Remember when The Bachelor was on and Melanie and I thought a sure-fire way for the bachelorettes to know if they were reallllly ready for motherhood would be for them to take care of Jason’s little boy when he had a stomach virus?
Well. Today I thought of a new test.
I think it might be better than the first one.
Want to know if you’re ready for motherhood? REALLLLLLY ready?
Take a little boy who’s in kindergarten to buy shoes.
And you can’t go to one of those fancy stores where they let you sit in chairs while they bring you different styles and sizes. Oh, no ma’am. You have to go to a Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse where there are all sorts of helmets and balls and scooters and treadmills vying for your child’s attention attention while you try to find and fetch the shoes your own dadgum self.
SWEET. MERCY.
Because I’m here to tell you: after going to Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse to buy the little man a very basic pair of New Balance exactly like the ones he’s worn for the last seven months but now outgrown, and after 45 minutes of trying to find the right size and the right width and the right style to accommodate a super-high arch, and after getting the young’un who needed the shoes sufficiently settled down so he could try on the shoes and subsequently “go for a quick run, Mama” to see if he will be “really SUPER fast” when he wears them, I grabbed his hand, led him to the aisle with kids’ shoes and said, “Pick out the ones you want.”
I figured that if he loved the shoes enough then he would convince himself that the fit was perfectly adequate. This is a shoe-buying strategy that I’ve employed countless times in my own life, and since I was burning up hot and in dire need of a trip to the restroom, I knew that something had to give. Desperate times, desperate measures, etc. and so on and so forth.
And that is why the boy and I walked out of Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse earlier today with some newly-purchased sneakers that cost less than $20 and have big plastic pictures of Iron Man on the sides. They even light up when you walk. They’re ugly as all get out, and my child loves them and cannot quit admiring his feet.
Also: my child has never seen Iron Man.
Go figure.
By the way, on about four different occasions during the shoe shopping I found myself wondering WHAT IN THE SAM HILL I would have done if I’d had more than one child with me. What would I have done if I’d been trying to manage, say, an infant and a two-year old in addition to the boy who needed the shoes?
I’m not sure, but I think it would’ve involved a lot of crying.
And my hypothetical extended brood probably wouldn’t have been very happy, either.
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I have a 3 year old and one year old. We all go to the grocery store often and you typically gets lots of extra “help” (and pity) from the employees when the parent to child ratio is off balance. I love PUBLIX!!
Oh you are a hoot. I think no matter how many children you have something like that is traumatic. I said to my hubby yesterday, “The kids (2 1/2 and 1 1/2) need shoes but I’M NOT TAKING THEM. Good Luck.” The funniest part is he has no idea what’s coming.
p.s. My son’s shoes light up and you’d think they cost a million dollars he loves them so much. My mother-in-law thinks they’re horrendous. And they kinda are.
Oh, it’s a sad, sad day when the boy looks at the light up shoes and says “I can’t wear these, Mom; people will laugh at me.” Sad on several different levels; he’s growing up, he’s aware of peer pressure, and my wallet will NEVER be the same. :<( My next door neighbor, bless her heart, has 4 (FOUR!!) girls, ages 11, 9, 3, and 2. Feel free to weep for her… between the hormones and the shoe spats, I don’t know that they’ll all make it out of there alive.
I have learned over the years with 3 precious but demanding boys….we shop one at a time. Its all I can handle or someone will end up missing. ;)
So funny! I love that you broke down and let him choose. That’s important. They sound just so ugly, truly they do, but who cares? He loves them!
I have 2-year old twin boys and a 7-month old baby girl and let me assure you, it is madness when we go anywhere. And you know, we just have to sometimes. Sometimes I just need to get out and go to Target to, you know, mingle with adults. People are always stopping and saying, “Oh, you poor thing! You must have your hands full!” And I just want to say, “Yes, but don’t pity me. Pity my husband. He has to live with my crazy desire to procreate.”
And yes, we’ve done the shoe shopping. It was past nap time. It was past lunchtime. It involved tantrums and tears. I don’t like to relive it.
I’ve got two. I cried.
Then I swore I’d never, NEVER, do that again!
I’ll tell you what she does with four in 8 1/2 years. She picks two pair she can handle for each child and gives the child a choice. Then she sizes everybody and promises that if they are REALLY good they can have a real live slush from the Sonic afterwards. Then she puts on an “Adventures in Odyssey” CD and orders herself a Cherry Limeade and breathes a sigh of relief. Then she takes them home for rest/ nap time and falls into the bed herself. And she sleeps…sweet, sweet sleep. THE END.
Oh so much crying would it involve. Oh so much. I was just going to say that my almost 4-year-old boy has the attention span of… but I couldn’t think of anything smaller or more distractable than he. It’s why we call him the Melon Head and although at times adorable, not so much during the shoe shopping. I used to be very judgmental of moms who bought their kids crazy light up character shoes, especially violent ones. Parenting a young boy changes a person. Bring on the shoes with a machine-gun-toting piece of bacon that sprays fireworks wherever he goes and I’ll have a hard time leaving them in the store if it means I can escape with my life and sanity.
For some reason, my boy has an incredibly hard time finding a pair of shoes that is comfortable. His foot is an average width, but his heel is very narrow. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the words, “my heel is slipping.”
Our shopping trips usually involve the boy trying on no less than 50 pairs of shoes at 4-5 different stores. By pair 22, I’m ready to hand over enormous wads of cash to anyone who can find a shoe that won’t give him blisters.
I long for the day when the boy is old enough to drive himself to the store and buy his own shoes.
When I find a pair that fits my kid, I go ahead and buy the next size up, too. Saves me a trip and it’s hard enough to find a pair she likes.
We are on spring break here and I took all three of my kids to the mall the other day. Reminded me of why I never do that without my husband. And my kids are older(13,10,7). You would think it would get easier when they are older.
Your “hypothetical” is my “reality.”
And quite often, including tonight, tears are involved.
But never, NEVER, are Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouses tackled without more than one adult. You will either leave with 19 pairs of Hannah Montana sunglasses or someone will get spanked in the store. It’s a given.
that is hilarious. and i am feeling you sister. not sure where in AL you live, but they have a NB store up here in huntsville. so that makes it a little easier. but my 5 year old, who has also never seen any of the super hero movies, LOVES them and anything with them on it. and i AM the woman at the end. only it’s worse…my middle one is 3.5…with red hair…like the first one who is 5.5…and little bit is 10 months. you said it best…sweet mercy!!
Oh my sweet goodness…I just peed my pants laughing so hard! At least you have a boy. Girls are terrible and I have 2 of them. They never can make up their minds about which shoes they want and the older they get the worse they get. It’s only April 1 and I promise each girl already has at least 14 pairs of new flip flops for summer. Now most of those came from the 2 for $5 at Old Navy though.
You are hilarious and reading your blog makes me laugh so hard it makes my sides hurt. I read you and Big Mama every day. Your spin on the every day things in life that are so true makes you ever so much more funny. Thank you for taking the time to share a part of yourself with strangers on the internet such as myself.
I am laughing out loud! I have sooo been there. I have 3 boys (11, 9, 3). A few months ago, I got a bee in my bonnet that we should all go together to get new shoes. After two hours and four shoe stores, I just purchased 3 pair of random shoes. I am not even sure they fit. I am not even sure they were boys shoes! And worse yet, at that point I didn’t even care.
I took my 6 year old, four year old and one year old all at the same time to shoe shop. There were tears from everyone involved, including the store clerk I believe. We walked out with shoes and I felt like I won an Olympic medal!
My word. Your post alone just convinced me to delay childbearing for at least another five years.
Here is my suggestion–TRIED AND TRUE–buy three different sizes in each style that you think might fit/the child might like while you are GLORIOUSLY alone. Take them home and try them on the child while they are DEEPLY involved in a t.v. show that can be paused. Have them run their lap in the house and give the thumbs up or thumbs down, then turn the show BACK on while you try the next pair.
Return everything that doesn’t work. (By “everything” I mean THE SHOES. . .not the child.)
This is so timely because I just had the 13 year old with the really high arch in Tarjay not 3 hours ago trying to purchase a pair of dress shoes for the band concert tomorrow night. Oh good gravy! We had this crazy huge argument right there in the aisle and just about the time they finished my cousin’s wife walked out from behind the rack. Her sons are grown and now have wives to take them shoe shopping. She laughed at me! Sophie, it won’t get any easier. And you think the Iron Man shoes are ugly? Wait until you see the skateboarding shoes that “oh no we can’t tie the laces cuz that’s just not the way they are worn”. Because I’d kill for Iron Man shoes over the skateboarder shoes that don’t get tied.
our boys are about the same age…and he loves Iron Man. Never seen him, has no idea what he’s about, but the kid loves him.
He (my boy) also has a Star Wars obsession. We own 8 lightsabers. I am being forced into the dark side against my will.
And no matter how hard I try to avoid them, we end up with those creatures on his feet too. What’s a mama to do?
I feel your pain
I took cole to the GSGS the other day for soccer cleats
Oh heavens I thought we were never going to get out of there
Cole has a tendency to want to touch EVERYTHING and he just can NOT seem to help it
And it makes the shopping excursions incredibly long and painful!!
So now I just buy the shoes, clothes etc
and tell them they are his size and PRAY that they are
Blessings
Kim
I’m about to have my fourth and I cry at the shops all the time. Is there any other way to shop when you have children with you?
Oh Yeah, I have three boys and there would be a lot of crying and gnashing of teeth and that would have been just you “)
Girl, you’re cracking me up. But only in the “if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry” kind of way. Because come August? I’ll have a five and a half year old, a three year old and a NEWBORN at the shoe store with me. Still haven’t totally figured out how that’s going to work……..
Yeah, I’ll have to get back to you.
THAT is so funny! I just buy shoes and bring them home to my kids and they go crazy with excitement because they have no idea what the other choices were!!
here’s a tip I learned from my next door neighbor, who has four kids: Go to the store by yourself. Buy multiple pairs of shoes in several different sizes. Keep the receipt. Take them home and let the kid try them on AT HOME. Return all but one pair of shoes.
Sure, it’s two trips to the store, but it’s two trips to the store without drama, and that’s always good.
She does the same thing for bathing suits, but probably with a boy, you get to skip a lot of angst in that area.
I have boys aged 4, 2, and 1. We were shoe shopping for my oldest yesterday. We hit Payless as soon as it opened & was empty. I let the 2 year old run wild through the store & chain- fed snacks to the baby while I did all the work on finding shoes. The ” sales clerk” pretty much ignored us, even after I asked for help. We were out of there in 15 min without character shoes. But I did promise them for Kindergarten next fall.
I have 3 to take shoe shopping. The tantrums, screaming, and crying were a bit of a distraction to the other Payless employees. My children behaved worse. :)
Now I just buy them big ugly Croc-knockoffs and upped our insurance.
Pftttt…That is what babysitters are for. (Namely husbands or grandparents) I am not out to prove myself to be SuperMom b/c I can take two kids bra shopping. No, thank you. I left the three-year-old at my mom’s and took the baby. He has much better taste, anyway.
Enjoy the $20 sneaks while you can. Now a days I set a $90 limit, and it’s still hard to find any!
Oh, yes there would have been more crying. It would be especially sad if you were not wearing waterproof mascara! My goal is to take each child individually for shoes…doesn’t always work out, but it sure does simplify things.
I took all THREE kiddos with me to Academy to get my 10 yr old shoes. Yuk! He wasn’t the problem, it was his 2 sisters who kept fighting over the little stool with the “slide”. You know the thing that is used by the person helping you so that they can lace up your kid’s shoes. But wait, no one was helping me. The girls were fighting over that, running helter-skelter and my 4 yr old kept taking her shoes off and trying on everything in sight. I wanted to cry but felt very proud of myself for keeping it together and leaving with my mission accomplished.
Okay, I have another bacon comment that I have to share. (your bacon in the the title triggered my memory…)
The other night we were having breakfast for dinner (of course!) and I must have bought the thick kind of bacon. The kind that when cooked (in the microwave) gets chewy instead of crisp? Well, my #2 daughter ate some and said, “Mom? I can still taste the PIG in this”
Oh my goodness. After I figured out what she meant, I was rolling. I assured her the Pig was cooked out of it and that it was honest to goodness bacon. Just chewy, not crisp.
I am laughing so hard right now…. that life you described. That’s my life! And yes, sometimes there is crying but definitely a lot of burying your head in your hands. I just broke down last week and bought one of those awful kid leashes for my 2 year old. Works like a charm!
LOL!! I am SO going to use the “Yes, but don’t pity me. Pity my husband. He has to live with my crazy desire to procreate.” from Christine the next time I hear “You must have your hands full.” I can’t wait! (btw, my kids are 4, 2 and 6 mos.)
Come to think of it, bacon might go ok with filet of
Sole.
Too funny! My boys lived in character shoes when they were little…light up ones were always a big hit. We just did the shoe buying thing…fortunately hubby was able to go w/ us.
Totally been there. I make hubby go with me to Aca – I mean gigantor sporting goods store to buy shoes for the kids. The size I need is always balanced ten feet above my head which makes my head want to explode!
Thank you for always making me laugh!
Hmm. My dad is #9 of 11 kids, and my mom is #5 of 6 kids . . . what I really wonder is how my grandmas ever got anything done in their own homes!
I have three, and we’re working on #4 — the key for us is that usually one of the kids is capable of good behavior, and the other two are forced to sit in a shopping cart, the 2-yr-old in the front, and our middle in the merchandise part.
It does mean that I can only go to stores that have carts, though. But at least I may only have to chase one child (and make sure the others stay sitting in the cart!
Thanks for the laugh!! Now, if only I could say I have NO IDEA what you are talking about. :)
Don’t you just love how boys “can run REALLY FAST!!” when they have new shoes on their feet?!
Yeah…the light up shoes are SO UGLY and TACKY! The truth is though….you only care how ugly they are with child #1. (she’s 6 by the way) Child #2 (age 4) with light up shoes still leaves a little bit of sickness in your stomach, but by child #3 (18 months)….who cares what is on their feet? I don’t even care if #3 has on 2 different shoes. He can wear a boot and a flip flop for all I care.
With three kids all concern about appearances fly out the window and you just pray to God that you can make it through the day……alive.
I’m a relatively new reader. I have read your site from time to time when one of my blogger friends links to it or e-mails to tell me to read one of your stories. But this week, I bookmarked you. I just read the story of how BooMama came to be and it really tickled me.
Thanks for writing. I really relate to your stories so much. And I think we have a similar sense of humor though I don’t express mine nearly as well. I will continue to check in.
Hahahaha. Your hypothetical scenario describes my life. I have heard “You’ve got your hands full” approximately every single time I’ve gone to the grocery store. They won’t be young forever, I keep telling myself.
It wasn’t until I had #2 that #1 said to me: “mommy, I just prayed to God to help you stop yelling”. GUT PUNCH! 2 boys and Mother-in-law keeps pressing to try for “that girl”. My response: If I was a stronger woman! Alas, I am not! How do these women do it?! My #1 wore his Spiderman crocs well into the winter -with socks!! (Big Mama would be horrified). You just lower that bar! Works for me! And a little bacon certainly can’t hurt! Love ya!
I only have one child as well. Honestly, I truly admire any woman who has more than one. I don’t know how they do it.
I’m glad he chose the ones with Iron Man rather than the bacon.
That would be me (almost) I have a 6 1/2 year old, a 3 1/2 year old, and a 1 1/2 year old. What you do??? You buy them when you don’t have any kids with you!!!! Of course, that’s never the case for me, I always have at least one with me!! Before you leave the house you look at the size of the old shoes. Then mentally add 1 or 1 1/2 (or even 2) sizes to that number, so you know which size to get. Don’t try on the shoes, they never fit a kid perfectly anyway… Just buy the ones you like in the appropriate new size, when he’s at school :)
Oh yes, I and I get the “my, your hands are full” comment all the time. I always respond, “better full than empty!” My 3 don’t begin to compare to the families I know with 4, 5, 6, and 7 kids :)
I love that he had to take a quick run to test them out. Haha!
Yes, ma’am. You got it. You betcha.
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