Okay. I really am working on deadline-y things. It’s been a good week in that regard (now I just have 6,000-ish words left), and I’ll be right back at it tomorrow morning. Or, if you’re feeling particularly punny, I’ll be write back at it.
I know. That was terrible. I do apologize.
Anyway, I hopped on here really quick tonight because I’ve been thinking about something all day (well, ever since I picked up the little man from VBS), and it’s one of those things where I’m dying to know how this situation goes in other parts of the country / world / etc. and so on and so forth.
Today, when I walked in the church for pick-up, I was on the way to A’s room when I saw a few of his friends from school. The first one said, “Hey, Sophie Hudson!” – and it made me laugh because oh, I do enjoy an outgoing child. The second friend said, “Hey, Miss Sophie,” which is probably the greeting that I expect more than any other because it’s pretty traditional here in the South (and most people say “Miss” in front of the name regardless of marital status). The third friend said, “Hi, Mrs. Hudson,” very sweet and official-like.
By the way, let’s hear it for children who look grown-ups in the eye and say hello. I AM A FAN.
I always introduce my friends to Alex as Miss First Name, but I’ve noticed that some of my friends introduce other moms to their kids as Mrs. Last Name. Since I grew up in a town where we weren’t very formal in terms of how we greeted adults, I’m most accustomed to Miss First Name (or even just First Name) – it feels homey and comfortable to me.
SO – here’s my question. What’s your preferred way for kids to address grown-ups? What’s the norm where you live? Do you have a preference one way or another?
Love,
Miss Mamaw
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In general it’s Miss First Name unless there is a reason to be more formal.
But I am in the south (LA). I recently moved back from an area of Florida populated mainly by northerners (from Chicago, NY, NJ, MA) and they all seem to just have the kids call adults by their first name.
Around here (northern Indiana), we typically don’t even use “Miss” (or “Mrs.” + last name) unless the adult is their teacher or dance instructor or something. I grew up calling my friends’ parents (and my parents’ friends) simply by their first names.
We do have some friends at church now who have their kids call us by “Miss” or “Mr.” plus our first names. So then we have that weird dilemma of what to have our kids call them. Mostly we try to match what each family does, but it gets confusing!
For most people I say, “Miss First Name,” but there are some people that I use last name….like my boss. Basically if call them by their last name, I introduce her to them using their last name.
Oh, I’m in North Carolina (Raleigh/Durham area)
My parents are old-school, so it was ALWAYS Mrs. Last Name. I will never forget the humiliation I felt when one of my friends was corrected after calling my mother by her first name – long after college graduation. I live in SC, and it’s a split between Miss First Name and Mrs. Last Name. I encourage my kids to call everyone Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, but I don’t think anything about being called Miss First Name. I agree that it’s delightful to have a kid call you by any name instead of ignoring you until snack time.
First, your little man is one of the most well-mannered children I’ve ever been around. Well done, mama.
I’m a fan of the “Miss First Name” but I love a “yes/no ma’am/sir” more than anything in the whole world.
Here on the West Coast, people are pretty informal and usually kids call adults by their first names only. But my husband and I were sticklers for manners, and we made our kids do Mrs. Last Name or Auntie First Name (for women only, obviously). Then we moved to Mauritania, and in our little circle of expats they were the only ones doing this. Sigh. Oh well. Didn’t hurt them. Now they’re all teens and I tell them it’s okay to switch to first names for most adults, but they’re struggling with how weird it feels.
OH except for a family in the expat circle in Maur (see my previous comment) who were from Tennessee and called us all Miss First Name. It was so cute!
I’m from East Tennessee, and my parents always introduced themselves to my friends with their first names. Even my grandparents wanted my friends to call them by their first names or by their “grandparent names” (Pop and Mamaw :) ). I don’t remember calling any of my friends’ parents Mr. or Mrs. unless they were teachers at my elementary school. (It was hard to get used to calling middle and high school teachers I’d known my whole life by Mr. or Mrs. Last Name when I was old enough to be in their classes!)
The mother of a college friend recommended that all of her children’s friends call her and her husband Mr. and Mrs. Last Name until we graduated from college. It was so foreign to me and seemed so uncomfortable.
mostly Mr/Mrs. last name – some really close friends of ours Miss/mr first name – never just a first name. (nashville, tn)
The standard here in Idaho is Mr & Mrs. Last Name. All of our church friends and even youth leaders are Mr/Mrs. The only exception to that seems to be younger coaches – my high school aged son had a b-ball coach that was a college student who he called Coach First Name.
I prefer “Miss Aimee” but “Mrs. (Last Name)” is ok, too. I wasn’t raised to call people with a Mr. or Miss before a first or last name, but once my kids came along, I wanted them to not address adults by only their first name.
I live in West Virginia. So, to be honest, it’s common for kids to call any relative by a family nickname. “Sissy” is a common nickname for sisters, cousins, neices, you name it. And “Bubby” is common for little boys, particularly those with siblings, and “Bub” when he’s older.
My grandmother’s nickname was “Babe” because she was the baby of the family. Her nieces and nephews called her “Aunt Babe.” But hey, we’re West Virginia. We’re the most northern of the southern states and the most southern of the northern states. Kinda weird and quirky, but good people. :)
My dad’s family called his sister (so, my aunt) Sis, so when we were kids, she became Aunt Sis. It didn’t even once occur to me that this was weird until my then boyfriend – now husband – went “wait, you call her what?”
My neices and nephews call me Aunt Sissy because that’s what everyone called me growing up.. haha! Never thought about it confusing them… but there’s already enough to confuse the mess out of them when it comes to my family. ;)
My nephews call me ‘Sissy’ because that’s what my sister called me when she was little, and when my nephews were old enough to talk, it was too hard for them to say my name (‘Aunt Angela’ is a mouthful!! hee hee)
I’m in California and everyone is very informal and go by first name except us. My kids use Mr. and Mrs. Last Name or Coach First Name. My friends all think its weird, but we are sticking to outr guns! It’s a respect thing for us. They are your elders and you be polite and respectful.
Amen. We do the same. Of course, respect is also an attitude (looking grown ups in the eye and saying hello goes along with that no matter what title they use!), but we think respect is a sorely lacking thing in our too casual California culture. And we do the sir/ma’am thing also.
I’ve also had dear, dear older friends and I’ve comfortably called them Mrs. (last name) even though they felt like bosom buddies. I had no problem with it–some think it shows distance, but it never felt like it to us.
We have recently joined a new church, very conservative and traditional. All adult females are addressed by Mrs. (or Miss) Last Name. Even the pastor (when around kids/teens) speaks to them in that way. It may be a little formal but it does provide the example of respect that is too often missing in our child rearing practices today. Our associate pastor calls my Mrs. Elrod as do all of the kids/teens. The men in our church are addressed as Brother Last Name. While it was different for us for a while, I have definitely noticed that the level of respect within our church at all ages is increased and uplifted.
For little kids, we do Miss/Mrs First Name. Single ladies are Miss, and Married ones are Mrs. And it is a Big Super Fun Deal when a Miss becomes a Mrs. :) First names are easier for little ones to say here in California when you run into last names like Houk-Ishitoya.
Older kids can handle last names, so when they meet some one it would be Miss/Mrs/Mr Last Name. But there’s also a level of friendship intimacy and longevity. If its someone they’ve known all their life, going from Mrs Tracy to Mrs Johnson, seems weird. And if its someone your family is close to, that level of formality seems too much. I have a set of “nephews” that call me Auntie Dawnie because I’ve known their mom over half my life, and it would be weird to have a formal name from the kids of one of my best friends.
I just recently moved from Birmingham to Louisville KY….. (and oh how I miss home… But that’s another topic)
When we moved into our home and were meeting our neighbor’s small children, I introduced myself as Miss Traci, which is all I’ve ever been called back home by my kids in VBS, Sunday school & my children’s friends.
Our new neighbor promptly corrected me and said “he will call you Mrs. Collins. We are teaching him manners.”
We’ll okay then.
Louisville is not what I would call a Southern town & I have noticed way more children refer to me as Mrs. Collins.
I think, especially with smaller children, that it’s important to have a Miss or Mrs. in front. I’m a huge fan of Miss. I’m especially thrilled with first names. It’s probably because I’m from the south too. ;) But I feel that when the Miss or Mrs. is added it shows respect.
I live in a small town in Deep East Texas, and I grew up calling my parents’ close friends Mr/Miss FirstName and other adults Mr/Mrs LastName. I’m almost 40, and I still don’t call adults that I met as a child by their first names. My children follow the same pattern, but also call some of our very close friends Aunt/Uncle FirstName. And, yes/no ma’am/sir are a habit.
I’m in Louisiana and it’s definitely Miss First Name and Mr. First Name. Unless of course you are a young relative and they ALL call us Aunt First Name or Uncle First Name.
I never thought this to be a problem until my son (an eighth grader at the time) asked me for help, because “I just don’t get this aunt, uncle, cousin thing!” He had been calling people “Uncle” all his life and then somehow figuring it couldn’t be right…or could it? He was thoroughly confused!
I’m in OKC, (Go Thunder!) and I love Miss First Name, or Mrs. Last name, never just first name. I do think it’s strange for teenage kids to use the “Miss”, but my kids are still little, so we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
I’m in Seattle, and I’m having a hard time being happy for the Thunder. Now I’m just licking my wounds. Ha! I’m sure I’ll get over it and cheer them on :D
My kids did the Miss First Name when they were young. Now that they are older they generally just use the first names. (I am in OKC, too! Stayed up too late watching the game but totally worth it! Go Thunder)
I’m in OKC too and yes! Go Thunder! We are also Miss and Mr. First name with a few of our elderly ladies in church who are Mrs. Last Name.
I remember one time when I was a kid and I addressed one of my grandmother’s friends by her first name in front of my grandpa. It was the only time in my life he ever got on to me and I never forgot it!
Miss First Name most definitely. I think using the Miss First name is so sweet and approachable. I still call all of my elders by Miss First Name, even though I’m 40 or so years old. I can’t bring myself to call the sweet little lady at church just “Thelma” when she is 20 years my senior.
I prefer to just be called Jamie, but I understand the Miss First Name thing. I’d rather not ever be called Mrs. Last Name. haha!! Way to formal for me. The way we grew up, we just called everyone by their name. I had never heard of Miss First name until we moved to South Georgia. :) I am teaching my son proper southern manners though.
I live in Oregon but was raised in Louisiana. SO even though we live in an area that it is very casual, I have alwasy introdiced my friends as Miss___. And I will say it has caught on with alot of my other friends. I love keeping the sweetness of this tradition.
I’m from Minnesota and around here most children call adults by their first name. My children though, will be calling all adults Mr. or Mrs. Last name until they are adults themselves. I usually introduce myself to their friends as Mrs. Last name and the kids just go with it.
My girls are adults; they still call some of my closest friends Miss First Name and some of my other friends Mrs Last Name.
I am still called Miss Leigh by some of my friend’s adult kids and I love it. Some call me Mrs E., and I like that, too.
I never let my girls when they were children call an adult by their first name, always a Miss or Mrs.
I was raised in the South and raised my kids in Texas.
Here in south Georgia, it’s Miss First Name, and that’s the way I like it. When we lived in the Atlanta area my son was corrected by his friend’s mother for saying, “Yes, m’am,” to her. (She was from New York.) What I want to know is what everyone calls their mother-in-law. My husband has always called my Mama by her first name, so I do the same with his mother, but it still feels weird after all these years (27 to be exact).
Since we have had kids we call our MILs by their grandma name. Actually come to think of it around here anyone that’s a grandma is called by their grandma name. I even started calling my best friends mom MiMi after she started having grandchildren. Texas Panhandle.
I wonder about the MIL thing, too! I was 17 when my husband and I started dating, so his mom was Mrs Last Name. I never knew when/how to make the switch so now after 13 years together–9 married–and two kids, it’s just super awkward and I avoid calling her anything at all! My FIL still calls his 85-year-old in-laws Mr and Mrs Last Name
My son (27) is about to get married. His fiance still calls me Mrs. Last Name. I hope she’ll feel comfortable enough to switch to my first name before too long, but I understand the awkwardness. It took me a few years to make the switch with my MIL.
My MIL was Mrs. Last Name until grands… then she became Grandma. Can’t call her by her first name. Just can’t do it.
I grew up in Houston and Southern California (parents are from the Midwest) and we called everyone by Mr./Mrs./Miss Last Name. Some of my friends were allowed to call other adults by just their first name; I tried that once when referencing my neighbor in a story to my mom. Didn’t fly…at all. I had never heard of anyone using Mr./Mrs./Miss First Name until I was in high school; some of my friends used it for their close friends’ parents, but I just assumed that was because they had known each other forever.
This is just the way I was raised, but with someone who is older than me (around my parents age) or in a position of authority (boss), I always default to the last name unless he or she tells me otherwise. I also do this for all of the parents of my students (the parents are all older than me). I’ve always seen it as a sign of respect, and it kind of makes me cringe to see a young person meeting adult Jane Smith for the first time and saying, “Hi Jane!” But I also think its silly for any older teen or someone in their early twenties to say “Hi Miss Jane!” to someone they don’t have a close relationship with. So I guess different situations call for different rules? And from reading the above comments, it looks like where you live can also set the rules. Yikes, this post sure has me thinking! In any case, I think the names of anyone significantly older than you or in a position of authority should have a prefix.
Here in Ireland, as a kid our parents friends were always called “Uncle Firstname” and “Auntie Firstname”…..but now things are much more informal, and our kids friends just call us by our first names.
Back in the day, all ministers and pastors were “Rev Surname” to everyone (adults and kids) but these days everyone (from toddlers up) just use firstnames.
my parents and their circle of friends were all German immigrants in the Chicago area and we called all those in that close circle “Onkel” for the man and “Tante” for the woman, or Aunt and Uncle. must be a European/non US thing.
My hubby and I live in France now, but I grew up in Ohio. I remember calling adults by their first names.
In France or in the States, I prefer Mr. and Mrs. Last Name, or if too formal for my friends, Miss or Mr. First Name. I think that a title shows respect. Here in France, adults are almost always called by their first names. I plan on trying Mr. and Mrs. (either last or 1st name) when my little one is old enough to speak. My Anglophone friends from Ireland and S. Africa have their kiddos call me Aunt Holly (sweet).
Of course, when it comes to school here in France, it’s even more complicated:
Preschool: teachers go by 1st names.
Elementary school: “Teacher” (in French, of course).
Junior high/high school: Mr. and Mrs.
As a former teacher and student, I can’t imagine having students call me by my 1st name! :o)
I grew up in the home of two VERY Southern Southerners. We visited both TN and LA every single summer, and back there I was raised to use, “Miss First Name”.
On the West Coast where I lived, it was “Mr or Mrs. Last Name” until the adult gave you permission to use their first name. At which time I used “Miss First Name”.
As I got older, I continued with Mr/Mrs Last Name especially at work as a Contact Center Agent.
But, and this would make my Grandma proud, every time I answered a call and the female voice on the other end was Southern? Regardless of their perceived age, it was “Miss First Name” and Yes, ma’am/No ma’am” *which went to the Southern gentlemen, too, of course).
When we moved back ‘home’ to MS/LA for awhile, I became “Miss Kelli”. And I positively loved it. About as much as when I was 8, visiting my grandparent’s, and the much-older box boy called me Ma’am.
I was tickled.
At 40 something, I am still the same way.
Im in Virginia. We were always Miss First Name (except some very close family friends who were Aunt). Also, we did use Mrs. Last Name for most of the older ladies in our church.
I’m from Georgia – and still live there. I am raising my children the way I was raised. Children should never address an adult by just their first name. Basically, if it is not someone I am close enough with to use their first name, my children and I both address them as Mr/Mrs last name. If I am close enough to the person to call them by first name, my children call them Mr. or Mrs. first name. I also call women who are older than me by Miss First Name – even if I know them well. And then there are the people who are not actually aunts or uncles, but are close enough to warrant distinguishing from Miss First Name. Like the best friends next door, or the cousin whose daughter is my daughters best friend. Those folks are “Aunt/Uncle First Name.
Confusing, I know – but the bottom line is it is disrespectful for a child to address an adult by their first name only. And Yes/No Ma’am/Sir is ALWAYS required.
This is exactly what we do also- you summed it up perfectly!
I live in the midwest and my children’s friends always called me Mrs. (Lastname). I always introduced myself as Mrs. too. If they were very good friends, we usually took it down a notch to my first name. Sometimes people have introduced me to their children as Miss Jeanie and I just try to kindly correct it to Mrs. (Lastname). It might be a generational thing…I’m almost 50 but the bug man, the post man, the lawn guy..they all call me Mrs. and I’ve known them all for decades. LOL
Miss and first name unless it’s maybe someone in their eighties plus and then I’d do Mrs. Last name, I think.
I grew up in central Illinois, and I was raised to always say Mr./Mrs. Last Name. With the exception of our pastor, who was Pastor Bill to everyone, and one lady at church who EVERYONE called by her first name. When I married and we lived in NC and VA (military), it seemed like the majority there were called Miss/Mr. First Name. Now that I am back living in a western suburb of Chicago, it is a mix. If the family is from the South, it seems like they call people Miss/Mr. First Name. If they were raised here, they use Mr./Mrs. Last Name.
Miss First Name and I also am a HUGE fan of the yes/no ma’am/sir!
I grew up in Rhode Island and my dad was big on respect. We always called people Mrs./Mr. Last Name. I remember him telling me when I was old enough to understand – “I don’t care if they say you can call them by their first name, you don’t, it is always Mrs. So an so.” It’s so ingrained in me now that I don’t know that I could do anything different. I don’t have kids, but if I did, living here in the South now, it would probably be Miss First Name or I may revert to Mrs. Last Name. But as a few posters already mentioned, it will always be Yes/No Ma’am/Sir. My cousin and his family just relocated down here from England and they are already thrilled with the southern manners and how that will have an impact on their kids.
btw – it’s not that the kids (or the people we know for that matter) are rude, it’s just that there’s a warmth behind the manners in the South. We’re polite where I’m from, but sometimes it can come across as cold.
Born and raised in Southern Ohio, Dayton in fact. We are a college and military town so, I’ve heard all these. I was raised to say Mr./Mrs/Miss. There were a few exceptions like our small church in a very small town south of us growing up it was more of the southern tradition of first names or Miss. My kids call everyone Mr./Mrs./Miss. We live in the town I grew up in, I work at the elementary school, and my husband is on City Council. Our kids have to meet a lot of people so we keep it pretty formal. Our oldest are teens and soon we will be thinking about when and how do we transition to letting or encouraging their friends to call us by our first names. With some of our friends that have college kids, I’ve asked them to please call me Emily.
Officially I don’t know. But unofficially it’s Mrs. last name. I have never in my life called anyone Miss first name. I believe that might be a totally southern thing. And I live in the north. But I do think it’s sweet. It reminds me of Gone With the Wind – Miss Mellie and Miss Scarlet. That would totally get my vote.
I worked at the HS before I went over to the elementary library. The kids at the HS knew me as Lee’s mom and so they all called me Mama last name. I thought it was sweet. Over at the elementary everyone called Mrs. last name. I hated it. But officially it was the norm.
Once a parent is familiar with a child’s friend I think it’s ok to call just by the first name. Unless they get the name wrong, which has happened lol.
Traditions tend to run in families and in locations.
Are you confused yet?
Hugs from Minnesota
Marie
Growing up, I called my friends’ parents Mr/Mrs. Surname, and so did my friends. We all grew up in a suburb of Dallas. My husband and I moved out further east from Dallas (on the very edge of East Texas), and everyone in that town had kids call the adults Mr./Miss First Name. I like that, so we’re sticking to that (even though I so dislike the way Miss Amanda sounds…prissy to my ears, but that’s a personal thing, I would reckon). I did have a friend who tried calling my husband and I Uncle/Aunt, but that bothered my mom so much (her family is very particular about only calling family by family names) that when we had our first child and didn’t reciprocate with the aunt/uncle thing, my friend dropped it. That was awkward. But I wanted to honor my mom.
I go by Mrs. Clark and Miss Wendy. I still call my mom’s friends (and I’m 39) by Miss ______.
Usually Mr./Mrs. Last Name until the person instructs them to call them otherwise (my kids are 20 and 17 so by now some of our friends ask them to call them by their first name). I answer to whatever the parents told their kids to call me.
“I answer to whatever the parents told their kids to call me.”–This is a great point. While we are trying to instill manners in our kids with how we teach them to address adults, I don’t feel the need to tell other people’s kids what to call me. Unless they were calling me something ugly, of course. : )
I grew up in GA and now live in SC. I prefer children to call me Mrs. Merritt. Some slip and call me Miss Nikki because that’s how their parents refer to me because that’s what most people go by. However, I prefer Mrs. Merritt not because it’s more formal, but because it’s more respectful. I am not my children’s friends friend. My mom let my sister’s friends (my sister is 20 years younger than I am) call her by her first name and I think that’s a slippery slope. They think of my mom as a friend, not as an adult whose rules should be respected and followed. I never called an adult by their first name until they invited me to do so (which wasn’t until after I was married, for the most part).
Here in Maryland, when kids are before about 1st grade, it’s Miss Mary, then it generally turns into Mrs. Land. The Mrs. is usually pronounced Miz, which doesn’t have anything to do with Ms.
Among people we know, it’s kinda low brow to allow your children to use first name to address any adult, except maybe a cousin. Unless that cousin is older, in which case it’s Cousin Mary, not Mrs. Land. My child would be corrected for using first name only, and he knows it. He is 12, and a close family friend could be Mr. Bob. A coach can be Coach John, but only at his suggestion.
I grew up in a small town in SW Ga. Everyone was Miss First Name or Mr. First Name. I even went to a Dr. First Name. After college, I moved to NE Fl, and everyone was Mrs. & Mr. Last Name, which I found all too formal and sort of stuffy. And my husband called some of his parents’ friends by just their first names, which I found a touch disrespectful. I’ve noticed a shift in that though, now my kids call all my friends Miss or Mr. First Name.
We are in East Texas, and mostly the kids use Ms./Mr./Coach First Name. Now quite a few years ago when my grandmother was still alive, everyone called her Ganga. I was the first born grandchild, and where I came up with that name is still a mystery, but it stuck. And when I sy stuck, I mean EVERYONE in town called her that. The folks at the store, the bank, church, etc… All of our friends, their parents, literally everyone. I hope someday I can be that special ;-)
I am from and currently live in the south. It is the norm for kids to address adults as Miss Beth and Mister Dan. However, my husband is from the north where it is the norm (or at least was the norm when he was growing up – or coming along as we call it!) to use Mrs. Cotell and Mr. Cotell.
We expect our kids to use Mrs. XXXX and Mr. XXXX for all adults that they are addressing. In school, they are expected to address their teachers like that and we think it shows more respect for their elders.
While we prefer this for our children, it is perfectly acceptable for other children to call me Miss Beth. I am not at all bothered or offended by that. However, it really ruffles my tail feathers when an 8-year-old calls me Beth.
I grew up in a (very) small town in Georgia and we all said Miss and Mr First Name. I always liked it because it’s familiar, but there’s still a sense of respect. But all of my Atlanta friends say Mrs and Mr Last Name and it still weirds me out to hear my parents called that. Whenever someone calls my dad Mr. Rhodes, he says, I’m Lee, Mr. Rhodes is my dad. I think I will have my children say Mr and Miss First Name, even though it’s not really the norm around here.
My oldest two were born in California, and we taught them to address adults as Miss First Name. They were among the ultra-polite there, because other kids called adults by first name only (if they addressed them at all). Then we moved to South Carolina, where they became the moderately-polite, because many kids here are taught to use Mrs. Last Name. Our particular area of SC is populated by a lot of “transplants,” though, so you do hear adults addressed in any of the above ways. Side-note–as a kid growing up in Missouri, I called my parents’ closest friends Aunt First Name even though we were not related.
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