Twenty Things That I Will Never Do

1. Volunteer at some sort of clown convention.

2. Attend some sort of clown school.

3. Dress up as some sort of clown.

4. Yell for the Rebels when they’re playing the Bulldogs.

5. Stick my head out of a dressing room and say, “Hey! This two is way too big. Could someone grab me a zero?”

6. Ask my husband if we can wear matching shirts.

7. Quit loving Popeye’s fried chicken.

8. Call a radio station to request “Red, Red Wine.”

9. Eliminate yoga pants from my wardrobe.

10. Refuse a hug from that sweet five year-old down the hall.

11. Wish that Andy wasn’t on “The Office.” Because, you know, he’s gold.

12. Choose fruit over chocolate.

13. Write a skit.

14. Perform in a skit.

15. Recruit others to participate in a skit.

16. Lose touch with my forever friends.

17. Wish I wasn’t Southern.

18. Turn down a chance to take a trip with my hubby.

19. Stop feeling deeply, profoundly grateful whenever I read I Timothy 5:15-17.

20. Look at a plate of mashed potatoes and say, “You know, I don’t really care for starches.”

What about you?

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • email


  1. THAT was funny. I needed to laugh out loud before bed.

    Hey…thank you for posting the link to Angie’s blog. It was chilling to start reading and realize that her story is my own. Bless her heart.

  2. That is hilarious! I can’t think this late at night, but thanks for the laugh!

  3. Loved this list! #5 made me laugh…I won’t be poking my head out of the dressing room asking for a size 0 either, or a size 2, 4, 6, or 8 for that matter. And I’m with you on #19 too, I’m so grateful for His mercy, overwhelming and undeserved!

  4. I think #14 might be in your future.
    How cute is this post.

  5. Very, very funny.

    And after reading #8, I have decided not to invite you to join my UB40 fan club, which I was going to name “UB40? IB42!”

  6. I love your list. I’ll never hollar “this size two is way too big” either, but I HAVE written a skit and been in many of them.

  7. i would never have any sort of reptile as a pet!

  8. I will never:

    1. Get tired of saying “I’m never moving again!” (Ummm, we’re moving again. Yeah – ironic, isn’t it?)

    2. Lose my love of reading.

    3. Stop loving my kids.

    4. Stop dancing in the grocery aisles whenever the feeling strikes.

    5. Stop singing to the radio.

    6. Fit into my wedding dress again. (Man, I was tiny when I married!)

    7. Have breast enhancement surgery.

    8. Win any awards for MOTY.

    9. Write a book.

    10. Stop trying to have a mirl date with you. (You can sigh now. I get that all the time.)

    1. Give up Diet Coke
    2. Run for president
    3. Stop loving God
    4. Stop being a clean freak
    5. Jump from a plane
    6. Enjoy humidity
    7. Start smoking
    8. Say “no thanks” to french fries
    9. Have a cholesterol level below 200 :0 Due to #8
    10. Love anyone more than I love my husband
    11. Go on Survivor-for fear of bugs, snakes, and things that eat you.
    12. Stop trying to lose 10# (due to #8)
    13. Give up on un-saved family and friends
    14. Stop brushing my teeth
    15. regret going to nursing school, even though I’m a stay at home mom now
    16. Stop loving HOUSE (the tv show)
    17. Give a hitch hiker a ride
    18. Enjoy a mammogram (but I get them yearly anyway!!! And so should you)
    19. Be able to sing well
    20. Stop reading BOO MAMA!

    Kelly S.

  10. I up down with MOST of your list, but seeing as how you show agape love, I will admit that I DO like “Red, Red Wine.” It reminds me of laying out in high school. (I can add that to my list of things I won’t do–lay out in the blazing son slathered in baby oil.)

    I will go even FARTHER and admit that I have UB-40’S versions of “THE WAY YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO” AND “I CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU” in my play list. It must be a disease.

  11. I don’t know WHAT the first three words of my comment are supposed to mean other than it’s the end of the school year and 6th graders have begun to affect my brain.

  12. 1. I’ll never say never ever again.
    2. No more white water rafting.
    3. Wear something that shows my midriff (or muffin top if we are being honest).
    4. Quit reading blogs to get my quota of funny bright women who are “authentic” – sheesh that word sounds like one of those wretched fake Mexican food places – authentic recipes – yeah right.
    I digress
    Thanks for the laughs today – needed and accepted!

  13. 1. The weekend is just too long.
    2. I wish we had more dirty laundry.
    3. Lines on my face just give me character.
    4. A trip to the beach is a waste of time and money.
    5. And…….I will never yell “Roll Tide” – No matter who they are playing. :)

  14. Diane Pierce says:

    Too funny! Now, guess what song is stuck in my head?? :-)

  15. I will never

    1. Go bungee jumping.

    2. Be able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much of it I want and not gain an ounce. (That’s one of the few things I do miss about high school!)

    3. Fully understand men!

  16. Every time IE tries to update your feed it says “IE cannot update this feed because it contains DTD’s”.
    This has only started happening over the last week or so. Have you changed anything or do you know of anything I can do to fix this?

  17. I used to think I would NEVER attend a Star Trek convention. Wouldn’t you know it, my husband took me to one. I discovered I am a closet sci-fi geek. We did not dress up, though. Very bizarre, but fascinating in a way. Gene Roddenberry’s wife was a speaker and was interesting to listen to.

    I will say with great confidence that I will NEVER, EVER, EVER skydive. Nope. Never.

    Along the same lines as the others, I will NEVER yell, “Go Gators!” Yuck.

  18. This list made me laugh OUT LOUD.
    Several times.

  19. I will never…

    1. Get caught up on my house.
    2. Be organized.
    3. Look around my house and think, “What do I do now? I have a place for everything and everything is in it’s place. I guess I’ll go to the park.”
    4. Walk by my computer and hope I don’t have any new email.
    5. Dislike starches, either.
    6. Get tired of reading blogs.
    7. Run in a marathon.
    8. Get tired of worshipping God.
    9. Be good enough.
    10. Have to be good enough, because Jesus is good enough FOR me, on my behalf, instead, in my place – forever.
    11. By the grace of God, stop being grateful for #10.

  20. I’ll never stop wondering where my comment went… I even made up my own list! Funny and thoughtful all at the same time. But I’m not doing it again in case it shows up after all. Cuz I’m stubborn like that. Oh well.

  21. Love reading these “nevers”… how about 20 things you hope to do before you die? Yikes, that was suddenly morbid. Hope you know what I mean – what’s your “bucket list”? I’d love to know!

  22. Also, in response to Mel’s comment… I can say pretty confidently that I’ll never attend a Star Trek convention. (and our last name is Roddenberry!) I’ll probably never stop being asked by strangers if we are related to him.

  23. 1. I will never admit that I really enjoy my Chris’ teasing.
    2. I will never stop eating alfredo sauce, even after I found out how many calories it has.
    3. I will never stop being a Longhorn, even though my diploma says Texas A&M.
    4. I will never stop saying y’all; yea, even in Colorado.
    5. I will never stop being thrilled by the sound of the AF Thunderbirds flying! Today!
    6. I will never enjoy going up the road on Mt. Herman in our Durango. It is not my thing.
    7. I will never wish my life was any different than it is.
    8. I will never turn my back on Jesus–just couldn’t.
    9. I will never cease to enjoy the sounds of laughter and crazyness that four children and one child-like husband brings to our home.
    10. I will never stop singing at randdom times and making up songs–who said life is not like a musical? Mine is.
    11. I will never stop smiling at a new day.
    12. I will never stop stopping to smell the roses.
    13. I will never say that life is so very easy–it’s just not.
    14. I will never stop being a girl, who loves to dream.
    15. I will never stop being a best friend to my Chris.
    16. I will never stop being tender-hearted and crying easily.
    17. I will never stop being a pray-er for others.
    18. I will never stop…coughing (or so it would seem–hee hee!).
    19. I will never stop missing Jordan Almonds being sold at the movies.
    20. I will never stop enjoying a lazy morning like this one.

    I would say I will never stop this list; but alas, life is calling me.

    HAVE a WONDER-filled Memorial day, friend!!

  24. Never EVER will I refuse a good cup of coffee!!!
    Or ice cream….
    Or chocolate!
    And NEVER EVER EVER will you NOT hear me say I love you Lord! Each and every day of my life….

  25. Coulrophobia- it’s nothing to clown around about!

    PS… I will NEVER go skydiving!

  26. 1. Eat Spam or tongue again. Ever.
    2. Regret staying home with my babies.
    3. Stop loving shopping.
    4. Learn the Periodic Table of Elements
    5. Care about the Periodic Table of Elements
    6. Win Jeopardy.
    7. Stop loving brownies and cookies.
    8. Sell Cutco knives. Again.
    9. Enjoy ironing.
    10. Give up on my brother and my Mom.
    11. Stop saying y’all.
    12. Stop lovin’ the Mama’s. (you and Big)
    13. Regret marrying my man!
    14. Stop being a word nerd.
    15. Stop wishing I could be a unicorn.
    16. Start smoking.
    17. Swim the English Channel.
    18. Hold a tarantula. I can barely type it without shaking.
    19. Bleach my hair. Again.
    20. Stop collecting gift wrap.

  27. Loved this. And agree on most things. Especially the skit stuff. Skits are dumb.

    Here are a few things I would never do:

    1. Make my own baby food.
    2. Be a vegetarian.
    3. Say I miss being pregnant.
    4. Buy a Tickle Me Elmo for someone that lives under the same roof as me.

  28. I agree – i will NEVER eliminate yoga pants from my wardrobe- especially lululemon- i can’t get enough of them

  29. climb a mountain without oxygen
    wait…make that, climb a mountain
    eat sourkraut and weiners
    wear a bikini
    say it’s better to live in an earthquake zone than a tornado alley. Give me tornados any day.

  30. You should never say never. The way vanity sizing is going, perhaps you will soon be a size 2. Won’t THAT be fun. ;)

  31. I will never say “this store just doesn’t carry small enough sizes” like my coworker does.

    And amen on those mashed taters.

  32. I loathe Red, Red Wine. It is right there with Life In A Northern Town.

  33. Meredith says:

    1) Forget to eat
    2) Refuse anything chocolate
    3) Handle snakes in any capacity
    4) Sit on a public toilet seat without wiping it off first.

  34. Love this post! LOL!

    1. Stop telling my husband I love you.
    2. Pick up a snake!!!!!
    3. Jump out of an airplane.
    4. Jog
    5. Go deep sea fishing.
    6. Stop be grateful for the mercy of the Lord!

  35. I will never:
    1. Stop missing my Dad.
    2. Say we’re done adopting. Learned that one the hard way….three kids ago.
    3. Stop enjoying the sound of a little voice calling me Grandma, even though I am entirely too young to be one.
    4. not be moved to tears when the church is singing, “Victory In Jesus”.
    5. take my health for granted.
    6. Ask God why but I may ask what He is thinking and beg Him to reconsider. Then do it.
    7. stop loving my husband.

  36. Nana Trish says:

    What a great list. I must join in.
    I will never..(even though it’s a long time)
    1. Go skating (roller or ice)
    2. Go skydiving
    3. Go bungee jumping
    4. Go on a cruise.
    5. Ride in a hot air balloon.
    6. Walk on stilts
    7. Do the limbo
    8. Get tired of hearing my granddaughter’s laugh
    9. Get tired of going to bookstores
    10.Be a top model
    11.Be a fireman(I respect them, but I have allergies and I’m too old)
    12.Be a policeman(I respect them also, but I am afraid of guns and again, I’m too stinkin’ old to chase people)
    13.Give birth again.
    14.Climb a mountain.
    15.Jump on a trampoline.
    16.Be a professional dancer
    17.Swim in the olympics
    18.Stop lovin’ the South
    19.Have thick hair
    20.Stop lovin’ purses.

    I say do stuff while you are young. I think some of us get too afraid of breaking bones and have good reason to. Now I love nice quiet, relaxing fun!

  37. Never…I learned quickly to never say Never…God always seems to do the things in my life that I say I would NEVER do!!

    Great list!!

  38. Jessica says:

    I will never have a clown at my child’s birthday pary… or at any party I host for that matter.

  39. HEeeeyyyyy! What’s wrong with Red,Red Wine????? It’s kinda’ nostalgic, ya’ know? Okay, I guess for me…..

  40. Bailey's Leaf says:

    1. I will never float on a big boat in a really big ocean because, where the heck is the bottom, people?!
    2. I will never stop loving chocolate.
    3. I will never step on the wrong end of a rake again.
    4. I will never have this car look like a mamamobile. Why? Because when someone hits your car really hard and totals it, the insurance company kind of laughs when you say, “but Kelly Blue Book lists it as — .” Uh yes ma’am. That’s for a car in EXCELLENT condition. Well, the outside was.
    5. I will never do karaoke.
    6. I will never be able to feel good about paying full price.
    7. I will never understand the folks who buy things and have them wrapped as a gift for themselves and actually admit it. (We do free gift wrap at the art gallery that I work at.)
    8. I will never be able to let go of my complete hatred (big, ugly, horrible word) for people who TALK! VERY! LOUD! ON! THEIR! CELL! IN! PUBLIC! It’s a pet peeve. A really big one. I just don’t need to know that much about y’all.
    9. I will never be able to understand the sandals that are designed to show more than say an inch or so of your toes. I mean, does the opening really need to start at nearly the top of your foot on anything other than flip flops?
    10. I will never understand capri’s. I understand that other folks can wear them and be okay. How is it that an average sized 5’1″, 34 year old looks like a chunky soccer player? It’s bad.
    11. I will never understand shirts with bad words printed on them. Why?
    12. I will never understand pants with things/words printed on the rear. I mean, is my can not big enough already that I need to plaster something back there to really call attention to it?
    13. I will never be a good woman who changes her purse to match her outfit. It just isn’t in me.
    14. I will never be a good woman who gets manicures. I trash them immediately. Now, I could handle a pedicure.
    15. I will never understand how I was all oooey about critters, but now that we have a little girl, mama will hold things just to show her it’s okay. (Even though I’m completely grossed out.)
    16. I will never understand how the laundry multiplies as it falls down the laundry chute. I mean, really, I didn’t put that much down there did I?
    17. I will never understand why I have all of these GREAT! reusable shopping bags, and even a chico bag on my key ring and 50% of the time fail to remember to use them.
    18. I will never understand how my usually good 4 1/2 year old can go from crabby appleskins to sweet as pie at the flip of a switch.
    19. I will never understand how I got such a cool husband and a neat kid.
    20. I will never fail to be amazed at God’s forgiveness and love.

  41. I put it up on my blog. This was fun :-)

  42. Hey Boo, Your Totally Rockin’ Blogroll and Email Me links just go back to your main page. (I tried to put this in an email, but couldn’t get there.)

  43. Uuuuuuuuuuum… never mind….

  44. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever..eliminate yoga pants from my life. EVER. They are my favorite.

  45. That was a funny list indeed:) I agree mostly that I would never prefer fruit over chocolate;)

  46. I ADORE Red, Red Wine. Must be a British versus Southern thang : ) The song I’ll never request is one played constantly on a teenaged visit to the States…….The Devil Went Down to Georgia………truly terrrible !

  47. oh, yeah and popeye’s is the bomb. we don’t have one in wilmington. though, that’s probably good thing for my hips.

    oh, and regarding your recent twitter…
    i watch the bachelorette too.
    don’t tell anyone.

  48. I will never:
    1. Put artificial sweetner in my tea, on purpose.
    2. Raise squirrels
    3. Burp the alphabet
    4. Have long hair
    5. Say, “Man, I look good in this swimsuit!”
    6. Divorce my hubby
    7. Draw a cartoon
    8. Wish for my kids to grow up

    I will never stop reading Boo Mama :D

  49. Praise Him…how have I missed 1 Timothy 5:15-17…I needed this.

  50. I think you pretty much summed it up with the yoga pants and mashed potatoes declaration

    Now, to eat mashed potatoes while WEARING yoga pants? Perfection!

  51. I agree with your first 3 100%. My husband and kids think I’m nuts (which may be true…however) I Totally dislike anything clown-like, clownresembly, anything. ICK! You are my soul sister boo mama, and I WISH I were from the south. Maybe someday :o)

  52. Number five made me CRACK UP.

    I just love this post!

  53. Aw, Boo, skits are fun!!

  54. Uh, don’t make me call you out over #14…because I believe I have witnessed you perform in at least one skit, little hootie!~ Am I wrong?


  55. hmmmm.. post is dated 25th, most of the comments are from the 26th and it just pseted to my Google Reader on the 27th. Strange!

  56. I agree with all but one…I blame that one only on pregnancy hormones. Right now I seriously would choose the fruit over chocolate. Crazy. i know.

    Can you come rip it at my house?

  57. Great idea! I’ll have to steal it and act like it was my own. But, of course I’ll link back to you. Because you need the readership,right? ;)

    You always give me a smile, Sophie.


  58. HI-larious. I needed that.

    One thing I will never do is say, “Nah, we don’t need gravy with those biscuits.”

    Because I can make a mean gravy. My 4-year old says it’s dewishus.

  59. Love your website and I love this list. Being an older person, I have to, I am afraid go with never say never, because you never know!!!!
    P.S. I also dislike clowns

  60. Wow. You really have a thing against clowns and skits, don’t you? I actually have been a clown and do the whole birthday party and balloon animal thing, and I write skits. I guess we wouldn’t get along real well. How sad.

  61. I will never…

    1. Stop WISHING I could call out of the dressing room, “Hey, this size 2 is too big…”

    2. Be able to stop reminding my husband and family of the truth of #1.

    Issues? Yep.

  62. Stop thinking of Bean and Peanut as “my babies.”
    Stop wishing they’d bring back The West Wing.
    Tire of hearing, “Mama? I love you.”

  63. I LOL at “Ask my husband if we can wear matching shirts.”

    I did it on my blog. Thanks for the idea.

  64. fun list! i posted my own twenty thing. check it out!

  65. This was fun! I did it too. Check it out on my blog :)

  66. Boo–I LOVE your posts!

    I would never—
    1) stop watching HBO and Showtime after my kids go to bed.
    2) do public speaking.
    3) feel guilty telling my kids there were no more Reese’s Pieces when in fact I still had half a bag in my night stand.
    4) stop wanting to move back to Texas to be near by family and high school ya-yas.

  67. Just for the record (can you hear this too many times from too many people??), I have a crush on you. In the nicest of ways–no need to run and hide.

    Somehow, your random listing both amuses and delights and leaves my head cocked sideways going, “Hmmmm….??”

    And grinning. Always grinning :)

    (Just in from a too-quick trip to the beach, catching up with just a few b-mates before bed :) ).

  68. I LOVED this. TOO funny, my friend!

  69. This made me laugh. I did a variation on my blog as well.

  70. I really liked your list. Especially #16 and #19!

  71. Cute list! I did mine at my blog on

    What’s wrong with clowns? I loved teaching my youth group clown skits. You would not imagine the things you can pull out of teens with a ton of make-up and colorful hair!

  72. Glad to know I am not the only one who is freaked out by The Clowns.

    There’s just something very wrong about hiding behind all of that makeup, frizzy red hair and a plastic nose. They are hiding something. I just know they are.

  73. Okay, here’s the url, if you’re interested. :)

  74. I will never vote Democrat.

  75. I never say never, because God just loves to prove me wrong. But things I’ll probably never do:

    1. Wear a thong bikini with a seashell bra top.

    2. Live north of the Mason/Dixon line.

    3. Take algebra again, you know, just for fun.

    4. Stop being afraid of clowns and mimes (or annoyed by them.)

    5. Have just one junk drawer.

    6. Be a finalist on “So you think you can dance?”

    7. Get tired of watching “The Princess Bride”.

    8. Not laugh when someone farts in public. (I am very mature)

    9. Wish my butt was bigger.

    10. Juggle chainsaws.

    11. Be asked to speak at Harvard.

    12. Not want to paint a white wall.

    13. Spit on a napkin to clean my child’s face. (Oh, wait. Nevermind.)

    14. Breakdance.

    15. Vacuum my cat.

    16. Not have at least 3 books to read.

    17. Spend my summers in the Hamptons.

    18. Drink tequila on an empty stomach (again).

    19. Enjoy gardening in summertime.

    20. Forget the price paid at Calvary.

  76. LOVE your list!

    I’d have to add…

    Stop craving fried potatoes at all hours of the night.
    Fly our entire family, anywhere.
    Spend more than $30 on a pair of shoes.
    Watch a scary movie. (I get nightmares.)
    Allow someone to know how gray I really am at 30-years-old.

  77. “Red, Red Wi-i-i-i-ine…” Thanks for getting that song stuck in my head now. Is there one I can help stick you with, maybe? ;)

  78. Kathleen says:

    I loved reading everyone’s comments as well your list!!

    Most of mine have been mentioned however;
    I will never be able to say I’ve got it all together!

  79. How fun was this? And how did I miss it? I found a link to it on someone else’s blog. My fave was #8. And girl, if we were neighbors, somehow I just KNOW that given time, I could get you to do that. It would make you feel so fine.

  80. Oh… and something I will never do…
    I will never wish I couldn’t sit with you and eat some fried chicken while I watch you rock your Fundana.

    And I will never believe bloglines is keeping me up to date with you. I’ve missed so much!