I’d Write A Song About It If I Could, You Know, Write Songs

If you had spent any significant time at my house this summer, here’s what you would’ve heard me say approximately 4,822 times:

“I’m hot.”

“Oh my word I’m burning up.”

“Hold on – I’m gonna have to turn down the air down.”

“I’m hot.”

“OH SWEET MERCY THIS HOUSE IS ON FIRE.”

But here’s the thing: our house really isn’t hot. We’re surrounded by lots of very tall trees, and thanks to the way the sun moves across our roofline, we rarely have direct sunlight pouring in through the windows. Most people could put our thermostat on 75 and be more than comfortable all summer long.

But.

Ever since I turned 40, I am not what you would refer to as “most people” as far as air conditioning needs are concerned (well, truth be told, I have always been a little high maintenance in this area). And this summer, I’ve taken my AC neediness to staggering new heights. It was so bad in July that I made an appointment with my doctor and informed him that SOMETHING WAS TERRIBLY WRONG, but he checked some levels and numbers and whatnot and assured me that everything is perfectly normal and fine and good. I’m just dealing with hormones combined with some first-book stress (book stuff has been oh-so-fun, but my nerves have been cuckoo). And I’m sure my doctor said some other very wise and important things, but I was so busy fanning myself that I couldn’t really hear him.

David has been a good sport about my CAN WE PLEASE TURN DOWN THE AIR flare-ups, even when his teeth are starting to chatter and he’s bundled up in a blanket. He’s even been sympathetic to the fact that I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and feel completely certain that flames are in fact shooting out of the back of my head. However, I do think that there’s a little bit of fear and trepidation when I remind him that all of this hormone-related summertime fun is just beginning. We could have YEARS of it ahead of us, and I guess the only up side of that is that when the area around his chair freezes completely and encases him in an indoor igloo, I will be able to stand anywhere within a five-foot radius of him and melt all of that ice in less than forty seconds.

Seriously. If I touched that hypothetical igloo, it would sizzle.

Late this afternoon I was cooking supper, doing my best to stand near a vent while I chopped broccoli and sliced a couple of onions. I realized that David was home from work when I heard him shut the door of his truck, and right about the time that I looked down the hall toward the front door, he walked inside – holding a very tall box.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Well, I got you a surprise,” he said.

And as I made my way down the hallway and slowly realized what was inside that box, I grinned like crazy.

Because.

IMG_2723

PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.

(I’m not really going to tell you all about it.)

(But look! It has features!)

Image 2

BEST SURPRISE EVER.

I mean, I know that I loved it when we were in our 20s and 30s and D would occasionally send me a big ole floral arrangement, but honestly, who needs flowers (or even chocolate) when you can have A TOWER FAN WITH A REMOTE CONTROL?

That is some 40-something romance, people.

And my hormones and I have never been happier.

Amen.

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Comments

  1. From NC here and yes about the heat. My husband wears sweatshirts while
    I knock the air down. I have had a Honeywell fan for several years and love
    It. Makes all the difference in the world for this 46 year old southern lady.

  2. Oh my word!!! What a good man!!! I am going through my own personal summer! I have had a meeting with my pastor in hopes of reinstating the old school cardboard funeral fans on popsicle sticks that used to be tucked behind the hymnal. These new bulletins just don’t have the wind action for me. ;) I have a tower fan as well and just like a 2 year old with a blanket I carry it from room to room with me. The remote stays in my back pocket at all times and always ready at hand when I need the turbo level. I hope you find much comfort from your new toy! My next outlet to try is the Chillow… we shall see!

    • Michele T says:

      Don’t you know that my friend – who, by the way, had all of one. ONE. hot flash her entire life – gave me a Chillow for my birthday. It really does feel cold but it’s like laying on plastic cause, well, it is plastic.

      • Oh dear, maybe I’ll pass then. Not a fan of plastic in the bed. ;-)

        • Sarah K. says:

          Cheap icepacks from walmart (in the pharmacy section by the ace bandages). We were being cheap and didn’t turn our ac on for a good while in the summer, so every now and then I’d break those out. They’re squishy, and fabricy, not plasticy, so they might work. They don’t last all night though, but otherwise they’re great.

          • Girl. You must check out coldfront. It has saves my tookus every morning with my mandatory cup of joe…. and can be used throughout the day without drippy ice packs. Check it out http://www.mycoldfront.com/sandy It will definitely keep you cool and not affect others :) like a fan or frigid a/c.

  3. This made me laugh hysterically because it was so relatable. Every. Word. I have to get one of those fans! And maybe more blankets for the rest of my poor frozen family – or maybe I can just go melt their igloos away by standing near them? Thanks for sharing!

  4. Wait. You say “turn the air down”? We say “turn the air up” when we want it colder! And I see where both make sense. And I let my boys have their air and I just cuddle under blankets when it’s too hot here (we’re in Michigan; we only turn it on when it’s 80 or warmer; my husband would have it on year-round, if he could [brrr]). Finally getting to some Fall-ish days around here, which are the best in Michigan.

  5. The Turning 40 Chronicles (soon to be made for Lifetime) have been really hard for me to accept…things aren’t where they once were……

    Loved everything about this post (as well as Sarah’s comment above with her keeping the fan remote in her pocket, heheheh!)-as I read, I twirled my Tom Sellick (Liz Lemon) and nodded my head.

    May that fan bring you many moments of happiness!

  6. Robin in New Jersey says:

    I have been having hot flashes for over 10 years. At 53, there is no let-up. You should see those of us at work who are 50ish, it’s not a pretty sight. The a/c is never cool enough there and often I am totally drenched in sweat. Your “fan” is nice! Hope it helps! I wish I could carry one into work and set it up!

    • Sara Tulloss says:

      Ok so I have taken the cheap route when I am out and about running errands. I wet and freeze those cheap kitchen sponges and then store them in ziploc bags. On a a hot day, pop one on the back of your neck for a few and you have bliss!!!

  7. THAT is a thoughtful gift!!

  8. It’s a good thing I live alone because I keep the house way colder than most anyone else can stand. I have been accused more than once of having a house that “you could hang meat in!”. And the point is??? I’m gonna be 60 this year and I am going to be comfortable, and my electric utility company loves me, for sure! I keep a throw blanket on the couch and recliner and sweatshirts ready for guests.

    And Sophie, I think David’s gift of a cool fan is pretty precious. Beats flowers and candy in my book any day.

  9. You are starting early girl. Mine didn’t start until late forties. Best memory ever was the year I turned 49 and had 30 guests in my home for Thanksgiving dinner. We lived in Florida and the air was blowing full blast @ thanksgiving down there. I flitted around near death makin’ sure everyone had everything they could possibly need. Then I politely excused myself; went to my bedroom and stripped off everything from the waist up then laid across the fan in my bedroom for 20 minutes!! I returned to my guests (fully clothed) and no one had even seemed to notice I’d left. Oh you are in for some real treats for sure when it comes to hot flashes. I’m 66 now and don’t have to worry about that anymore. Thank the Lord.

  10. Even better, it FRESHENS the air! Win-win!!! ;)

  11. We have a tower fan with a remote in practically every room in this house. My husband is a tower fan fan. His newest find is called the “Vornado.” For my dad’s birthday, he got him the “compact Vornado.” The full-size model is currently blowing up a storm in my bedroom while my husband sleeps. :)

  12. Oh you WILL LOVE THIS. I had one like this when I was a spe ed teacher- I had the tiniest office in the school, with not nary an air vent in ALABAMA. Good for you– give that hubs some lovin, girl.

  13. Oh your 40 year hormones betray you! I so understand as I’m in the midst of an epic stand off with my own hormones right now. The things your mother doesn’t tell you when you are 17 because she knows you would end it all right then and there. Momma’s are wise that way. I think it’s precious that your husband brought you a fan. That’s such a sweet and truly thoughtful thing for him to do. And I think it’s obvious that the hormones that cause us to RAGE during PMS flare ups are not the ones that are lacking in us during our 40-year hormone imbalances or we would not consider this such a sweet and kind and thoughtful gift now would we?! That would be an entirely different response altogether. And would probably involve someone having to explain a bodily injury of some kind to their co-workers. Even in menopause the Lord is sovereign. Amen.

  14. I Love It!!

  15. We have that fan in our bedroom, and it is COLD. Plus, you can point it directly at yourself and not let it oscillate. You could aim it right for the back of your head!!

  16. I am sure tower fans have saved many a marriage. Mine included. :-)

  17. We were just having this conversation last night about how as we get older it isn’t about chocolates or flowers but about “stuff you need” bringing us the same joy! ha! We bought our first house. It has a “formal living room” and a “family room”. We decided to hit the Labor Day sale at the local furniture place and see what we’d find. We found a nice couch and two chairs that recline–but don’t look like recliners. We both ooohhhh’d and aaaahhhh’d over those reclining chairs for the better part of 30 minutes. We’re so excited about them and we remarked that we’re “growing up”–because chairs that recline have made us excited. ha!

    Enjoy the fan–nothing better than a good fan (says the girl who has slept with a fan on since her college days back in the early 90′s).

  18. Yes ma’am. The fan trumps flowers ANY day. That’s a good husband you’ve got!

  19. OH YES! The magic of the TOWER FAN! Since I turned 40, nine years ago, my husband has brought one home on a regular basis! I now have one in the living room, one in the kitchen, & one next to our bed! This, in addition to AC & ceiling fans has kept me sane. I always say hot flashes (& they last WAY longer than a flash) should not be allowed in Texas! It’s inhumane!

    I think for Christmas, Husband is getting me a CHILL PILLOW!! Who need jewelry or flowers?!
    https://www.chillow.com/

  20. Thank you! I am early 40s and even when I’m cool, I wish I was cooler…cold actually. And why are night even worse? I woke in the middle of the night and thought someone must have switched the heat on upstairs. Which is really crazy because the peeps in my house have been threatened to NEVER turn the heat on upstairs! Even in the winter. Its a trade off, I supply them with plenty of sweatshirts in return. My hubs did get me a “cool” pillow, which of course, so thoughtful, but still has to be flipped. Thankful I’m not alone in my plight.

  21. That man is a keeper! I’m going to have to get me one of those. I’m 51 and have been on the verge of spontaneous combustion for a little over a year now … and living in a house with NO air conditioning … in FLORIDA. Where might I ask did he find such a treasure and (insert a tiny bit of Southern sarcasm right here) are they affordable for part-time teachers to buy? Oh, and Lyn M, I’ve been eyeing one of those chillows for a few months now, just haven’t been able to fit it into the budget yet, but I will put it on my Dear Santa list!

  22. That is so awesome. What a good thoughtful man. I am envious of said fan. Wish I had one when my hormones went cuckoo. Does David have an older single brother by chance? :)

  23. I always tell my husband, “You can always put on another sweatshirt; I can only take off so many clothes!” Hard to argue with that.

  24. Samantha F says:

    That is TRUE LOVE! He’s keeper!

  25. For Mother’s Day last year, my wonderful hubby bought me a small, window unit A/C for our bedroom. Now we do indeed have central A/C, but this is Texas where an auxiliary unit is always welcome. So now, the kids can sleep in reasonable-air-temperature comfort while the master bedroom is set to Cryogenic.

    It was the best Mother’s Day gift I’ve ever received.

  26. ROFL! You are sooo funny! Those “personal summers” are amazing aren’t they? I, too, am just starting that journey in life. But I have been known to run over and throw the back or front door open (even during dinner) and stand there and hope and pray there is a breeze to control the fire emitting from the inside out! And I live in CA, where the weather is much different than where you are. I have been told that hormonal cremes help this but have yet to try it.

    And I completely agree that your Man giving you a personal air conditioner is THE BEST GIFT EVER for this time in life. I am thankful that thus far my Man is as hot as I am and he keeps the fan on all night long. =)

    Keep Cool!!

  27. TADOW!! http://www.amazon.com/Bed-Fan-with-Wireless-Remote/dp/B00841ZSPE/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1377278405&sr=8-2&keywords=bed+fan+personal+cooling+system

    A friend of mine swears this has brought her nearly as much joy as the birth of her children. Christmas present, D??

  28. I am in awe! My poor frozen husband would go to Sonic and get me a grape slushie (or as my grandso says a “Flushie” either way they got the hot out) as that was the only thing that mildly cooled me off and made living worthwhile.

    You have a good man there ma’am

  29. Due to a hysterectomy in May, I have been having a dickens of a time with hot flashes and night sweats. I have a smaller tower fan that I picked up at Target called Chillout. It is small enough to sit on my nightstand and blow right on my face/neck. That along with my gel cooling pillow, my hand fan for re-enforcement wind, and my moisture wicking nightwear are my staples to endure the nights these days. I have only been at this 3 months so I am wondering…will I ever get a good nights sleep again??? Girls who still have it, ENJOY YOUR ESTROGEN while you have it!

    Hope this brings you to a whole new level of coolness, BooMama…you are already the coolest in my book…ha ha

  30. Mary in Idaho says:

    It was about this age that my husband put a ceiling fan in the kitchen. Best investment we ever made. I can maintain my sanity all the way through cooking and to the dinner table. “Younger” female guests will comment, “A ceiling fan in the kitchen?” I will reply, “Check back with me when you hit 40!!!”

  31. Mary Kat's Mom says:

    I am so happy for you!!!!

  32. What a sweet surprise! That was so thoughtful! I’m right there with you! The fan and I are best friends. It goes where I go!

  33. Welcome to your 40s! D is a pearl beyond price!

    But do have your thyroid checked, just to be safe. Heat intolerance is a pretty classic symptom of hyperthyroid/goiter. And don’t think you have to have weight loss symptoms to be hyperthyroid; I gained weight with it!

  34. Love it, love it, love it! A great idea! :-)

  35. Jeannette says:

    I have been setting my a/c at below 70* for over fifteen years. And for the past three years I have a fan blowing on me when I am at work and later when I go to bed. I am 49 years old and finally think I might be coming out the otherside of hormone-express. Everyone keep posting your remedies and we will all form a support group. If I ever go to a dot.mom conference or any other conference where BooMama is attending I am claiming her as my room-chillmate.

  36. I have a few (and we are talking single digits, here) years before I think this issue attacks me. I think at first it will be a novelty, and I’ll pray for the first attack to be in the middle of our Michigan January.

    And then I’m pretty sure the novelty will wear off and I’ll start blogging about the fierce powers of hell with some conviction. It’s all fodder for the blog. All fodder for the blog. :P

    I’m glad you have such a thoughtful man!

  37. This MS gal is melting right along with you! Enjoy your new present :0)
    Stefanie

  38. I think we might have been separated at birth. I am also suffering the heat and oh…. not so gracefully. My husband has joked that he can “SEE” his breath first thing in the morning. I’m still not sure why he says that like its a bad thing..teeheehee

  39. Having your own “personal” summers can be the pits! My doctor mentioned that they usually only last a year or two. What. A.Liar! I am sad to inform you that I am hitting my mid-60′s and I still sweat like a mule in July! Of course I have saved lots of money since just looking at a sweater display can cause a HOT flash. I never need wool slacks either. I frequently open my French door frig and stand between the open doors. It is even better to be stark naked but you have to be sure you are alone! Your husband is a jewel to bring you a tower fan. I have one and the rotation is from my head to my foot to my head to me foot. Amazing invention! I also have a funeral home fan in every room of my house and the car and the truck. Bless you as you enter this new phase of your life!

  40. Well, I am almost 38 and HOLY HEAT WAVE in the middle of the night. I got up to let the dog out the other night and when I got back in bed the bed was still hot from where I had been laying! I have been thinking about getting one of those things for my bedroom and I think it’s time. ;) Good job to your hubs!

  41. Ordered for Amazon Prime Monday delivery. My constant refrain – “I am burning up from the inside out -SOMEBODY TURN DOWN THE AIR BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLODES!” My husband and sons sleeps under winter weight down comforters while I’m dying with just a sheet and the A/C at 68. They have quickly learned to NEVER EVER touch the A/C as I’ve beem known to be slightly “unreasoable” on one or a hundred occassions. Hope it is a magic fan!

  42. Even our youngins learn about the heat early in life down in the South! I was keeping my 17 month granddaughter and as I opened the front door to “go outside” (a constant request on her part) at 8:00 am, she stopped, shook her head and said “no, no, hot!” It feels like you hit a wall of fire, even that early in the day! November can’t get here soon enough!

  43. Oh my word! One of the best gifts ever :)
    Could totally relate to this post…a few years of what I’d call “warm” flashes left me wishing I could find an air-conditioned hat to help cool off my poor over-heated noggin :/ Why is it our heads get hot first (albeit quickly followed by the rest of our body)?
    And when the hot flashes arrived?!?! Hooo, boy!, there were nights when either my hubby or me would have to move to another room, to avoid having him automatically combust simply from the sheer amount of heat radiating from my body!

  44. What an awesome gift! After you’ve been married 10 years, romance= giving a gift that is something you need! I was laughing so hard at your description of being hot. You sounded like my husband, who is always hot. Always. And I’m always cold. It makes for some interesting discussion about the thermostat in our house! ;)

  45. I normally don’t post links to videos, but . . . someone has written a song about this sort of thing! Christian comedienne Kay Dekalb Smith sings a song called “Is It Hot In Here or Is It Me?” It’s hilarious. We played it so much that my son was in Children’s Church one day, and one of the adult workers said “Is it hot in here or is it me?” He replied, “I know a song about that!” and proceeded to sing a song about hot flashes to the kids.
    Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEvBqci8I6Y&list=UUlNFvvcuWPrBIxZA34QOoPQ&index=10

  46. Terrie Cash says:

    I’m glad you wrote this post. My husband has to wear a light weight jacket or wrap himself in a blanket because I am so hot in the summer.

    My mother in law, daughter and I went shopping at Kohls during the middle of the day in the summer. We just happen to have this young good looking guy ringing up our purchases. My mother in law began sweating due to a hot flash or it just being hot. She is 70 years old. She looked at that young guy dead on in the eyes and said, ” I am so sorry, I can’t help that I am so HOT!” My daughter busted out laughing, the sales guy’s eyes were as big as saucers, and my mother in law had no idea of what she just implied to this young man. We had to explain it all to her.

    My middle age friends and I have found the coldest spot in church to sit and we are close to daring anyone to take our seats. :-)

    I could add to the list of what crazy things we do to remain cool in the summer.