Last week I was catching up on Vicki’s blog, and I saw that she’d issued a bit of a challenge to her readers: 30 days of 30 Day Shred. And for reasons I have yet to fully understand, I immediately thought, “Okay. I’m in.” AND I SIGNED UP FOR IT.
CLEARLY SOME FITNESS-MINDED ALIENS SEIZED CONTROL OF MY MIND.
So I bought the DVD and decided that today would be Day One.
OH MY MERCIFUL HEAVENS.
However, in a delightfully unexpected turn of events, Melanie and I realized today that we both had committed to Vicki’s 30 Day challenge. I cannot overstate the importance of this discovery because HELLO, ACCOUNTABILITY, NICE TO SEE YOU. We also realized that we were both planning to set aside some time to “shred” this afternoon, but we were sort of blase’ about it because the workout only lasts 20 minutes, and how hard could that be, right? I mean, I can do all sorts of things for 20 minutes: I can lift the fried chicken off of my plate and put it into my mouth, I can repeatedly mash the buttons on the TV remote, and I can also send and receive countless text messages while continually sipping an ice cold diet Coke.
You may be picking up on why the aliens seized control of my mind and convinced me to sign up for the challenge in the first place.
So this afternoon, when there was not another living soul in this house, I turned on the DVD and got ready to feel the burn. I even wore my brand new lavender leotard and hot pink leg warmers.
Oh, I kid because there was a time when I really did own a lavender leotard and hot pink leg warmers.
I will spare you all the details of my initial foray into shredding, but suffice to say that within the first five minutes of the workout I was thinking Not Nice Things about Jillian and her perky fitness compadres. It didn’t help that Anita – who was quickly becoming my new BFF since she was in charge of showing us the “modified” moves, aka The Moves For Those Of You Whose Primary Form Of Exercise Has Been Pointing Your Toes While Typing – had abs so defined that I thought at first they must surely be the creation of some subtle airbrushing, only to realize that OH, those abs are totally real, and MY WORD, they are spectacular.
However, I moved past my bitterness, soldiered through the workout (does it tell you something that I was actually relieved when it was time for the ab segments because that meant I got to LIE ON THE FLOOR?), and y’all, when those twenty minutes were over, my leg muscles were so exhausted that my very first thought was I’ll never walk normally again.
Sure enough, I spent the next forty-five minutes trying to figure out how I was going to walk without looking like some straight-from-the-boondocks contestant on America’s Next Top Model who is trying to impress Tyra with what she thinks is a fierce runway walk. The only way I could manage to keep my knees from locking up was to lift my the tops of my legs to a forty-five degree angle with my waist, then sort of kick out my leg until my foot hit the floor, and later, when Melanie and I were laughing until we cried about The Day Jillian Nearly Killed Us, I described my new walk as something along the lines of what you’d expect from a demented clydesdale. In other words: it’s very sexy and now.
So tomorrow Jillian and I will meet again, and I don’t really know what to expect since I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to move my legs at all. However, I have decided that if I am not in fact mobile, then I will track down some sort of beige marker and spend my twenty minutes watching Jillian tell me to WORK HARDER and PUNCH IT OUT while I draw ab muscles on my stomach in an attempt to replicate Anita’s rockin’ six-pack.
Certainly I am climbing to new heights of fitness!
Or at least I will be.
Just as soon as I can, you know, stand up.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am
I feel certain Jillian’s people will be calling you to do promos for her next workout video! This post made me want to just eat more chicken and brownies! Exercise? Why? Do I really want to live to be THAT old? And what in the world is wrong with the plus size clothes? Nothing — not a thing…..
My DVD should arrive Thursday — I’m NOT looking forward to this.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Oh, BooMama, read this:
YOU MUST TAKE A DAY OF REST (at least) when starting a new excercise plan, so your muscles can repair themselves. Do NOT, I beg you, try to excercise again today! I speak from experience, remembering my screaming thigh muscles after the first time I did lunges. Sitting down on the commode the next day . . . not to mention getting back up . . . was not pretty. :o)
– Nancy
April 28th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I am always SO sore after the first few days of working out, which is why I never continue with it. But I can never make it sound as funny as you do!
April 28th, 2009 at 10:55 am
It will get better!! After about the third day, I wasn’t that sore. Today will be day 11, and I’m going to try out level 2. The ibuprofen is on stand-by.
And while Vicki uses the five pound weights, I discovered that there was NO WAY I could start out with those! I started out with 2 pound weights and have moved up to the 3 pounders. (Except for those shoulder raises. Still need 2 pounds for those!)
April 28th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Girl I started this last week….and I have NEVER hurt in some of the places I hurt!!! BUT….my daily walk upstairs just wasn’t cutting it anymore. :)
Hang in there,
steph.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Gosh girl, you make me laugh. Glad you and Mel are joining me in the Shred challenge. I hearby crown thee an official Shred-head. Peace be with you…and a bottle of Advil to boot.
See you at the end of the summer celebratory pool party. :)
April 28th, 2009 at 11:18 am
be so glad that your boy is old enough to help you put your shoes on for the next 3 days.
or just wear slip on shoes till you can move again…
April 28th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Shred is going to be the answer to my baby weight. I bought it a few weeks ago and I’ve done it a total of once. But you have encouraged me to find 20 minutes a day to do it. Or I will be wearing my winter clothes all summer so I don’t have to bare my body.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I’m off to buy this DVD today. I’m SCARED! But determined!
April 28th, 2009 at 11:38 am
BAAAHAAAA!
I have had this video on top of my entertainment center since January. It has not helped me at all….since I have yet to take it out of the package! I am not sure if I want to now, I’m scared.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:54 am
the shred is tough! i did it for 3 weeks straight, and then fizzled for the last week. maybe i should try it again! just wait until you know all the words, “don’t phone it in”! i have been able to stay faithful doing leslie sansone dvd’s though.
April 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I’m tempted to go and buy it. As I was running this morning,and dying because it was hot!, I thought an indoor workout sounded right nice! I’m a little scared of it though. I may need to install handicap rails in the bathroom…
April 28th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
A demented clydesdale? Oh my word I cannot stop laughing!
April 28th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I didn’t actually “sign up” for it on Vicki’s blog, but I did order it when I saw it there:) I am on day two and even though I was in soooo much pain I did it this morning and it was slightly easier! Don’t give up! I say this even though I can barely stand up now and too am doing the funky walk;)
April 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I did it three days ago and today is the first day that I feel like I don’t need a handrail to sit down on the toilet.
I seriously thought I was going to pass out when I had to squat down and pick something up the other day.
April 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
dude. buz and i have been shredding for about five days now. and his response last night when we finished? “you know? this is actually the first night i haven’t felt the need to vomit or faint.”
i am so sending him this link.
and whoever commented that she had the handicap suite with the handlebars? hysterical.
we will not be heading to level 2 anytime soon. and inches? nope, they’re gone. but the sleep i’m getting at night? well, would it help if i told you big h had to wake ME up to take him to school today?
press on, sister. i am.
(and by the way, this was by far one of the funniest things i’ve read in FOREVER.)
April 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I can’t stop laughing at everyone’s experiences (only b/c I know I would be at least as bad off!), but I AM convinced I need this video. I need someone to shred up my belly fat and I guess that someone might as well be Jillian!
April 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
i meant the inches are NOT gone. but i’m hopeful.
April 28th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Demented clydesdale? No doubt you are channelling Rosemary. :)
April 28th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I have been doing this for 22 days and I can just say….KEEP IT UP!! It starts feeling better and you will see a difference in your body!! (in a good way)
If you think level 1 is tough, just wait till you get to level 2 and level 3!! I have done 2 nights of level 3 and my legs hurt sooooo bad!! and abs are dieing!!
keep Shredding!!!
April 28th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I’m starting to Shred on May 1st. I’m weird and have to start things on even numbers and the 1st sounds better to me.
I’m so stinkin’ scared of this 20 minutes.
Please don’t say anything else about how sore you are or how hard it is. I can’t handle it. I’m afraid I might die.
April 28th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
The beige marker’s killin’ me.
April 28th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Wiping tears from eyes with the laughter…too funny! It would appear that the word “shred” refers to all the tiny little muscle fibers that now no longer work properly! More power to ya girl!
April 28th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I’m giving the 30 day Shred away on my blog!!!
http://www.meetthebakers.com/2009/04/first-giveaway.html
April 28th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I’m cracking up over your post. I saw Vickie’s site too, ran out to buy the dvd and that’s it…it is still in the package…I’m too scared to try it. Thanks for the laugh!
April 28th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Oh gracious, I know exactly what you’re saying! I had rented 30 Day Shred from Netflix (because I was too cheap to buy it before I knew if I liked it) and that thing is harsh! I am used to doing Tae-bo and things like that, and I thought there was no way a 20 min workout would do anything. I was so sore!
April 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Well, I didn’t know about the challenge, however, I did order the WAVE from the makers of The Firm…got started this week and now have two very tights knots in my tail!!! I think that means I had a good glute workout, but all I know is I have wanted to quit everytime I pop in the DVD…but I am making it through…hopefully anyway.
Thanks for the cheer and encouragement to keep up our temple. I have let mine go for a while…time to get my butt back in gear and do this thing…
April 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I just bought this video and have yet to try it. I’m hoping it is not so hard on me since I already workout for an hour and a half daily. My abs definitely need the work so hoping this will be a good addition to what I’m already doing at the gym.
Please let us know how you do.
April 28th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I read Vicki’s post about this and ordered it that very day off of Amazon, overnight delivery no less! I did it 5 days in a row and was barely able to walk, but feeling really good about myself.
Now I’ve discovered that I’m pregnant and will have to put it on the back burner for a while. But, as soon as this baby comes, Jillian and I will be enemies once again.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Excercise consisting of “pointing your toes while typing”!!!! I laughed so hard and LOUD that I made my dogs bark!!! Your humor can SO make my day!!
April 28th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Ooooh, I too have shredded. I too had the mistaken thought of “I can do anything for 20 minutes.” I tell you, my friend, that it is true…pride does come before the fall.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Oh how fun! Another fitness DVD for me to display on my shelf! I could put it right next to the Yoga Booty Ballet that was going to totally revolutionize my life.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
YOU make my abs hurt! Thanks for the laugh!
April 28th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I love that video! In fact, I’m planning on giving one away this week, I like it so much. Way to go for doing it for 30 days in a row!
April 28th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
My DVD came today as promised. As I was reading the back cover it says 2 minutes of warm up and 2 minutes of cool down which leaves only 16 minutes of torture. That’s positive thinking!
April 28th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Oh my heavens. This made me laugh hard. I have mentioned before that I go to “Praise Aerobics” at my church . . . which may or may not be a little like jazzercise. I’m not sure because that was a little before my time. Anyhoo – our instructor made us run suicides this morning. seriously? that’s the reason i quit soccer in high school . . . and haven’t run them since!
April 28th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Ok girlie, I did Day 2 thru TEARS (that was Sunday) because I felt like I was supposed to, but I’m thinking it was a bad decision.
I ended up taking Day 3 off (yesterday) and feel a TRILLION times better today, so I shredded.
All of that to say, if your body needs a day to recover from the shock of the h-e-double hockeysticks that we are putting it through, then allow yourself one day of rest. It makes a HUGE diff.
It is a KILLER, but we are all going to look awesome by Summer, huh?
Love to ya…
April 28th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
The first thing I noticed when I did that video was that I very clearly needed a sports bra. The second thing I noticed, later that day, was how many stairs there are in my house. Seriously, I can’t go to bed, do the laundry or go potty without going up or down the stairs. Thankfully I could just stay in the kitchen, which may be part of the problem in the first place. Starting again May 6th!
April 28th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Oh I can not wait!
I have ordered the DVD as well
and signed up on Vicki’s blog too
I am ready!
So easy for me to say now right ;)
April 28th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I have done this DVD and can testify that what you have written is no exaggeration. I never managed to do it every day; the soreness was just too much. And technically speaking, it’s confusing to me that she recommends doing it every day when a standard rule of strength training calls for resting the muscles you’ve worked for at least a day so as not to overwork them.
The pain will be worse tomorrow, just so you know. Just think of how you’ll feel 29 days from now, though!
April 28th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
i am cracking up! i bought that dvd last week and started this week as well, though i had no idea about vicki’s challenge thingy. i have never really exercised until last november, but i was looking for something to supplement the gym when i couldn’t get there. i remember doing it the first time and thinking murderous thoughts about jillian. so, we’ll go through it together, huh? and i am totally glad to have someone else suffering along with me:)
April 29th, 2009 at 9:19 am
With all the talk about this video I am no even more anxious (and by anxious I mean scared out of my mind) to try it. I’m glad I went with the 2 lb weights, I couldn’t decide between 2 or 3. Thank goodness for the 2′s.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Oh my word! That’s absolutely HILLARIOUS!!! I clicked over to catch up on your last few posts while I was on a really exciting conference call at the office. I got to this one and had to double and triple check that I was indeed on mute because the laughter would have been enough to get me called out in a New York minute! Thanks for a good start to the day – and maybe even for passing along a little encouragement to do my own time with Jillian. But I’m still thinking about that one.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Oh, Boomama, you just bought the DVD because there is a verb associated with cheese in the title! Good luck.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I’ve ordered my copy this morning. Thought the least I could do is know we’re all hurting together!!! Should we take before & after pictures? HA….
Blessings today and always,
Kaye
Matthew 21:22
April 29th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
OHMYGRANNY —
“demented clydesdale”
Pure comedic gold, woman. Laughed until I wheezed.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
I read your pose & Melanies and decided that I had to give it a try. I just finished Day 1 and I’m not sure I can walk up my stairs to go to bed. I’m sure my husband will find me just sleeping at the bottom of the stairs when he gets up in the morning. Maybe we should move our bedroom to the basement!
April 30th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I’m starting today and posting “before” pictures. Come on over and enjoy my shame!
April 30th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
My friend and I have read yours and bigmamas blog about the shred so it is time, we’re in. We hope we live to tell about it. We are excited to finally hopefully lose weight although we havent got the video yet… We are trying to get some more friends to go in with us for moral support or to pick each other up, but unless we serve donuts no one will join…Good luck to you and us!!!
April 30th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I knew nothing about a challenge, but alas I bought this video last week- and yes, it is a butt kicker.