Remember when The Bachelor was on and Melanie and I thought a sure-fire way for the bachelorettes to know if they were reallllly ready for motherhood would be for them to take care of Jason’s little boy when he had a stomach virus?
Well. Today I thought of a new test.
I think it might be better than the first one.
Want to know if you’re ready for motherhood? REALLLLLLY ready?
Take a little boy who’s in kindergarten to buy shoes.
And you can’t go to one of those fancy stores where they let you sit in chairs while they bring you different styles and sizes. Oh, no ma’am. You have to go to a Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse where there are all sorts of helmets and balls and scooters and treadmills vying for your child’s attention attention while you try to find and fetch the shoes your own dadgum self.
SWEET. MERCY.
Because I’m here to tell you: after going to Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse to buy the little man a very basic pair of New Balance exactly like the ones he’s worn for the last seven months but now outgrown, and after 45 minutes of trying to find the right size and the right width and the right style to accommodate a super-high arch, and after getting the young’un who needed the shoes sufficiently settled down so he could try on the shoes and subsequently “go for a quick run, Mama” to see if he will be “really SUPER fast” when he wears them, I grabbed his hand, led him to the aisle with kids’ shoes and said, “Pick out the ones you want.”
I figured that if he loved the shoes enough then he would convince himself that the fit was perfectly adequate. This is a shoe-buying strategy that I’ve employed countless times in my own life, and since I was burning up hot and in dire need of a trip to the restroom, I knew that something had to give. Desperate times, desperate measures, etc. and so on and so forth.
And that is why the boy and I walked out of Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse earlier today with some newly-purchased sneakers that cost less than $20 and have big plastic pictures of Iron Man on the sides. They even light up when you walk. They’re ugly as all get out, and my child loves them and cannot quit admiring his feet.
Also: my child has never seen Iron Man.
Go figure.
By the way, on about four different occasions during the shoe shopping I found myself wondering WHAT IN THE SAM HILL I would have done if I’d had more than one child with me. What would I have done if I’d been trying to manage, say, an infant and a two-year old in addition to the boy who needed the shoes?
I’m not sure, but I think it would’ve involved a lot of crying.
And my hypothetical extended brood probably wouldn’t have been very happy, either.
{ 73 comments }
← Previous Comments
Whenyou have more than one hild you go to the fancy shoe store that has excellent customer service! I have four children, the oldest is five and this is where I shop every time! If I have to get a night job to pay for shoes, I will.
Just think…swimsuit shopping will be SO much easier since he’s a boy and not a girl. (hopefully!)
K- has a narrow foot, narrow heel and a high arch.
I feel your pain more than you know.
This must be why The Duggar Family shops for their kids’ shoes at the local Goodwill… Well, that and the fact that there are 407 of them.
I have yet to enter the “shoe shopping” phase of motherhood but I have big plans to eliminate the “shopping” part. All you need is a recycled tire, an old leather handbag and some super glue. Let me know how it goes.
I got so tickled picturing those shoes.
Nothing really profound to say, just wanted to say thanks for that laugh. :)
I have convinced my husband that one of two things need to happen if he expects to remain in a happy marriage. Either he goes with me on shopping trips and helps manage the kids or I go with one or fewer children accompanying me.
He learned quickly and we’ve been happily married for 11 years.
Well, I have three little girls, ages 6, 4, and 2, and shoe shopping is one of the hardest parts of motherhood for me! Usually what happens is they get their hearts set on a certain shoe which either is not available in their size or just doesn’t fit right (they have narrow feet). And we buy their shoes at an Outlet, so there is no nice lady to go get all the different styles. Lately, I just take each girl separately or recruit my mom to entertain two of them while I shop for one at a time. It is a headache, no matter how many children are involved!
I have a 11 year old son, a 6 year old son, and a 3 year old daughter. By far, the worst one to find shoes for is my 11 year old! (He’s too much like me…all of the shoes “feel funny.” sigh…) It makes me so happy when we find the exact same pair he just outgrew, in the next size. And, of course, they feel funny, even if only ever-so-briefly. The entire shoe shopping time is spent with me doing crowd control while trying to somehow will those shoes to fit perfectly. :) And, no, it is NOT pleasant!! ;) And they all seem to need shoes at the same time. UGH. As an aside, WHY does Walmart have to have such narrow aisles in the shoe department??
What I want to know is what moron who calls themselves a marketing exec said, “Hey! Let’s put a character from a PG-13 movie on a seven year old’s shoes!!! They’ll love it!!”
I MEAN – what is going on there? Are those made specifically to torture poor mothers such as yourself when the kiddo naturally falls in love with the ugly and completely nonsensical shoes of characters that they don’t even know?
Actually, if I were in charge of clothing marketing, I think I’d get rid of all television and movie characters on ANY pieces of clothing.
Even diapers.
Because they just ruin the whole effect of white, lacy bloomers.
He has such a flair for style. :)
Wow. I didn’t even know Iron Man had his own tennis shoe. My boys always choose the shoes with that Disney Pixar goldmine, Lightning McQueen on them. It’s a sure-fire bet that anything with his smiling face will be a hit. Shoe shopping = FUN TIMES =)
Too funny, girlfriend. I can so relate to the “let me test these out to see how fast they are.” And I do have to carry two with me. And now, sweet friend, the good Lord has chosen me just one more time to add to the brood. I’ve gotten a surprise blessing. Just when I thought I was done with sippy cups and diaper wipes, I find myself starting over. Thanks for the laugh this morning. :)
Ooooh. I’ve so been there. In fact, read this (http://davidsonden.blogspot.com/2008/12/little-thanksgiving-irony.html) and you’ll get a glimpse of what I mean.
Oh…the little boy shoe shopping. Yes, that would separate the “men from the boys” or the mamas from the “posers” so to speak! I have endured many hours of the shoe dilemmas with my two boys. You captured the scenario quite well!
Blessings to you…
I only had one and when it was time to shop for shoes, I would stand her on a piece of paper, draw the outline of her feet, cut them out and take them with me to the store to “fit” them. Worked like a charm and I never had to deal with the tantrums, etc. This worked until she actually cared what kind of shoes she was wearing and at that point, she was interested enough to like shoe shopping. I don’t know how y’all with multiples do it..sweet mercy!
Having four kids in four years I can tell you what would have happened if you had more than one child with you. And it’s not pretty. It might even be scary. But I don’t want to put anybody off either…
Well, quite frankly, I avoid shopping with all of mine at all costs. I prefer for my hair follicles to stay IN my head. And I have really, really good kids. If I do say so myself.
But, no way, no how is shopping with all my kids ever easy.
Well, maybe it would be if we all wore diapers and had a chocolate iv drip.
-Andrea
I love your blog for many reasons, but the number one thing is this: Southernisms
Such as: DADGUM, WHAT IN SAM HILL, etc.
L.O.V.E IT!
From one Bama girl to another,
Trina
My 7 year-old little lady only likes her brown Payless sneakers. period.
Capris and tank top? brown sneakers
Bathing suit and cover up? brown sneakers
Bath towel? brown sneakers
Cute skirt and snappy top? brown sneakers
Lovely new Easter outfit? brown sneakers
Wedding gown? brown sneakers
It is OH SO SAD!
Oh my… I understand.
I am also the mom of one. Boy.
And I find myself staring at families with more than mine. I mean staring… open mouth… and wondering how in the heck they do it. I think a few times, I’ve bowed down in deep humility as they passed. Not worthy… not worthy…
Keep the laughs coming!
I’m pretty sure even with one child, I would still have to do the online thing… and that’s coming from a gal who LURVES the shoe store (even the Gigantor Sporting Goods Warehouse!)
← Previous Comments
Comments on this entry are closed.