Oh, why not: some real-time thoughts on The Bachelor.
And I’m doing this as I watch, so it may not be terribly coherent. Or, you know, good.
We found out right off the bat that there’s one group date, two one-on-one dates. And not everybody gets dates, which does seem to be quite the disadvantage. Since the premise of the show is sort of dependent on getting to know someone and all.
The first date went to Stephanie, a darling Alabama girl who’s never met an accessory she didn’t like. She left the house in a printed t-shirt and a scarf and a bottle cap belt and a fab Lucky bag and some big earrings and a hoodie with some sort of design on it. Plus a necklace. And a watch. And rings.
And I’m not gonna lie, y’all. When her little girl ran out from behind those rocks, I totally teared up. She is a doll. The three of them seemed to have a big time at Legoland, and may I just say: NICE KLASSY TOUCH on the Lego rose. I so appreciate consistency with a theme.
The second date was a group date with Melissa (MY FAVORITE), Megan, Shannon (who needs to DIAL IT DOWN a little bit in my opinion), Nikki, Jillian and some other girls whose names I don’t remember. The plan was for them to make busts of, well, their busts to benefit breast cancer research, and DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED about what my reaction would be if I was expected to do such a thing on a date. Granted, it was all for a good cause, but, um, NO MA’AM. Because at this stage in my life some things just don’t need to be permanently cast in plaster. Just sayin’.
I especially enjoyed Jillian’s dress, by the way. The white embroidery on the royal blue background was cute and playful and I was a fan. Also, my heart really went out to Nikki because I’ve been that girl who felt left out, like, SEVENTY MILLION TIMES. In fact, I was that girl from about 19-26. And it’s an icky feeling.
Next up was an individual date with Natalie, who totally should have been ready on time. I mean, you’re in a house with absolutely no distractions except for a pool, and seeing as how you don’t have to work or go to the grocery store or anything, BE PROMPT. Anyway, Natalie got to wear some expensive jewelry, and then she found out that they were taking a private jet to Vegas.
Attention, Natalie: THAT’S NOT REAL LIFE. Because as Big Mama so wisely pointed out earlier today, real life with Jason will at some point require the winning bachelorette to clean up after a small child battles a stomach virus. GOOD TO REMEMBER THAT.
At dinner Jason asked Natalie if there was anything he needed to know about her, and she answered by saying “I love bears.” While her answer didn’t really indicate that she’s a person of great depth, OH, it did make for some mighty fine television. The look on Jason’s face was priceless. Even better was the fact that he followed up her bold statement with “Like koala bears? Panda bears?”
“Nope. All bears,” Natalie replied.
She went on to say that her favorite part of the date was “seeing all those things created by nature.”
THERE’S TV GOLD IN THEM THAR HILLS.
In the end Natalie didn’t get the rose because Jason didn’t think that they had enough in common, and when he tried to explain that to her she demonstrated an incredible amount of maturity by replying, “WHATEVER.” Then she said that she would be ready to be a mother “tomorrow” and proceeded to unleash a string of expletives. So I’m thinking maybe it was time for Natalie to go.
Next up was the party before the rose ceremony, and Jason was quick to point out that he loved Nikki’s dress. I’m going to leave it at that and trust that Big Mama will leave a comment saying all the stuff I’m avoiding. But what I will say is that the kiss between Jason and Nikki was THE MOST AWKWARD IN ALL BACHELOR HISTORY, OH BLESS THEIR HEARTS, and that is saying something, my friends.
Megan spent most of the evening on the defensive, and she seems to feel like the other girls in the house aren’t as mature and deep as she is. It seems like she’s a drama magnet (I’m one of those people who thinks drama is a CHOICE, and I know that because I CHOSE IT for a chunk of my 20s), but that could definitely be some unfavorable editing. However, it was a fine reality television moment when Chris Harrison attempted to combat all the drama by opening the floor for an airing of grievances.
Which naturally led to even more drama. Which led to Stephanie locking herself in the bathroom.
So obviously Chris Harrison’s strategy really calmed things down.
When we finally made it to the rose ceremony, Jason didn’t give roses to Kari or Erica. I was surprised that Megan got a rose after all the drama, but maybe Jason wants to get to know her a little better instead of relying on secondhand information.
All righty. There you have it.
And in conclusion, I love bears.
All bears.
The end.
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i am so glad you did this recap…speaking of secondhand information…that is just the way i like getting bachelor show info!
I totally agree with what you said about Nikki. That whole scene was awkward! It was obvious why he “loved” her dress. And that kiss….how embarrassing! I literally laughed out loud!
See, and that’s precisely why I don’t watch it anymore. That and the MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY YET! Pa-leeze. I stopped watching after Andrew Firestone and Jenn split. Oh well.
Ahhh boo mama I love your recaps!! While I watched it, it was in the background while I did the dishes… so i missed a few things that you so eloquently explained to me, so thanks. I agree with your observations 100%. And thanks for fueling my TV addictions :)
Admit it. You love Melissa because we ALL fell in love with her on “Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team”. Ain’t no shame… And don’t you think her hair and makeup is soooo much better this time around?
Eagerly awaiting BigMama’s take on Nikki’s dress and some things that were suspiciously…high…
Can I just say that if you have to repeatedly say you are “a person with depth, real depth” then maybe you’re not?!?! Megan, I’m talking to you….you make my ears bleed. Now I’m going to take an aspirin because my head hurts from repeatedly banging it into a wall…oh Bachelor, how I both love and hate you.
“drama is a CHOICE”
I am SO with you on this!
Oh goodness. Thank you so much for this. I just watched the show, but this made me laugh so much. What would we do without reality television?!?!
I love bears.
I watched Bachelor, tonight…it was the first time in a LONG time and I now remember why. I’m always so embarrassed for those girls! LOL
My favorite part…the most important thing Natalie could share about herself was that she liked bears. Priceless. I laughed my ars off.
Thanks for this post…hilarious.
I didn’t even watch the show, and now I love bears. All bears. That might become my introductory statement whenEVER I meet someone new. And about BigMama.. are you SURE she was even awake to watch the show? Cause with all that backhouse stuff (no drama there.. just a lot of good old blood, sweat, and maybe even tears), she just might have taken a couple of Tylenol and hit the sack early. I’m just sayin’…
I agree with it all…and might I add…
Stephanie’s big romantic move? Very classy, not trashy or desparate like we have already seen, Shannon seems really sweet and really young for her age, I hope that there is an opportunity to see if there is depth there before she gets left behind, and I too love Melissa so I am torn between her and Stephanie.
As for Nikki’s dress? Waaaaaaaay too much “peek” and not NEARLY enough “boo”. To be completely nerdy: “Modest is hottest”. :)
I’ve never commented before, but oh, Boo Mama, I do love your blog! I totally had the same thoughts during the bust date. NEVER! Keep the entertaining thoughts on The Bachelor coming.
OH! And I forgot to tell you the best thing ever!
I LOVE BEARS!
I was so worried he was going to give Shallow, I mean Natalie, a rose. Yuk.
I actually covered my eyes after that horribly awkward kiss, I was so embarrassed for them. And then I wondered what my first kiss with my husband looked like and was glad that no cameras were present. Did I do the weird pucker thing, too? I don’t know. I do know that I had just watched Hitch and was jingling my keys way too long. But it all worked out in the end. :-)
you crack me up! it’s sad to say, but I rewound the awkward kiss twice. haha that was the craziest thing!!
I too love melissa and bears. (not really on the bears) :)
Megan.
Really.
C’mon.
I bet you anything Chris Harrison slipped him a twenty to keep her around one more week just for the drama ratings.
And I totally think she could beat me up.
She scares me.
God bless the bears.
All the bears.
Thank you for doing this as MY DVR CUT OFF WITH 30 MINS TO GO! ANd you thought NAtalie was cursing. But alas, you saved my mouth, and my evening. Thank you Boo.
Oh. MY. WORD. I do not watch The Bachelor, but your recap was better than anything that could have possibly been on tv anyway.
Have you ever seen Mystery Science Theatre 2000? You and Melanie could SO do that with some reality tv now…it would be HUGE. ;) Just sayin’.
Ok, listen.
When Megan got all teary about serving people and said, “I’ve gone 10 days without anyone thanking God that I am in their life and it’s been really hard”, I about fell on the floor.
AND THEN HE KEPT HER.
Shannon locking herself in the bathroom, puking up her guts, then giving Jason a cheek-to-cheek hug was my “I bet you wish THAT didn’t happen, Jason” moment of the night.
I think you just launched a new T-shirt (oh, I mean tank top with a scarf)
I Love Bears
(and on the back)
I Love Cheese
Yes, M’am.
Well, I won’t let you down. Major props to the ABC cameraman for zooming in on the chestal region of Nikki’s dress just as Jason talked about her “special qualities”. That cameraman deserves a raise.
Also, I knew Shannon was going to get a rose when she went in the bathroom and puked. And, I hope someone slipped her a breath mint before she hugged him while receiving her rose.
Natalie loves bears. And self-tanner.
That is all.
OH MYLANTA! hilarious tonight. i’m in agreement with y’all too.. the kiss was SO awkward.. and i too was thinking, “POOR JASON” having to hug Shannon after she “lost it” in the bathroom. (IF she lost it… ya kno??)
Far too much “peek” going on… When are they going to go to some cold snowy place and cover up their “goods”?
LOL!
Thank you for your recap. I have been taking Nyquil all day and wondered if I heard Natalie right when she was talking about bears….sure enough…I did apparently. Ha!
Great episode tonight….though I do not really have a favorite picked for him yet.
I have not watched this show in years, but I am so addicted it is sick.
Love the recap… especially in reference to Stephanie. Poor thing looks a mess, but I love her!
I will say that because I don’t get to keep up with the Bachelor, this is a great place to come to for a recap :)
I am cracking up! Last night was the first episode I got to watch this season and hearing your recap is priceless! I don’t know all the girls names but I think you pretty much covered everything accurately. I think Jason kept Megan because he didn’t want to look bad. I think she’ll get cut next week. And how could he not comment on Nikki’s dress? I mean, the dress was stunning and looked amazing on her but a little too much showing. I’d never wear it but she looked great in it. It was such a statement, I think he had to comment or appear blind.
“real life with Jason will at some point require the winning bachelorette to clean up after a small child battles a stomach virus. GOOD TO REMEMBER THAT.”
So true, so true! Wouldn’t that make for some good TV! :)
I was covering my eyes in awkward embarrassment when Stephanie had Jason cover his eyes and kissed him all over his face. Oh it’s awkward, it’s awkward!
First of all, thanks for coming through on the re-cap. And if y’all haven’t…you so have to check out Lincee’s recap at ihategreenbeans.com. LOVIN’ it. But not up yet.
I totally wanted to do one of my own. But I cowardly shrunk back and made subtle references in my post to the DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA as this seemed to be the theme of the past day or eight. But in the end (NOT THAT IS AT ALL WHAT I SHOULD BE COMMENTING ON! But just IN CASE anyone wants to visit..), I made a tough choice and chose to ask my daughter Courtney, “Courtney, would you accept this blog post?”
Okay, please don’t kick me off the comments now because I’m a hog for space.
I have real comments. REALLY! Totally still love Stephanie in spite of the fact I’m not quite sure she’s “right for Jason”. Since I know him well and all that’s probably a good guess. ;0
But Natalie’s date? OH MY! WHO does she think she is? She totally confirmed his choice. In more ways that a thousand! I’m not one to throw “the Bachelorettes under the bus” as I watch. Oh, I make clear thought-out opinions. But I don’t like to trash them. But she totally made me sick when she asked “who does he think he is?” “GOD?” Sick, sick, sick. Really Natalie? Really? You think you’re THAT HOT?
Okay, back to reality. T.V. that is. I will so have to recap myself so as not to hog up all of the recap posts comments…
But again, the depth of Natalie. Bears? I just don’t know what to say. Strange. Lke that kiss you mentioned that Jason had with Nikki. Strange.
And I’ll admit, the kisses from Stephanie were hard to watch. Sweet. And I still love her. But awkward.
Okay, someone elses turn to comment… ;0
Melissa is my favorite, too. But Stephanie is so sweet!
i loved loved loved the sound of the toilet flushing as they broke to commercial during the “most violently ill moment of the bachelor ever”!
this season has. not. disappointed.
I absolutely love that someone else loves the Bachelor as much as I do! Everyone in my house (three boys and myself) was totally cracking up about the bears comment. This Bachelor definitely is a little different and interesting. Keep posting!
Oh boo- so funny! The kiss between Jason and Nikki even caught the attention of Todd- who was supposed to be asleep but popped up out of bed when that happened! Needless to say, we hit rewind several times laughing!
Oh BooMama Sophie – I am so ashamed that with a sink of dirty dishes and laundry to fold – I SAT DOWN and watched the entire humiliation of Bachelor. If he hadn’t gotten rid of Natalie we’d all know – he is as dumb as dirt – but he did and now the bears can dance their little hineys around bowing down to “the whole package” – who calls themself a package? I am so torn between Melissa and Stephanie – I love it that she revealed she’d had a breast reduction – Jason looked like she’d hit him with a brick! Stephanie may be a little more mature than he is seeking – her sweet southern wanting to take care of someone over accessorized self appeals to me greatly. Great episode and I think Chris Harrison has a secret crush on the dominatrix also known as Megan – strange woman very very strange (sang the teddy bears at their picnic) Just in case anyone wondered – I think the “busting” was just wrong – wrong thing for a date. A grope date -oops I mean group date shouldn’t include handling their breasts en masse.
oh my! You got me watching the Office because of your re-caps, and now I may have to start watching the Bachelor!
Your re-caps are hysterical! Maybe I’ll
tape it, read your re-cap, then go back to clarify!
I had boys, but will send your quote
” drama is a CHOICE” to all my friends with girls!
LOVE LOVE LOVE the recap! My friend is Stephanie’s friend. I don’t know if she’s right for Jason, but I hear she is truly a wonderful, classy lady. Makes me want to pull for her! I love Melissa too though!
Bears… reeeeally?
Hmmm… that I’ll have to mull over a while.
Thanks for the recap. I only caught the rose ceremony and the painfully awkward kiss. Poor thing.
HAHA, that was such a funny recap. I watched it for the first time last night, and I think you captured in a single post all of the HUH!? moments I was thinking. I also especially love your “In conclusion, I love bears.” haha. I’m sure somewhere in America, she is cringing every time she thinks about that!
I watched last night and the whole time I kept saying to my husband, “I can’t wait to see what Boomama says tomorrow!” Seriously, Natalie. Oh, poor, mixed up, Natalie. I don’t even know what to say. Also? I screamed at the TV when what’s her name (the throw up in the bathroom when there’s drama girl) got a rose and leaned in close to him when she accepted. I was all, “Ewwwwww. She just puked, dude! Don’t kiss her!” The irony is that that I had just finished making fun of Natalie for her immense maturity.
I know how addictive that show can be, I used to watch it years ago. It sounds like it’s the same drama season after season, just different girls. Bless their hearts! :)
The number of times the word “Amazing!” was used last night, had to be an all time Bachelor record.
We rewound the awkward kiss 3 times.
Megan and Shannon’s descent into madness is delicious TV drama. Megan is scary in a Glenn Close sort of way. Shannon was appearing more and more unbalanced and desparate last night.
I’m de-lurking to comment on this post!
Your blog is great.
I missed The Bachelor last night so I’m so glad for the recap. Hilarious!
Hilarious!! I haven’t even started watching this season yet, but you just got me interested.
Boomama, you are so stinkin’ funny! I love the recap (and the bears heh,heh). I feel sorry for Nikki. Next week I’m afraid she is going to go topless to compensate for her OCD self!
Hilarious recap. Saved me from watching the show. Had to get to bed early so sleeping in with a two hour delay felt REALLY decadent. :)
I have to wonder – how is this man going to explain to his son about all the kissing and touching he’s been engaging in with all the different women who DON’T become his new mama? I’m just sayin’. . . . .
I don’t know what it is about this season, but I can’t look directly at the TV during these episodes. This is not the smoothest Bachelor in Bachelor History.
Thank you for the recap. I have dated the Bachelor before, but I sort of can’t stand to watch a Daddy with a child be AWAY from that child any longer, and possibly bringing a new woman into the child’s life on national television if it’s not gonna work out. And now that I have moved into my new house IN THE STICKS–which I both love and adore–we only get PBS and are too cheap to swing for cable or DSL or satellite. We’re gonna sign up with some major Net Flix and call ‘er done.
But your recap was HILARIOUS. Especially the end. With all the bears.
As an animal expert (well, I’ve been to 24 zoos in 5 months, for whatever that’s worth), I must interject that KOALAS ARE NOT BEARS. They’re marsupials. They have pouches like kangaroos.
Next time, she should say, “I like bears and marsupials.”
And again, thanks for your commentary. I love watching The Bachelor on your blog instead of on TV. :)
Your commentary made my husband and I both laugh out loud. I messed up while setting the DVR last night and missed the first hour of the show – so glad to read about the bears, but so sad I missed seeing that! Oh, how I love this show!
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