Perhaps It’s Time To Re-evaluate My Skin Care Routine

Over the weekend I saw a really cute dress on the clearance rack at Steinmart. It immediately struck me as something that would be great with flip flops and super comfortable on a hot summer day, and I was intrigued. I didn’t buy it, though, because I’d gone in Steinmart looking for t-shirts, and I hated to abandon my original shopping objective for the first ruffle-y collared dress that caught my eye.

Besides, I wasn’t really in the mood to buy a cute dress considering that I spent most of the weekend feeling pretty preoccupied with my ongoing tooth drama. The temporary crown popped off Friday morning, and since my dentist doesn’t work on Fridays, I didn’t know what to do next. Was I supposed to put it back on? Find another dentist? Call the number for “dental emergencies” that they mention on my dentist’s voice mail?

In the end I left my dentist a long, rambling message (IMAGINE THAT), and then Twitter came to my rescue because one of my Twitter friends happens to be A REAL-LIVE DENTIST. She assured me that everything was going to be fine, and I felt like I could hang tight until Monday, never you mind that I was a wee bit scared that my fancy new root canal was going to be RURNT, ALL RURNT thanks to the malfunction of the temporary crown.

And yes. It has come to this. I have become a person WHO TALKS ABOUT MY TEETH ON THE INTERNET.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

The dentist’s office returned my call early yesterday morning, and after a lengthy discussion regarding, well, YOU KNOW, we set up an appointment for today. The sweet dental hygienist then told me to make sure that I didn’t chew on my left side – and to put the temporary crown in a safe place so that I wouldn’t lose it.

So that’s why there’s now a plastic tooth-like object resting comfortably in a Ziploc bag on my kitchen counter. IT’S LIKE ALL MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE!

Anyway, once some of the tooth-related concerns were settled, I moved through the rest of yesterday morning pretty quickly. I drove Alex and a couple of his buddies to VBS, I worked on an article, I answered some emails – and about an hour before it was time for VBS pick-up, I decided that I’d swing by Steinmart and see if that dress was still there. I’d thought about it several times since I walked away from it Saturday, and the more I thought about what we have going on this summer, the more I decided that I was going to invite it to make its permanent home in my closet.

I found the dress on the same rack where I left it, and since I wasn’t looking for anything else, I made a beeline for the cash register. I expected that there would be a wait to check out since it was Senior Citizens’ Discount Day, but I was the first in line. I recognized the lady who was working at the register, so we made a little small talk, and as she was getting ready to scan the price tag of my dress, I asked her if I could still use the 20% off coupon from this past weekend.

“Well,” she replied, “I’ll have to see. Let me take a look at it.”

I fumbled around in my purse, found my phone and pulled up the coupon in my email. I zoomed in on it so that the print wouldn’t be quite as small, and I handed her my phone so that she could check it out.

“This coupon says ‘Good through 6/5,'” she said. “It’s 6/6.”

“Oh, okay,” I answered. “I just thought maybe it would still work since it says ‘Through Monday’ at the top of it.”

She paused for a second and said, “I’m sorry, but it says 6/5, so I can’t give you the discount. Unless…”

I leaned forward a little bit, eager to hear what the loophole might be.

“…are you a senior?”

“Ma’am?”

“Are you a senior?”

I didn’t understand for a few seconds, and then it dawned on me: she was asking if I was a SENIOR CITIZEN.

No kidding: it was one of those “LUUUUUUUUKE, IIIIIII AMMMMMMMM YOURRRRRR FAAAAAAAAATHERRRRRRR” moments. The whole world slowed down to a crawl while I tried to process what had happened. I knew that I needed to respond, WHAT WITH HER ASSUMPTION THAT I WAS 65 AND ALL, so I just shook my head, smiled, and said, “No ma’am.”

However, you may rest assured that it was also one of those moments where I definitely did not say what I wanted to say. Because what I wanted to say was, “Ma’am, I am 41 years old. And I recognize that I am tired, not wearing make-up and in moderate-to-severe need of some fresh highlights. But I have spent the last three days feeling a little bit discouraged because it is HOT and I HAD A ROOT CANAL and MY FAKE TOOTH FELL OUT and DID I MENTION THAT IT IS VERY HOT. So while I anticipate that there will be a point in my life when I will embrace my status as a senior citizen and all the blessings that accompany that season of life, you must trust me when I tell you that NOW IS NOT THAT TIME.”

And then I would’ve smiled real big so that she could clearly see the gap in my teeth where the temporary crown should be.

By the time I finished with my inner diatribe, the cashier announced my total and said, “Wow! Look! The dress was actually discounted an additional 25%, so you still got a great deal.”

You’d better believe that it took everything in me not to pretend like I was turning up my hearing aid while I screamed, “WHAT DID YOU SAY, HONEY?”

When I picked up the young’un from VBS I was feeling better about the whole situation (I really do know that the cashier didn’t mean any harm; she was just looking for another way that I might be able to get 20% off), and when I talked to Melanie a little bit later, I told her the whole story. She was just as sympathetic as she could be, and then she offered some perspective.

“Listen,” she said. “I am going to tell you something. I have seen you at your absolute worst – when you’ve been in pajamas for two days and haven’t fixed your hair and haven’t had nearly enough sleep. And I am here to tell you that there has never been a point, even when you were at your absolute worst, when I thought for even one second that you looked like you were eligible for some sort of senior citizen discount.”

Then we laughed until we cried.

And I couldn’t help but laugh all over again when I flipped through yesterday’s mail – because the previous owner of our house got a postcard that was TOTALLY PERFECT considering the day’s events.

So if you’ll excuse me, I need to go now. It’s time for my dentist appointment, and afterwards I’m going to stock up on Metamucil and test drive some Hoverounds. It’s sure to be a big day!

Love,
Mamaw

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Comments

  1. Amy in WA (Texas transplant) says:

    That happened to my sister (my gorgeous, 46-but-looks-younger-than-me-(29)-most-of-the-time, sister) at Ross one time…And I started laughing so hard I had to excuse myself so as not to be rude to the cashier (who I assume had some sort of vision challenge). We still laugh about it because, well, it’s laughable.

    Lesson? Never shop on senior discount day, or just roll with it and take the 20% off as payment for having to endure the silly question!

  2. Listen up–Metamucilis a gift straight from heaven! And I’m only 36.

  3. Let me try that without autocorrect, Metamucil.

  4. My apologies to autocorrect, it was my error. Must be the senioritis.

  5. I totally just roared thru this post. HILARIOUS!

  6. You had me laughing out loud this morning. I remember when I was young I used to think everyone past the age of 25 was old. Seriously. That lasted until I hit 25 then 50 was old. That’s only a few years away so now 90 is the new old. (Did you know AARP lets you join at 50 now? FIFTY??!!! I am only two years and one month away from being eligible for American Association of Retired Persons. That just rurnt my day.)

  7. Hysterical! We died laughing when my husband got his application for AARP when he turned 50. Geesh. Nothing like feeling old before your time.

  8. Look at Mary’s comment. See, I told you.

  9. This so reminded me of when I first started to get called “Ma’am” by store clerks, etc. :o) I am also 41, soon to be celebrating my 14th anniversary . . . and I’m hopeful that neither of us can actually be mistaken for seniors by a reasonable person!!

  10. Carolyn says:

    Thank you for making me laugh so hard I cried! I’m sorry it was at your expense! By the way, you do not look like a Senior Citizen!!!

  11. Rolling….Now can we see the dress? :)

  12. now you know she was trying to give you an out…she tried her best to give you the discount…why she didn’t jsut accept the 20% coupon, i don’t know…steinmart is pretty picky about that

  13. Once again you have just made my day. HYSTERICAL!!!!

  14. some of us are 60 and don’t like it any more than you

  15. You could have a show like Ellen’s on TV – I laugh every time I read one of your posts! You brighten my day!!! And you are gifted from God!

  16. BooMama! You are soooo hilarious!!!

    I wonder if she would’ve asked for your ID to verify your age if you had said yes you’re a senior citizen. LOL!

  17. Katherine says:

    I, too. have had a seriously unfair “defining moment”. When I was 38, at the grocery store with my 6 and 4 year old children, dressed nicely, WITH MAKEUP ON, the cashier asked me if they were me GRANDCHILDREN! OUCH! I nearly beat her over the head with my cane…….

  18. Oh my gosh! That is hilarioius! And the comments are just as funny!! :) I think I might have been tempted to answer, “Why yes, yes I am a senior citizen” just to get the discount after that! :)

    I had a “getting old moment” last night. I was starting a new book and it began to describe the main character. After a few descriptive details I imagined the character to be an older woman, then the author actually gave her age – she was 4 years older than me. ouch!

  19. Ok, I read this at my parents’ house and laughed so hard and loud I think I scared my poor sweet Mama and Daddy! I thought it was bad when cashiers started calling me “ma’am” and sticking Mrs. in front of my name. But at least I haven’t been offered the Senior Discount yet! :)

  20. I have a wide gray-streak in the front of my hair that I embrace because I inherited it from my momma who left this world to seek her heavenly reward four years ago. However, sporting a very noticeable streak of gray hair apparently makes people assume I qualify for a senior discount even though I am just 37. I got a discount one morning at Hardee’s without even being asked for my identification. Hoping it was just a fluke, I went back the next morning with my two children who were 6 and 2 at the time. A completely different cashier checked us out and still I got the discount! I guess she thought the girls were my grandchildren!

  21. Lynette says:

    Thanks for the laugh…loved it..made me laugh out loud…AND … I wonder if you would have told her “yes” would she have carded you to make sure..lol

  22. Brenda says:

    I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. Unfortunately at my age, that has dire consequences. Why don’t they give a senior discount for the special equipment one needs when laughing, sneezing, coughing, etc., at age 49?

  23. I had a cashier think that my sister was my daughter. We were at the dub-ya together and she thought I was my sister’s MOTHER! I still feel a little numb just thinking about it. I mean, I am only 3 years older than her. She said…I am sure that it was just the shirt that you had on- it was a bit matronly. OK- so a bad situation worse…kick me when I am down….

  24. Alicia says:

    OH I feel you, sister. I am also 41 but somehow I got on the mailing list for AARP a few years ago. I now get the magazine on a regular basis which cracks my husband up! When I need to book a hotel room or go to the movies, he thinks it’s hilarious to ask if there is a Senior Discount and say “Show them your AARP card, honey. “

  25. Jeannie says:

    Once again, you have made me laugh til I cried! You have such a gift of telling a story! I was also asked that question at Ross’ one time when I was in my early 40s but I excused it by the fact they had what looked like a 12 year old checking me out. Surely any one over 30 was old to him…

  26. Thank you God for sweet Sophie! He knew I needed a really good laugh. You continue to be ” the funniest person in the world.” Bar none.

  27. Oh dear sweet Sophie. I cannot even believe that was asked of you. Not for one second. However, recently a friend of mine (who is in her late thirties) was asked if her son was her grandson and she, like you, looks NOTHING like grandmother age. I mean, there is NO way. Sometimes I think people are just a wee bit, well, cuhrazy.

    I test drove a Hoveround, or something of the like, when I was at some type of Senior Citizen apparatus store with my grandmother and let me tell you, they are actually quite zippy and fun.

  28. Ouch. I was answering a blog-land question this morning about the first time I got a cel phone…. and my answer was “in my late 20’s because they hadn’t been INVENTED yet.”
    Move your rocking chair over because here I come.

  29. i guess when that day finally comes for me, when young girls are asking if i am a senior, i will truly miss those days when people rubbed my tummy and asked if i were pregnant (and i wasn’t).

  30. Hilarious post! Enjoying the comments too!

  31. I am dying laughing. This is good stuff. :)

  32. Oh my you had me rolling!!! I needed a good laugh today so Thank You!!

  33. I’ve been asked if I was my daughter’s grandma 3x.
    HELLO-you’ve GOT to be kidding me?!?!?!
    *Sigh*

  34. Oh, you always make me laugh! Always. And, although I don’t know you, (but if my husband is ever called to your church, will you please be my friend? Not that it would ever happen, but just in case…) I feel absolutely certain that you do not look like you’re even close to 65!

    If it makes you feel any better, every time someone asks me if my mother is my sister (I was born right before she turned 22 and I have 3 small children and don’t get to sleep much) I SO want to tell them, “No, she’s my Mama… She’s had some work done!”

  35. We love you Mamaw!

  36. JustBetty says:

    Home alone. Laughing ALOUD.

    And in the midst of my not-so-favorite day, I feel refreshed.
    [thank you!]

  37. Maybe she meant “are you a senior in High School or college?” ;)

  38. Thank you so much for the laugh! I think she was just looking for a way to give you that discount. ;)

  39. Sharon O says:

    This was so funny. I mean to tell you I am 56 years old and I have actually got questioned on my ability to purchase a bottle of wine. NOW that should be a compliment BUT I wasn’t impressed. I do buy off the senior menu’s when I can because no one needs to eat the serving size for four on one plate.
    You made me laugh dear. It was way fun. Thanks :o)

  40. Here’s a bit of good news. When you hit 50, McDonald’s will give you a senior coffee. FOR LESS THAN A DOLLAR. The first time this was offered to me, I nearly crawled across the counter to give the little gal a good stern talking to about MANNERS. Then I learned that McDonald’s considers 50 a SENIOR. Now I swallow my pride, order my senior coffee, and pocket the change with glee.

  41. My husband just asked me what in the world I was laughing at. ….it was YOU! This is so ‘BooMama” and I loved your story….not the tooth drama….I’ve had that happen before, and it’s a little tad traumatic!!!
    Sorry about the senior question……she must’ve wanted to give you that discount!!
    suzanne

  42. The same thing happened to me about a month ago. I was at Bealls and the salesgirl, person, whatever, ask me if I wanted to apply for the Fifty Plus Club card. I politely told her that wouldn’t be necessary since I was only 40. She didn’t even apologize. My 14 year old daughter tried to make me feel better by saying, “Mother, you know they have to ask everybody that.” Bless her heart, it didn’t help!!!

  43. Just like the commenter above, my dad was offered the Senior coffee at McDonald’s once (to be fair, he is 55 and his hair is pretty silver). He was completely speechless until the little girl told him it was only 50 cents…then he just said, Sure! Now he always orders it and laughs about getting his cheap coffee!

  44. One entire summer when I was in my 40’s, I got DQ Blizzards at the Sr. price. I think the young’uns who worked there thought anybody over 25 had to be a Senior Citizen. However, at one point they put up a sign saying you had to be 55 or older – AND you had to show I.D. Busted!

    So Mamaw – next time…Take.The.Senior.Discount! Then take your savings and go buy a Blizzard. :)

  45. rurnt put me over the edge. so funny

  46. Mamaw, that made me laugh so hard I had to change my Depends. Can’t wait till your e-book comes out. I JUST LOVE TO READ YOUR STORIES!

  47. It has not been the best o’ days (weeks?) (oh dear, it’s only Tuesday) and I needed a giggle. This got me to giggling. Thank you, darling dear YOUNG Sophie.

  48. Oh.my.goodness! I am laughing so hard over here that I have tears in my eyes. My husband is wondering what is going on at the kitchen table! I am sorry for your tooth troubles (I have a fear of dentists and laughing gas is my best friend too!), but I really appreciate your humor and sharing with us. You’ve just made me night a bit brighter!

  49. loved this post! thanks for sharing-i can sympathize; although i am perilously close to actually being a senior citizen, in my mind, i’m still about 30. love your blog!

  50. You have brought this 41 year old senior citizen to tears! As it turns out I also happen to be missing a temporary cap this week. It is so stinking hot this summer and well chaos has found my house hard and swift this month. By the time I got to the “NOW IS NOT THAT TIME” part I was rolling. You made my day! (Virtual high five on not leaving the young salesgirl flat on her hiney)

  51. tricia says:

    Oh, funny. Thanks for the laugh-out-loud!

  52. @ Sister – our DQ gives the discount at 50. I know because once we went through the drive-thru and the cashier said “That will be $_.__ but with your discount it’s $_.__. I asked “What discount?” – and my mouth dropped when she said “For being over 50.” Granted, I am over 50 – I’m 52 – but have always been told I look young for my age. My husband loved the moment.

    @BooMama – I run a low-income dental clinic. If you can put the crown back on your tooth, you can use toothpaste to hold it on temporarily until you get to your dentist.

  53. Hey Memaw, for the record, I think FIFTY is now considered “senior”! And I’m 49! And I’m not ready!

  54. Terrie Cash says:

    Is it wrong for me to say that I am glad this has happened to someone else besides me. I am a platinum card holder at Kohls and it is my home away from home.

    Several months ago the sales lady at Kohls asked if I would like the Senior Citizen discount. Just like you, I was quite taken back by the question. What seemed like an eternity before I could even respond to her question, the next thing that came out of my mouth was, ” how old does one have to be to receive the discount?” Her answer was 62. I am a 47 year old woman who has been blessed with people telling me all my life that I look very young for my age. Most people are shocked that I am 47 and not in my mid to late 30’s. When the sales lady said 62, all that could I could say to her is “do I LOOK 62 to you?” I was rather shocked that I even said those words. Bless the young sales person heart, she was trying to be nice and helpful. She sheepishly said she always ask just in case if someone is 62.

    My pride was so hurt that I came home and called my Mary Kay consultant and ordered almost $100 worth of moisturizer and fine line reducer products. After talking with my MK person, I had to call a few of my friends to tell them what happen so they could build my shattered vanity pride back up. My son’s friends thought the story was quite hilarious but assured me I looked far from 62 and 47.
    Gotta love those young guys. Maybe they said that because I feed them a lot and didn’t want to take the chance of never getting to eat here again.

    Next time I am going to take the discount if they ask. If they ask for proof, I am going to tell them I must have had a senior moment and forgot my ID.

  55. Lord have mercy!! Between Mel’s post today and your’s (that I didn’t get to read until today) I have laughed more this morning than I think is allowable before 8:45 AM!! God love you!!

  56. lauren says:

    you make me smile!
    i had a brother with a similar tooth situation once (only his was knowked out in a changing a lightbulb incident {don’t ask}) and it was the week he was interviewing to get into medical school. he totally unnerved other prospective students by smiling HUGE at them and showing the obvious gap in his smile before he’d go in for the individual interviews!

  57. Donna G says:

    Okay, I started laughing at the “rurnt”, ‘cuz I know people who talk like that (who, me?), and then it got better with the Steinmarts episode. The Boss got onto me yesterday because I told him that the Adidas outlet gave me a Senior Citizen extra 10% off the sale price of my new shorts, and he said “No way are you a Senoir Citizen!” Of course then I reminded him that the outlet gives anyone over 50 that discount on Tuesdays, as does Palais Royal, and he calmed down. Then I told him I forgot to ask for the discount on his client gift, so it cost him an extra $1.80. ;-)

  58. Merritt says:

    Next thing you know, you’ll be telling everybody about that new wreath you made for your front door.

  59. Thanks for the huge laugh! I’m convinced that most people don’t think or look before they speak, so just run on that assumption!

  60. MissTammy says:

    She must be a Yankee.

  61. LOL! A similar thing happened to me at Whataburger when they asked if I wanted a “Senior Drink”, which, incidentally, means its free. I was indignant! What?! I am NOT a senior. However, after leaving with my husband’s free senior drink and my $2.00 tea, I thought “well, that was stupid – I just wasted $2.00”. If they want to offer me a free drink, I shouldn’t be insulted!

  62. All my family is from Mississippi and I haven’t heard anyone say “Rurnt” in years. I read this and just had a big grin spread across my face… that lasted even after I finished reading on the computer! Got a good giggle… but the deal with the tooth is so not funny.

  63. Soooo funny!!!! I’m like Kelly…..RURNT ’bout put me over the edge, too!!
    I’m sure that the cashier was trying to give you an extra discount but was leaving it up to you :) Don’t you think that it’s much more difficult to guess someone elses age as we get older? I used to be able to guess about how old someone was but can’t any more. I’m 51 and I think because I don’t see myself as being that old, I am clueless about other people’s ages.

    AARP will send you an invitation/subscription to join them right before your 50th birthday. My hubby (who just turned 53) was SO OFFENDED when he received a “temporary” AARP card in the mail a few weeks before his big 50. But, once we were members and he could get a discount on some things, he’s OK with it. In fact, he about embarrasses me to death whenever we travel and are checking into a hotel. He is shameless about asking for a discount………do you take AARP? AAA? OEA (I’m a teacher), etc. He recovered from feeling “old” to being cheap :)

    Thanks for the laugh today! You’re a truly southern peach!!!

  64. Well I can generally qualify because I am 58. In some places a senior citizen is 50 years old. At least for the discount. So don’t despair – you will be 50 before you know it! LOL.
    I would have gone for it since they thought that anyway.
    The little lady with the father at McDonalds – that is where I was first offered a discount. And I was 50 – not qualified at McDonald’s. Apostrophe or no? hm. I was in Lake Placid, NY and the young man was so sorry he couldn’t give it to me even though I didn’t ask lol.

    Hugs from Minnesota
    Marie
    p.s. Now that I have re-read some of your comments I am totally going to ask for half priced coffee at Mickey D’s. Totally!

  65. I always enjoy your blog, but today I have to particularly thank you for the laughing-until-I-cry-moment.

    (I’ve also had some of those “Is this your mother?” moments – when I was 20-something and with my SISTER, of all things! I mean, did you ever just want to smack someone senseless?)

  66. Timmarie says:

    I am 34 and get AARP membership cards in the mail. GO ME!

  67. Courtney says:

    We need a picture of the dress. Inquiring minds want to know. It sounds like the cashier was doing all she could to get you a deal… I’m sure she didn’t REALLY think you are a senior. I remember working retail and senior citizen day was such a pain. If the customer forgot to tell me, and realized it too late, we’d have to return the whole purchase and start over (the manager would have to be called, the line would get longer, etc.). So I got into the habit of asking anyone who had a gray hair, just to avoid the horrendous process. Needless to say, I hurt a few egos, and I was not too happy about the whole thing. I do not miss retail.

  68. A few years after I’d graduated high school, been married, and had a child, I went back to the high school to attend a basketball game. The woman taking money asked if I was a student. I was stunned for a moment, then I thought, “Well, I am still in college,” so I said yes. I wanted to kiss that woman! LOL. She’d unintentionally given me a much needed discount and a compliment.