A couple of weeks ago I got a copy of a new CD in the mail. Normally getting new music makes me do a little hitchkick in the driveway, but when I saw that Steven Curtis Chapman’s Beauty Will Rise was in the envelope, I sort of pushed it to the side of the kitchen counter and tried to ignore it. If that sounds harsh, I don’t mean it that way – it’s just that I knew that it was his first CD since his daughter Maria’s death about 18 months ago. And as a mama – well, I knew the music would probably be jam-packed with some tough emotions. Honestly, I didn’t want to go to that place. I just didn’t.
Well. This afternoon I got an email about a live chat that SCC is doing on Facebook Tuesday night (here’s the link if you’re interested), and I Twittered (tweeted? oh, technological jargon, I LOATHE YOU) about it because I thought it sounded like something that would be an encouragement to people. And by the way, if that last sentence makes it sound like I’m some Mary Sunshine person who walks around all day looking for ways to encourage people, BE YE NOT FOOLED. It’s just that I think that the Chapmans’ story is one that God is using to minister to a whole bunch of folks, so I thought I’d share the link.
Now. I believe that’s plenty of overexplaining for one day. You’re so welcome. It’s completely free of charge, by the way.
Anyway, tonight after supper David and Alex went in the living room to watch a TV show, and as I walked through the kitchen, the SCC CD caught my eye. It was still on the corner of the kitchen counter. Still scaring me a little bit. But for the first time since it arrived in our mailbox, I knew that I wanted to listen.
Oh, y’all. I am so glad that I did.
The songs on this CD aren’t easy. Just knowing a teeny tiny bit of the pain behind the lyrics makes it almost incomprehensible that someone could write and sing through that level of heartache. But the result of SCC’s vulnerability in the midst of an incredibly difficult season is an absolutely stunning CD – full of questions and declarations and hurts and hopes. The tender heart of God is all over it. It’s honest and raw and real and heartbreaking and encouraging. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it.
You should also know that the CD booklet-thingy (yes, that is the technical term) unexpectedly threw me for a little bit of an emotional loop. The third song on the CD is called “SEE,” and SCC shares the story behind the song in the liner notes:
Shortly after Maria had been carried away to Jesus, all of us, and particularly Caleb and I began to talk about how desperate we were just to “SEE” something…a dream or a vision…anything that would help confirm in some tangible way what we were holding onto by faith, that Maria was truly “okay,” and even more than “okay,” that she really was safe in the arms of Jesus. It was a plea that I heard us all say several times in those first hours…”God, please just let us “SEE” something!”
He writes about how he found an unfinished drawing on Maria’s art table the day after her death, and then:
I turned the page over and was completely stunned to find a word written on the back in Maria’s handwriting. To any of our knowledge she knew only 6 words that she could write…but there on the back of the paper she had written in all capital letters the word “SEE.” Even as one who is usually careful not to attach more meaning to something than it deserves, I was and still am completely convinced that this was a precious gift from the broken heart of our Father in Heaven delivered through our daughter’s own hand the very morning before she left us for Heaven…. And it was our Father’s way of saying, “SEE with eternal eyes, SEE that I have your little girl safe and sound with me, and SEE by faith My promise of the day that’s coming very soon when I will make everything new and wipe every last one of these tears from your eyes.”
I’ll pause for a second so that you can go grab a tissue. Really. It’s totally fine.
Here’s the thing. I tend to keep things light and happy around here because I enjoy light and happy. But sometimes life is stinkin’ hard. Sometimes life feels like the complete opposite of light and happy. I know that there are all sorts of trials and issues and doubts represented among the people who read here – and as someone who has wrestled with her faith a time or ninety, I know how hard it can be to see God’s hand in the midst of unexpected or even unthinkable circumstances.
But you know what? God’s there. He really is. He’s faithful. And He loves you so much.
I have no idea why I felt like I needed to write this post. It’s way longer than I ever intended for it to be, and it’s not particularly, you know, CLEAR. I’ve never met Steven Curtis Chapman, and I’m about 261 kinds of positive that he’s never heard of my silly blog. But make no mistake: his transparency and his candor have blessed my heart tonight. Blown me away just a little bit. And I can’t help but think that if you’re struggling right now – with a relationship, with grief, with illness, with unbelief, with whatever – the lyrics from these songs will bless your heart, too.
And I guess that is all.
Have a great Tuesday, everybody.
Edited to add: just found out that you can listen to the whole CD on Rhapsody. For free.
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Something tells me SCC would very much appreciate this post. It’s beautiful and unfortunately, so very needed. A dear friend lost her teenage daughter in a firey car crash just a few months ago and this will be the perfect encouragement to send her..
Ok…I should be getting ready for bed right now, but instead I decided to read some of my favorite blogs before turning to the chores before bed. I wish I could give you a big ol’ hug for writing this. I needed to be reminded that God is still in control…even when we can’t SEE it. HE still knows what we need, even if it’s just a quick reminder from Boomama. I think SCC is an awesome talent for Christ and I’ll be checkin’ out this CD soon! After I find the box of tissues, of course! Thanks for your heartfelt post! I needed it tonight!
I love your heart, Sophie.
This is the reason I’m up past midnight fighting with a jammed printer, trying to print a blog post and last letter my son-in-law will get while in basic training.
I needed to read this. Though I cannot comprehend the grief this family has been through, I needed to be reminded. I needed to “SEE”.
Thank you, Sophie.
I know you weren’t planning to write this post, but I’m oh so glad you did.
Beautiful. Thank you.
I listened to just the teasers on amazon and was a soppy mess. Even 18 months later the story grieves me so.
I got to meet Steven once (thanks to a friend who ‘bought’ me a backstage pass via an auction for Shaohannah’s Hope) and he was just as genuine and kind as you would imagine.
I dare to say this album might end up on my music-that-brings-out-the-ugly-cry shelf, which right now consists of one album: Watermark’s. *smile*
thank you. truly.
I’m still not over Maria’s death, maybe this album will help me. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Thank you for your honest post. What a wonderful reminder that God knows the deepest cries of our heart and that he longs to connect with us. Like you I try to keep things in blog-land light but reading your post has reminded me that the Kre8ive Life is not always all things sweet. Living the Kre8ive Life means we will need to endure some not so pleasant times. Knowing others have endured is the encouragement and inspiration we all need at some point. Growing more like our creator through the HARD stuff is living the most Kre8ive Life of all.
Over the past few weeks I have asked to SEE. I know He is there, I just need to SEE a tiny glimpse of it. It was a wonderfully written post.
You really should be reading the blogs at SCC’s site. Mary Beth writes heart wrenching posts as she struggles through the grief. Their recent trip to China to dedicate Maria’s Big House is documented there, too. Jim Houser, manager, lets everyone know when something is going on. Thought you might be interested.
I listened to the CD on Rhapsody for free a couple of days ago. Loved it.
I know what you mean about shielding ourselves from what we know will touch us too deeply…I often do that so I won’t feel the pain behind something but like you, I’m always finding great relief once I do. That is a beautiful story of how God will tend to the smallest, (in their case it was huge,) requests to remind us that He is there. Their story is excruciatingly scary and makes us all ache for our own kids’ safety, doesn’t it? But clearly God is taking care of Maria. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for that moving post! I admit – I needed a tissue. What a lovely message.
Oh, thank you so much for this post! I am sitting here crying my eyes out at the love of my King. I love when God’s testimony goes before Him in such a huge way…He is always so intimately mindful of us. And SCC’s story hit me hard as well. We adopted our oldest child and his family’s hearts for adoption created a kind of kinship to them. To lose a child is devastating but to see God and praise Him through all of it is nothing short of incredible. Thank you so much!
I am glad you wrote this post. Life is stinkin’ hard and I needed this today.
Love,
Patty
I’ve been known to turn my radio off when one of his new songs come on because I’m afraid my tears will make me an unsafe driver. While there are many heart wrenching moments connected with this tragedy, the one that always slays me and also reminds me of our Heavenly Father’s unconditional love is when SCC was being driven away to the hospital he saw his son in agony over what had just happened and called out, “Will Franklin, your father loves you!”
Thanks for your words, Sophie. Really.
Seeing is so hard sometimes when we just want to duck our heads under the covers and wallow in grief and anger and hurt.
And yet our Father paints us pictures and invites to look up and see where He is healing and working and protecting and loving us.
Thank you for the reminder this morning to “lift up mine eyes unto the hills”…
What an awesome post. I can’t wait to hear the whole album…I’ve only heard one song.
This post was written by you from God. :)
Thank you.
Wow. Just wow.
Excellent post. I did have to grab a tissue.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Great post! I don’t know why we as fragile human beings hide away from dealing with the harshness and sadness of life, but we do. But this is how we see the victory of Jesus giving us His life and the incredible life that is yet to come in Heaven.
Thanks for going against your emotions and listening to the CD so you could review it for the rest of us. I’m hoping to get it soon.
Years ago at a women’s retreat the speaker drilled into our minds a mantra “Life is hard but God is good.” I think this newest offering from SCC is probably a great reinforcement of that very simple yet profound lesson.
Your heart is beautiful. How glad I am to read this post this morning and so grateful to you for writing it.
Thank you, Sophie. I love you.
Thank you…
I wasn’t going to put this comment up – but seeing the term “stinking hard” used in reference to life forced my hand – BTW I do love your heart Miz Sophie – and you bless us all in a big way – from Poochie Won Kenobe to SCC – you are da woman!
Not the end – yet
Linda Sue
“Real courage embraces the twin realities of current difficulty and
ultimate triumph. Yes, life stinks. But it won’t forever. As one of my
friends likes to say, ‘Everything will work out in the end. If it’s not
working out, it’s not the end.’ ”
Max Lucado
Thanks Sophie. It’s getting close to the 5 year anniversary of my sweet boy’s death and I needed more than a tissue reading that excerpt of Mr. Chapman’s CD cover. Of course I believe with my heart that he is in Jesus’ arms, but it is very uplifting to my spirit to read something so tangible about God’s promise for our little ones. Now to go wipe my face and get ready for the day!
I cannot even see to type right now because of the tears. Such a loss and such a faith building story. I cannot even begin to imagine what SCC family has been through and still goes through. Thank you for this blog…I cannot wait to receive my CD!
You have a huge heart shown through your words. Thank you!
Psalm 30:5b
To be honest, I think I would have done the same thing you did: opened it, set it aside, and come back to it days later.
It’s sorta’ parallel to many things in life, isn’t it? When things don’t go well, we sometimes have to set it aside and come back to it to honestly work through it. : )
Thank you for this post today. It was perfectly timed for me.
I heard about the tragedy of SCC losing his daughter last year and couldn’t comprehend the pain he and his family must be feeling. This morning on the way to work, for the very 1st time, I found a Christian station on the radio and the 1st song they played was “Heaven is the Face” from SCC’s new CD. I have never listed to his music before, but God decided today I needed to hear this. I was in tears my whole drive because I could relate so much to the sentiments of the song. I got to work and had a few extra minutes, so I decided to check your blog only to find more about SCC and his beautiful CD. I can so relate to his story about “SEE.”
I unexpectdly lost my brother and then my uncle this past month. When my brother passed, I was worried about whether or not he was truly in heaven. I am myself a new Christian and had not yet discussed with my brother his beliefs about God. I was feeling burdened with the guilt that I hadn’t told him about God’s love and didn’t know his heart. It was the first true regret I’ve had in my life and it weighed very heavy on me. I prayed that he was with God and asked God to give me some comfort over my worry. A week later, when cleaning out my brother’s apartment, I came across a piece of paper rolled up into a scroll with a ribbon on it. I unraveled it to find a hand-written statement from my brother declaring his belief in and love of the Lord. God had answered my prayers and lifted such a burden from my heart. I do not need to wonder or worry anymore because I KNOW that he is with God.
God is truly good, even (or especially) during the difficult times. I know that to be true. Thank you for sharing your heart today.
I know why you wrote the post. You wrote it for me. First of all, I felt the same way about the SCC CD and thought I was the only one. The rest of the post was God’s encouragement for me through your keyboard…thank you.
These are some of my very favorite posts that you write. And it was all clearer than you can imagine! Love your heart, Sophie!
You know that song “What do I know of Holy” by Addison Road? Specifically I mean these lyrics…
“Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be. The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees”
I just got that glimpse.
Chills….thanks for sharing.
Thank you.
Acts 4:36 (New International Version)
36Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of Encouragement),
thanks for being our “Barnabus” today Boomama
Beautiful! I know this CD was a labor of love with grief mixed in. And out of all his projects I think this by far is going to minister to others more so than any others, such an amazing story behind it!
I have been reading your blog for a while but have not commented before. I read your post this morning and felt the need to thank you for your beautiful words, not only in this post, but many others as well. You always seem to say the right thing at the right time, and you have truly touched my heart. Now, its time to go fix my makeup before my co-workers see me. They usually see me as rather “unemotional” so they would probably be slightly concerned!!
I so love that whole family!
God bless them and all who will be ministered to by this cd!
God is good!
Sweet post …BooMama!
I needed that today. Our family is experiencing grief this week and this post was much needed. As a matter of fact I’ve never been over here but I am here today! Thanks!
Thanks for opening, listening, reading, sharing good grief and posting.
May God richly bless you Sophia!
Amen sister. I too prefer the light and happy and will cross to the other side of the street to avoid the emotions and the heartache, only to find myself blessed beyond belief when I finally do get up enough courage to dive in to whatever it is. Thanks for sharing your experience with this CD and your insights. And thanks for the tissue break – I needed it! Looking forward to listening to the CD. Well, not really – but I know I’ll get a lot out of it! ;) Thanks!
Believing IS seeing.
thank YOU for sharing.
it’s so nice to hear the reminder that life IS hard. and it’s ok to admit it.
i look forward to hearing the CD :)
I kind of have a robot heart (emotionless…a barren wasteland…)
but I have children that I love deeply…and the drawing…OH…the drawing…it can even make a robot cry.
My 28-year-old brother died a few weeks after Maria died. I remember watching the Chapman family on Larry King Live and feeling so blessed by their openness in their grief. So many people kept telling us that my brother was in a better place, but no one told us it was okay to be mad and confused and downright hurt. The Chapman’s showed their emotions with such grace and helped me to see that it’s okay to grieve. I will never forget that. I’m going to buy my mom this cd for Christmas.
Thank you for choosing to share all of yourself in your blog — I appreciate the fun stuff, but really find it meaningful to see more of the picture.
Boo: I think you needed to write this post because WE needed to hear it… Thank you! Destiny D.
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