A couple of weeks ago I got a copy of a new CD in the mail. Normally getting new music makes me do a little hitchkick in the driveway, but when I saw that Steven Curtis Chapman’s Beauty Will Rise was in the envelope, I sort of pushed it to the side of the kitchen counter and tried to ignore it. If that sounds harsh, I don’t mean it that way – it’s just that I knew that it was his first CD since his daughter Maria’s death about 18 months ago. And as a mama – well, I knew the music would probably be jam-packed with some tough emotions. Honestly, I didn’t want to go to that place. I just didn’t.
Well. This afternoon I got an email about a live chat that SCC is doing on Facebook Tuesday night (here’s the link if you’re interested), and I Twittered (tweeted? oh, technological jargon, I LOATHE YOU) about it because I thought it sounded like something that would be an encouragement to people. And by the way, if that last sentence makes it sound like I’m some Mary Sunshine person who walks around all day looking for ways to encourage people, BE YE NOT FOOLED. It’s just that I think that the Chapmans’ story is one that God is using to minister to a whole bunch of folks, so I thought I’d share the link.
Now. I believe that’s plenty of overexplaining for one day. You’re so welcome. It’s completely free of charge, by the way.
Anyway, tonight after supper David and Alex went in the living room to watch a TV show, and as I walked through the kitchen, the SCC CD caught my eye. It was still on the corner of the kitchen counter. Still scaring me a little bit. But for the first time since it arrived in our mailbox, I knew that I wanted to listen.
Oh, y’all. I am so glad that I did.
The songs on this CD aren’t easy. Just knowing a teeny tiny bit of the pain behind the lyrics makes it almost incomprehensible that someone could write and sing through that level of heartache. But the result of SCC’s vulnerability in the midst of an incredibly difficult season is an absolutely stunning CD – full of questions and declarations and hurts and hopes. The tender heart of God is all over it. It’s honest and raw and real and heartbreaking and encouraging. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it.
You should also know that the CD booklet-thingy (yes, that is the technical term) unexpectedly threw me for a little bit of an emotional loop. The third song on the CD is called “SEE,” and SCC shares the story behind the song in the liner notes:
Shortly after Maria had been carried away to Jesus, all of us, and particularly Caleb and I began to talk about how desperate we were just to “SEE” something…a dream or a vision…anything that would help confirm in some tangible way what we were holding onto by faith, that Maria was truly “okay,” and even more than “okay,” that she really was safe in the arms of Jesus. It was a plea that I heard us all say several times in those first hours…”God, please just let us “SEE” something!”
He writes about how he found an unfinished drawing on Maria’s art table the day after her death, and then:
I turned the page over and was completely stunned to find a word written on the back in Maria’s handwriting. To any of our knowledge she knew only 6 words that she could write…but there on the back of the paper she had written in all capital letters the word “SEE.” Even as one who is usually careful not to attach more meaning to something than it deserves, I was and still am completely convinced that this was a precious gift from the broken heart of our Father in Heaven delivered through our daughter’s own hand the very morning before she left us for Heaven…. And it was our Father’s way of saying, “SEE with eternal eyes, SEE that I have your little girl safe and sound with me, and SEE by faith My promise of the day that’s coming very soon when I will make everything new and wipe every last one of these tears from your eyes.”
I’ll pause for a second so that you can go grab a tissue. Really. It’s totally fine.
Here’s the thing. I tend to keep things light and happy around here because I enjoy light and happy. But sometimes life is stinkin’ hard. Sometimes life feels like the complete opposite of light and happy. I know that there are all sorts of trials and issues and doubts represented among the people who read here – and as someone who has wrestled with her faith a time or ninety, I know how hard it can be to see God’s hand in the midst of unexpected or even unthinkable circumstances.
But you know what? God’s there. He really is. He’s faithful. And He loves you so much.
I have no idea why I felt like I needed to write this post. It’s way longer than I ever intended for it to be, and it’s not particularly, you know, CLEAR. I’ve never met Steven Curtis Chapman, and I’m about 261 kinds of positive that he’s never heard of my silly blog. But make no mistake: his transparency and his candor have blessed my heart tonight. Blown me away just a little bit. And I can’t help but think that if you’re struggling right now – with a relationship, with grief, with illness, with unbelief, with whatever – the lyrics from these songs will bless your heart, too.
And I guess that is all.
Have a great Tuesday, everybody.
Edited to add: just found out that you can listen to the whole CD on Rhapsody. For free.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:59 am
great post.
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I am so glad you wrote this post, and it was perfectly clear and coherent and full of heart, and I needed it today as a reminder of the faithfulness of God regarding a family situation.
I’m headed to get that CD too.
Thanks for your words.
Amy
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
While we ALL love your wit and lightheartedness (if that wasn’t a word before, it is now), we also ALL love this side of you. People ask me how I know that the bloggers I adore are ‘for real’. I may just have to refer them to this post. Thank you.
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 pm
So eloquent. I haven’t listened to SCC’s new CD for this very reason. So heartbreaking. I’ll have to pick it up and keep your thoughts in mind….
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Thank you!
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I saw him and his sons in concert at the Biltmore Hotel just 3 months after Marie’s homegoing. It was only their 3rd or 4th concert I believe. It was heartbreaking and encouraging all at the same time. I will definitely be buying this on ITunes. :) Great post. :)
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
I felt the same way about going to see him at Women of Faith. Yet, I had to…and I came away with an eternal perspective that I could not before grasp. I love that SCC is indeed living in this day in light of that day.
By the way, I’m looking forward to some goodly amount of time with you in that place. Really, I am.
You, sweet one, are a treasure and an encourager…and a blessing.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. What a beautiful and heartfelt post.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Given the choice between laughing at “bump-its” and hair products and this post, I’ll choose this one. Life IS hard, and God IS good. And the two are not mutually exclusive; as a matter of fact, they are quite complimentary. I was listening to 104.7 The Fish this morning, and Kevin and Taylor aired an interview with SCC as they were promoting the Facebook live chat. A man called in who had lost his 4 year old son. Made me cry, but I am SO glad that God gave us each other to hold on to. Thanks, BooMama, for providing both a shoulder and a light for those who need it. I love me a good tip on hair products, but I love this post even more than that..
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Your right – life is stinkin hard.
So happy to know we have other believers who allow us to SEE what we needed to see out of your post.
Thank you
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
I got the link to the Rhapsody stream last week off Jim Houser’s blog (Housemix), and like you, I trembled a little before I listened to it.
But once I did, I sobbed at the glory of God in the brokenness of this sweet family. So raw, so honest, so mature. They REFUSE to stop believing God.
Beauty will rise. It’s a proclamation of truth as much as a promise.
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I had the opportunity to see SCC in concert a couple of weeks ago, and the very cool part was that he brought his sons to be in his band. (They are just adorable, I must add.) It is obvious that their pain is still raw but that they are determined to lift the name of Jesus even through their grief. He played a couple of songs from this new CD–WOW! It was an amazing evening and I was so grateful to be a part of it.
November 3rd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Not sure I’ve ever left a comment on you website before, but I’m a big fan (we have the same dry sense of humor). Thanks for posting that today. You see, my husband and I lost our 11-year-old son in a sudden accident in mid-July. Knowing someone else has been there is a comfort in grieving. I must buy the SCC CD! Thanks for your posts. Keep up the good work!
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Went to “Women of Faith” in Oklahoma City this weekend and SCC and his sons played and sang there. The testimony SCC gave was so heartfelt and so powerful. The pain is apparent, but so is the HOPE. I was blessed by them.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:12 pm
By the middle of the post I was tearing up, and by the end, after you shared his comments about the song “SEE” I was gasping for breath and trying not to absolutely bawl (I have a sleeping two-year-old nearby). I have never lost a child. (I accidentally wrote “chile”…the unexpectedness of it made me giggle…is that bad?) I am scared of that particular scenario, yet pray all the time that God will protect me from my own fears even more than He protects my family from harm. I struggle with being a mom right now…but hearing the stories of parents who have lost their children is so heart-breaking and perspective shifting. It is amazing that someone (like SCC and others that I know of) can allow God to use them to continue to minister to others as they grieve. What a God we serve. He is so strong when we are so weak. Which is all the time. Thank you so much for sharing this…
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Thank you so much for this post. I happened to read it as the Facebook chat is happening and I am so glad to be able to watch and let it touch my heart tonight.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Thank you for this post, Sophie. I lost my Dad last week, and even though I know I will see him again, my heart is broken. How great to be reminded of how much he loves us.
November 4th, 2009 at 12:36 am
Tonight (on the FB chat) was the first time I heard the line in “SEE” about “your brother being able to SEE that it’s okay.” My word, I cried so loud I was certain you could hear me.
November 4th, 2009 at 8:14 am
oh my that did make me sob
but I am going to be saying to myself all day
SEE!!!!!!
see that God loves me
see that God never leaves me
See that God has this situation with connor in the palm of His hand!
See God ….
I love that – thank you!!!
November 4th, 2009 at 8:15 am
I saw him tell this story on Larry King or some morning show and I just bawled like a big ole baby. What a beautiful family.
Thanks for this post Sophie. I can’t wait to hear the music.
Love ya!
November 4th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Sophie, the Lord has given you the gift of words, and being able to put those words together to touch others.
He has used your words many times to encourage me, remind me that I’m not alone in my crazy thoughts, and laugh. Thank you for using that gift to honor Him, in every way.
“Life is hard, and as we get older, our losses increase.” They may not seem like comforting words, but a lady at a retreat shared them, and as I was going through loss at the time, they did comfort me. That is the reality of life. Our blessings outweigh that reality when we know the Savior and He walks with us through each one, and carries us so beautifully.
hugs!
November 4th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this. Yes, it brought tears to my eyes, but it was all good. I really needed to hear this. Again, thank you.
November 4th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Hi, I am new to your blog, but I am so glad that I found it. I am going to get this CD. I lost my dad in 2008 and in March of this year my older brother took his own life. I am hoping that this will help to deal with some of the grief that still hangs on. Thank you so much for writing about this.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I have hesitated with this album for the very same reasons. Now, I can’t wait. I’m headed to Rhapsody now. Thanks BooMama.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I’m glad you wrote the post girlfriend. Thank you.
That’s a word worth pondering…
see
November 4th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
I love your heart Sophie! Beautiful post! Thank you! Life is tough! Going to listen right now… after I grab some tissue!
November 5th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
So I just read Shaun Grove’s post from today. And noticed the little link from the word “seeing.” And here I am reading your blog for the first time. Not too many guys around here, it appears, but that’s okay…I grew up with all sisters :)
This is a beautiful post. And it’s sincerity and caring reveal a beautiful person behind it. Keep up the great writing!
November 6th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Oh. My. Word. I’m a few days behind in my reader so I’m just now getting to this. I just wanted to thank you for sharing this. I probably would have never heard the story behind the song and it just gives me so much encouragement!
November 7th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Thanks so much Sophie… I’m scared of this album, too. Absolutely not ready. But I know I will be eventually… I read this post of yours a couple days ago and that day (or the day after?) heard “Heaven is the Face” on the radio for the first time when I was driving my 3 kids and 3 friends home from school. Glad for the red lights b/c it was hard to contain myself so I could drive safely. It just hit me so hard what PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS cargo I was transporting in my minivan, oblivious as they all were to my tears. It still makes me cry. I write songs too and mine always come out of what God is teaching me, what I’m going through, etc. I so admire his willingness to share all of their pain and hope with the world. So thanks for the encouragement… One of these days I’ll know it’s time to listen. (And I’ll think of you when I do!) : )