I’m Home Again And You Can’t Make Me Leave

So for the last few days I’ve been on a little family trip, and if you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned anything about it before now, it’s because our house has been empty since Saturday and I didn’t want to give a heads-up to a local RING OF THIEVES.

Because I’m sure that it’s totally the norm for a RING OF THIEVES to read blogs and then plan their heists accordingly.

Not that robbing our house would qualify as a heist, mind you. A wee small heist-ette, maybe. And only then if I’d just gone to the grocery store and therefore had an inordinate amount of cheese in the refrigerator.

We actually planned our little family getaway several months before I found out about the trip to Ecuador, and when we realized the timing of it all – what with the family trip falling in the middle of what was sure to be Ugly Re-Entry Time – my husband was a little worried that there would be some point when I’d be bawling my eyes out while he and the little man were having the time of their lives. Honestly, I thought it was a pretty dead-on prediction, but as it turned out, the time with my people was just the thing to counter the last of my re-entry blues.

Except for the part where I forgot to check in on Southwest until about 12 hours before we left town and we were way down low in the B boarding group and the flight was completely full and I spent a good portion of Saturday morning wondering HOW, HOW COULD I HAVE FAILED MY FAMILY WITH THE LOW-B BOARDING GROUP, HOW? HOWWWWWWWW??!?

So I was very level-headed and absolutely loaded with perspective about all of the plane-related events. As you can clearly see.

[I just wrote a whole bunch about our trip and then deleted it because I decided that my details were beyond boring.]

[But we went to Universal in Orlando.]

[When I figure out how to share some info about the festivities without making you want to claw out your eyeballs with a salad fork, I will certainly try again.]

[However, you can rest assured that a fine time was had by all on hand.]

[I mean, WE SAW HOGWARTS, Y’ALL.]

It was delightful.

And to top it all off, today in the Orlando airport I had one of my most epic people-watching days EVER thanks to two female bodybuilders. Now I don’t know for sure that they were bodybuilders; I am merely making that assumption based on the fact that their arms were so cut that it looked like each woman could have picked up a whole row of chairs and flipped it through the nearest window, not to mention that when they walked past me I could hear their abs rippling. So if they weren’t bodybuilders, they were, at the very least, weight lifting aficionados.

Aficionadas?

I have no idea.

So the bodybuilder-esque women were sitting on the row across from us at our gate, and I was trying so hard not to look at them only HOW COULD I NOT LOOK AT THEM WHEN I WAS SO COMPLETELY FASCINATED? I had an endless list of questions in my head – do you train together? are you on your way to a competition? is body building big here in florida? have you ever tried the mushroom swiss burger at dairy queen? do you know that it has sort of a gravy-ish substance on it that I find strangely delicious? are you surprised that I am not personally involved in any sort of hard core weight lifting? do you know jillian michaels? – but I was too scared to strike up a conversation because, well, they seemed very intense and focused and also intense.

I tried to distract myself by texting a friend of mine who is as obsessed with people-watching as I am. And y’all, just as I started typing out that text, I realized that the bodybuilder women were eating chicken breasts from a Ziploc bag and I thought, “OH MY WORD THEY’RE PROTEIN LOADING. AT NINE THIRTY IN THE MORNING.” I continued with my texting so that I wouldn’t, you know, STARE, but I couldn’t get over the fact that they brought their own chicken to the airport. They took their chicken through security, y’all. THAT IS SOME DEDICATION.

My time in the Orlando airport also helped me to solidify some thoughts about this whole tucking-pants-into-boots trend, but that information will have to wait because quite frankly I don’t know how you could possibly handle the news about the chicken-eating bodybuilders and my opinions on the boot tuck-in all in one day. I can only ask so much of you, especially with Thanksgiving just a couple of days away.

Anyway, we’ve been home for about five hours, and I’ve already baked my sweet potatoes and am about to baptize them in some butter and brown sugar. Tomorrow I don’t have to go anywhere, so I’m going to stay in my pajamas and cook all day and then maybe change into some different pajamas and cook some more and then maybe watch some TV. So basically I’m going to have a pajama party that involves preparing large quantities of various and sundry high carb foods, capped off with a night where I watch DVR’d reality television programming. THE LORD IS FAITHFUL AND WORTHY TO BE PRAISED.

It’s good to be home.

And it’s especially good to be home WITH NO PLANS TO LEAVE.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.

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Comments

  1. What a fun trip! And I can speak from experience when I say that magical things happen at the Orlando airport. I was in the security line behind none other than Irene Cara. Yes, even in 2007, I recognized her. So, you can imagine my dismay when I politely asked, “Excuse me, ma’am, but are you Irene Cara?” (I was planning, once she said “yes,” to sing her “Fame” singing praises) and she answered me crudely, “Um, not today, honey.” I was taken aback, as I was pretty certain I was the only 29-year-old in line that day who could pick her out in her regular, non-Solid Goldy attire. Honestly, narry a soul was snapping photos. I passed her as she was putting her Keds (that’s right, Keds) back on, stopped, and said, “I’m so, so sorry if I bothered you back there. It’s just that my sisters and I were really big fans of yours….back in the day.” Probably not my finest moment, but it is a day I’ll always…re-mem-buh! re-mem-buh! re-mem-buh!

    Happy Thanksgiving and give our love to the family!

  2. Enjoy your day at home. So glad you were able to meet some people-watching skills during your travels (I’m sure you saw aplenty at Universal, too).

  3. Eek…goals, not skills (my teacher talk is going sideways!).

  4. Just be sure to protein load during all the cooking. A blood sugar drop could be exceptionally dangerous!

  5. haha so I loved your comments about the heist-ette :-) I’ll probably use that around our neighborhood sometime to ensure the teens dont break into our house . . . I also think it will probably increase my street-cred significantly.

  6. i don’t have any problem telling you that I SNORTED at the “have you ever tried the mushroom swiss burger at dairy queen? ”

    no, seriously.

    i SNORTED.

    freaking hysterical.

    people watching greatness.

  7. Please don’t forget to come back to the jeans tucked into boots subject! I am DYING to know if you think what I think!!!! :) :) :)

    Happy Thanksgiving! Please cheer on LSU on Friday! Or at least lie and tell me you did!!! I know you and Kelly are tight and all:)

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  8. I just want to make sure you know that I LOVE your blog! It always makes me smile! :)

    And I know what you mean about not letting the bloggy land know when you are out of town. My husband makes sure that I do NOT MENTION when we are not home! He doesn’t want us to get robbed either! Ha!

  9. Oh, wow! Chicken at 9:30 in the morning? I shudder!

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one who thinks that burglars follow blogs in hopes of an easy target!

  10. Happy Thanksgiving!

  11. Katherine says:

    Oh how I wish I could have been sitting next to you at the Orlando airport! Then again, there is no way I could have made it through the protein-loading without getting caught looking! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours – I’m glad you are back to “normal”!

  12. Oh, if only you could have snapped a picture of the body-builders!

    I love stay at home days too!

  13. I relate to your self-flagellation upon missing the 23 hour, 59 minute check in time on Southwest. Oh the humanity!

    Happy Thanksgiving and Love LOVE LOVE your blog!

  14. You were 10 minutes from me and I didn’t even know it! : ) Of course, why would I know it, since you and I don’t know each other personally. ( Surely you realize that anyone who reads your blog thinks of you as a close personal friend! )
    The Orlando airport is a target rich environment for people watching! The accents alone will boggle your mind! Next time you venture our way, be sure and give me a heads up, I may or may not have Mickey connections.
    Happy Thanksgiving! My daughter and I are still shaking our heads that you guys got off the “turkey train!” Say it isn’t so BooMama! : )

  15. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for the smiles, and I’m so glad to hear that your re-entry blues are a thing of the past. I can only imagine what a hard transition that is.

  16. Hey, I was one of those chicken eating body builders – I thought that was you sitting across from us.

    Just kidding, I find such dedication fasinating to watch it is hard not to stare at them.

  17. 1. You are smart not to put that you were on vacation. Friends of ours are FBI agents (they’re married, it’s so cool like Mr. and Mrs. Smith except they know what they do because they work in the same building) and they usually check their suspect’s Facebook page to see what they’re doing so they can arrest them. One dude took off work for his birthday and wrote it as a status so they went over at 8 a.m. and arrested him. Brilliant! They also wished him happy birthday. I’m not saying you’re a thief but if the law does it you know the criminals do.

    2. I sure wish I had the privilege to watch those women body builders with you. But I do live near the Jersey shore and this southern girl loves people watching on a bench in Ocean City once and awhile. You’re welcome to come up any time.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  18. I laughed out loud at least 3 times while reading this post! You are a treasure! I also have a day of cooking (possibly in my pajamas) planned. Thanks for getting it off to a happy start!

  19. New to your blog. Might just stay around because you are funny, seemingly honest, and genuine. :-)

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  20. Can’t wait to hear what your opinion is on the whole boot tuck-in thing. I want to know if we have the same opinion. I’m thinking we do. :)
    Anywho, glad you had a great trip and so wish I could have been there observing you observing the female bodybuilders…..or whatever they were. What a riot!

  21. This post CRACKED ME UP. Have a happy (non) Turkey Day! (I just have to say that my uncle hates turkey as well, and since he hosts Thanksgiving I have had pork loin for the last 6 Thanksgivings. He’s a wonderful cook, so the meal always tastes terrific, but a part of me feels gypped out of mashed potatoes and stuffing!)

  22. I love you to bits! You make me laugh out loud!!!

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  23. Love you, Boomama. Thanks for always making it real and giving me several great big laughs. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

  24. This reminds me of the time I flew from Dallas to New Orleans with the World Wide Federation of Wrestlers. I have never seen so many mullets, tattoos and tank tops in one place.

  25. You are a riot!
    My sister is a body builder ~ those poor people torture themselves! She came to a birthday party and HELPED SERVE the dessert & did not even take a LICK. I do not know that kind of self control. She also brings her own food in a little cooler. Just be glad those gals could still eat chicken breasts; a little closer to competition & they’d have been chowing down on Tilapia and broccoli. yum.
    just thought you might like a little more inside (well, sort of…) information ;-)

  26. What a wonderful family getaway! I got a kick out of your “ring of thieves” reading blogs! Cute! Not sure about the body building thing tho… Ha! Happy Thanksgiving!

  27. Wow. They brought their own chicken through security? I mean, that is some serious dedication. I am pretty much floored by this. Perhaps because I have never been so dedicated to anything fitness-wise.

    I hope you have an absolutely beautiful and wonderful Thanksgiving and I cannot wait to hear what Martha brings. I mean, if she brings the Italian Creme Cake so there’s enough. There needs to be enough. Love her!

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  29. Becca from TN says:

    Lord have mercy I cracked up when I read this! I am fairly certain I remember reading a friends facebook post wishing her friends well who were competing in that competition. She is training for a competion herself and reading the stuff she is eating makes me itch. She posted today that great abs were 70% what you ate. Well I have been eating my 70% for SURE! Last time I walked by the mirror in my “drawers” I looked like a busted can of biscuits. Needless to say I’m still working on my “before” photo. Happy Thanksgiving!

    • oh lordy, the “busted can of biscuits” had me ROFL! or crying because it’s way too close to my truth.

  30. How fun! Glad you were able to pull off both trips, bake your sweet potatoes, people watch, not miss any of your shows, and get an opinion on the whole pants tucking into boots thang. What an accomplished month you have had! Now, I have to go rest because I am worn out from your month!

  31. “…Not to mention that when they walked past me I could hear their abs rippling.” You made me laugh so hard I nearly woke my kids up!

  32. I want to go to the Harry Potter land SOOOOOO bad…..Please post photos of Honeydukes, and The Three Broomsticks, and Olivanders!

  33. I totally could’ve handled your boot-tucking opinions in this post!! I will be back; can’t wait to hear!

  34. I have an opinion about pants tucked into boots that I havent expressed yet. I will save it for your post.

  35. I admit, I am a people watcher too! So fun, and always entertaining. Love to see what’s in their grocery carriages. It tells you so much about them!
    Glad you had some nice family time.
    Blessings!

  36. Sophie, you are just so funny and I really wish you could come people watch with me here- in Ukraine…on the metro! It’s beyond entertaining, and I would love to see how you’d put it into words! :)

  37. You crack me up! I love you and I have never met you! Next time ya’ll come to Fl let me know and I will meet you there!

    Hope you are all rested up now from all your adventures!