Today And I Have Had Quite Enough Of Each Other

I have been beside myself with the PMS today. BESIDE MYSELF. It’s been so bad that at one point, when I couldn’t help but overhear an absolutely absurd conversation at the library, what I wanted to do more than anything in the whole wide world was to stand on a table and scream, “CLEARLY I AM SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF CRAZY PEOPLE!!!”

Obviously I must have missed my refresher course on patience and charm this morning.

I always know when I’m in for a particularly rough run with the hormones when I start to have A LOT of opinions. And my PMS opinions aren’t just any ole opinions, mind you – they are VERY RIGHT opinions. The rightest of the right, in fact. You could seek advice from the wisest person on the planet, and after you asked your question, he or she would point at me and say, “Ask her. She has all the VERY RIGHT ANSWERS.”

That’s how right I am.

The last time the PMS was this bad, I remember telling a friend of mine that I wanted to add some verses to Proverbs 31. And I wanted those verses to say something like, “She speaks her mind with great authority; she bombards her husband with all of her VERY IMPORTANT THOUGHTS. Not even the smallest detail is beyond her control.”

You can probably see why everyone around me was somewhat relieved when that particular case of raging hormones was over. I was delightful company – oh yes I was.

Anyway, tonight I’ve decided that I’m going to try to find a few positives in the midst of my current condition. Because if I don’t? Well, I’m a little afeared that I’m going to launch an all-out attack on the leaves in the driveway. Or I’m going to hit the washing machine with a hammer if it makes that “clicky” sound ONE MORE TIME. Or I’m going to get in my car and drive down the road and wind up confronting non-suspecting diners at a local restaurant simply because I don’t much care for the way that they CHEW THEIR FOOD.

OH IT COULD HAPPEN.

So. The positives.

1. Today I bought four bags of chocolate candy (two Hershey’s Kisses, Hershey’s Miniatures and bell-shaped Reese’s that are a REVELATION) at Walgreens and didn’t feel even a little bit guilty. Because the chocolate, IT UNDERSTANDS ME.

2. If there is any sort of snack food within a four foot radius of my person, I can smack it down WITH AUTHORITY.

3. Pringles Sour Cream & Onion chips have taken on a whole new dimension of flavor. This afternoon the little man was eating some chips for a snack, and I grabbed one (okay. FINE. four.) from his bowl. After I took a bite, I opened my eyes really wide and said, “WELL THESE ARE JUST DELICIOUS!” Apparently my hormones enable me to detect subtle nuances in all the artificial flavors. My senses are on FI-IRE.

4. My bangs wouldn’t cooperate for love or money this morning. They had this weird pouf thing going on, and no matter what I did, the pouf remained. Thanks to my hormonal state, however, I HAVE NOT LET THEM BEAT ME. My whole day has been a study in taming the bangs. Never you mind that they are still in a state of rebellion. THEY HAVE MET THEIR MATCH, AND THEIR MATCH IS ME.

5. It’s been a day when I have GREATLY ENJOYED the use of CAPITAL LETTERS because they help me EXPRESS MY OPINIONS with plenty of EMPHASIS in the APPROPRIATE PLACES.

So that is all.

And I’m going to bed now.

Or I guess I should say:

I AM GOING TO BED NOW.

After I eat a just a little bit more chocolate.

Priorities, you understand.

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Comments

  1. This is why I love your blog. :)

  2. I’m going to print this post out and TATTOO IT TO MY BODY, so it will be convenient to read-one. week. of. every. month.

    This is why you’re Boo Mama.

  3. I vote we have PMS recaps every month because they are hilarious.

    [Tip toe-ing quietly away in case deep felt sympathy would have been a better response and also in case square brackets were an incorrect choice]

    Also I have to go find some bell shaped Reese’s.

  4. Oh, man. I hear you on that one. Sometimes I am SO SURE that I am right that I “accidentally” forget to tell my husband that my period started, so that my passionate ranting over his cooking of navy instead of pinto beans will not be mistaken for the rantings of a crazed hormonal woman.

  5. Thank you for that!! It describes my day to a T…except for those Pringles…man, i wish I had some of those right now!!

  6. I understand 100% where you are coming from!

    I hope tomorrow is better for you. And bell shaped Reese’s sound divine!

  7. I read recently that PMS will be worse if you haven’t been getting enough leafy green vegetables. Though I have no personal experience to confirm or deny this theory. Anyway chocolate is bound to help! Hugs to you!

  8. on a pringles-related note…we picked up the cheddar flavor at a convenience store on our TG road trip, and i was seriously disappointed. i’d never tried them before, and i found them to be merely orange-colored regular pringles. your testimony of the sour cream & onion ones may just restore my faith in them. :0)

  9. JustBetty says:

    Did you ever try to sneak out of your Mama’s house in the middle of the night when you were a teenager? With your very best girlfriends? Through a window that had holly bushes right on the other side?

    Just wondering. Because that was the last time I can remember stuffing a pillow into my mouth to stifle giggles. Until 15 minutes ago, that is. [I didn’t want to wake my sleeping husband. But then the Pringles made me fear for for the whole neighborhood.]

    Thanks for the fun.

  10. Reading this has:

    a. made me laugh out loud

    b. reminded me that I’m grateful to be post-menopausal!

    except for the dry skin.

    LOVE the use of ALL CAPS!

  11. Oh…I am so thankful for this post…and so loving you for sharing it. I have been beside myself with PMS for the past several months. (Well, you know off and on…not ongoing…that would just be a whole new level of punishment for the men/boys in this house…and everyone else in my life!)

    Thank you…

    And, by the way…the chocolate really does understand us, doesn’t it? ;)

  12. I love your capital letters.

    I bought 2 bags of Kisses at walmart 3 days ago. I thought to myself “I’ll put these out in some christmasy bowls and they’ll last till Christmas since I’m getting so many.”

    Well, They’re gone. Eaten almost entirely by me. Self control is apparently not my spiritual gift.

    Have a good day!

  13. Do you live in my head?!

  14. Oh, honey, I SO get this. Don’t you wonder what God was THINKING when he made hormones that FLUCTUATE?

  15. This made me smile, and laugh a little bit.

    Because, you see, this could have been written about me.

  16. I vote for the PMS recap monthly as well.

    PMS spirits unite. Let’s destroy loud chewing together.

    Bad drivers too while we are at it.

  17. Well I find this post to be DELIGHTFUL! And I plan on reading it to the husband once he arrives home this evening whether he wants me to or not. I HAVE THAT RIGHT! And I canNOT WAIT to see his facial expressions!

    Because CLEARLY he doesn’t understand the whole hormonal situation! Isn’t their a clause in the Bible for such times as this? Because sometimes the hormones are just OUT OF OUR CONTROL! Or maybe they are out of control. Whatever!

    I’ve never considered the possible relief that must come from documenting my various thoughts and feelings during the monthly visit. (You DO feel better?) But be sure I will!!! If the husbands think it’s so awful to LIVE WITH US, let’s see them make it through ONE HOUR OF HORMONAL RAGE! (Not to be confused with the wife’s hormonal rage. An experience all their own, of course.)

    Perhaps he should dwell on the housetop. That’s all I’ve got to say.

  18. O BooMama-you have described my day yesterday perfectly. I thought I was going to SCREAM all day yesterday. Every little last thing was getting on my very last nerve.

    This morning seems to be better though. Hope yours is too.

  19. Philosophical question. I only ask because you DO have all the right answers:

    Hormones – God-created or a plot of he’ll?

  20. So funny…and yet, I find myself cringing because I can relate. Enjoy your chocolate…and your very right opinions. :)

    Jean, as to hormones: Pre-Fall = God-created Post-Fall = a casualty of the plot of Hell…wrapped up into our curse of childbearing. At least, that’s my very right opinion… ;)

  21. Amen and Merry Christmas. You made my day.

  22. Bless your heart.
    (And I mean that in the very sweetest way!)

  23. Tammy Barlett says:

    Ohhhhhhh…………I can SO RELATE! Thanks for the laugh! (Even if you weren’t meaning to be funny…….)

  24. Yesterday stunk out loud for about ten reasons.

    I am not sure if hormones had anything to do with it, but I wish I could blame them because I did not handle the things that went wrong too well.

    I did, however, have a moment or two with God in front of the Christmas tree this morning, and it helped me remember that I am not in control of the chaos, HE IS. So I am going to try to start acting like that now.
    It doesn’t help that I am on a no sugar diet, because a York Peppermint Patty is whispering that it could make it all go away…

  25. Love your WIT and HUMOR. Laughing out loud in sympathy, empathy, and total “I get you-ness”. Please write more when you take a break from the chocolate.

  26. How other people chew their food always distracts me–and oftens bugs me at ANY time of the month.

  27. So the other commenters found themselves laughing. I’m choking back a sob in my throat. SOMEONE ELSE IS CRAZY, TOO!!! :)

    Crazy, hormonal women unite!

  28. Aww, feel better…and I can RELATE! =]

  29. Thus far this morning, I’ve had several spoonfuls of dark chocolate peanut butter and a nice big heaping spoonful of chocolate in my coffee. Because, like you said, it’s the only one who understands…

    As my migraines have gotten worse during PMS time, I think Andrew has taken great delight in getting to drug me into oblivion. Oh, I’m still edgy. But I’m much slower on the uptake and therefore less likely to fire daggers in someone’s direction if it requires turning my head. Or moving my lips without slurring my words.

    What dainty creatures we all are.

  30. Okay, this made me snort.:) I totally feel your pain. Thanks for the laugh!

  31. I understand…oh how I understand!

    Hugs!

  32. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in PMS hell:) What’s even more frustrating is not understanding WHY you’re acting this way, then when it dawns on you having to go back and apologize to anyone who’s come into contact with you! haha

  33. WHAT IS IT WITH THE LOUD CHEWING? I am cycling right with you, and I felt I did the mature thing last night when my husband was eating a piece of pie next to me and instead of screaming, “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO HEAR WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MOUTH?!” I actually just decided to politely move to another room. Epiphany.

    I also feel that Ruthee’s comment should get some sort of “shout out” because I don’t know her, or you, personally, but I really feel that she gets you on a very deep level to be so cautious about her use of square brackets during this time in which you are HIGHLY AWARE and also VERY RIGHT. And a PMS recap certainly has the potential to turn this country back in the right direction.

  34. oh my word, so funny! you are correct though (well of course you are, that is obvious!), once a month I am VERY RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING and NOBODY DOES ANYTHING THE SAME RIGHT WAY I DO IT!

  35. OH. MY. WORD. I can SOOOOO relate. Thanks for putting into words what I experience every month!

  36. As a resident geeky scientist who’s also a woman (and married to another resident geeky scientist), I thought you’d appreciate a little bit of the science of PMS and chocolate: (1) chocolate has been proven to stimulate production and release of calming hormones in women and thus might be considered medicinal (2) PMS has been shown to heighten the senses of taste and smell thus small odors can be exceptionally irritating and foods can be especially delicious. All in all, you go girl! with the chocolate and chips – who better can benefit from them???

  37. I feel you, I have that happen from time to time and it is horrible! I know I’m being CRAZY but can’t stop!

  38. I HEART THIS POST!
    I TOO LOVE ALL CAPS..WELP ONLY BECAUSE THATS THE ONLY WAY MY KEYBOARD WORKS..THANKS TO MY DARLING 3 YEAR SPILILNG WATER ALL OVER SAID KEYBOARD!
    GRR…..

  39. I laughed out loud! I totally relate… as do we all. I had a hysterectomy two years ago, but they left my ovaries. So, now I have the added joy of PMS AND having no idea when it is going to hit! Doubly lovely.

    My FAVORITE is your DESIRE to add VERSES to PROVERBS 31!!!!!!!!!!!! Genius.

  40. Oh, how I love to read your blog.
    I alternately scolded my children and then cried yesterday at least 3 times.
    WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
    The PMS beast is upon me, that is what is wrong.
    I feel your pain, girl.

  41. Have you seen Win A Date With Tad Hamilton? You would very much relate to the Pringles discussions they have in that movie.

  42. HA!!! I am 12 years past PMS but remember it well. There were days I thought people should DIE for their stupidity!!! My poor husband was sent for ding-dongs (and other chocolate goodies) on a regular basis. Believe me, the hot flashes were more easily controlled than the PMS…

  43. Have you tried the Chex Mix Muddy Buddies?! I found it at my local Sam’s Club. It’s like the stuff my mom used to make – Puppy Chow. You MUST try it!

  44. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU MY JOKE…WHY DO THEY CALL IT PMS??? BECAUSE ‘MAD COW’ WAS ALREADY TAKEN!!!

  45. Thank you!!

  46. a better, more accurate rendering of the PMS has never been written. oh, the curse. eve, you did us in.

    Boo, you had me laughing on a whiny morning today.

  47. Not to alarm you, but this sounds like me when I’m pregnant. In September I told my husband that the garbage disposal smelled like gym socks and the world seemed like it was getting suddenly and inexplicably STUPIDER! He suggested a pregnancy test. I’m due in April.

  48. Oh, my dear Boo, I relate! I think I need a padded room for that miserable time of the month, so I can just be left alone to bounce off the walls and scream in frustration until I wear myself out and sleep it off. And how can it possibly be worse now then it was in my teens? I didn’t think it could get worse!!!

  49. Let’s just say that hormone balancing cream has saved my sanity and the lives of several students that I teach. :) Arbonne makes a good one, and you can find it in vitamin shops and health stores. :)

  50. I say go to bed and take the chocolate.

    I also agree with some of the others why is it so much worse now than when we were teens ?

  51. I don’t care if they took ALL my stuff away two years ago, there have still been days when a jar of Nutella is the only one who understands how ANNOYING the boss is being! And that day was yesterday!

  52. It isn’t PMS. I am certain of it. People just maliciously decide to start chewing loudly (with their mouths open) one week of every month. They also like to pick/clip their nails RIGHT NEXT TO YOU on that same week.
    Obviously it is a conspiracy- I’m sure somebody on the internets has proved it…

    I bet they are the ones who make canned peaches taste like soap too!
    ;)

  53. I don’t just love this post…I LIVE IT. :)

    My word, the chewing. Last night I told my son that if I heard one more bite outta him, his dinner was going in the trash. I really said that. And once at Panera, I very nearly asked a man eating those crunchy chips if he’d mind moving outside.

    Thanks for the laughs!!

  54. You are HILARIOUS.

  55. Mary Lucy says:

    LOVE this and all of your posts!! I am also the queen of opinions during that special time of each month…keep buying that chocolate!!

  56. My mom once told me that until I grew up she’d never believed in PMS.

    So I sympathize.

    Also? The chocolate?

    It does understand.

    Oh, how well it understands.

  57. I LOVE IT! I’m right there with you. Are you reading my diary? PMS – check! Chocolate – check! Irritated with people breathing in the next county – check! Ugh – don’t you just hate it when you don’t even want to be around yourself? Glad I’m not the only crazy one around.

  58. You’ve managed to express what I feel.
    Exactly the way I feel it.

    :)

  59. Oh, it is so good to feel UNDERSTOOD!! I wish everyone would break the silence on the PMS suffering just a little more often. Thank you BooMama – you’re the best.

  60. Fabthemayor says:

    You make me laugh right out loud! Thank you for keeping it real!

  61. WELL, I no longer have PMS but I can so RELATE. And UNDERSTAND. I am not so much with the chocolate, but have I ever shared with you that my dear hubs works for FritoLay? Salt is my addiction. Go on off to bed and it will all be better in the morning. Cause our DAWGS are headed to a bowl game!!!

  62. Elaine Lund says:

    Really Enjoyed reading your post. It made me chuckle, probably because I can relate and I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND the use of capitals.!!.

  63. I prescribe Hershey’s White Chocolate Bliss and a Sonic diet coke.

  64. 1) Really? You can get hormone balancing cream without a prescription? SIGN ME UP.

    2) Yes. Chewing drives me nuts on a good day, but when I’m PMSin? I truly want to staple people’s lips shut.

    3) PMS for Southern women = FTS (Fixin’ ta start.)

    Have a great night, YOU AND YOUR CHOCOLATE. Hope you wake up feeling a wee bit more lower case.

    xo

  65. thank you Lord, for menopause!! because I understand BEING RIGHT AND HE IS SO ……

  66. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I could have written this myself. Many times. More specifically once per month for all months that I have not been pregnant in the last 10 years. And that is a lot of months. I feel your pain.
    I absolutely love you, BooMama!

  67. I don’t have PMS any more but I do have hot flashes; and let me tell you that you just described my hot flashes to a “T” except that I am also sweating profusely with all the other problems. And I only have one frayed, stringy nerve left and it seems like everyone is strumming it like a guitar string!

  68. I laughed out loud at this. Maybe because I am sitting on the couch finishing off a bag of M&M’s and loving those added P31 verses. And did I tell you that a couple of months ago at the grocery store I ran into a dad of one of the children I teach and only had tampons and M&M’s in my cart? Good times.

  69. Mercy! Lawd have mercy! You make me laugh SO MUCH. I’ve been a lurker, but I’m officially de-lurking to let you know that we quite possibly could be long, lost sisters. My nickname, after all, is “I KNOW.” (And I do.) ;)

  70. This is one of the BEST POSTS you’ve EVER WRITTEN.

  71. Pringles cures a mountain of PMS ills.

  72. I would lay down money that the insane conversation had SOMETHING to do with Cam Newton and/or Nick Saban et. al. As a fellow bulldog, have you EVER wanted to just say PEOPLE! GET! A! LIFE! any more than now? I mean, REALLY! I think using the PMS as a means to teach people some well needed manners would be totally acceptable. Work it honey!

  73. Over the past year or so, I’ve started getting PMS symptoms at the time of ovulation too. I guess my body figures–if one time a month is good, two must be better!

    [NOT NOT NOT.]

  74. I am in the same boat this week. Not fun.

  75. Christine says:

    BEST. POST. EVER!!!

  76. One day, not too long ago, I was in the Target in the same exact PMS state as you, and got the fancy small box of fancy chocolate candy and opened it up. Ate every last one right there in the store.

    Who cares! And I did so with authority. ;) And it was good.

  77. You are an ABSOLUTE S M I L E!!!!

  78. Lynnette R says:

    Hershey’s Miniatures Milk Chocolate w/almonds. And no kidding with the chewing. How hard can it be? Lips together, teeth apart. Lips together, teeth apart. Lips together, teeth apart…

  79. Preach it sister!!! That was laugh out loud funny.

  80. I feel this way once a month (or more if a certain family member calls me at 6 a.m. for advice that she won’t take… aaaand that would be today, so no guarantees for this afternoon).

    ANY-WAY.

    I HATE hormones but I LOVE this post.

  81. OH MY GOODNESS….I felt the EXACT SAME WAY yesterday!! I knew that I HAD to get in my office and put my headphones on to listen to some music or someone’s head was going to roll.
    Feeling slightly less on edge and opinionated today…hope you are as well.

  82. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And so very right!

  83. My Ob/gyn said the PMS gets worse as you age but the cramps get better. Well, WHAT ABOUT THE NIGHT SWEATS AND CHILLS??!!! I’m not old enough to be in menopause!!! ARGH! My mantra after having kids, is “never underestimate the power of hormones”. Oh, they can be beastly! And the husband, why is the PMS always a surprise?! Hasn’t he been living with me every month for 10 years????
    And I will NOT give up my caffeine (they say that and some other hooey helps). Ok, enough of that. Hope it passes soon. And obviously, you are in good company. : )

  84. Oh I so get this. I was meaner than a junk yard dog last week. This week back to myself completely normal–couldn’t be happier or love him anymore. Pretty sure mine is getting worse as I age. YIKES!

  85. Oh sister, I hear you.

    If women with PMS ran the world, every country would be North Korea.

    Except there would be a chocolate shop on every corner.

  86. i know. i NEVER comment anymore.

    but this?

    was WELL WORTH IT.

    this is what buz calls a tag team night. meaning, the second he gets home, i head out. because it’s not fair for people to have to be around me.

    love this.

  87. Oh so much of your post rings true in my life! I know that pms has arrived when all that I can hear is people chewing their food! They can be miles away and that noise will grate on me until I want to teach them how to chew properly. As for the puffy bangs… All I can say is keep the scissors away from me during pms! Have a sweet weekend.

  88. I had your day yesterday! I thought I was going crazy! I was driving to visit my friend who just had a baby at Woman’s Hospital (I put that because you know the place in B.R.), and I was thinking. “What if I run into Dr. F (my doc)….I am going to tell her I need some medication for my CRAZIES!!!!” Well, you know you never just RUN into your doctor. I parked in the parking garage and proceeded through the doors and who do I see?????? My sweet, precious Dr. F. Well I “loaded up her wagon” (as my friend likes to say). She MUST think I am an absolute NUT CASE!!!! One time she told me that I was very stoic (after just having my 2nd miscarriage). Well, she saw the UNSTOIC me yesterday! Today, all I can do is LAUGH HYSTERICALLY about it. And try to figure out how quickly I can write her a letter apologizing for my CRAZY BEHAVIOR!!!!!

  89. You know how the only people you can stand to be around are other Pretty Mad Sistas of like-mindedness during that time of the month. Today, this has been my moment. Thank you.

  90. oh, you are so funny!!

    My DH made a run to Walmart last night and brought me 2 boxes of Belgium chocolate. I was not PMSing but I was hormonal for sure. And no, I am not pregnant.

    The chocolate did the trick. I woke up so much better this morning. :)

  91. Sophie, I just must say that I love you! I’ve never met you, but I love you. Thank you for sharing with us!

  92. Um, I totally understand you. The part about people getting on your nerves because of the way they chew? HILARIOUS!!! And TOTALLY true!! I’m a newlywed – been married for 8 weeks and I’ve already had my period 4 times. Uh-huh, you read that right! I had no idea they made hormone balancing cream (read in a comment above) but I’m definitely looking into that!!