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Now I certainly don’t mean to brag, but I’m sort of the queen of setting some seriously unrealistic fitness goals.
You know, like losing 30 pounds over the course of a single weekend. Or vowing with my whole heart that, come Monday morning, I’m going to wake up and run five miles before breakfast.
Neveryoumind that I don’t actually run.
And because I have a personality that is completely and totally fascinated by whatever shiny object happens to be sitting in front of me at the time, it’s hard for me to stay motivated with a fitness routine. It’s hard to put on walking clothes when I’m just so delighted by combing through an old high school friend’s pictures on Facebook. Or when I’m smack-dab in the middle of a reality show marathon. Or when my little boy tells me that he would really like to snuggle on the couch with me for a little bit because “I just love you so much, Mama, that I never want to let go of you.”
I mean, come on. You’d totally stay on the couch with your child, too.
But the fact of the matter is that if I want to see that little guy grow up – which OF COURSE I do – and if I want to be a person who feels good and energetic and about 15 years younger than my actual age, I have to take care of myself. That doesn’t mean that I have to look like Heidi Klum or have Jillian Michaels’ rock-solid abs. It just means that I need to be intentional about doing the things that I KNOW make me feel better.
And oddly enough, even though the power of rationalization might convince me otherwise in a moment of weakness, eating ten chocolate kisses in one sitting REALLY DOESN’T contribute to my overall energy level. Neither does, well, SITTING.
Over the years I’ve come up with all sorts of misguided ways to keep myself motivated when it comes to exercise. There was the if-I-walk-two-miles-I’ll-reward-myself-with-fried-chicken-for-supper method, the if-I-walk-for-10-days-in-a-row-I-bet-I-can-lose-two-dress-sizes method, the my-class-reunion-is-coming-up-and-I’d-prefer-to-feel-moderately-confident method. And honestly, I’ve had a little short-term success with all of those strategies.
But as someone who has always struggled with weight and body image and all of those fun things, I’ve realized – especially over the last few years – that there are two sentences that are the very best motivation of all:
I want to feel strong.
I want to feel healthy.
And I’m certainly not saying that those two sentences have inspired me to train for a half-marathon. Oh no ma’am. I have a long way to go in terms of reaching my fitness goals. But those sentences do inspire me to get in the swimming pool with my child and play just as hard as he does. They inspire me to get outside on a beautiful day and just move.
They remind me that I don’t have to do crazy things in some misguided quest for unrealistic results.
That’s sort of freeing, you know?
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My horse keeps me in shape. He’s a big Thoroughbred and we do dressage. His name is Levi, but I call him “Pilates.”
I’m sure if you’d been in my bedroom when I recently decided I needed to reach back and scratch the back of my thigh — whilst walking on the running treadmill, mind you — the results would’ve looked like a cartoon. It was exactly as you’d expect – I fell, one knee dragging on the treadmill, one on the carpet at the end of the treadmill.
Holding on for dear life — do I let go? Why, that’ll plant my face on this moving treadmill?! If I don’t let go, my knee will be rubbed completely away!
I held on, I managed to stand, and I bear the scab on my knee still. It was really deep, very round, thoroughly sanded. :)
I fell over while doing my first headstand during yoga class!
I giggled all the way through my college pilates class. I still passed.
I took a water aerobics class my freshman year of college thinking it would be a fun and easy A. What I didn’t realize is there’s a GIANT window overlooking the pool and all the hot football players just happened to walk by and STOP TO WATCH while we were chugging through the pool with our empty gallon milk jugs. Hot Stuff, everyone.
I didn’t start running until I was 40 years old. So, its possible.
This was NOT funny at the time but we can laugh about it now. A friend and I were training to finish a half-marathon. On practice day we were out there with all these runners and somehow we took a wrong turn…ended up in another town. We were so sore and ended up having my husband drive out and come get us!
During my first jazzercise class, I was the youngest in the class, and I was the one who was the most out of shape. I could barely make it through the first 3 songs! Now, I am pretty good at it!
I don’t find exercise funny. Or fun. I only do it for my health.
My 75 year old neighbor invited me (23 years old at the time) to attend her gym class with her. I figured that even my out of shape body should be able to keep up with her, so I went. Not only was I the youngest person in the class by at least 30 years I was also the last one to finish every exercise and the only one literally swimming (in sweat) by the end of the class. But that’s no the funny part, after walking down the stairs (why oh why do they put the classes upstairs and the exit downstairs) I totally biffed it and tumbled all the way down the stairs making a very ungraceful entrance into the main portion of the gym. My neighbor…she just laughed.
Ok, so not so funny, but …
When you are in a wheelchair (exercise in it’s self), you have to watch the ground for things. Like things not to run over.
We had a ramp down the front steps last summer, from the front porch to the lawn. Then roll over the lawn to the driveway to the car.
And we have a dog.
Who relieves herself on the front lawn.
Needless to say, one day, I was not watching where i was going or what I was “going through”.
And it all stuck to the wheels.
If you think stepping in dog poop is bad, try grabbing the wheels of the chair. Covered in poop.
Yeah. Thought so.
I took kickboxing after college to get in shape…I decided to show my friends…Plus about 200 other folks…my roundhouse kick outstide the movie theatre one night and literally threw myself in the air and then flat onto the pavement. My friend was a firefighter and checked out my poor beat up knee…when he lifted my pants leg to check out the damage he said “girl your legs are ashy”…he still picks on me about it today…12 years later!
The first time I had to ride the stationary bike as part of my company’s fitness evaluation program to reduce our health insurance rates (this was about 1 year or so after having my 3rd baby at the age of 40 and having nursed for the previous 36 months or so in addition to being pregnant), I thought I was going to fall off the bike or pass out right there from this minimal exertion!
Happily now, 6 years later, I can easily walk for about 3 miles without getting overtaxed or ride the bike for any period of time at the slow rate they ask us to without getting winded.
yeah!
When my best friend and I were in 7th grade we made an exercise video of ourselves. We sprayed our leotards/chests with spray bottles filled with water to look like we were sweating profusely. We still crack up about it to this day!
Well, I was the girl in college who would drink a Diet Coke and eat a Snickers bar between classes. Then I’d head to the gym, set the treadmill to “calorie counter,” and walk until I reached 280 calories–the exact number of calories in the aforementioned Snickers bar. Like it never even happened….
When I was a teenager I was convinced that Slim Fast was all I needed to lose weight. (Kicking self as I type, because I wasn’t even fat)
Anyway, the chocolate Slim Fast was so good that I would drink it AND eat a big meal. Genius!
I started working out back in Feb. I have lost almost 50 lbs (so pumped!!!), but have had plenty of funny moments. I have fallen I can’t tell you how many times doing lunges (both stationary and moving), and constantly get way off track in my boxing workouts. I have no coordination, so thank God I am able to always laugh at myself :)
I started doing a Boot Camp July 5. I was the ONLY ONE who showed up! It was a good workout but I was glad some more people joined me the next day!
I thought I would multitask and carry something while biking. Over the handlebars I went
One day many years ago, a coworker of mine wanted to take a walk at lunch. She is atleast 22 yrs older than me and I could not keep up!!
Before I got pregnant with my soon arrival I was on a health/diet kick. One day a friend and I were exercising in my living room to a “biggest loser” workout video when my 4 year old joined in. He was doing the kicks, squats and all. I think he was better than me! :)
I wish I would exercise enough so that something funny would happen to me!
I was taking a really physical theatre arts class (Suzuki) and my leg muscles were DYING. I particularly had a really hard time going up and down stairs. I was also currently playing Helena in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, a very physical role that required running up and down lots of stairs on our three tiered stage. So every night before the show I rubbed on copious amounts of Ben Gay, and apologized to the rest of the cast about the smell. Hopefully the audience couldn’t smell it.
I take a Zumba class at my gym! I love the class, but ya’ll can we just say that rhythem is not one of my strong suits. I am all over the place, but I have fun and it is great exercise. Let’s just hope that this chunky girl does not end up on YouTube somewhere.
I constantly vow to myself to give up salty snacks–then yesterday I purchased 2 cans of Pringles and opened 1 before I got home!
My two year-year-old has just learned to open the front door and bee-line it down te street…I’m getting more exercise than ever!
Nothing better than your first time in the gym and you fall right off the side of the treadmill!!
Many years ago I was postpartum (thinking I was so fat even though I weighed about 20 lbs. less than I do now!) and in the early morning I happened to turn the television on to the Lifetime channel. Back then Denise Austin had an exercise show from 7:00-8:00. I watched her for a few minutes, doing her perfect routine on a beach, and before you know it I got inspired. I stood up and started to move along with her. Problem is, I never took the time to go put on any shoes…yes, you guessed it – I stubbed my toe on one of those aerobic jumps and came super close to losing my big toenail! Ouch! I stood there, bleeding and crying, and remembered why I don’t exercise!!! :)
One day when I was riding my bike, my watch had twisted on my wrist so I couldn’t read it. I used my other hand to twist it back and in the process turned my handlebars too fast. I ended up going down and hitting my chin on the curb. I looked up just as the town fire chief drove by.
I fell like a cartoon character off my bike. I think I lost my balance but to this day am not quite sure what happened. OF COURSE about 4 cars were passing by staring…
I’ve had plenty of funny exercise moments as I’m not the most coordinated person on the planet. A few years ago I bought a cardio-dance DVD thinking it would be fun to learn how to dance and get fit at the same time. Unfortunately, my lack of coordination gave some very entertaining moments to a friend that came over to work out with me the very first day. We laughed way more than we exercised!
Playing church softball a few years ago, I had a string of bad luck during our practices. First week I jammed a finger, second week I got hit on the ankle bone with a line drive, and third week was hit in the face with the ball. The next week was our first game and I was truly scared to step onto the field. Luckily no injuries, but we didn’t win the game.
About 9 years ago I was biking to be healthy. My father jokingly said I should step up my program and tackle some hills. I challenged him (He was 53 and a smoker at the time) to a race around our local lake. I just barely beat him, but as I was coming down the last hill to the finish line I hit a rut with my tire and went sailing over the handle bars of my bike. My boyfriend (now husband) was watching! He didn’t laugh, he was only concerned about me. Sweet guy. But now, 9 years later he laughs about it every time it’s mentioned.
I had just started trying out the whole running thing. I thought I purchased I good sports bra for my … eh’hem…larger top. I was running outside on the sidewalks of our neighborhood and suddenly realized something didn’t feel quite right. Floppy. I realized that one of the um..girls..had freed herself from the sports bra and was just doing her own jig free from restraint. Uncomfortable? Yes. Embarrassing? Ask the dog walker who walked past me…twice.
My two best friends and I walk a 1/2 marathon every year and make a girls weekend out of it. Our first year we had been training for months and thought we were in such good shape! We met some older (78, 80) ladies the night before the event that were participating also and when we lined up the next day we were only 5 rows behind them. We laughed and talked about how fast we would pass those “grandmas” once we got started. I am embarrassed to say we never caught them and after the 1st mile couldn’t even see them!! We will never judge again!
My best friend was having a birthday at the local Rennassance fair, when My boyfriend’s ex fiance shows up (turns out they all were friends at one point, and she decided to surprize my friend), (thank g-d she didnt know who I was), but I found it hilarious :-)
I walked out to my balcony a few days ago,and see something small, brown and moving. Look like a hamster, I poked it. BAT! My girl friend was scared to walk out to the balcony for a week.
My daughter and I were on a cruise, and she went on stage to get hipnotized,she was soo excited, that she fell down and scraped her knee. Had to sit out the show!
When I was in college and working at a summer camp, I thought I’d grab a little exercise one evening (lifeguards have to wear swimsuits to work every single day, after all!) and borrowed a friend’s bike. Well, I was doing just fine until my flip flop fell off and I lightly tapped the brake with one hand and promptly flipped over the handle bars. I didn’t realize it, but there were about 20 people standing on the balcony above who all started cheering and clapping… So much for trying to play it cool!
A few years ago I was training for a half marathon when we went skiing in Austria. Some of our European friends who do not speak English as their first language asked if I would be interested in going cross country skiing with them. Thinking this would be a good way to stay up on my training, I agreed. 6 hours and two sore legs later I ended up in Switzerland. Turns out in Europe cross country means exactly that, ACROSS the country.
I was taking an aerobics class a long time ago and my 2 daughers, who were older teenagers at the time, were standing in the doorway laughing at me. They later commented to someone how uncoordinated I was.
I’m not a morning person, but my exercise now is mostly in the predawn hours. Otherwise my new pup is in squirrel-mode. Not the easiest way to powerwalk!
I started the 30-Day Shred a while back. I thought it would be doable because I had been in pretty good shape before having my son, so although I had some work to do, I was ready to get going. By the time the 20 minute workout was over, my face was so hot and red, I honestly thought I would die. I took a picture and texted it to my husband. He had no words! Ridiculous!
I was trying to do a box jump the other day at the gym and my “jump” didn’t have much height. My shin went right into the edge of the box, leaving a huge gash.
Not so fun…
A friend of mine and I walked together a few mornings a week. One time, we tried a walking path near her new house. We thought we knew where it ended, but apparently not. More than two hours later, we were back at her home to greet her husband who had finally started to call family members in concern. Neither of us walkers had carried a cell phone. Oh, and my friend was nearly six months pregnant. We were just so smart!
I’ve been walking a mile almost everyday with a friend for the past couple of months. I have my little girl and the little girl I watch in a double stroller -I’m forever hitting a bump in the road and almost dumping them over.
Good times. Good. times. BUT, I’m outside and I’m moving so that counts right??
A few gal pals and myself got really excited for one of the local 5Ks that has a dress-up costume theme. Two of us were all decked out as 80′s fitness instructors. i dressed up as Britney Spears & had a paparazzi following. We showed up to find that there were only about six other people (out of over 1000) who dressed up. Oops.
Ha!! I can’t really think of anything funny about dieting or exercise. So. Sad.
I attended a kickboxing/boot camp class that a friend of mine teaches a couple of years back. The next day I was so sore that I couldn’t go to the restroom at work without using that handicap stall because 1) the toilets sit higher and 2) I had to be able to pry myself up with the bar.
Does the fact that I can’t think of a funny story mean that I don’t exercise enough?? Hmmmm…
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