Archives for May 2009

Left Brain Grocery List

Judy just sent me a link to a story called “Left Brain Grocery List,” and I have sat here and HOWLED while I’ve listened. It reminds me so much of the stories my mama, my aunt and the other women in our family would tell after Sunday lunches when I was growing up.

In other words: it reminds me of home.

So I did a little Googleage, and I found out that the woman who’s speaking is named Jeanne Robertson. She has a whole CD of funny stuff, and while I’ve never met her, I can tell you right now that I adore her.

I think you will, too.

Just click here to listen.

This Is What You Get When “The Office” Is A Rerun

We’ve had some lazy summer days this week, probably because it rained pretty much all day long on Monday and Tuesday. I don’t really have an excuse for why Wednesday was lazy, but I’m tickled to death that it was. And I just remembered that we went to Blockbuster on Wednesday, so see? TOTALLY PRODUCTIVE. Companies should hire me as some sort of efficiency expert.

Today we ran a hundred errands, and in the midst of all that climbing in and out of the car, I realized that somehow I’ve pulled a muscle in the lower part of my back. I’ve decided that I’m going to blame Jillian Michaels for my back ish-ahs, mainly because I don’t really care for her tone during The Shred. She’s not overly condescending, mind you, but she trash talks just enough to make me want to mock her cropped sweatpants with the rolled-down waistband and then ask her what in the world she has against socks. But other than that I love her to pieces.

Anyway, when we got home I remembered that there were a whole bunch of pictures on my camera that I needed to download to my computer. I have tried to download the pictures on at least three different occasions only to find that my camera batteries were dead, and then when I would charge some more I would forget to actually put them in the camera, and now you can see how I managed to completely overcomplicate a situation that should have taken no longer than eight seconds to resolve.

For what it’s worth, I also blame Jillian Michaels for all of my camera battery woes. Just because.

So this afternoon I finally got the pictures on my computer, and when I looked back through them, I almost cried when I saw this one.

It was the last day of school. And could we STOP IT with the growing, please? I’ve had enough of the growing. And while we’re stopping it with the growing, would one of you please turn off the time? Thank you.

But then I found these pictures. And they made me laugh so hard.

Apparently there was some sort of Star Wars-related lookout on top of Jif Mountain. And really, you can understand why they’d need a lookout given all the conflict over in Crockpot Valley.

You know what else happened this week?

Stuff grew.

Those are our neighbors’ blue hydrangeas, by the way. I’ve been a little obsessed with them, but you’ve probably already picked up on that since I obviously TOOK PICTURES OF THE PRETTY FLOWERS FROM AFAR.

And despite all my protesting, this little stinker grew, too.

I totally blame Jillian Michaels.

And that’s just all there is to it.

The Big Boo Cast, Episode 16

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Several weeks ago Melanie and I told Travis that we wanted to record a podcast so that we could listen to him squirm uncomfortably while we talked about how much we love (LOVE) his new CD. So we recorded a podcast a couple of weeks ago, and when I started to edit it I realized that I sounded like I was screaming into an empty room lined with tin. I’m sure it would have been a real podcasting gem if anyone could’ve tolerated ALL THE TINNY SHOUTING for more than about three seconds.

Anyway, we decided to record another one again last night, and the good news is that we seem to have resolved our sound issues. But the bad news is that we may be a little too comfortable with each other at this stage in the podcasting game because Travis watched a basketball game the whole time he was talking to us and then Melanie and I tried to do some singing.

Additional bad news: you’ll be subjected to all of those things if you listen.

However, the podcast does have a run-down of reality shows (including why Mel and I have jumped off the “Real Housewives” bandwagon for the New Jersey installment), a thorough analysis of our sleep issues, an outline of our summer TV plans and – believe it or not – a few behind-the-scenes stories about Travis’ CD.

So basically, you know, it’s our usual brand of random. Topped off with some sarcasm for good measure.

And we do hope you enjoy it.

Click here to listen. Or here. Whatever suits your fancy.

p.s. Just FYI: these are the sheets we talk about in the podcast. Travis’ wife Angela discovered them, and they are SWEET MINISTRY TO YOUR SLEEPING SOUL. Especially if you have a 20% off BBB coupon.

Linky Interwebby Awesomeness 05.27.09

Only one link today – and in my opinion it’s one worth savoring.

Love,
Kite Karbonaw

Travis Cottrell “Jesus Saves LIVE” Giveaway Winners

All righty. Here are the “Jesus Saves LIVE” CD winners. And let me tell you: you winner people are in for SUCH A TREAT, MY WORD.

198 – Amy at 6:04 pm
22 – Keri at 1:44 pm
75 – Kristin at 2:33 pm
314 – Teresa at 8:44 am
2 – Shelley at 1:12 pm
330 – Lisa D. at 10:55 am
256 – Krista at 9:44 pm
174 – Lisa @ The Preacher’s Wife at 4:40 pm
306 – rrmama at 8:06 am
3 – Kimberly at 1:13 pm
120 – Erin at 3:16 pm
319 – Teri from Indiana at 9:17 am
179 – Kristen at 4:49 pm
1 – Fran at 1:05 pm
54 – Dee at 2:06 pm
285 – Kim at 6:40 am
200 – Alisha at 6:09 pm
394 – Amy M in NC at 2:23 pm
328 – Rachel at 10:49 am
268 – Sharon at 11:17 pm

(Here’s the original giveaway post if you want to check the time next to your comment.)

Winners, if you’ll claim your prize by sending your full name and mailing address to boomama205ATgmailDOTcom, I’d be oh-so-grateful. Just put “Travis Cottrell CD Winner” in the subject line.

And if you didn’t win, you can try again over at Big Mama’s.

Have a great day, everybody!

I Really Think That There Is A Spark That Quite Possibly Turn Into A Flame That Could Quite Possibly Turn Into Love

Y’all see that title up there?

I didn’t make that up, people.

You can thank The Bachelorette‘s Jake the Commercial Pilot for that little preshus prize. And I am not one stitch kidding when I tell you that when he said those words (which were followed by “that could quite possibly turn into marriage”), I was so overcome by the combination of parallel structure and TOO MUCH JILLIAN-RELATED EMOTION TOO SOON that I had to pause the DVR, take a deep, cleansing breath and applaud.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. We’ll get back to Jakey in just a minute.

On tonight’s episode there were three dates – two group and one individual. And if a bachelor got a rose on a date, not only was he safe – he got to move to the mansion where Jillian is staying. However, I had a hard time concentrating on the logistics of it all because for the first five minutes of the show I felt a little creeped out by the guy who’s obsessed with feet and who also seems to enjoy wearing tank tops.

The first group date was a pool party at Jillian’s house. There was the obligatory pool volleyball game, and afterwards Michael the break dance guy came on way too strong and scared me. Then Jillian pulled a SHOCKING BACHELORETTE FAKE-OUT by grabbing the rose, hopping in a Mini Cooper, leaving the party and challenging the guys to a scavenger hunt. It was a beautiful tactic, mainly because it provided Chris Harrison with the opportunity to tell the guys that “the race for Jillian’s heart is on.”

I’m telling you: these Bachelorette people will do absolutely anything for the sake of a pun.

The guys had to complete a series of challenges in their race to find Jillian, and I got a huge kick out of the fact that all the tough manly men were racing shirtless around the streets of Los Angeles in a convoy of Mini Coopers. Perfect. I don’t know why it took them so long to figure out that Jillian was locked in a bank vault (DUH) with some precious jewels (why? because SHE IS A TREASURE, that’s why), and after Wes the Country Singer and Brad found her first, she decided to have dinner with Wes the Country Singer inside the aforementioned bank vault.

I couldn’t help but think that the world is just jam-packed with crazy coincidences because that is EXACTLY where my husband and I went on our first date.

What? Didn’t y’all?

So Jillian gave Wes a rose, and the other guys on the group date were mortified because they think Wes isn’t really interested in Jillian – they think he’s just there to further his country music career. I don’t know whether that’s true or not, but if it is in fact Wes’ strategy, he might want to re-think it. I mean, as we all know, countless successful recording careers have been born out of a short-lived stint on a reality dating show. Kudos, Wes.

Or as Ramona on The Real Housewives of New York City might say (and as Melanie and I now say almost daily): Kudoos.

The individual date went to Jake, who is to be congratulated for employing some of the cheesiest first date techniques I’ve ever had the sweet privilege to witness. When he and Jillian went to a western wear shop, he changed shirts in the dressing room with the door open (the better to see his six-pack, my dear). There was a brief attempt at dirty dancing while wearing some sort of sheepskin vest, and then he threw down the “soulmate” gauntlet a full hour into their date. Jake also called Jillian “Jilli,” swept in to bite off her mouth kiss her in the middle of a sentence (oh, I think he may have picked up some moves from the Lifetime Movie Network – or at the very least a romantic comedy starring the lovely Ms. Sandra Bullock), and basically tried so hard to impress Jillian that I felt like the Bachelor producers should give him a medal for his uncomfortably over-the-top, rose-winning efforts. Kudoos, Jake!

And then Martina McBride sang!

The last group date started off with a basketball game, and all of America wept for Simon, the soccer player from England (Simon throws a mean air ball). After a few minutes of hoops action the Harlem Globetrotters came out to play (OF COURSE THEY DID). The Globetrotters picked David as the best guy for Jillian, Juan seethed, and Mike ran into the ocean wearing nothing but a Speedo. Jillian and the guys went to a hotel for dinner, and after some drinks, Jillian talked to Juan, made out with Kiptyn (you will never convince me that he didn’t make up that name) and gave the rose to Mike. She also said “wicked” and “aboot.” So score.

Finally it was time for the cocktail party, where Tanner P. made a beeline for Jillian’s feet. He actually grabbed her foot and HELD ONTO IT, and in the words of Liz Lemon, “That’s a deal-breaker, ladies!” Then a sweet guy named Robby – who didn’t have a date at all – made Jillian a drink called The Robsmo (I would normally be all over this but am letting it go because bless his heart, he was just trying to make an impression), sat down to get to know her better, and was interrupted within about two seconds by Wes the Country Singer, who not only had a date with Jillian – he already had a rose, for pete’s sake.

I think Wes the Country Singer is bad news. And maybe skipped a night or ten of his Manners 101 class.

After the Robby / Wes debacle, Chris Harrison brought out a black box (in addition to puns, the producers also enjoy symbolism) so that the guys could vote for the one bachelor who they thought should go home – but the guys with roses were exempt. Juan got the most votes, but Jillian saved him with a rose. By the way, I can’t even talk about what Brian did by the pool, so I’m just pretending that it didn’t happen TRA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.

I was tickled to see that despite Wes the Country Singer’s interruption, Robby still got a rose (bless his heart). Simon the Wicked Airballer didn’t get a rose, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, Brian didn’t receive one, either (say it with me: that pool stunt WAS A DEAL-BREAKER, LADIES). Julien and Mathue were the other two to go, but I have no idea why.

Or as Julien and Mathue might say: eye halfve know eyedeah wahigh.

Seriously, people. This season’s tricky name spellings are way out of hand.

Look out, Kiptyn.