am
I needed a good Martha laugh this morning…thank you!
Yes, I believe hushpuppies are a southern thing because there is nary a one to be found in Colorado. And that makes me sad, not to mention hungry.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:04 am
My mama can do that, too! I wish it were genetic.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:07 am
No, sadly, there are no hush puppies to be found here in northeast PA. I ate them by the bucketful when we lived in FL and NC, but now I’m hush puppy poor. It makes my tongue a little sad to think about it … :)
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:07 am
Goodness, I just rolled reading this post. My sweet husband from NY could not understand a bit of it. But i was born and raised in LA and it took me home! Hilarious!
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:08 am
Oh Boomama, just hearing someone talk of strawberry cake (my favorite – next to Coconut) the fish camp,and Hattiesburg makes me so homesick this morning. I just wish I had some biscuits made with WR flour and some Blackburn syrup to drizzle (who am I kidding…)POUR on top…. thanks for taking me “back home” this morning!
~Beverly!
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 am
True Southern Belles…I want to be one when/if I grow up…..
Jeannie in GA
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:28 am
I’ve missed Martha!
We can only get hushpuppies at Long John Silvers up here and I doubt you’d approve of them.
So… did you eat the cake? I would have. I never win those spiritual battles.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:29 am
I haven’t seen a hush puppie since I moved up here.
Which is probably good for my waistline.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:37 am
California – No hush puppies here.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:37 am
I live in NYC and I’ve never even heard of hush puppies. The food, at least. I’ve definitely heard of the shoes!
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 am
I have missed Martha. She is more fun. MORE FUN!!
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:47 am
Oh Boomama you are so funny. You make me miss my Mississippi. Your family reminds me so much of my own. We love our fishing camp too, and mama always has a fresh stawberry cake in the fridge too :)
I’m going to have to find out where this hair wizard of yours is. I’m in need of some highlights and some good southern food and fun.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:58 am
I lived the first 42 years of my life in Texas, then moved to northeast Ohio, of all places (blame the hubby and his career). There’s only one place we can get hush puppies here – the local German restaurant. They’re not bad either.
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:03 am
I’ve missed Martha stories. She is hilarious!
Hushpuppies are one of my favorite thing in the world. I would never move north because I could NOT be away from them. But I like the kind that are round and done in corn meal – not the long stick kinds that some fish places try to serve. :-)
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
My daddy called them “Shut Up Dogs” but that’s a little more crass than “Hush Puppies.” :-)
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:27 am
No delicious hushpuppy goodness here in New England. Unless you go to Cracker Barrel. Which I do when the craving for fried catfish and hushpupies gets strong enough. But it’s just not the same!
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:35 am
Kentucky girl here, now a Tennessean, and you better believe we have hush puppies!!
By the way, my grandmother’s best friend was a Rubena, and they went EVERY Saturday morning to get their hair done!
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Wait..are your family and my family the same? Because I SWEAR I just had the same experience the other day.
Guess it’s the Southrneness (Alabama, Mississippi, it’s all the same) shining through.
I particularly related to “WalMart(s)”. Hilarious.
Also, shout out to Reformed Grits’s post about the “shut up dogs.” That made me laugh really hard.
Also, I’m mourning for our northern friends who can’t partake in “shut up dogs.” Sad for them.
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:41 am
Oh.my.word. The spiritual warfare. You had me cackling out loud. I live the spiritual warfare everday.
and
“That must be terribly annoying.”
Help. I can’t breathe. I can’t quit laughing.
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:42 am
Very proud of the unsweet tea attempt. I have only made it to “half and half” – half sweet half unsweet. You know when you order that in a restaurant – they know what you are talking about.
Hushpuppies – try them with cheese dip – H-E-A-V-E-N-L-Y!!!!!
Thanks for the laughs! Love me a Martha story.
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:33 am
First of all – thanks for an update on “Marti” – she indeed seems to personify sassy! BUT oh sweet Mama of the Boo – why would you NOT eat strawberry cake – after a fried meal (which may just possibly also had some salt and seasoning in it) don’t you know the palate must be cleansed with fruit? Strawberry cake – oh MY yes yes yes (should be read as if you were imitating Meg Ryan’s “faking it” scene When Harry Met Sally). Thank you kindly for the updates, food cravings and again showing what a woman of steel you truly are – I mean UNsweet tea – wow!
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
Martha stories are awesome! You really need to get a recording of Martha for us. I have an idea in my head about how she sounds, but I have a feeling that hearing her would take Martha stories to a whole new level! Any chance of that happening??
I better go back and read the Mama and the Fish Camp story again, because that is even better than the Martha stories. Hilarious!
Have a wonderful weekend. Enjoy that strawberry cake!! Mmmmm!!
May 3rd, 2008 at 10:57 am
What do you think about martha doing a guest bit on a podcast? Is that too over-the-top? Y’all could talk about new items at Steinmart(s).
She really kills me. Because i don’t have ANY family members Just Like Her. Nope, I sure don’t.
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 am
The movie was Species. I was watching it, too. I just couldn’t bring myself to turn it off and go to sleep. So sad. LOL
I may be an AL girl living in GA but hushpuppies and I do NOT get along. Too dry and tasteless. But I do have a strange craving for strawberry cake. :)
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 am
The hushpuppy is a gift from God. My southern roots make me a lover of all that is fried- catfish, okra, and the hushpuppy. I recently learned how to make them because no one around here makes them. The mess is worth it!
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:00 pm
You know how all the good instructors regarding blog development say not to have too long a post or risk losing your audience?????
I am always GIDDY to find a longer post on your site. I know I am in for several laughs and a great ending every time.
Oh- and as for Hush Puppies… we have Long John Silver and Red Lobster… but no QUALIFYING SOUTHERN REAL H.P’s in which to partake here in Pennsylvania.
Let’s hear it for the south Ya’ll… and their many fine foods.. .and hello- SWEEEEEET TEA!
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Everything I’ve ever bought from WalMart has died in just days! Everything! I think there’s a protective force field around the garden center, keeping things alive. Once you leave that force field, all bets are off.
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Thank you for sharing the Martha, Mama & verbena goodness with us. I’m in Idaho – no hush puppies here. I’m pretty sure there are not hush puppies anywhere on the west coast …..
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
My sister-in-law is from Minnesota and had never even HEARD of a hushpuppie before. Sad day.
They also played a game called “Duck, Duck, Grey Duck” instead of “Duck, Duck, Goose”
That really weirded me out when she told me.
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:48 pm
BooMama,
I have to say that hushpuppies are one of my absolute favorites! I grew up in south Florida and they were a staple to be sure. Along with grits (cheesy ones sometimes) and fried lobster; yes fried. That’s the ONLY way to truly enjoy it. So, take the fried lobster coupled with cheesy grits and hushpuppies and sweet tea, and you’ve got the PERFECT meal. Follow it up with Key Lime pie and you could be arrested (just so the cop can steal your dinner).
Beth
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I can always count on you for a good laugh! I live in the Northwest and have never had a hushpuppie. However, I do have a healthy verbena in my flower garden!