Heated

Well, we’re home from the beach.

And that’s pretty much all I know.

The end.

Oh, I’m kidding. Sort of.

We spent most of Saturday in a post-beach haze (I did a lot of staring and gazing, but I like to think that I stared as well as gazed with great purpose and intention). The haze was intensified by the fact that I have decided that I’m going to have to break up with summer. Oh, summer is nice enough and all, and I enjoy summer’s more laid-back pace as well as its kicky family activities, but summer has worn me out with the heat. Honestly, I don’t know if summer really even understands how smothering and stifling it’s been for the last few weeks, but regardless, I’m out. Done. ADIOS, EL VERANO.

I always know that summer and I have had enough of each other when I decide that 68 degrees is a perfectly reasonable indoor temperature (my husband prefers a balmier 74, so the Thermostat Wars, they are alive and well in our house). This shift in indoor temperature preference almost always coincides with a constant certainty that the air in my car must be broken because IT’S NOT COOLING VERY WELL AT ALL, I CAN’T SEEM TO GET IT TO COOL, HEY DID I MENTION THAT I DON’T THINK MY AIR IS WORKING.

The air in the car is fine, of course, but I’m frustrated by the fact that it doesn’t cool as quickly or as sub-Arctic-ish as I would prefer. That is understandable since it’s approximately 115 degrees on the pavement at any given point in time, but there’s just something about August that makes me impatient and demanding with the climate control.

Clearly I am a delight and also a blessing to others.

Yesterday morning we were running a little late for church (well, we were actually running on time, but I’m a fan of running A LOT early, so in my mind we were running late), and by the time I walked in the sanctuary I realized that the area where we normally sit was pretty full. Since D was taking care of some stuff and wasn’t going to be in the sanctuary for a few minutes, I made the decision to break out of our routine and go up to the very top row (CRAZY, SEAT-CHANGING CHRISTIANS! WACKY!). I tried to pick a section where it would be easy for D to walk in and find me, and then I settled in for the service.

Well.

It only took about three minutes for me to realize that I had unknowingly stationed us underneath The World’s Most Powerful Air Vent. Seriously. It was STRONG. And it was CHILLY. And I was so happy, y’all. In fact, there were several moments during the sermon when I could actually feel my hair blowing in the air vent-induced breeze, and at one point during communion I leaned over to my shivering husband and whisper-screamed, “THESE ARE THE BEST SEATS EVER!”

“I-I-I’m v-v-very c-c-cold,” he replied.

And then he sneezed. Twice.

Bless his heart. It can’t be easy living with a woman whose hormones seem to have been driven into BLAZING HOT REBELLION by the August heat.

But listen. That air vent in church was some sweet relief. So maybe next Sunday we’ll pack him a Snuggie or something.

Hallelujah and amen.

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Comments

  1. I know! Alabama in August – you really can’t explain it to someone. They just have to experience it for themselves.

  2. Heather says:

    Don’t discount lugging the snuggie to church. I’ve one it myself on several occasions. Hubs is happy because he can sit under the vent and I’m happy because I don’t freeze to death while worshiping the Lord! That’s what we here in Oklahoma call a win-win.

  3. Is there room in the row for me? I have been as hot as a fox in a box all summer. Just call me The Human Torch, FLAME ON!

    “Clearly I am a delight and also a blessing to others.” LOL!

  4. Yes! And the snuggie should have PTL printed all over it!

  5. Hi! You don’t know me, but I found you through Pioneer Woman a few years ago. I really loved this post. Very funny.

  6. I would do everything in my power to find that seat for the rest of the summer. I, too, love it on the cooler side!

  7. Love this post! Hilarious! Even when the air in my car is semi-working, it doesn’t cool us off. I am going to fuss about freezing to death in the winter but dang I am tired of being hot!!!!! My favorite line? “Clearly I am a delight and also a blessing to others.” Love it!

  8. Oh yes. I am feeling all of these same sentiments regarding summer myself. I am really all done with this silliness called August on the Gulf Coast. It’s just pure foolishness! And i a so glad to hear that someone else holds the same feelings toward their automobile air conditioning that I do! ha!

  9. Oh my, did I ever need a laugh this morning. I am missing my precious South! I’d even take the heat back. However, I totally get you. The highlight of my month long trip to Bama/FL was that our rental car A/C pretty much was cold the moment I started the car. And I complained to my friends on Facebook yesterday that I was cold now that I am back here in San Diego. One of them who had the same experience (being in the South and then back here) agreed with me, but everyone else laughed. And I guess churches just have better A/C! I’ve been chilly at church lately too! Anyho, your post today was a bright spot in my morning! Thanks. My favorite sentence was , “Clearly, I am a delight and a blessing to others.”

  10. I am ready to break up with summer too especially after a trip to Hobby Lobby.

  11. Well, after growing up in OK, then living in Seattle for the last 14 years (it’s finally getting to be 70 degrees there) and now in Satan’s backyard of San Antonio (the heat, it’s all about the heat), I’d like to say that I’m done with Summer as well. It’s HAWWT here. Ask Big Mama..she’ll tell you! But one quick tip for D., carry a jacket in the car at all times! When we go to a restaurant here, while it is awesome walking in the front door (oh, sweet blessed relief), after a few minutes, it’s a bit chilly. So I’ve got a handy dandy bag with jackets for the wee ones and an oh-so-stylish (or not) jacket for me in the van. Snuggie it may not be, but warm it is!

  12. Why do you think we always sit on the top row? Well, besides the fact that we’re always late & they’re the only seats left…

  13. I moved my daughter into an apartment in SC this weekend. I seriously thought I might spontaneously combust-it was that hot. I am a fan of ac!

  14. haha! And I was COMPLAINING about the frigid air in church yesterday.

  15. Amen and Amen.
    I could have used those seats in church about 482 other times this summer.
    I told my husband and MIL (who both love hot weather) that I hope they are happy… for the next 10 years… I am over this heat!

  16. Our Sanctuary is ALWAYS cold. There are several women who bring blankets into church.

    We’re actually getting some rain today and in the 80’s. . .maybe it’ll head your way soon.

  17. You would be comfortable in our home, as we keep it at 68 in the evenings and not much higher during the day (thank goodness we have a one-story house!). A/C might be our biggest financial indulgence. So come on over.

    I am also done with the hot. Husband and I are going to L.A. next week and staying with family on the coast, where the highs are in the 70s! I’m already dreaming about it!

  18. D might also enjoy wearing legwarmers in church. I gave my great aunt a pair to wear at her small, chilly church. I’m a dance teacher, and this was back in the 80’s mind you. Made perfect sense to me at the time. And, she TOTALLY wore (rocked) them!

  19. Rachel R G says:

    Wish we could say the same. The past 2 or 3 Sundays our church has been a BLAZING INFERNO!!!!! The bulletins… they are a-fanning. And to see all these poor men walking in in their sport coats and ties. It’s a pity they’ll never know the blessing of a knee length dress and open toed sandals.

  20. Our church is quite nippy so I have been known to take my daughter’s Dora Blanket to use on my legs to warm up. I am the epitome of class.

  21. Allison B says:

    Yes, my husband and I also enjoy the thermostat wars — although, since I am almost 9 months pregnant, he is not fighting me as hard as he usually does – I think he is scared by the fact that there is no longer a distinction between my calves and my ankles.

  22. Thermostat wars are alive and well in our home, too. This summer I’ve sweated more than any other time in my life. Even when I was pregnant with my second who was born in September. I don’t perspire, I sweat. Hallelujah for AC vents during Sunday service!

  23. oh my gosh – funniest post ever. You sound exactly like the two of us. My husband has been known to sit in our family room . . .in the middle of a heat wave . . .with a sweatshirt jacket on – including the hood up over his head!!!! You must be United Methodist because we also had communion yesterday and I was serving so not sitting under a cool vent :-)

  24. I would love to take some of your heat here in the Seattle area. I live a ferry ride across the water from Seattle and it is completely overcast and 66 degrees today. We can usually count on Mid July to mid September being our two nice summer months here but this summer, (if you can call it that), has been completely disappointing. Really, I mean we have to put up with rain the other 8-10 months of the year you can’t give us just 2 measely months with blue skies and temperatures consistently over 70 degrees? But I’m not bitter….

  25. There is one day of the year that I really enjoy….it ‘s usually some time in April……
    I can have the windows open……no AC……no furnace……my husband keeps the AC
    set at 68 degrees……so when I walk to the mailbox in my sweatshirt and its 92 degrees
    Outside…….the neighbors probably think I’m the crazzzzzzy old lady in the neighborhood
    God Bless, Pam, South Bend

  26. Oh, BooMama, the break up with summer is just one of the worst. I’ve been there. I loved summer soooooooo much. I’ve dreamed of summer, and my memories of summer are always so very sweet. After months apart, I am beside myself to get back with summer. And at first, things ARE delightful, but inevitably things get overheated and my passion for summer wanes. Now, in my youth (in other words, when all of my parts worked correctly), I never tired of summer. Sigh. Summer will be gone soon and the whole pattern will be repeated.

  27. I break up with summer in the spring. Because I hate summer. Which is one of the many reasons why I live in the North. But apparently summer hates me (or loves me) so much that it decided it doesn’t care if I live in Pennsylvania…it’s going to give me 90-100 degree weather anyway…nearly every single day…since MAY…in PENNSYLVANIA. And as if the super-hot out-of-character temperature isn’t bad enough during the summer, the summer has been hoarding in on spring and fall (usually some of the most lovely weather ever) and giving us warm days then too…too warm for the season(s). Blah and bah-humbug!

    I would like to know where I can go to lodge a formal complaint about the temperature. I’m considering moving to Alaska.

    • come on up. we are expecting upper 60s for the rest of the week. and sunshine. and crystal clear skies. perfection.

  28. LOL! I am actually sleeping out in a travel trailer at our County Farm Show (the equivalent of a county fair, but my County in Western Pennsylvania thinks spending a week celebrating agriculture in the middle of the dead heat of summer is so wonderful, we have a county fair & the farm show.) thankful because we spent $60 forour campsite for the week & the absolutely awesome trailer we borrowed from our friends has air conditioning & our house does not & I’ve been dying of heat all summer! It’s totally the best $60 we’ve spent!

    Got to you via PW & am really enjoying! Best wishes!

  29. All I can say is “I CAN SO IDENTIFY!” … our temps are so off hubby ACTUALLY had the nerve to bring it up in premarital counseling. :) 16 years later, we are still going back and forth. Love it when it is COLD, COLD, COLD!

  30. Jennifer says:

    Amen about this summer business. It’s starting to feel like a really, really bad relationship.

    And I have been known to position myself next to the family of a deacon or elder of our church, just to have access to his wife to say, “Hey, can he turn down the A/C?” And because our church is so small and things rarely go unnoticed, I’ve also been known to get that church bulletin flapping in front of my face to send a not-so-subtle message.

    With that said, I love your air vent, and I’m so happy for you. I’m thinking maybe a commute to AL for Sunday worship may be a great idea!

  31. I am seriously laughing out loud. Love it.