My List. I Will Share It.

I have a cold. Or allergies. Or something that makes me feel like the left side of my face is about to explode. Perhaps it is some sort of virus, but I won’t really know until I spend several hours Googling my symptoms and convince myself that I have a rare disease whose primary carrier is a gnat that’s indigenous to to the southwest corner of Thailand.

No, I’ve never been to Thailand.

BUT I HEAR THAT GNATS CAN FLY VERY LONG DISTANCES.

Right now my only strategy for dealing with the cold / allergies / plague is to sit here and watch Food Network and refuse to take any cold medicine. It seems like the stuff that’s supposed to make me drowsy always keeps me wide awake, and the stuff that’s supposed to keep me wide awake always makes me drowsy, but just as soon as I try to outsmart the cold medicine and take the non-drowsy stuff before bed, the cold medicine pattern that has been true throughout my adult life will bamboozle me, and the next thing you know I’ll be up at 4 in the morning ooh-ing and aaah-ing over that mineral make-up infomercial with Leann Rimes.

Clearly I’m trapped in A MEDICINAL WEB OF LIES.

Anyway, before I turn off the computer so that I can steep in my stopped-up misery, I wanted to share just a few items of note. They are, of course, completely unrelated, mainly because my eyes are burning but also because I can’t imagine what any of these things have to do with each other.

ALL HAIL THE RANDOM.

1) Several people asked me about the stuffed pork loin that I mentioned last week. I made it Thanksgiving, and it was DELICIOUS. I was actually planning on making another pork loin recipe, but then I ran into my friend Pat at the grocery store, and she changed my entire Thanksgiving meal strategy standing right there in front of the frozen bread products. Her recipe was so much less complicated than the one I’d originally chosen.

So here’s what you do.

Double-butterfly a 3-4 pound pork loin. You can find instructions online about how to double-butterfly. It’s pretty easy, actually.

Nothing like some super-vague instructions to inspire confidence, huh? (Oh, just cut it here and put the stuffing in there and bake it and IT’LL BE FINE, I PROMISE.)

Cook 1 box of Uncle Ben’s Wild Rice (original recipe). Let cool, then stir in one-half cup of chopped, dried apricots.

Salt and pepper both sides of your meat. Spread rice/apricot mixture over the surface of your pork loin. Roll up the meat and tie it with kitchen twine (I followed these instructions for assembly and cooking – just FYI). Glaze the top of the pork loin with about 1/4 cup of apricot preserves.

About midway through the cooking process, glaze the pork roast again. Cook another box (or 2) of wild rice to serve with the roast. I also made a gravy from the drippings in the roasting pan, and IT WAS DELICIOUS. When I make this recipe again, I’m going to add some chopped pecans to the rice and the apricots. Because I’m nutty like that. And also punny.

2) I really don’t think there’s a living writer I admire more than Ann Voskamp. Seriously. She is deeply, profoundly gifted, and the way she puts words and sentences together just takes my breath away. She sees God’s beauty and grace and mercy in everything – IN EVERYTHING – and He uses her to inspire so many of us to see Him more clearly.

I got to meet Ann a couple of weeks ago, and afterwards Melanie and I decided that Ann might very well be an angel among us. She is the only person I’ve ever described with the word “ethereal,” and oh, did I ever mean it. She’s just lovely.

Well.

Ann has written a book called One Thousand Gifts that comes out in January. However, the Kindle edition is hot off the presses, my friends. Or the servers, if you will. And I can’t think of a more wonderful gift – for yourself or for someone you love.

(Thanks, Angie, for the reminder!)

(And by the way, I got very tickled when I saw that the Kindle copy of Ann’s book is delivered wirelessly by Amazon Whispernet. It just seems so fitting. Because Whispernet sounds just as soothing and unobtrusive as Ann is.)

(But if I had a book on Kindle? It would be delivered by Amazon Hollernet. And it would scare you with its loud volume to the point that you would feel compelled to shush it.)

(I’M JUST SAYING.)

3) I feel compelled to publicly acknowledge that I am making significant progress in terms of catching up on this season of “30 Rock.” I have been very – dare I say “embarrassingly” – behind on my TV-watching schedule, but over the weekend I managed to watch four episodes. I have six more to go, and I believe that I can dig deep over the next few weeks and muster the determination and courage necessary to meet my TV-related goals. MOUNTAIN, MOVE OUT OF MY WAY.

I have given up on this season of “Survivor” and “Amazing Race” – there’s just not world enough and time to watch all the episodes I’ve missed – but I’m holding on to hope that “30 Rock” and I will make it. Please do not hesitate to hold me accountable. And as is always the case when I am facing a backlog of DVR’d programming, I would appreciate your prayers.

The end.

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Comments

  1. I know you’ve been struggling with The Office this year and I understand, but can I suggest you just watch the very first part of the Christmas episode? I watched it about 10 times. I did not know jumping could be so funny or done in so many ways. I think 30 Rock has become funnier than The Office, but I have to say that The Office won this year’s Christmas funny by a landslide.

    Also feel better soon!

  2. I feel your pain and so relate to your predicament of medicinal paradoxes. Looks like it’s time to break out that stash of Mentholatum…

  3. Mary Kat's Mom says:

    I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to know of your “30 Rock” progress. When you watch the episode with the reference to Brown and Folderson, let me know! ! M.K. and I had to stop it and rewind as we had laughed so hard we were missing more funny! Also, I did do a slight gasp as to your not watching “Survivor” and “Amazing Race” as you are the reason I watch both but I do understand the T.V. Show overload and sympathize! Hope you feel better!

  4. Oh my goodness!! The pork recipe sounds divine. With your mother’s fig preserve cake as dessert, well we are looking at a Boomama feast.

  5. Hollernet! You are hilarious. And I love that you don’t apologize for who you are.

  6. Go to your doc and tell him/her the internets said you needed a shot of Decadron. Will dry that sinus/fluid/aching on one side of the face right up! And when it kicks in, you will get all manner of housecleaning stuff done. It’s like your own energizer battery!

  7. Hollernet made me laugh out loud. :) You need some Mucinex D – it is magic medicine!!

  8. My Southern granny has some kind of magical healing recipe, though I’m pretty sure it calls for whiskey in the ingredients. Hey, if my Baptist preacher’s wife granny can hold her head high in the liquor store whilst searching for medicinal alchohol, I’m sure you can do it, too! ;)

  9. You probably have the plague. In which case, you’ll have plenty of time to catch up on TV, right?

  10. :D Amazon Hollernet. Love it! And it should randomly hell, “COME ON NOW, SON!” to make sure we are paying attention.

  11. I meant YELL! I meant YELL! Oh, jeeze! LOL. Happy TV watching.

  12. Just so you know, you are now responsible for the stain of hot chocolate on my monitor at work…HOLLERNET indeed!

    And I recommend the hot chocolate through the nose for medicinal purposes too…opens those sinus cavities right up!

  13. OH! I hope you are feeling better soon!

    Speaking of TV, are you watching Bama Belles? I am. It even sucked in my husband. Well, he won’t admit it, but he curiously hangs RIGHT OUT ON THE COUCH STARING AT THE TV WHILE IT’S ON. Obviously addicted already. He uses the excuse that he has a business associate in Dothan. Um, okay, so that is why you have to watch a girlie reality show?
    Whew. That was a tangent.

  14. I don’t know if you are still watching ‘The Office’ at all, but I wanted to let you know that I have missed your posts that you used to write about it. I don’t want you to feel pressured to watch it in any way, especially since this season has been a bit disappointing. HOWEVER, I do think you should see the Christmas episode that just aired last week. It was DELIGHTFUL in so many ways!

  15. Hollernet! With a pork recipe to boot! Here suey, suey, suey! This wife to a hog farmer loves it!

    Loves *you.*

    The Farmer here offers thank for showing us all how to put some real fine pork on our forks … and may i just ask: Come for dinner some time?

    I can ring the dinner bell — and holler for y’all to come to the table! :)

    Please tuck in and rest easy, friend. You give us all laughter, medicine for the bones, and I am praying for wellness and wholeness for you who gives so much, so readily — so gracefully.

    You are a gift to me…

    All’s grace,
    Ann

  16. So happy to hear that I’m not the only one putting genuine effort into watching television. It’s important to stay committed once you’ve decide you like a show…you have to have priorities, right?

  17. Have you tried a nasal rinse? The NetiPot is popular, but I prefer SinuRinse (or the squeeze bottle kind). What comes out is pretty gross. But it really helps to clear out your sinuses.
    And regular salt works better than the packets that come with it.
    Feel better.

  18. Hey BooMama –

    Had to write and say that I immediately downloaded “One Thousand Gifts” to my Kindle per your suggestion and – oh, my word, I barely made it through the first chapter w/o having a breakdown!

    Almost crossed over into the “ugly cry” phase (but I won’t spoil it by saying why). That happens when the truth hits you between the eyes, I think. “No, God.”

    I re-read a good portion of it out loud to my husband and then again to my two older children (20 & 18) tonight. They sat in silence waiting for the next sentence and the next…His timing is perfect, you know.

    Thank you for the recommendation. I look forward to what she and He have in store for me and my family in Chapter 2.

    Just clay,
    Monique

    P.S. you should get a registered trademark on “Hollernet!” I’m just sayin’.