The Panteth, More Than Likely, Hath Stoppeth

Before I address anything else going on in the here and now, I feel like I need to get this tidbit-o-information out of the way:

I am currently in the middle of a profound hair crisis.

I know that’s a tough piece of news to process, but there’s no point in pretending that I am walking in any sort of hair victory when the reality is that I’m feeling somewhat defeated and discouraged, especially when it comes to the two-inch expanse of roots on the top of my head. Part of the problem is the inevitable post-Ecuador wrestling with OH SWEET MERCY IT IS KIND OF EXPENSIVE TO MAINTAIN HIGHLIGHTS; the other part of the problem is that I’m pretty sure that I want to change salons. I love the woman who has been doing my hair for the last year, but the salon environment is super upbeat, and I have realized that it stresses me out a little bit.

(It stresses me out a lot, actually.)

(I blame my need for a super-relaxing salon on Nello. Nello cut my hair when we lived in Baton Rouge, and his preferred haircutting method was to cut approximately two strands at a time. After about five minutes of the two-strand method I would be like a wet noodle, as evidenced by the fact that I would frequently doze off in his chair. Plus, he would pause at certain points in the haircutting process to speak in soothing tones and rub my temples with a rosemary mint concoction, which basically means that he spoiled me for life.)

(The Hair Wizard also spoiled me with her perfect cuts and inspired color, but I can’t justify driving to Mississippi every single time I need a haircut. However, if you live anywhere in east Mississippi / west Alabama, email me and I’ll pass along the Hair Wizard’s name and number. She will change your life forever.)

(That was a lot of parentheses.)

(This is a story with a lot of sidenotes, apparently.)

SO. I’m going to try a change-o-salon for my next haircut. Hopefully it’ll help me snap out of my hair funk. And I will keep you posted as I forget what it behind and press on to what is ahead in my hair goals for 2012.

Thank you, Lord.

The hair stuff isn’t all that’s going on around here, though. OH NO MA’AM. In fact, there was a mighty fun and exciting development in our lives late yesterday afternoon around 5:30. The little man (who, by the way, isn’t so little anymore considering that he’s only about 6 inches shorter than I am and seems to be on track for being 7 feet tall by the time he’s 12) and I ran a quick errand to drop off something at a friend’s house, and despite the fact that all of Birmingham was trying to get home to watch the National Championship game, we didn’t have any trouble with traffic.

However, there was a slight hiccup with my driving skillz when I thought that I was in the correct lane to turn left, only to realize that OOPS! LANE ENDS!, so I had to plow through a small-ish stretch of weeds in order not to hit the car to my right. Alex piped up from the backseat and wanted to know WHY ARE WE DRIVING THROUGH THE GRASS, MAMA, at which point I calmly explained that I’d gotten my lanes mixed up and decided that a little off-roading was preferable to being involved in an unfortunate six car pile-up.

Parenting is loaded with teachable moments, my friends. And sometimes those teachable moments occur when you are quite literally in the weeds.

As we were leaving our friends’ subdivision, I took a look at all the headlights on the road in front of us and reminded myself to pay extra close attention since 1) it was dark 2) I was about to turn onto a road without streetlights and 3) NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME CRAZINESS. I drove a couple of miles all eagle-eyed and Defensive Drivers Unite!, so when I turned onto the main stretch of highway that leads back to our house, I exhaled a little bit. Granted, there was tons of traffic, but it was a straight shot to the house. Smooth sailing ahead.

Until a very large deer showed up in front of my car, of course.

It happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to react. I was just driving along, then BIG DEER! BIG BOOM! – and a very loud OH! MY! GOSH! from me. I didn’t hit the brakes because somehow I had the presence of mind to know that if I tried to stop or slow down the car behind me would slam into us, so I kept moving up the road and then pulled over at the next parking lot. I was just as shaky and jittery as you might imagine, what with BIG DEER! BIG BOOM! seemingly showing up out of nowhere, not to mention that it was a small wonder that we didn’t cause a major accident on that busy road. I called my husband and told him what happened, then got out of my car to survey the damage. Thankfully it wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounded. I’m going to need a new bumper – which, ironically, we replaced about five years ago when I had my first run-in with a deer – but unlike that first time, the hood of my car is fine.

Judging by the dent on the right side of my bumper, though, I’m thinking that the deer’s hind quarters didn’t fare so well.

I have to say, though, that if there was a bright spot in the whole unfortunate incident, it was Alex’s reaction. He was totally silent until we were a couple of hundred yards past the spot where I hit the deer, and then he very calmly offered his assessment of the situation: “Well. That was unexpected.”

Yes. Yes it was, Papaw. And I’m betting that the deer would probably agree.

So, to sum up: my hair is in a sad state, I drove through weeds, I hit a deer, and clearly I have no business operating a moving vehicle.

Happy Tuesday, y’all.

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Comments

  1. So glad you are okay and can find the humor! Made me laugh this morning!

  2. First, I’m glad everyone is okay. Second, you crack me up. Thanks for making me smile today.

  3. Glad y’all are ok! While I was very confused by the title at first, I get it now. :) I’m fairly certain a resourceful Alabamian will soon have that deer for supper if he, indeed, met his untimely end on the roadside.

  4. Glad to know that you and Papaw are okay. Sorry for Mr. Deer, of course, and for your bumper, but relieved that y’all both escaped injury!

  5. Well, that is sure scary! Glad you are ok! And lol at Alex’s comment, too funny.

    In another turn of events I’m making your black eyed peas and cornbread recipes today, along with chicken and rice in the crockpot. :)

  6. You even make the bad situations sound funny! So glad you guys weren’t hurt and that the vehicle is no worse than it is.

    Love the understatement from you son! Made me smile.

  7. Stephanie says:

    Your little man kills me. What a crack up! Glad you guys are ok…

  8. I have one son like that, too — a little old man trapped in an 11-year-old body. It’s nice to have them so unflappable in the face of deer and other surprises! When they install the new bumper, be sure to tell them to take out the deer magnet this time. :)

  9. I’m so glad you’re all okay, but WOW this had me laughing today. Love “stalking” your blog (as I’m not a frequent commenter). :)

  10. Oh dear – I just spit out my drink at A’s reaction. Soooo funny. Sounds like my calm, laid back son’s responses to things. Oh and by the way – the 16 y-o boy at my house, who used to be A’s size, now wears size 15 shoes and is taller than his mama. These boys! Glad you both survived this deer-encounter and are both okay!

  11. “Well. That was unexpected.”
    That made me wheeze and cry with laughter.

  12. So glad y’all are alright! If it makes you feel any better, I backed into a friends car the other night. Who knows where I thought she’d parked, but let’s just say it added a nice “crunch!” to the evening.
    Teachable moments in the weeds— you crack me up! I’ll be emailing for the hair lady’s number!

  13. I’m glad you’re ok :-) And Alexi’s reaction really was the best thing ever. haha.

  14. Judy in Mi says:

    Yes, but Alabama shut out LSU for BCS title, and that’s good right? Or don’t you root for them? I realize it probably sounds like I care who won what, but sadly I don’t. I just had a pop-up on my phone this morning at 5 dark thirty that said Alabama won something and I thought to myself….”Self, Boo is going to be lovin whatever that was about.”

    P.S. We live in deer accident alley and it is just the grace of God – grace of God – that we haven’t hit one in the 12 years we’ve lived here. It makes me nervous to even type that.

  15. BooMama,

    What an amazing beginning of 2012 for you and your family. I MAY have an answer to your salon dilemma. I am sure you have heard of groupon.com and if not, you have now. Here is the big city life of Pensacola, many salons use groupon.com to get new clients. I currently have about 4 groupons on my smart phone now. Three are for hair stuff like cuts, color, deep conditioning, and highlights. The other groupon is for a pedi and mani session. That may be an option for you. Keep us posted on your adventures. You always bring a big smile!

  16. I don’t comment often at all here, but I never do miss reading your posts. I have to say, the little man’s comment CRACKED ME UP. I’m so thankful you both fared well, considering how bad it ‘could’ have been, Mercy, me, and praise God for giving His angels charge over you both!

  17. I’d love to sit in a vehicle with you while you are maneuvering through traffic. Not while hitting a deer, mind you, but I think you and Alex together are quite a hoot.
    Did you watch that National Championship game?!?! All my boys were ecstatic.

  18. oh goodness! your little papaw makes me laugh. so do you. :) glad y’all were ok! i’ve seen a few dead deer around lately.

    i have a great hair girl behind the church at Morgan Ashley if interested. :)

  19. Oh my goodness, I am SO glad you’re okay! Deer LOVE me. They just LOVE to run out and greet my vehicle. I have absolutely NO clue how I have not hit one yet.

  20. DeeDee Brinkman says:

    Love, Love, Love your sons reaction…I have an 8 yr. old little Papaw and the things that come out of his mouth are priceless! Thanks for sharing your adventures….you bring sunshine to a rainy day!

  21. Ha, you just make me laugh! I so needed that! I am glad you all are okay though!

  22. !!! You are the funniest person I know! (OK, I know you don’t know me, but still..) Glad you are ok. Wasn’t that game a snooze?!!

    • Also, it appears your little man is following in his mama’s humor footsteps! Cracked me up a plenty!

  23. OHMY! I am glad y’all are okay and I love his commentary!

  24. Ohmygoodness I love that kid, ha!

    I obliterated a deer a few years back while zipping down the highway at high-ish speed. My child was no Alex, though…she was FURIOUS at me for the whole dead deer situation and blamed me for days. I was all shaky and wobbly and she was all “it EXPLODED into a million pieces!!” (Insert sobbing here.)

    She might have cried a little too.

    To this day my best friend’s neighbor in Baltimore call me The Deer Slayer. We were quite a sight wobbling into their driveway all…yucky.

    I’m glad y’all are ok!

  25. Hilarious. And your son sounds like a ton of fun (I have four boys, 2 near your sons age, so I am picturing the whole scene ;). Glad you are both ok!
    Good luck w/ your hair woes.
    Aloha!

  26. Your assessment of your son made me laugh out loud. Glad you two are ok. You are too precious for words!

  27. I have been lurking on your blog for many months now and have never commented. If I ever need a good laugh I know where to come and today was no exception. I can’t wait til my little one is able to talk and crack me up like that. What a great kido you have.

    Glad you are alright from the deer incident. I had my own several months ago and our car did not fare so well. Scary how quickly they can appear. Never see them coming.

    Fellow MSU alumni living in the ham

  28. Excellent! Love “Defensive Drivers Unite!” I’m giggling at the whole thing…
    Amy

  29. I hit a deer on Christmas Eve afternoon. It’s no fun. My car was still driveable per the nice man that stopped to see if I was ok however it was pure embarassment driving to my house with deer fecies and fur plastered to the drivers side door and front panel!

  30. Oh and I just looked back at your title – and your allusion to “As the deer panteth for the water…” is just genius.

  31. I’m so glad you both are okay! You are so hilarious though – hopefully this trying experience is just giving you more fodder for that e-book we are all waiting for! And alex’s comment cracked me up. It made me laugh thinking about my 16 and 14 year old boys and how they love to make fun of my “defensive driving skillz” especially my firm grasp on the steering wheel with both hands. :)

  32. Wow! What an exciting day for you! I would park my car and refuse to go anywhere for at least a day. However, my employer might not take it very well! lol Glad y’all are ok and damage was minor. Love the comment by your little man.

  33. You have a haircut on pinterest that I’ve repinned, that I think you should go for. It’s stacked in the back and longer on the sides, super cute! Also, your son sounds like an old soul…is he?

  34. Mary from Minnesota says:

    I hit a deer about a year and a half ago – unfortunately both the deer and my car didn’t survive. Been driving for 35 years in deer country and this was the first time I’d actually made contact with one. Glad you and the little man came through unscathed!

  35. “Well. That was unexpected.”

    Definitely the best line ever.

    Thanks for the laugh- sorry you had such a day (!), but your persepctive is always great!

  36. I love how you can tell a story! Glad you are both okay. My son and my husband have both hit deer this year. Scary!

  37. Becky in 'Bama says:

    If you are having a hair crisis then you must have great hair. For those of us with bad (thin, fine, patchy) hair…we never talk about hair crises. All my life I have tried various diversions so that people don’t notice at my hair – because it is so pathetic (my formative years were scarred by Toni home perms). BUT I have made a careful study and found that women who fret over their hair usually have good hair (thick, curly, lots of it…). *Sigh* Jealousy is a terrible thing. :) p.s. – I used to go to a salon where the hairdresser would give me a neck rub (I’m melting!).

  38. Mike Hale. He is there in Birmingham, unless he has moved. I will msg him on Facebook and get a salon number for you. He used to be at Heads Up. Good with cuts, great with color. He’s fun too. Used to be a significant other of someone you know here in the hood. I will let you know.

  39. You so crack me up! Glad you and the little man are both OK.

  40. Poor deer. Poor car. But I had to laugh at Alex’s reaction!!

  41. I just LOVE you, BooMama – I really needed a laugh today. Thanks and God bless you and Papaw.

  42. Katherine says:

    “Parenting is loaded with teachable moments, my friends. And sometimes those teachable moments occur when you are quite literally in the weeds.”

    You are a wordsmith, my friend!! This is quite possibly the best quote I have heard in many many moons!!

    So glad that you and (not-so) little man are OK!

  43. Reminds me of the turkey season years ago when my paw-in-law couldn’t get a bird to save his life…and it tormented him. On the way to visit them, during the last turkey season weekend of the year, I hit one with my Corolla on Hwy 49. No lie, when I got to the coast and told him the story, he asked, “Well, where is it?” God bless you for not turning around strapping that poor deer to your hood. :) So glad you have standards.

  44. Lynnette R says:

    I have a just turned 9 yr old boy and, “Well, That was unexpected.”….still laughing.

  45. Between my favorite hair salon lady moving to Portland-of-all-places and a new decision to go Dave-Ramsey with our budget, I am having some similar hair issues. Currently living with a $5 box of home color on my head and not a mite happy about the look. (Can you say spoiled?) Glad you and your kiddo are fine with the deer and the weeds and all.
    Mary

  46. Christy Cate says:

    Ok… so I’m a wee bit behind in catching up on the blog, but Oh How I Needed This Post! I just laughed til I cried and it’s not even that funny as far as possible dangerous could be really bad posts go… I need to remember the humor amidst the (let’s just quote the little man) UNEXPECTED!