Sometimes The Simplest Explanations Are The Best

A couple of months ago my friend Merritt flew in for an all-too-short visit. But since Merritt’s trip coincided with our friend Melissa’s birthday, Melissa and a couple of other friends – all from the days when we used to layer multiple pairs of colored socks before we put on our Reeboks – drove over from Mississippi. We had an absolute blast doing all sorts of fun things.

For example, we sat in my living room and laughed until we cried. Then we sat in my kitchen and laughed until we cried. Then we ordered take-out and laughed until we cried. And for kicks, just because we like to mix it up a little bit, we also drank coffee and laughed until we cried.

It was a good time.

Saturday night we decided that a little sushi was in order, so we headed down to my very favorite sushi place. For some reason the service was mind-numbingly slow, so we had plenty of time to read every single word on the menu. At some point in our reading Merritt got very tickled, and when I asked her what in the world was so funny, she pointed to her menu and said, “Look.”

I know the picture is blurry, so I’ll make it easy for you:

Donburi
A bowl of steamed rice with some other food put on top of it.

Y’all. We got so tickled.

Because here’s the thing: whoever wrote that menu isn’t trying to oversell anything, and I can’t even tell you how much I love that. There isn’t one ounce of pretense in that description. I mean, if you think about it, there’s really only so much you need to know when ordering food, and in this case the complete absence of flowery, descriptive language made me want to stand up, ask if I could see the person who wrote the menu, then start a slow clap that would gradually catch on from table to table until every single patron was on his or her feet, cheering wildly, and the whole restaurant basically resembled the final game in Hoosiers. I wanted to hoist the menu writer up to our shoulders, run into the parking lot, and high five until we couldn’t see straight. The whole nine yards.

Something about that menu description has stayed with me, and it’s provided all manner of amusement when I’m cooking supper every night – lest I get a little too big for my culinary britches. Pizza? Well, it’s really just a piece of dough with some other food put on top of it. Hamburgers? Two pieces of bread with some stuff in between. Chicken parmesan? A piece of chicken covered with some sauce and some cheese.

So. What are y’all having for supper tonight?

Because here? We’re having a plate of noodles with some other stuff put on top.

It is sure to be delicious.

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Comments

  1. *Clap* ………….. *Clap*……….

  2. That’s awesome! Makes me think of a Simpson’s episode, where Homer orders at fancy restaurant.

    Homer: I’ll have your finest food stuffed with your second finest food.

    Waiter: Yes, sir – the lobster stuffed with tacos.

  3. Dinner at my house tonight will be an empty pot with some stuff thrown in. (Translation: Taco Soup)

  4. I’m thinking some rice with some other stuff on top … namely Chipotle other stuff

  5. Definitely a large bowl of pasta with some other food mixed in.

  6. It’s Friday during Lent and I am Catholic, so we are having baked Tilapia with a bunch of seasonings thrown on top of it! Haven’t made it before but the recipe looks easy enough!!!

  7. I am about 99.9% positive that we live in the same town or at the very least the same general area. Of course, now I am dying to know which Sushi place this was at so I can go get my own picture! Is it located near a Whole Foods or maybe the one by the Chuck E Cheese?

  8. I got as far as layering colored socks before we put on our Reeboks!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my dear Boomama!! I appreciate you soooooooooo much!! : )

    Heading off to a girls weekend where we’re sharing our 80’s pictures and having contest to see who can do the best 80’s bangs. Good times…

  9. Too funny!

    We’re having bread with some other foods baked inside it.

  10. That is great! We’ll be having chicken cooked with other food. (crockpot chicken and veggies)

  11. I am starting to feel like I want to type LOL every time I read one of your posts. Because I am often laughing out loud :)

  12. It’s snowing here, so we’re having some baked potatoes with some warm, soupy stuff on top.

  13. Y’all, I don’t know why this food vagueness entertains me so, but I am sitting here ROLLING reading your comments. The Simpsons quote just about sent me over the edge.

  14. Oh! It is the little things that make me SMILE!LOVED this!
    We will be having a plate of noodles with some other stuff on top, and because it is a special someone’s bithday, there will be baked flour, with other things mixed in and topped with a candle:)

  15. We’re going to have some chicken embryos cooked some way while we watch to see if the tornadoes are going to blow us away. Or not.

    Enjoy your noodles with stuff on top.

    xoxoxo

    Diane

  16. Some lettuce with stuff on top and a piece of poultry with some stuff of it.

    Or, maybe we’ll just opt for the rice with the stuff on top. It’s tempting! :-)

  17. Ok. Seriously. You brought tears to my eyes. That is so funny that had I too stumbled across such a menu I would have had a ball with it.

    Oh my. That is hilarious.

    Bless ya for sharing.

  18. a bowl with some food in it that you eat with a spoon and sometimes sprinkle some other stuff on top of it. (soup)

  19. I think tonight will be lettuce with some other stuff on it, plus something liquid poured over it.

  20. We’re having biscuits with some stuff on them. Yum yum yum.

  21. I might have some food or something. But I really stopped by just to say that I wholeheartedly support any kind of slow clap.

  22. Hey, we must be having the same thing. That is if your “other stuff” is meatballs and some spaghetti sauce.

    That menu cracked me up. I think I may use this line when my boy asks what’s for dinner. I’m sure he will delighted by my response.

  23. I knew a guy once that I described to my husband as “he would be the guy at the end of the movie who was the jerk football player who starts the slow clap of appreciation for the underdog.” We all get the slow clap you speak of.

    Dinner? No clue. But for lunch, it was bread with cheese on top. I love, love, love this post.

  24. works well with soup too. Any kind of soup, same explanation. Liquid with stuff in it. Broth with stuff in it.

  25. Rutheee says:

    Love it!

  26. Friday night is always “A piece of dough with some other food put on top of it” night!

  27. Absolutely hilarious! How are you supposed to know what kind of food is on top? Just take your chances I guess!

  28. So, your post made me LOL, and the comments that follow make it even funnier….

    Gonna go get a cup and put some kind of liquid in it.

  29. Um, this is really weird because I was just coming to leave you a comment with a website I think you might enjoy:

    http://www.baconfreak.com

    Please don’t ask why I know about it.

  30. Oh you should love this…we are having bacon with some other breakfast stuff! Yes the main thing is bacon not the eggs or hasbrowns.

  31. Your post reminds me of a Veggie Tales song…about meat.

    Oh and speaking of meat- you HAVE to watch “Pig Bomb” on the Discovery Channel- youtube it if it’s not on this weekend- it’s right up your alley and hilarious and informative all at once. Apparently we’re being overrun by wild pigs in the South.

    Who knew?

  32. At our house, we are having hot water with some stuff floating in it (otherwise known as soup).

  33. That made me laugh very hard.

  34. LOL

    We’re having ham with veggies I found in the frig and then boiled to death with some stuff from the spice cabinet. Some people call it soup. We had it for lunch, too.

  35. There’s a blog byline in there somewhere. . . “A lot of words with some more words put on top of it”.

    But I’m with you. If I see menu descriptions that use phrases like “glazed with lemon almondine” and the like, I run for my life.

  36. lavonda says:

    I guess we’re havind donburi, because it’s gonna be rice, with some other food put on top of it!

  37. We’re just having a plate with some stuff on it.

  38. HAHAHAHA! Too funny!
    Us? We’re having meat, with some bread wrapped around it, shoved ON A STICK!! How’s THAT for a description?

  39. We’re having a pile of yellow, a pile of orange, and a pile of brown. Dig in!

  40. We had Hamburger Helper Cheeseburger Macaroni ’cause girlie had to get a baby root canal. (Yes, my 5 year old.) We were going for soft and mushy, but hey, I could have made it with “some other food on top of it.” Gee, the creativity that I missed out on.

    Enjoy the mystery that comes with your dinner!

  41. We had lunch with lots of food on it, so for supper we’re having a bowl with stuff floating in it (Reece’s Puffs, to be precise!) Yes, we are health nuts.

  42. That menu is a hoot! We’re actually putting a cookie sheet with some food on it into the oven…real gourmet here tonight! :)

  43. We personally had some bread with some stuff in between (which would count for the hamburgers AND hot dogs we had LOL

    You had even my hubby laughing :)

  44. That menu is hyterical! You should have “borrowed” one and sent it in for Jay Leno’s “Headlines” bit.

    Have you heard comedian Jim Gaffigan talking about mexican food?

    http://comedians.comedycentral.com/jim-gaffigan/videos/jim-gaffigan—bottled-water

    (wait until about 1:55)

    Tonight, we had rice with some other food on top. Maybe it was Donburi!

  45. Tonight we had Buffalo wings (frozen heated up) and celery with ranch dip while we watched basketball!
    So glad you have girlfriends with which to laugh.

  46. I LOVE that.. except that hopefully the “other stuff” never meowed or barked. ugh. Anyway, around here? We HAD to go see “Monsters vs. Aliens”, so WE had lots of corn kernels heated until they split open, some spun sugar syrup with food coloring, and carbonated water with corn syrup and caramel coloring. Yum. Very nutritious. I think we may have dug in the fridge later for some pork products, but since I’m in a sugar coma, I can’t say for sure.

  47. I just read this to my husband. I can’t stop laughing.

    ” I mean, if you think about it, there‚Äôs really only so much you need to know when ordering food, and in this case the complete absence of flowery, descriptive language made me want to stand up, ask if I could see the person who wrote the menu, then start a slow clap that would gradually catch on from table to table until every single patron was on his or her feet, cheering wildly, and the whole restaurant basically resembled the final game in Hoosiers.”

    Husband said, “That’s a sentence, right there!”

    BooMama, you made my day, again.

  48. Ditto for my salad tonight. :)

  49. That is so totally funny! We went out to eat tonight before the CHRIS TOMLIN CONCERT…WITH CHRISTY NOCKELS AND ISRAEL HOUGHTON & THE NEW BREED…OH YES IT WAS AWESOME!!! And we ate ate Chicago Pizzaria Uno. I had two halves of a bun with some stuff in between and a few other things scattered on the plate. ;)

  50. We had lettuce with some stuff thrown in it and chicken strips with some stuff thrown on it! :) It was yummy!

  51. Oh you are TOO FUNNY!!! I’m the only one still up tonight, and I’m sitting here in the dark at the computer and laughing out loud all by myself.
    So Funny.
    :o)
    Having lived in Japan previously, I especially appreciated this post because the translation issues are sometimes just too hilarious not to share.
    Thanks for helping me end my day on a happy note!
    p.s. I just had a snack before bed – a bowl of milk with some stuff in it… LOL!!!!!

  52. You’re right. Simpliest is best. I’ll remind my kids of that the next time they challenge my directions with a good ole “Because I said so.” Simple, to the point and completely true.

  53. Just had to add…we LOVED our piles. My little king ate primarily the orange and brown {actually ate all the orange at once and wanted more, but mama said ‘no, no…eat your other piles first’}

    Nothing like a good pile of foodage.

  54. Amen you made a great point there!!!

  55. We had noodles with some other food mixed in it and baked. It was delish :)

    I loved the Simpsons line – it killed me!

  56. I absolutely love that menu. Did you take it with you? Should have totally taken it and put it in your purse and kept for a good laugh. ;) Not that I recommend stealing or anything.

  57. I know the picture is blurry and it probably says “miso” but at first glance, I thought the line underneath said, “Served with ‘misc’ soup and house salad.”

    So, like, rice with some other food on top, served with some ‘miscellaneous’ soup and leafy green stuff.

    Made me laugh, anyway…

  58. OH MY WORD, laughed so hard at this I almost sprayed Cherry Coke on my keyboard.

    BooMama, don’t ever, ever, ever stop writing. You’re keepin’ my belly firm.

  59. Two quick observations –

    I’m a big believer in your title and use it all the time at work; I actually argued it to a jury one time in a closing argument. It’s called Occam’s Razor and stands for the logical principle that all things being equal, the simplest explanation is the correct one.

    Second, our favorite sushi place is staffed by all Japanese people. And for some reason this amazes me. I’m similarly amazed that all our Mexican restaurants are completely staffed by Mexican people. Because I wonder how they got here. Was there really some moment where an actual group of people sitting around in Japan/Mexico spun a globe, blindfolded, put their finger down, took off the blindfold and said, “Mah-dee-sun??”

    But anyway. One Sunday night I went to the sushi place to pick up our order, and when I walked up to the take out counter a very prim and proper Japanese woman looked at me, then looked at the name on the order, and said, “Um . . . Booty?”

  60. So did anyone order the bowl of steamed rice with some other food on top of it? And what was the other food?

  61. Ok… loved the menu description but your thoughts about how you want to cheer the menu writer made me laugh a lot , out loud. And I needed that. Had a not so great day today. So, thank you boomama. I’m starting a slow clap for you… :)

  62. I live in Indiana so I guess I’ll have me
    some Hoosier fries

  63. Oh, sweet food-topped rice, this is one time that an absolutely hilarious post just might get upstaged by the comments! I’m so glad I came back by to read them, cause I’ve gotten some big laughs out of a lot of them. Poor Buddy.. I would never have realized that his name in Japanese is “Booty”… oh my word, that is funny! Boo Mama, you bring out the best in all of us….

  64. some goop with chicken and crackers on top, and squash squashed up with cheese and some chopped stuff. Honey, that needs to go to the Leno show. It is EXCELLENT! I can just imagine being in a restaurant with my best chickie and reading that!

  65. I had to hold in my laughter because my dh thinks I’m nuts when I laugh out loud at the computer while he’s trying to concentrate…..

    We’re having some spicy red soup like stuff with some more stuff in it and on it for supper.
    (How else do you describe chili??) That’s a hard one: someone needs to come up with a better description than I did.

    Oh BooMama…after the week I’ve had; this was a treasure. Thank you!!!!

  66. Tonight we’re having potatoes with some kind of cow by-products on top.