Archives for October 2009

Join Your Gangster Pumpkin On His Pallet Truck Of Doom

I still have such happy memories of last week’s episode of “The Office” that I’m almost a little scared to watch this week’s for fear of the inevitable funny letdown. You know, because I’M INSANE AND ALL.

But seriously, how do you top an episode where someone puts a listening device in a duck (MALLARD) as a decoy for the listening device that’s in the pen? And how do you top Jim saying “IT’S ALL GOOOOOOD”?

I guess that tonight’s the night when we see if it’s possible.

1) “This is the spookiest warehouse in the world, kids. Whoa. Scary, huh?” (loved Darryl’s delivery)

2) “This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim.”

3) “We’re selling success.” // “And paper.” // “That’s sort of secondary.”

4) “Sherman Blinds & Rugs, Suite Two-Oh-Two.” (I adore Andy.)

5) “Sounds like somebody has a case of the definitelys.”

6) “I date models. Face models. My girlfriend? On a scale of 1 to Giselle? Uh, a 9.”

7) “David Wallace called. He said you made a big splash at the meeting.”

8) The Do Not Mock List – CLASSIC

9) “I know the best teacher – her name is Miss Janet.” // “YEAH – on Clearview Avenue!”

10) “This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel.”

11) “It’s like a little foot just high-fived me…message received, little soybean.”

12) “Oh, I guess I’m a loser. A LOOOOOO-HOOOO-HOOOO-OOOOOOO-SER. Too far!”

13) “I gotta get my goin’ out on.”

14) “Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But. Because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually Jim is my enemy. But.”

15) “What’s up, lifeguard?”

16) “He’s like the coolest person I’ve ever met.” // “Yeah – he’s like Marlon Brando.” // “Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? Because he is.”

In the end this episode wasn’t as laugh-out-loud funny as last week, but the whole koi pond ordeal managed to humiliate both Michael and Jim – for two completely different reasons – and by the end of the episode our two co-managers were starting to interact like – dare I say it? – a team. Who’d have thunk it?

Plus, we got to hear Andy say my new favorite quote: “I gotta get my goin’ out on.”

That alone made the whole thing worthwhile.

What did y’all think?

I’m So Tempted To Make Another Pun With The Word “Latte” In It

Tuesday afternoon Alex hopped in the car after school and announced that he wanted to go to the bookstore. Since his love of reading brings me untold volumes of happy, I told him we could absolutely stop at the bookstore – but Mama needed to make a quick detour first.

Three words: pumpkin spice latte.

After all, I’ve had the PSL on my mind for the last week, and a trip to the bookstore seemed like a perfect excuse to try one. Plus, I figured that if I only got a tall, the mid-afternoon caffeine would probably wear off before bedtime.

I am very logical and think-y, you see.

So I made my way to the nearest Starbucks, pulled up to the drive-thru and ordered a tall PSL. And you’d better know that I got the whipped cream, because what, what could possibly be the point of having the whipped cream option and saying no thank you, MY WORD.

When I was getting my debit card out of my wallet, I remembered that I still had a Starbucks gift card with some money on it. Granted, it was probably all of 54 cents, but EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS, people. I drove up to the window, and as I started to hand over my cards, I realized that I knew the girl who was working at the drive-thru.

We chatted for a few seconds, and then I said, “Hey – do you mind checking to see what’s left of this gift card?”

She grinned and said, “Don’t worry about that today.”

And I was all, “Huh?” and she was all, *smiles,* and I was all, “What?”

AND THEN SHE HANDED ME MY COFFEE AND TOLD ME IT WAS FREE.

And then I thought, “THE INTERNET WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS.”

I mean, what are the odds? That I would try my very first PSL and then not have to pay for it?

You can imagine my delight.

After I thanked my friend approximately 22 times, I drove off and took my first sip. It was nothing like what I expected. My fear was that it would be syrupy sweet, but it wasn’t at all. I was surprised by the amount of nutmeggishness (totally a word), but I didn’t think that was necessarily a negative even though I’m not typically a nutmeg fan. So I took another sip, thought about it for a minute, and then I said (out loud – just like Alex cared), “Hmmmm. That. is. interesting.”

And it was, y’all. It was interesting and tasty and delightful. I don’t think I could drink one every single day – I like my coffee a little more straightforward as a general rule – but it was a deee-licious coffee treat. I was tickled by how much I enjoyed it.

So there you have it: I’m officially on the PSL bandwagon.

Up next: peppermint mocha.

The excitement just never stops, does it?

Assorted Goodness

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a daily links post because, well, it’s been awhile. Which means that maybe I shouldn’t call them “daily links.” Maybe I should call them “bi-weekly links.” Or maybe I should just quit worrying about what to call them and just put “random” words into “quotes” because it makes me “laugh” whether the “links” are “daily” or, you know, “not.”

Anyway. Since I haven’t been doing the daily links posts, I thought it was high time for me to make a list of some things that are bringing me great joy right now. These things don’t offer eternal joy, mind you, but they’ll certainly do in a pinch when it’s 7:00 in the morning and I have crevasses under my eyes and I look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the 19 year-old girl who DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO USE MOISTURIZER.

Of course, the lack of moisturizer during my late teens might just explain my current crevasses. But I digress.

1) Last night I met some friends for supper, and as soon as I walked in the restaurant, my friend Leigh looked at me and said, “DO YOU HAVE A BUMP-IT IN YOUR HAIR?”

You just know that’s a true friend, don’t you? When you skip any initial how-are-you pleasantries and jump straight into hey! what’s going on with your hair?

Well, I did not in fact have a Bump-It in my hair because I have not ordered any product from an infomercial since I ordered Richard Simmons’ Deal-A-Meal cards back in graduate school. In retrospect the fact that I thought I could adhere to the Deal-A-Meal plan is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS considering that at least twice a week I would join my friends at a place called The District, where we would order fried cheese with Ranch dressing. And loaded potato skins. Also with Ranch dressing.

And do you know what you would not in fact find on Deal-A-Meal cards?

  • fried cheese
  • Ranch dressing
  • loaded potato skins
  • more Ranch dressing

Not to mention the fact that I would’ve never – NEVER – finished a meal with my grad school buddies and said, “Now if y’all will just pardon me for a sec, I need to pull out my little vinyl carrying case and move my Deal-A-Meal cards into their appropriate columns.”

I also loved how the Deal-A-Meal cards tried to look like Trivial Pursuit cards so that just in case you didn’t want your friends to know that you were on a diet, you could fake them out by making them think that you were carrying around a PERSONAL TRIVIA GAME. Which is SO much better than admitting that you’re dieting.

Where was I? Something about a Bump-It? And I made it all the way to Deal-A-Meal? From one non-essential hyphenated infomercial product to another?

Sweet mercy. It is not easy to walk around with this level of crazy.

ANYWAY, there was no Bump-It in my head. But I did discover an exciting, new-to-me hair product at the drugstore, and in the week since I finally figured out how to apply it, I have achieved some serious volume in the crown area, girls.

The trick is that you have to pick up a section of damp hair and then lightly spray it on both sides. BOTH SIDES. I cannot even tell you how key the both-side-spraying is. And once you perfect your spraying methods, just get ready – because people are going to be asking you if you have a Bump-It on your head.

2) Another recent drugstore find is . I bought it a few weeks ago, and I LOVE IT. The colors are great – especially if you have fair skin and have trouble finding darker-colored eyeshadows that don’t make you look like a raccoon. I’ve also noticed that this particular brand seems to last a bit longer than other ones I’ve tried lately. Delightful.

(By the way and in the interest of clarity: I’m just linking to this stuff because I love it. I make approximately zero certified American dollars if you happen to make a purchase as a result of the links. Just FYI.)

3) Last year I got a wee bit obsessed with a praise and worship CD by a guy named Daniel Renstrom. He’s an independent artist who’s a worship leader in North Carolina – a friend of a friend of mine from Baton Rouge – and it is my personal belief that he is STINKIN’ GIFTED. I absolutely love his lyrics and his melodies, and today he’s releasing a Christmas CD.

People, listen to me: IT IS FABULOUS. There’s a version of “Come Thou Long Expected Jesus” that I am hoping beyond all hope we get to sing at our church this Christmas. And there’s an original song called “Comfort Ye” that will settle way down deep in your heart and stay with you awhile.

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The album is available today on iTunes, and I cannot recommend it enough. It’s called On The Incarnation, and it’s not just Christmas music – it’s praise and worship music for Christmas. Quadruple love it.

4) Finally, this:

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HOW PROUD IS THE INTERNET OF REE?

SO PROUD.

In fact, I’m so proud that I may have to go eat some fried cheese to celebrate.

And dip it in Ranch dressing. OF COURSE.

The Wordy Is Back, So By All Means Grab Some Snacks

I am well aware that I probably enjoy watching sports a little bit more (AHEM) than your average girl. I have no idea why that is, but oh, I DO LOVE ME A LIVE SPORTING EVENT, especially if my Bulldogs are playing. In fact, if you gave me a choice between spending the day being pampered at some sort of spa or spending the day watching the Bulldogs play, I would choose the Bulldogs every single time.

I know. I’m weird. I can’t help it.

So last week, when all the hype surrounding the Mississippi State/Florida game started to build, I COULD NOT STAND IT. I thought it would be oh-so-fun to be in Starkville when the Gators rolled into town. And even though David had some other stuff planned for the weekend and couldn’t make the trip, he gave me his blessing to take the little guy on a road trip. Honestly, I had no expectations of being able to find tickets for the game since it was a sell-out, but I figured just being on campus would make for a mighty fine Saturday. Plus, our men’s basketball team was having an open scrimmage at noon, so, you know, YES, PLEASE.

As it turned out, my friend Daphne called me Thursday night and said they had two extra tickets, and I was TICKLED MAROON, I tell you. I told Daph later if I’d known when we met our freshman year that she’d be calling me two decades later to offer me tickets to the State/ Florida game, I would’ve bought her a big, new bottle of Paul Mitchell Freeze & Shine right then and there. I might have even offered to distress her blue jeans with some straight-up bleach in the dorm’s laundry room while I let her borrow my “Dirty Dancing” soundtrack cassette.

Anyway, early Saturday morning the little man and I hopped in the car and drove to Starkville. It was cloudy and gray outside – not to mention that the interstate was already pretty congested at 8 AM because of all the people driving to Tuscaloosa for the Alabama/Tennessee game – but I’ll have you know that as soon as we hit Highway 82 right outside of Tuscaloosa, the traffic all but disappeared, and the sky started to clear.

By the time we rolled into Starkville the sky was almost turquoise, and we parked in our favorite gameday parking lot and started walking to the coliseum. Alex was so excited that he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do first, but as soon as he saw all of the RVs in the coliseum parking lot, he became absolutely certain that he wanted to go in an RV and look around. In fact, when he spied a Florida fan who was sitting outside his RV in a lounge chair, he very loudly said that MAYBE THAT GUY WILL LET US INSIDE HIS RV, but I assured him that the Florida fans probably weren’t in the mood to give Bulldog fans MID-MORNING TOURS OF THEIR RECREATIONAL VEHICLES.

But do y’all know what was waiting on us when we walked up to the edge of the coliseum? Three RVs that were on display by a local RV dealer. IT WAS AN RV OPEN HOUSE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Honestly, I felt in that very moment that the Lord had given us His gameday favor. Because I don’t think I have to tell you that there was a six year-old who bounded up the steps into that very first RV and thought he had entered some sort of magical wonderland where all the appliances were his size. He also had a total a-ha moment when he realized that if he owned an RV, he could stretch out on the couch and watch a big ole television WHILE SOMEONE DROVE HIM AROUND, and it made me laugh so hard. Honestly, I think that RV may have helped him to solidify some Life Goals.

We walked in the coliseum about an hour before the scrimmage was scheduled to start, and since there was really no one in the building except for the women’s basketball team down on the court, Alex decided he wanted to explore.

10,000 empty seats + many, many stairs = NON-STOP ENTERTAINMENT.

My friend Lea Margaret and her little boy got to the coliseum right at the end of the women’s practice, and Alex and Mac were deee-lighted to see one another.

It was so sweet to watch them together – because the last time they saw each other they looked like this.

It’s been a few years.

The boys had big fun watching the men’s basketball team – at least until they both decided that they were very hungry and very thirsty and really, really wanted to go to the bookstore. But no way was I going to leave The Hump without snapping the young’un’s picture on the basketball court.

I FEEL A SENSE OF COMPLETENESS NOW.

The afternoon was sort of a wonderful blur of maroon and cowbells and old friends and blue skies and mums. OH, YES. MUMS. Everywhere with the mums.

I loved the mums.

We were mighty excited to see our friends Todd and New Marti, who were in Mississippi for the game and a baby shower. And as you can tell by the pictures, Alex likes them just a little bit.

We also ran into my great friend from high school (and freshman year roommate), Amanda, who looks EXACTLY THE SAME, MY WORD, HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

Thankfully we have both left acid-washed jeans and ginormous hair bows far, far behind.

Alex and I claimed our spots for the Dawg Walk, and once we were settled, he staged an elaborate Larry Boy re-enactment with some pom-poms.

I can’t say that I understood what he was doing, but hey. He was happy. That was all that mattered.

When the team finally made the walk into the stadium, my little guy rang his cowbell like a champ. After all, IT’S HIS HERITAGE, PEOPLE. Brings a tear to mine eye.

And I’ll bet you that 12 or 14 people showed up for the Dawg Walk.

SWEET MERCY it was crowded. But OH, it was fun.

We spent the rest of our pre-game time tailgating with Daphne and her family. This was the point in the afternoon when Alex really started to get revved up about the game, and he told Daph that she really, really needed to put up a sign that said “NO GATORS ALLOWED” on the tailgating tent. Then he started singing a version of the fight song that ended with him screaming, “GO STATE! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!”

Apparently that’s the lesser-known, Baptist version of the fight song.

We walked in the stadium about 45 minutes before the game started, and OH, IT WAS LIVELY. Alex told me that it was the best day of his life in the whole wide world, and then he said, “That team from Florida is nothing but a bunch of…BABY WORMY GATORS BLAH BLAH, Mama.”

I think we all know that if Tim Tebow had heard that level of smack talk, he would have run off the field in fear.

The ‘Dogs played a whale of a game even though they didn’t win (this play will go down as one of my very favorite Bulldog football moments ever). And after the game, we hung out by the field for a few minutes so that we could see our friend Bo, who’s #44 for the Bulldogs.

Alex waited so patiently – he was NOT leaving that campus until he got to see Bo.

And finally, he did.

It was just the sweetest. Bo gave Alex his gloves and a sweatband from the game, and you want to talk about a little boy who could not quit smiling, NEVER YOU MIND THAT IT WAS 10:30 IN THE PM?

Thrilled to pieces, he was.

As we walked away from the field we ran into even more old friends, laughed with them for a few minutes (Mart, I won’t forget to tell the flat-iron story) and very slowly made our way back to our car. It was a long day – twelve hours of on-campus fun – and we were ready to get to Daphne’s mama’s house so we could get some much-needed rest. But oh my goodness, it was THE BEST day. So full of sweet friends and tradition and nostalgia and laughter. More happy than my heart could contain.

Not to mention that I had the very best travel buddy in the whole wide world.

Go ‘Dogs.

Internet, A Techy Person Needs Your Insight

Y’all are going to think that this is the most random post ever, and that’s probably because YES. RANDOM. But a friend of mine who does computer-y / programming-y stuff needs some insight into how people navigate their way through blogs.

So. A couple of hypothetical situations.

Let’s say you’re clicking around on the interweb and you run across a blog you really enjoy. You know once you’ve read the first post or the first page that you want to read more.

Or maybe there’s a blog you haven’t visited in a while, and once you read a post or two, you decide that you want to spend some time catching up on old posts.

As a general rule, would you:

A) Scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on the link that says “older entries” or “next post” or “next page” (if such a link is available).

B) Use the categories listed in the sidebar and read through old posts category by category.

C) Use the archives and read through old posts month by month.

D) Some other method (and it would be great if you could specify what that method is, oh thank you).

And if you answer B, C or D, do you ever use the “older entries” / “next page” links at the bottom of blog pages? I mean, I do, but I may be the weirdest bloggy weirdo in all of bloggy weirdville.

Thanks in advance for your help!

I Inserted A Listening Device Into The Belly Of The Mallard

I’m a little distracted tonight because I cannot get this weekend’s Mississippi State/Florida game off of my mind, and since the tunnel vision and I are VERY well-acquainted, I’ve had a hard time prying myself away from your various and sundry Bulldog message boards and newspaper articles and gameday cams and etc. and so on and so forth.

BUT.

I know that Pam and Jim are going to be back at Dunder-Mifflin tonight, and that little detail is just the incentive I need to shift my focus back where it belongs: on “The Office.”

Can somebody give me an “amen”? Thank you, sister.

1) “I haven’t seen you since my accident that I had when I fell, I fell into a pool of acid eyes first.”

2) “Blind Guy. Blind Guy McSqueezy.”

3) “It’s good to be home.”

4) “Number one: do not leave your things on my desk…item number two: conquackulations.”

5) “Now I can observe Jim, track Jim and destroy Jim.”

6) “Who’s the lucky lady?” // “Pam’s mom.”

7) “Hey, Jim.” // “NOT NOW, TOBY!”

8) “She’s right on my way home from work.” // “THEN TAKE A DIFFERENT WAY HOME, MAN!” // “I’ll take service streets.”

9) “That could have gone one of two ways, but I never expected her to get upset.”

10) “I really would have appreciated a heads up that you were into dating mothers. I would’ve introduced you to mine.”

11) “DWIGHT PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO PUT A WOODEN MALLARD IN MY OFFICE.”

12) Ryan’s fedora – cracked me up.

13) “Volunteer at the local animal shelter…paint a mural of Chicano leaders…make Scranton a better place – you could leave it!”

14) “Nobody talks to my lady that way…bye, Pickle.”

15) “It’s ALLLLL GOOOOOD.”

16) “I am your boss, and I may someday be your father. So get out.”

17) “You’re so cool.” // “You owe me three bucks for gas.”

18) “Hey.” // “SHOVE IT.”

19) “I put it in your office to surveil you.”

20) “Did you really think I’d put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I’m not insane.”

I thought this episode was HILARIOUS – one of the best in the last couple of seasons. I loved seeing Pam on the defensive, Jim in protector mode and Dwight up to his paranoid shenanigans. We’ll be watching this one over and over again in our house. LOVED IT.

What did y’all think?