They’re Standing On The Edge Of Falling And Also Plunging Into Leaps Of Faith

Have I ever told y’all about when David and I were dating and he whisked me off to New Zealand?

No?

Maybe that’s because IT NEVER HAPPENED.

However, he did take me to the Ryan’s Family Steakhouse buffet a few times, and oh, we did we ever make eyes at each other over a basket of piping hot yeast rolls (with some Country Crock Honey Butter Spread on the side).

So what I’m saying is that I can’t really relate to the whole fantasy date thing. I can’t relate to going back to a “fantasy suite” (though we did stay at a Comfort Inn & Suites recently, but that was a wee bit different than some sort of romantic hideaway in New Zealand). And I sure as heck can’t relate to wearing a bikini and piling up in a hot tub ON NATIONAL TELEVISION because, well, NO.

But don’t think for one second that my inexperience in these areas is going to prevent me from discussing them.

Tonight’s fantasy date episode of The Bachelor started with Jason saying “her and I” AGAIN, but I was willing to forgive his pronoun errors since I really liked the scruffy beard he was sporting. After ten minutes of recap, we finally got to see Jason in New Zealand, where he wore a leather jacket and stood on a rock and looked very rugged (see: scruffy beard).

Jillian had the first fantasy date, and Jason picked her up in a helicopter (which, by the way, was always the preferred method of transportation when David and I went to the Ryan’s Family Steakhouse). Apparently Jason and Jillian talked beforehand and said, “Hey! I know! Let’s both wear PLAID!” because they were both sporting some serious flannel. I’d also like to add that they looked absolutely exhausted, thus confirming my previously stated concerns about the jet lag.

While they sat on the edge of a cliff (metaphor much?), Jillian told Jason that he was amazing and they had such a connection and she was so grateful for their amazing connection, and she went on to say that she was looking for someone who could be her best friend. Jason responded by saying that he felt like he could be friends with her forever, but then he told us (apparently Jason thinks we’re all REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS) that he didn’t know if there was any passion between them.

So they met for supper in some abandoned building and Jason said AGAIN (just to us. not to Jillian. I think he trusts us, y’all.) that he didn’t know if they have a romantic connection. Jillian said that everytime she’s with Jason it exceeds her expectations, at which point I wanted to climb through the TV, tap her on the shoulder and say, Hey, Jill – do you mind if I call you Jill? – PRODUCERS PLAN THESE OUTINGS. If you make it to Seattle, it’s gonna be lots of Wendy’s Value Menu and some DVR’d episodes of “30 Rock.” Don’t kid yourself, sister.

Then they went back to the fantasy suite where we were subjected to waaaay too much footage of them in the hot tub.

(Is anybody else noticing that whereas people on The Bachelor used to pretend like they were just going back to the fantasy suite for drinks or something, now the people on the show are much more vocal about why they’re going back to the hotel room?)

(IT MAKES ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE.)

(And if you’re under the age of eighteen and reading this, you need to know that the reason they’re going back to that hotel room is to play board games.)

The next date was Molly, and the first thing I noticed was that she ran like crazy toward Jason and he pretty much stood still.

Symbolic? PERHAPS.

Molly and Jason went bungee jumping, an activity that gave Molly lots of opportunities to make puns (“we’re taking a leap of faith together”) as well as analogies (“it’s like we’re going through something scary together, but we have each other to lean on”). And also: “[Bungee jumping] was really like falling in love. You’re sitting on the edge. You’re scared. And then you just have to let go and do it.”

Well said, Molly. Well said.

Afterwards they had coffee and Molly pulled out a long list of questions, a move that was nothing short of brilliant since we all know how much guys like to have an endless barrage of questions fired at them. Molly was quick to point out that she was saving one question for later (WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? SURELY IT DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FANTASY SUITE, YOU CLEVER GIRL!).

And (sort of) seriously, I think what made me the most uncomfortable about the whole Q & A exchange is that it spotlighted the fact that Molly and Jason’s conversations are a little stilted and awkward. It seems like she isn’t willing to just let conversations happen, and tonight I kept thinking that watching Molly with Jason is like watching a girl act like she thinks she’s supposed to act in order to make a guy interested. That doesn’t really have “LONG TERM” written all over it.

Later that night “J” and “Mol” had dinner in front of a really large fireplace, and after about three different awkward silences, Jason broke out with an analysis of Molly’s family’s body language. Molly told Jason that she was falling in love with him, and about that time my husband – who was tapping away on his Blackberry and as far as I could tell not even watching the show – piped up and said, “Well, it’s pretty obvious that he’s not falling in love with her.”

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, PEOPLE.

After dinner Molly pulled out her list of questions again, and I’m sure you were as surprised as I was when she used her final question – written in beautiful, painstakingly-crafted calligraphy – to ask Jason to go back to the fantasy suite. Personally I think that “Mol” is most comfortable when she’s in control, but Jason didn’t ask me so I couldn’t warn him. Anyway, they went back to the fantasy suite and put on their bathing suits and then climbed in a bath tub.

Which, as I’m sure we can all attest, is pretty much what every married couple in America does on a nightly basis.

Last but certainly not least in the fantasy date line-up was Melissa, and the first thing I noticed was THEY RAN TO EACH OTHER, IT’S TOTALLY A SIGN. I also noticed that Melissa used “Jason and I” incorrectly, so maybe these two really are destiny. “Her and I” loves “Jason and I.” It’s PERFECT.

The two lovebirds took a boat ride (has anyone else noticed that he always does stuff with her where they just hang out and spend time together?), and I loved how easily Melissa articulated what she was thinking and feeling (a Bachelor anomaly for sure). They talked a little bit about how Jason was disappointed that he hadn’t met her parents, but then he assured her that not meeting them doesn’t affect his feelings for her, so LET’S JUST MOVE ON NOW, M’KAY?

Jason grinned like crazy when he saw Melissa walking toward him for their nighttime date, and then they had dinner at some place with a bunch of red curtains. The Southern girl in me was tickled to death to see them actually eating their food and not just playing with it. After dinner they went back to the fantasy suite, and while normally I’m totally cheesed out by any fantasy suite shenanigans, that wasn’t as true this time because Melissa told Jason that she loved him and it was almost as good as “Notting Hill,” I promise. So naturally when Jason responded by saying that he was completely falling for her, I couldn’t help but worry that we’re in the midst of a major Bachelor fake-out.

I WILL BE SO ANGRY IF THAT HAPPENS, I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU.

Before the rose ceremony Chris and Jason had their weekly therapy session, a part of the show that I have grown to adore. I like how Chris looks at Jason oh-so-earnestly and says, “So. How are you holding up?” and then Jason pours out his heart and I smile and wish that this season would never end. Once the therapy session was over, Chris told Jason that each girl had made “a very personal, private video message” – so private, in fact, that each message was only seen by Jason and the millions of people watching.

I adore reality television.

We didn’t really learn anything new in the videos, but I thought it was interesting that while Molly and Melissa professed their love, Jillian held back a little bit. And based on how often Jason said tonight that he’s looking for so much more than a best friend, I’m thinking maybe Jillian should have said more than how they would laugh a bunch together and enjoy lots of homecooked meals. And there’s not anything wrong with those things, of course – we just have to remember that Jason wants an amazing passionate connection with lots of passion that’s very amazing. And connecting.

Jason was pretty emotional at the rose ceremony (quick aside: I love Melissa, but what in the sam hill was she wearing?). However, he composed himself and gave the first rose to Melissa, which was really no surprise at all.

BUT THEN.

The second rose went to Molly, and WHAT DID I TELL YOU PEOPLE ABOUT JILLIAN NOT SAYING ENOUGH IN THE VIDEO?

MY WORD.

(Seriously. I have to bring it up again. WHAT was Melissa wearing? Were there rhinestone hearts on the back of that dress? And some scallops?)

After Jillian left Jason had to sit down on a bench and compose himself while I wondered why there were two frilly purple pillows (with trim!) on a bench that was totally exposed to the elements. Jason said he was falling for Jillian but not in love with her, so I guess he was falling into like? Into friendship? Into I-know-I-only-want-to-be-with-Melissa-so-getting-rid-of-Jillian-will-make-the-final-decision-even-easier?

The previews for the next two weeks were such BONAFIDE GOLD that I’m going to have to watch them about six more times, and while I don’t have any idea why the “After the Final Rose” show has the potential to be “so dramatic and so emotionally difficult,” you can rest assured that I won’t get a good night’s sleep until I find out.

So farewell, Jillian. We all thought you were adorable. If it’s any consolation, you had on the best dress tonight and your hair has never looked better.

It’s true.

And finally, Jill – do you mind if I call you Jill? – I’d like to leave you with this:

Though your tears fall like rain.

And you no doubt feel pain.

True love you will attain.

I’ll say it aGAIN and aGAIN.

Like a refrain.

[dramatic pause]

[stay with the pausing for impact]

Auf wiedersehen.

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Comments

  1. i live for these recaps they are hilarious! even though i don’t get to watch the bachelor cuz i work night shift i know i can come here and get the scoop :) thanks!
    jineen

  2. Esentially, you said almost verbatim exactly what my wife Cindy was commenting through the whole show. And to continue with the parallel-ness of our lives, like your husband, I had my Blackberry AND made a genius observation or two.

  3. Great recap! I was also a bit baffled by Melissa’s dress. She is such a cute girl and that dress did nothing for her and might have even done somethings against her. I was so on the edge of my seat when they did the plug for the After the Rose Ceremony. I had to call my Mother in Law right away and talk that one through. What on earth has Jason so upset that he is sobbing! That’s some good TV to look forward to!

  4. I started watching because Molly is from my area and is in the newspapers every week, so I want to see how the hometown girl does. But after finding your recaps, I watch mainly so I can laugh as I read your take on the show and agree with pretty much everything you write. My husband was doing some paperwork next to me while I watched, and I shook my head whenever Jason kissed a girl/climbed in a hot tub with a girl/stretched out on a bed with a girl, and my husband said, Why do you even watch this? I’m not sure, but I gotta see the end now!

  5. We were ‘whelmed by the emotion – the connections which were strong and those which only lasted through a hot night in a tub and bedroom! I do think it is highly unsanitary to do all that kissing on one then another and another – not even going there on the fantasy suite. Jillian was just a little too buddy through the whole thing – but honestly MOL? previews were enough to make DH say he isn’t watching anymore this season (he says that every year)

  6. Southern Gal says:

    Isn’t he sobbing in the previews because that GIRL from the other show shows up? Or did that already happen? I have a 7yo that goes to bed kind of late every night so I don’t watch much of this. Just bits and pieces here and there. That’s why I come here for the real recap!

  7. Imagine my dismay when I sat down to watch this episode and found that by some error in DVR programming (I’m not pointing any fingers but the MAN in my house is high on my list of suspicious persons), the episode had not been taped.
    Thank goodness for you, BooMama.
    I can now go on with my life.

    And hide the remote from husband.

  8. Don’t forget that next week will be the most dramatic ending to the Bachelor in Bachelor history.

    I admit that I had the TV on, listened to a little here and a little there. I’ve been over the Bachelor since Andrew Firestone. It was done for me then and I just can’t pull back around. Ugh.

  9. Terrie Cash says:

    BooMama,

    I have never watched the Bachelor and after reading your recap, I don’t think I ever will. Your recap has to be a million times better than they show. Another great thing about the recap, there are no commercials. Keep on writing.

    PS Are you going to write about American Idol? I loved reading your comments from past seasons.

  10. I’m so with Terrie. YOU should be making millions with your recap. Seriously. HI-larious.

  11. I don’t even watch this show, but your recaps CRACK ME UP!

  12. We don’t yet have this series (can you believe it?…..what are the British TV executives doing to us?) but I LOVE your recaps.

    In fact the show may not actually live up to my expectations! I am resisting the urge to look for some clips of it online – as I am imagining the characters, and don’t want reality to spoil my fantasy!

    Keep up the recaps – loving them all.

  13. OK, so here’s my guess on “the most DRAMATIC finale ever, ever, ever!” I think he’ll choose Melissa and the After the final rose show will be where he meets her “Private” family for the first time, hence the PRIVATE taping, etc…etc…I also think DeAnna is just there to warn him not to pick the wrong girl, she’s not going to try and get back in his life…I don’t think!

  14. I cannot handle the kissing each girl again and again. It’s so cheesy the way he waits and then kisses at the right moment. And the fantasy suite dates? I don’t even wanna know – but I sure as heck wouldn’t marry someone if I knew for sure he had made out with two others right before me. I wish they wouldn’t do that part – seriously. That’s just way too gross to think about. It’s just not nice!
    Jillian had to go – she would have talked Jason to death. Ever notice how she talks really, really fast? and a lot?
    I’m not sure I can watch another season of The Bachelor. It seems very cruel to break people’s hearts on national tv. The crying! Wow!
    Anyway thanks for the recap – I love how you notice things I never notice – like Melissa’s dress. I just thought it was a pretty color lol.

    Hugs,
    Marie

  15. Amy in TN says:

    LOVE your recaps. For some reason, the font on your blog shows up super tiny on my screen, but I just copy and paste your post into word and read it that way…I won’t be deterred!!! It’s nice to read your posts b/c it sounds like you are as much of a fan of reality tv as I am.

  16. I already want to shake DeAnna and tell she has NO BUSINESS COMING BACK AND MESSING EVERYTHING UP!! She’s such a jerk! (even if it was planned by the producers)

  17. I have a scary obgyn appt in about 90 minutes, and this was just the thing I needed to distract me and make me laugh this morning. Thanks, BooMama!

  18. Tonya beat me to the punch! That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking to myself last night when they showed the empty studio. That Chris is so dramatic!

    And just for the record, I was shouting at Melissa last night with her terrible use of grammar and pronouns… You’re not alone.

    I simply cannot wait for Molly to get the boot.

    On one final note, last night’s hot tub thing with Jill made me so uncomfortable that I covered my eyes. I’m 27 and I covered my eyes! I mean, hitting mute and just watching the facial expressions was enough to bump up the tv rating to “MA”! I kept waiting for captions to come up on the screen that said “slurp!” or “groan!” (but then again, if my eyes were covered, I wouldn’t have known.) Oh no wait, that only happened on Joe Millionaire!

    By the way, if I were Jason, I’d consider waxing that patch of black hair in the small of his back. It wasn’t very flattering to see in the hot tub, and I nearly puked…

  19. Oh Great Boomama…you are the reason to watch this show. I love every. single. word.

  20. Your recaps are a gift to the world. Honestly. My favorite statement this time around might be the amazing, passionate connection with lots of passion that’s very amazing. And connecting. HILARIOUS!

  21. Ohmigoodness, I have not laughed so hard in a very long time.

    Thank you for pointing out all of the ridiculously over the top metaphors. I kept screaming metaphor at the TV last night.

    Did you notice also that both Molly and Jason were wearing brown???? It was at that point I started to think producers might also be hinting around about wardrobe decisions! Haha.

    I just cannot wait til the finale. Thanks for doing these recaps. They make watching the show all the more entertaining and fun!

  22. Can I just say that your recap makes this season of The Bachelor (which I adore) so much more wonderful!! Thanks for supplementing my Bachelor obsession with your awesome commentary! Can’t wait til next week!

  23. Elizabeth says:

    Jill’s hair at the Rose Ceremony certainly was the highlight of the evening, for me.

  24. Brilliant recap. Simply brilliant.

    The grammar was especially atrocious last night. I think the words, “more better” and ” the most funnest” were actually used, along with a plethora of “me and so and so” to help round out the worst grammar ever in Bachelor history.

  25. I don’t even watch this show, but I had to read your whole recap after you mentioned Ryan’s Steakhouse. My poor husband took me there on our FIRST date, and he has yet to live it down. :)

  26. So glad you majored in Reality T.V. That degree is totally paying off! ;-)

  27. You are the queen of recaps!! I did not watch the show, and I felt pretty good about it last night knowing that I could just read your post today and enjoy myself just as much. Have a great day :)

  28. OH YEAH!
    I love watching the show, but I love reading your recap EVEN MORE!
    Hot tubs are filthly little places of breeding germs and bacteria, and last night showed that to be even more true! Legs, people?!? WRAPPED! Yikes!

    It is Melissa. We both called it :)

    Big hug, Boo!

  29. I cannot tell you how much I love your recaps. They are bloggy gold! I’m glad that I’m not the only one that is more than a little uncomfortable with the willingness of these girls to get all bump and grindy in the hottubs. Don’t they know their Daddy’s are gonna see this?

    I am so pulling for Melissa, and DeAnna needs to just back off. She had her chance and blew it.

  30. Girl, I am feeling you in this post!!! I almost couldn’t sleep last night b/c of the upcoming After The Final Rose preview!!! All I can say, is they better NOT make it so private that we don’t know what goes on!!! I would be ticked, girlfriend!!! I didn’t notice Melissa’s outfit, b/c I couldn’t get past HER HAIR!!! What was she thinking?!?!?! She was trying to impress him, I presume??? And I’m for her too…I noticed that he didn’t run to Molly like he did Melissa and that they were so strained it was uncomfortable!

  31. Boomama! BooMama! Did you notice at the end, when Jason had the two of them on his arm after the Rose Ceremony, he was totally looking at Melissa just about the whole time, then casually glanced at the other M at the end? Seriously! Watch it!

  32. Today you have eased my sorrow, ha!

    I loved “jil” and am so mad (but in a “I’ll watch it again next season” kind-of-way) that Jason clearly is looking for a hormonal response rather than a genuine relationship.

  33. That was BY FAR the best recap evah! THE BEST! I’m so done with Molly. I’d really like to just say I hate her but hate is not a word I throw around so I better just say I really don’t like her. ;) I would say things like that all the time in HS so I’m having some serious flashbacks or something. I dunno.

    Anyway…excellent job. I can’t wait to see how this all plays out. And truly, the best part of the final episode is him leaning over the balcony and SOBBING. Makes me laugh. *grin*

    Go Melissa Go! We love ya girl.

  34. Hi! I just started reading your blog a few weeks ago, and I love it. You are brilliantly funny! I don’t know how you remember so many details from the show, but it just makes me laugh and laugh. My husband actually watches the Bachelor with me (I make him), and we were laughing so hard because each episode they announce that this is going to be the most DRAMATIC rose ceremony in Bachelor history, and next week is going to be the most DRAMATIC show in Bachelor history, and the finale is going to be the most DRAMATIC finale in Bachelor history. If this keeps going at this rate, just think how DRAMATIC this show is going to be a few seasons from now. We won’t be able to handle it! Ha! Thanks for the great laughs.

  35. You should be paid millions and millions for these recaps – pure gold, I tell you, pure gold.

  36. I actually got the kids to bed early and was able to watch most of last night’s episode, for once. I picked up on the “her and I” bit, and I quietly corrected him in my head.
    YOu know, my dating experience with my hisband was so much like this too…faraway places, hot tubs, helicopter rides, etc…OK mine was more like the Ryans’ buffett too, but I’m not complaining. I got a keeper.

  37. This re-cap was GOLD!! Some of your best work, I must say. Chris Harrison has NOTHIN’ on you!

    PS – Now that he’s sent Jillian (my fav) home, I’m secretly hoping that DeAnna comes in & sweeps him off his feet again. I’m just not crazy about M&M with Jason…

  38. I love your recaps!! I totally agree about Melissa’s dress, and her hair what is up with that. I was really rooting for Jillian but I guess know I am hoping he pick Melissa. I am not fond of Molly at all!!!! And, for the record, DeAnna had her chance and she blew it!!

  39. Yep. Candyland is the board game of choice on these shows.

  40. When he is crying over the rail, do you think it is when he is sending Molly home at the FRC???

    Also, what if Molly shows up pregnant at the AFR??? Ha! J/K

    Ryans Steakhouse….too funny….

  41. I love you, BooMama. This is gold. Pure gold.

    We spent Christmas in Queenstown (I know!) and TOOK THAT HELICOPTER RIDE and watched people on that bungy jump oh my goodness, so I spent most of the show trying to figure out why our hotel room didn’t appear to be a fantasy suite.

    Jillian definitely had the best dress. Oh, well.

  42. I thought the same thing about those pillows! ha!

  43. Your recaps are hilarious! I love them! I’ve been emailing the link to my friends and husband – who I am sure will enjoy them just as much as I do because even though he pretends he’s not so interested in the show, he TOTALLY is!

  44. ROFL!!!! I KNEW this post would crack me up!! Let me tell you that I was watching it and DVR-ing it at the same time BECAUSE I knew that they were up to something! I had to have it on tape and rewind about 1,000 x’s what Chris said at the end. hee hee

    This is what I think: Next week we have the Women Tell All…and then the finale a week later…..I think that Jason and Deanna are going to end up together and Jason will have to bid a teary farewell to Molly and Melissa. THEN: we will get to watch an uncomfortable Melissa have it out with Jason privately, without the rejected women looking on (as they usually do)on an empty set with just Jason and Melissa.(and us) THEN: we will watch Deanna and Jason state their undying passion and love toward each other and the following week we will find out Deanna loves Jason but isn’t in love with Jason and she will break up with him. Whew!
    There you have it….straight from me to you. lol

    You were so right about Melissa’s dress…I didn’t get it.

    On to next week.

  45. I love your recaps. I always can’t wait to read them! I was hoping you would discuss your thoughts about the dream that “Jill” had. I about died when she told Jason about her dream, especially after she just got dumped!

  46. You are one of a kind. HA!!! Love the recap. I too am on the edge of my seat and sooo anxious to see what is gonna happen. I wish they didn’t even show me a preview and make me wait…I had a good laugh and agree with you. Keep up the good stuff. Can’t wait to read the AI report tomorrow…

  47. FYI – go back to the Jillian date and when Jason gets out of the helicopter… did you notice Jill’s jeans? They had this design on the pockets that just made her look like she had huge love handles… which we know she doesn’t thanks to the bikini. After a couple of Oprah “what jeans you should wear” shows, I pay much more attention to details like the pockets and bootcut vs tappered.

    Of course Mel’s dress was horrible… but if you read Chris’s blog on EW.com… he had to give Jason his tie for the rose ceremony, so maybe Mel and J are more meant for each other than we thought.

    Just found your blog on the show… love it!

  48. If I lived anywhere even remotely close to you, I’d totally want to watch The Bachelor with you. :) But, I guess I’ll just have to settle for reading your recaps. It’s going to be a long two weeks of waiting for the finale!!! My Bachelor experience certainly wouldn’t be complete without your blog or Chris Harrison’s blog!!

    I am a little concerned that Jason is going to choose Molly because of the whole not meeting Melissa’s parents thing. And, I went to bed last night thinking that this really private thing must be that someone is pregnant… probably the last girl he sends home. YIKES! I hope I am SO wrong on that!

    p.s. I vote Jillian for the next Bachelorette. :)

  49. Like everyone else, I love reading your recaps of The Bachelor. I am not really rooting strongly for either of the two that are left. I think that he will pick Melissa, but I don’t believe that it will last “the test of time” anyway…..

  50. Last night for the first time all Bachelor season I watched an episode.
    I liked Jillian. Oh well, I guess because it was my first episode and she was the first date, I liked her best out of all of them. Thanks for the recap at least I could follow along this time because I actually watched an epidsode.

  51. I loved your recap…you make me laugh. You are too, too funny. The only problem with Melissa is that he didn’t meet her parents…that is a red flag to me of some kind, Not sure which kind,but we shall see. Knowing they are already engaged sorta takes the edge off of it and Jason’s dramatic crying over the balcony is just way too staged..oh, well. It is all amusing and diverting..ha. ha

  52. I so want to be sitting in your living room on Monday nights. I think that would be the only thing that could make this PERFECTLY WONDERFUL season of the Bachelor EVEN more amazingly wonderful and a perfect. And amazing.

    You crack me up, woman!!!

  53. I swore this show off a few years back after the doctor from Nashville.I must say that your recaps are better than actually watching the show. This was the most dramatic recap EVER! And HILARIOUS!

  54. I also meant to add that I feel such an amazingly passionate connection with you and your readers. It is just so…amazing. and passionate. and connecting.

  55. So, I was totally blown away when he picked Molly over Jillian…maybe that was just me because Molly makes me cringe. Also? I can’t believe you didn’t make mention of how Jason was PROFUSELY sweating while he was getting ready for and attending the rose ceremony! We were all making fun of him for it over here, wondering what in the world was causing him to perspire so.

    My husband said the same thing about why he chose Molly over Jillian…to make the final decision so much easier on himself. And, whew boy. I can’t wait to find out what is so dramatic about the super final after the rose after the show after the apocolypse show.

  56. Okay, girl, you are hilarious! I will confess that I am not a huge Bachelor fan. HOWEVER, I watched it last night, just so I could be in the know for today’s post! And I am not even joking about that :). May I also say, that your post? It did not disappoint at all!

  57. I made it till 9:30 and got interrupted and MISSED the end. I was anxious to get to your blog bc I knew you would not disappoint with a wrap~up for me. I was tempted to try to find out via Twitter! :) Thanks for the recap Friend!

  58. PS ~ now that it’s between Melissa and Molly, there is NO way he won’t pick Melissa! You are so right on this one Girl!

  59. I’m with Patty on the “after the Rose ceremony”. I think that DeAnna and Jason hook up and that the private ceremony is for Melissa and Molly…. I do prefer Melissa over DeAnna though. DeAnna had her chance already. Love your recaps!

  60. I wasn’t surprised by the ending of last night’s show, just bummed out enough to actually look for a message board so I could comment. Someone put a link here, and I am so glad they did. Thanks, BooMama, for putting things into perspective and dragging me back into the real world. After reading your recap and the comments I’m going to do a search to find all the blogs you have written before this. I don’t want to miss a single droll sentence.

    BTW, my husband made no secret of the fact that he married me to recoup his investment in all those dates to McDonald’s. ROFL ROFL ROFL

    Gotta love such a sensible man, right?

    PS: Hope I haven’t made toooooooo many grammatical or spelling errors. They were intentional. Honest. (EG)

  61. PPS: Those dates were via VW beetle, not a helicopter, the cheapie.

  62. The episode isn’t over for me until I read your recap

  63. Stan Darsh says:

    Wow – like, this was the like most amazing show I have seen in like a long time. And the recap here was like amazingly funny. I think Jason was like sobbing on the balcony when he like found out there was less than an amazing reply from one of the skan…oops, young ladies.

  64. My husband and I are going to have a drinking game during the next episode – every time we hear the word AMAZING, we’ll need to take a shot of soda, or milk, or whatever beverage is handy. I predict that we will have depleted all beverage stores before the show is half over.

  65. Others may have mentioned this already but my guess about After the Final Rose – it’s “so dramatic and so emotionally difficult” because Jason is going to meet Melissa’s parents!?!? Perhaps! Can’t wait to find out!

  66. I think that the dramatic and emtional “after the final rose” is going to show Jason meeting Melissa’s parents! Don’t you think?? I mean what else could it be?! He keeps saying that he wouldn’t marry someone without meeting her parents!

  67. I spent the last 30 minutes of the show trying to figure out where I could track down Jillian’s dress (and maybe some extensions, for that matter) because, um, AMAZING.

    I was also feeling sorry for her, knowing that her future did not include El Bachelor.

    Then I realized I don’t exactly have a place to wear such cuteness because a) most of my fantasy dates involve a barbeque joint, and b) I think what I actually loved was the New Zealand-y backdrop.

  68. I watch the Bachelor every week, and then come to your blog first thing Tuesday morning for your hilarious summary. I always watch it wondering how you’ll sum it up…and sometimes, you totally hit the nail on the head with what I’m thinking (ex: “her and I”)…Totally cracks me up. Thanks for your recaps! :)

  69. Can I just say that I don’t even watch the Bachelor, but your recaps make me want to run and pull out the laptop and abc dot com.

  70. Oh, MY GOODNESS!!! I’m embarrassed to say that I’m at work having to stifle my cries of hysteria so know one knows what I’m reading….girl, you just make my day! Keep up the good writing. It’s laughter straight from the belly, reallllll tears streaming down my face, and the best form of therapy any of us could get!!!

  71. Dana Hartness says:

    Um, so I kept laughing out loud at work reading this. I swore I would never watch again and I’m even more sucked in now that I found your blog!

    So, here’s what’s bothering me to NO END: who on God’s green earth wears black, knee-length boots with their BIKINI?!? I was already struggling with the fact that Jillian wore them with that gorgeous dress, but to then change into dental floss and STILL decide they were a good idea??? I’m just stunned and waiting to hear from Jason that those boots were what drove the nail in the coffin. Poor, poor girl.

  72. BooMama, you have made me a believer.

    Jason totally loves Melissa. They EAT together, his grin is ear to ear, and he can’t keep his hands off of her.

    Their grammar totally makes me cringe so perhaps they indeed are meant for each other.

    Why did they have to show that awful make out session in the tub with Jillian. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! We were all uncomfortable. How could we NOT be!

    I have always LOVED Jillian. She is a TOTAL package for the right man.

    Until next week!

    Blessings all over you BooMama!

  73. Boo (may I call you Boo?), thank you eversomuch for the recap, as I was unable to view last night’s madness. I keep hearing rumors that he picks Melissa…

  74. I called a friend this morning and told her that I JUST DIED with the total uncomfortableness that I felt during the Jill and Jason hot tub scene.

    As far as Deanna returning…. don’t you think that she is not going to want Jason back but say that she made a mistake picking Jesse and is offering Jason advice?

    Do you think they are being sensitive because of Ty?

  75. I do not watch The Bachelor, but this recap was totally entertaining! I think I’m getting the better end of the deal experiencing the show as filtered through your wit and humor than if I endured witnessing the drama first hand. Good stuff, BooMama!

  76. Again, brilliant! I am TOTALLY up with the play even though this season has not even started here in NZ.
    Go Melissa!

  77. I kind of understand why you didn’t do an Office recap this week, but I was hoping you would so I could have an excuse to say that Thirty Rock was GREAT! “There is handsomeness involved.” And the Our Father parallel prayer was hilarious!

  78. Oh my goodness… must find it online. I haven’t been watching, but this is too funny. Off to hulu. abc.com if hulu can’t help me.

  79. Melanie K says:

    OMG! I couldn’t agree more and you are so HYSTERICAL!!! Really!! I agree, I love Melissa but her hips looked as big as Texas in that dress, holy smoley! And also, did you notice that Molly told J on the date that she was falling then in the video she said she was crazy in love with him. There is no way he could choose her over Melissa. I don’t think Molly would be very affectionate with Ty either.

  80. Oh! I laughed out loud…by myself…reading your blog. I love it. I am watching The Bachelor this season and absolutely love it. Your recaps are hilarious. Thanks BooMama.

  81. I absolutely, positively ADORE your recaps. Reading your take on things is one of the highlights of my week.
    Thanks for making me laugh today. I plan on linking to your recap from my blog tomorrow.

  82. Stephanie says:

    Took me approximately 3 hours to do, but I managed to watch the episode before this one on the computer this weekend. My antique must not have quite enough memory (I hear that happens with old age) to handle the show. The picture was in slow motion and every 5-10 seconds, it would freeze for maybe 10-20 seconds. Meanwhile the verbage was cutting in and out and in and out and in and out…this process took me longer than watching the whole season through from the start! With commericials! However, I just had to stay with it to see what I was missing, therefore, I minimized the picture, only sneaking a peek here and there causing the words to keep on keeping on until I peeked! I must say, I was not disappointed in what I saw–or, umm, heard, that is. Fun times. So was anyone else a little concerned upon hearing that NONE of Melissa’s friends knew her parents? Or should I go back and read last week’s comments?

  83. So, I don’t even watch the Bachelor, but girl, you crack me up!!

  84. I was in SHOCK! In shock I tell you. I totally thought Jillian and Melissa would be the final two. He’s gotta pick Melissa. Molly is just way to stand offish. And Melissa used to be a Cowboys cheerleader. Need I say more?

  85. I loved your recap! They sure are building up whatever is coming….I hope it’s not too hard on poor Jason. I don’t think I could take it. Thanks for the very entertaining post.

  86. Too funny! My husband can’t even stand to be in the same room if The Bachelor is on! I really enjoy your blog- Thanks to Angie (of Bring the Rain) for the great referral!

  87. Oh my gosh, this was hilarious and so bang on. I couldn’t stop laughing and wondering how the heck it is you read my mind. This show is such a train wreck, I just can’t look away.

    So great girl!!!

  88. i gotta tell ya,i never watch reality tv but tonight i have discovered that i MUST, instead, spend my time reading your blog on a regular basis because my sides hurt from laughing out loud!!!
    you are too much fun!

  89. Oh my goodness, BooMama. I am not a Bachelor regular, but I do love your recaps so very much that I may have to convert. Very funny writing–keep up the good work!

  90. What?? He didn’t get to meet Melissa’s parents??? They never mentioned that!!!!

    I was also incredibly pleased that Mel was actually cutting her food and eating it!

    Best, most dramatic post title EVER!

  91. Lady, you’re a HOOT. I don’t even watch the Bachelor, and I thoroughly enjoyed this post! :-)

  92. I don’t watch this show, but I read your recaps with a strange fascination.

    You have such a way with words. I’m laughing in spite of myself!

  93. Loved it!

    I have to say that I am also a big Melissa fan, but I was shocked when he sent home Jill. I actually gasped and said, “No way!”. I mean, I am all about Melissa, but Jillian is a cute girl. Your right, she did look the best at the end.

    One thing that I have to say that you have not mentioned is Melissa’s love for the word “absolutely”. I love her and all, but Good Lord, she says that word a lot.

    Ok, can’t wait for next week….but really I am going to be counting down the days to that final rose!

  94. Just love the recaps… It is also going to drive me crazy to know what in the world is happening in the end! I even went online to find spoilers, and I couldn’t!!! surely someone out there knows and is willing to tell!!! i can’t wait for the finale!

  95. I am so loving your Bachelor recaps! I was a little disappointed that Jillian got the boot, but I couldn’t agree more that her hair and her dress were fabulous!!

    He’s picking Melissa, I have no doubt about it!

  96. Are you really feeling he will pick one of these? I am thinking none of the above. Believe me they will go the way of DeAnna and Jesse. I think he should pick her!

  97. I don’t even watch this show, Sophie and yet…I LOVE your recaps! They are gold, Sister. Pure Gold!

    Stay Gold, you know…

  98. Susan Mills says:

    Loved your blog. Thank you for your insights. However, If you seriously want to know what the 2nd ATFR show is about you can find out at Reality Steve’s website. However, I must tell you it is NOT pleasant and you will probably not want to EVER watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette again. Your opinion of Jason will also be changed dramatically.

  99. So glad you picked up on it! Molly SO has control issues! Everything has to be on her terms. And her family is very co-dependent. It was very telling to me when her dad said to her that if she got the boot, just don’t cry. Umm, hello? Just pretend like everything is okay and our family doesn’t have any dirty laundry, and I can’t believe you would drag our family name thru this! That’s the feeling I get anyway. Jason would make SUCH a mistake picking Molly. And I totally think he got rid of Jillian, b/c she was his 2nd favorite and he couldn’t stand the thought of leading her on one more week before breaking her heart.

  100. Last week my dvr had issues and DIDN’T RECORD The Bachelor! I was going into panic mode when I suddenly remembered – BooMama will have her recap!!! Thank you – you saved me! I totally don’t have to watch it as your reviews are much, much better than even the actual show!