Feeling The Burn

So I’m trying to be diligent and dedicated and determined about setting aside some time in the afternoons to use the new-to-us elliptical machine. And I don’t even know if the term “elliptical machine” is correct – maybe you’re supposed to say “elliptical motion machine” – but seeing as how I don’t really run in fitness circles (nor do I really, you know, RUN AT ALL), I’m going with “elliptical machine” until someone tells me it’s wrong.

And even then I might not stop. Because I’m totally a rebel like that.

Anyway, the elliptical (sidenote: my mama would probably call it the “ellip” because she holds a special place in her heart for abbreviations, especially “fridge” and “mayo”) and I have been getting along pretty well so far. I mean, even though I have a love/hate relationship with exercise, I do find the elliptical machine to be the least offensive of all the many offensive exercise options that can fill me with dread and/or resentment on a daily basis.

And quite frankly I can’t think of a more ringing endorsement than that.

Earlier this week I decided that my afternoon elliptical time would be an excellent opportunity to catch up on Survivor and The Amazing Race, and that is exactly what I’ve done. I have reacquainted myself with Ozzie and Coach, with Ethan and Jenna. I’ve rolled my eyes while watching tribal councils and marveled that someone could lose a passport before she ever made it to an airport for the first flight of the race. Needless to say, it has been a precious reality TV time.

However, I’ve apparently been so intent on checking off my reality TV objectives that I haven’t spent enough time paying attention to my form on the elliptical motion machine / ellipitical machine / ellip. Because while I have no idea WHAT IN THE SAM HILL I’ve done, I can tell you with a great degree of certainty that all signs and symptoms seem to indicate that my right hip will NEVER, EVER BE THE SAME. It hurts when I sit down; it hurts when I stand up. It hurts when I walk; it hurts when I drive. And I’m tempted to tell you that it hurts when I seek my wool and flax and when I bring in food from afar, but I don’t want to push my luck. Even though I’m still totally tempted to tell you that my hip also hurts when I provide portions for my maidens and when I plant my vineyards.

I KNOW. I KNOW. I’LL STOP NOW.

The bottom line, I reckon, is that MAMAW’S HIP IS A-SMARTIN’. And I have no idea why. However, the good news is that there’s a certain way I can stretch that provides such blessed relief that it makes me want to sing Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life, so maybe if I just hold that position for the next 48 hours or so I’ll be good as new. I’m always a fan of a practical solution, you know.

Given all that, I reckon it’s time for me to go slather on the Icy Hot and watch an episode or four of Hee Haw. That Roy Clark is a STITCH, isn’t he? Not to mention that Grandpa Jones. Oh, he just tickles me to no end.

So if you need to find me, just follow the scent of menthol and methyl salicylate until you find me sitting on the heating pad and watching the Bulldogs play Georgia. Odds are that I won’t be doing much jumping up and down since MAMAW CAN’T TAKE THE PAIN, but I’ll still be forty-nine kinds of happy. College football cures a world of hurts, my friends.

Have a great weekend, everybody!
______________________________________________________

p.s. If you’ve been on some sort of internet fast and haven’t seen Melanie’s big book news yet, please join the rest of us as we squeal and clap our hands. I’m so proud of her.

p.p.s. Today’s the last day of the OnStar FMV Mirror campaign; here’s my review if you’re interested.

p.p.p.s. Your comments on my last post are absolutely delightful. Well played, bloggy people!

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Comments

  1. I have an eliptical too and haven’t figured out how to master the beast. I used to have a treadmill and that was easier I have worked on this machine for about 5 minutes at a time and it is a hard work out. Can’t imagine going for 30 minutes.
    It is really hard.

  2. Email if you need me! Tomorrow is my last day @ my chiropractor’s office & I’m joining another in a couple weeks in Helena, but I can always work on you if you need me! I’m a massage therapist & licensed for 6 years for occasions just like the elliptical :)

  3. Oh goodness I hope your pain does not involve the sciatic nerve at all because, Ow.
    And again Ow.
    Mine has been acting up to beat the band. And the band? It is now beat.

    Here’s hoping your hip heals. Or…. Hx4.

  4. If by hip pain you mean it feels like the muscles on your outer hip are hurting, try rolling it out with a foam roller or tennis ball. Lie on the floor on your side. Prop up on your elbow and kind of work that outer thigh/leg with the ball/roller. Try pigeon pose too to stretch out that outer hip. If it’s nothing like out hip muscle pain, then disregard this

  5. Aww, the eliptical… or as I like to call it- the machine of endless torture and motion. (and coat rack).

    And it does sounds suspiciously like sciatic nerve pain…. and if it is, then May the Force Be with You. Cause, Ouch. That hurts.

    Icy Hot is really good- but if you can get your hands on some stuff called “Sombra” that works even better & lasts longer IMHO. It’s a natural pain relieving gel- or so says the jar it comes in. :-) I get mine at my trusty chiropractor.

    Feel better!

  6. I clicked on that “Ah Sweet Mystery…” link, and thought I would die laughing. I’ve heard the song before, but there is just no warning for that guy belting it out.

  7. Actually, icy hot makes a patch! You just slap it on and let it work its magic. We just moved into a new house and my back was killing me. A trip to the walmart, and Me-maw discovered the patch. It worked wonders, I am telling you. Now, I have the packet of patches right next to me bed, right beside my reading glasses. Mercy. I turn 38 in a month.

  8. Joy Allmond says:

    I think it might be called the elliptical trainer. But, I just call it the elliptical. And I may just adopt “ellip.”

    Yes, I started my elliptical journey two months ago (actually, the Monday after LPL Charlotte). I know the pain of which you speak, sister. Hang in there!

  9. “She layeth her hands to the spindle,
    and her hands hold the distaff.” or in your case the ellip handle…

    Sometimes I kind of want to kick that Proverbs woman in the shin.

  10. As a frequents sufferer of work out pains, I can advise you that instead of heat, you need ice. Try a bag of frozen vegetables on your hip for a half hour or so, off an on through the day or evening.

  11. Nita in South Carolina says:

    GLOOM, DESPAIR, AND AGONY ON ME!
    Deep, dark depression, Excessive Misery!
    If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all,
    GLOOM, DESPAIR, AND AGONY ON ME!
    (insert howing hound here)

    Why yes, back in the 70s we watched Hee Haw every Saturday night. Why do you ask?

  12. Sallie Belle Howell says:

    My dear sister,
    We must get together for three of my FAVORITE things…heating pad, Ben-Gay creme, and the Bulldogs! Seeing as our ages are the same I might even enjoy a quick rewind of some Hew-Haw!

    Have a great weekend!

  13. You make me smile! Be well!

  14. I can’t hear “Ah, Sweet Mystery” without thinking of Young Frankenstein.

    I remember watching Hee Haw with my grandparents back in the day. Then we’d watch Lawrence Welk. Or maybe Lawrence came on first, I don’t remember. I’ve always thought that was the weirdest combination of shows to put together on Saturday nights.

  15. I love the sound of “the ellip”!

    You never fail to make me laugh. My days are so happy whenever I read your blog and can use your advice and anecdotes to my best advantage for all the similar situations I encounter along the way.

    Now for the burning question, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE A BOOK?

  16. As a veteran of workout injuries (my latest was my Achilles tendon) the best advice I can give is to rest it until it is well. I am guilty of trying to do to much to soon and wind up hurting myself more.

    You’s think I’d learn.

  17. Yeah, I’m pretty sure its your sciatic nerve – and I’m so very sorry! Not fun, not fun at all! But there’s nothing like a little HeeHaw to distract you from the pain (and some Green Acres/Petticoat Junction/Lawrence Welk action, but that’s just me). Hope you feel better soon!

  18. I agree with ice and ibuprophen. K

  19. I would be really interested to hear more about your magical stretching maneuver, because I’m having some weird hip pain too–maybe it would work for me. (I can’t blame mine on exercise, just on general oldness.)

  20. I own a treadmill and a stepper at my house. And I am sometimes known to use them to the point of being drenched in sweat. (Yeah, that was gross. Sorry.) I am also known to use them while simultaneously catching up on my latest book or People magazine or (yes, but I’m not proud of it) even once … snacking. Seriously though, it was cereal. There was a spoon involved … and milk. I felt gifted. (Alright, maybe I need to consider your ‘ellip’ because it involves two hands, right?) Until then, I’m going to continue trying to develop a method of using my laptop while exercising. I have a blog, too @ http://www.olddognewtits.com. Stop by anytime .. but not while I’m eating on the treadmill, please. :)

  21. Mary Ann says:

    Hey Sophie, I agree with a massage therapist! I had the sciatic problem and he worked on me every two weeks for 6 weeks…I felt it when it let go! The pain stopped. He is a specialist in sports therapy. Also ice is the best for sure. I am dealing with stretched tendons in the foot..ice 3 times a day!

  22. Mary Ann says:

    Hey Sophie, I agree with a massage therapist! I had the sciatic problem and he worked on me every two weeks for 6 weeks…I felt it when it let go! The pain stopped. He is a specialist in sports therapy. Also ice is the best for sure. I am dealing with stretched tendons in the foot..ice 3 times a day! Don’t forget to stretch!

  23. On a totally unrelated note…happy birthday! Thanks for the many entertaining posts!

  24. Melissa H. says:

    I am so very sorry you have hurt yourself on the elliptical. Maybe you overdid it? I love mine and I have really firmed up and lost almost 10 pounds. But, I started out slowly. It takes time.
    Hope you are better soon and can get back on it!

  25. 2 Things-
    #1 I have been on an internet fast. After a year of building, we just moved to our home, only to discover cell service only happens if you hang out the bedroom window. I have been blogless for 2 months! A few nights ago, my husband decided to show his love and devotion to me and installed a cell phone booster . We may all begin to glow or pick up radio signals in our toenails, but atleast I can check email. So, tonight I am treating myself to catching up on your blog and laughing a lot.

    #2 May I suggest Bio-Freeze in lieu of Icy Hot? We share the same love of mentholatum, so just trust me on this. I carry it in my purse and have been known to whip it out and give it away. Give it a try.

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  1. Plague-y says:

    […] sweet irony of my list considering that I’ve been trying to exercise pretty regularly on the elliptical motion machine/elliptical/ellip and have gradually cut out all post-lunch caffeine. Which means that I have one cup of coffee and […]