Sometimes There’s Treasure Beneath The Velcro Rollers

Right off the bat I feel like I need to mention that I went to see Paul Blart, Mall Cop 2 at the movie theatre this afternoon.

I don’t even know what to say. I almost never go to the movie. But somehow in the last month I’ve found myself sitting in the SpongeBob Sponge Out of Water movie and now Paul Blart, Mall Cop 2, and while I guess it’s good that I’m going to the picture show again, I’m not sure why I’m letting myself get talked into seeing ALL THE WORST ONES.

There’s a 5th grader in this house who doesn’t have any complaints, though.

And shockingly, despite the fact that I never saw the first Paul Blart movie, I was in fact able to follow along with the sequel. I don’t think I missed any subtle nuances in the narrative or anything like that, mainly because Paul Blart just sort of ran into things and fell down a lot. There were some parts where I actually laughed out loud, but I won’t give anything away because SPOILERS. I would hate to think that I took away even a second’s enjoyment from the plot’s intricate twists and turns.

For the record, Alex Hudson laughed for a solid minute after the bird fight.

Clearly we are doing everything we can to instill in him a certain level of culture and sophistication.

But really, I can’t even think much about the movie right now because I have THE MOST EXCITING NEWS.

Some of you may remember that a few weeks ago I posted something on Instagram about the demise of my most favorite hair clip in the whole wide world. I was just about to make the drive from my hometown back to Birmingham when it quite literally fell apart, and I was so moved by the years we’d shared together that I felt the need to memorialize it.

I knew that a clippy of its caliber would be difficult if not impossible to find, and I tried to make my peace with the fact that most modern-day clippies are either much smaller or much larger. I made do with a very small clippy when I got home that night, and then the next day I picked up a possible clippy replacement in Publix.

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They were fine – at first. The clip part was actually a good size and seemed to hold my hair pretty well, but I realized after an hour or so that the clips were top-heavy and hurt after a while. They’d flop over and cause the prongs to poke my scalp a little bit, and while there are few things I enjoy in life as much as pulling my bangs off of my face at the end of a long day, I do not in fact wish to sustain a minor head injury in the process. I think this is reasonable.

So. For the last three or so weeks, the top-heavy clippies and I have been trying to get along. I come home in the afternoons and pull my hair off of my face – but inevitably I’m yanking the clippy out of my hair by suppertime. Because I don’t know if I mentioned it but PRONGS.

Well.

Tonight I’ve been packing for my trip to Houston (I fly out late tomorrow afternoon), and just about an hour ago I was digging through my bathroom drawers, trying to find a plastic something-or-other to hold just the tiniest bit of my foundation so I don’t have to pack the whole bottle. I looked through my two main make-up drawers, and I decided on a lark to go through the drawer where I keep velcro rollers. I hardly open that drawer at all because I haven’t used velcro rollers regularly in about seven years, but I still hold on to the rollers because you never know when you might be faced with a hair emergency that only velcro rollers can fix. I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE, OKAY?

I was just about to close the drawer when I spotted what I thought was a familiar looking logo towards the back, and as I pulled it out from under the rollers and realized what it was, I found myself fighting the temptation to, you know, SQUEAL.

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OLD SCHOOL CLIPPIES.

Seriously. All I could do was think of that verse from Psalms that says (and I’m paraphrasing), Many, O LORD, are the wonders you have done, were I to name them I could not count them all.

Not that I was being dramatic or anything like that. Oh, heavens no. But can I just remind you one more time about something?

OLD SCHOOL CLIPPIES!

I couldn’t wait to see if they were everything I remembered. I had already taken one of the newer clippies out of my hair because, well, PRONGS, so I tried one of the old school clippies and y’all, it was like coming home. It’s lightweight, the hinge is solid, and it holds my bangs in place just beautifully.

The best part? I still have two back-ups! Should this clippy be unable to fulfill its duties and responsibilities, there is a first AND a second alternate ready to take its place.

I’m considering locking the alternates in a vault or at the very least a fire safe. It just makes good sense to take care of your valuables, you know?

So that’s pretty much my Sunday afternoon in a nutshell: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 and an unexpected supply of old school clippies. The movie was just okay, but the clippies get two thumbs up from me.

Five stars.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

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Comments

  1. Sophie this is a classic. I was reminded that God does give us the desire of our heart. 😊

  2. Hallelujah for the clippie stash! I would have been equally excited, I’m sure!

    On a semi-related note, I realized last week that I am now officially old: I have been loyal to the same brand/kind/color of mascara (Loreal Voluminous blackest black) and chewing gum (Extra, green) for over 20 years! 20 years!!!

  3. Oh yes ma’am to old school hair clips! I have a comb that dates back to 1987. I never put it in my checked luggage because I couldn’t imagine how I would make my hair quite big enough without it. When 80s hair comes back, I am ready. All I need is a can of Aqua Net.

  4. Ok Clippies are NO JOKE….I had 3 PERFECT, wonderful, sent from heaven clippies and I am down to ONE. ONE I tell you….I have been in panic mode for weeks…fearing the “what ifs” I have looked in every hair supply clippie store to no avail…Dark times are ahead if my last clippie goes the way of her friends….I have also lived with shame at my lack of proper care for the lost clippies…may they rest in peace where ever they are…..

  5. These might be the same ones on Amazon:

    Scunci Effortless Beauty Basic Jaw Clips, 9Cm., 3-count

    Worth a look!

  6. I am now even more sad that I will miss your Tuesday night event in H-town for I would surely rejoice with you over the unexpected gift of clippies!

  7. I was just wondering if I should get rid of my Velcro rollers! I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one who worries I’ll desperately need them someday. =)

  8. Tracey Knight says:

    sister, i am with you on the clippies. oh my gracious the headaches from the newfangled ones. :/ but really, i should wash the film of hairspray off the TWO that I cherish but it just represents our good history together, you know? sincerely happy you found those, sophie. it’s the little things. :)

  9. When Scunci did away with my favorite clippies, I chopped 12 inches of hair and haven’t looked back! I couldn’t wear my hair the way I wanted to anymore and I was spending a small fortune trying to find a replacement. I should also mention that Goody pulled my favorite type of rubberband that same year. It was a dark time.
    I’m so excited about you coming to Houston tomorrow. My daughter and I were sick all last week with the plague. Now my husband is starting to get sick. I’m hoping he feels well enough that I don’t feel guilty leaving him in charge tomorrow night….

  10. Enjoy your time in Texas!!!

  11. Sallie Baker says:

    Especially loved this post. . . . I have two boys, and OH, the movies I went to see when
    they were this age ! You hate to admit it, but they loved it!! My favorite part though, was that you called it a ” picture show! ” OH, so my mother, and OH, so southern!!

  12. I could SO relate to this posting today. I have a small magnifying mirror and a pair of tweezers that I guard with my life. I almost had a “tizzy-fit” one day when the grand kids were here and I saw my grandson walking around with that mirror. DO NOT take us out of our beauty comfort zone! ☺

  13. Wait. You have more than one make up drawer? Where do you live? Do you live in Bobby and Pam’s house in Dallas?

    Because in Suburban Flat Land, we only have room for one drawer for make up. We have to share with the others with the men folk who think they should have a space for the brush they deny they need for their hair but use every day.

    Hope you and your clips (both movie and hair) have fun in Texas!

  14. Margie Hoffman Johnson says:

    I’ve got my Velcro rollers saved in a bag AND my pink spongey rollers too. Plus some of the old timey black ones that you lock in with Bobbie pins. I MAY NEED these again. They don’t make dippety do anymore but when they did my mama slathered on my head and rolled my hair so tight I could barely close my eyes. I have the knottiest , thickest hair that’s turning into Brillo pads as I grey and these new clips are seriously awful. Thank you, Boo Mama – the pain is real!

  15. Thank you for this laugh! I came upon this as I was searching for “Johnson’s Cotton Swabs”. They are disappearing at an alarming rate from all stores and I just can’t use that “Q” brand – not enough cotton and too much stick. If they can be found, I too will be praising and may buy enough to stock an entire closet lest they be thinking about stopping production. Here’s to first world problems on Monday!

  16. Sharon Dorman says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I recognized those clips right away when I saw the photo of your broken one. I use one every day to keep my hair out of my face when I put on makeup. Have been searching and searching to buy more, and can’t find them . . . and couldn’t remember the brand name. Google and Amazon.com . . . . here I come :)

  17. Girlfriend, I loved the first Mall Cop! LOL I will wait for the second to come out on video though. ;)

  18. I laughed like crazy at the first Mall Cop. I won’t pay to see #2, but will watch it on Netflix when it comes out. I love slapstick comedy and can’t help myself when someone falls down. Silly and stupid, but laughter is good. So happy you found buried treasure in your Velcro roller drawer!!

  19. I feel your pain with the bad movies. Something about the late elemtary – adulthood boy just wants to see horrible movies. But the clippies – oh rejoicing and cheers!!!

  20. OH I am so happy for you! When my favorite clippy broke in my hand last week, my cry of despair was enough to get my teenage boy to actually open his bedroom door long enough to ask me if I was alright. I keep reaching for it, not finding it, and falling back into grief and mourning all over again!

  21. This is just the best all the way around!! Could not love your blog more!

  22. Just had to say how happy I am for you, Sophie. ;)

  23. Mary Ann Stumberg says:

    How is it that none of you know about JCrew hair clips? Amazing pieces of equipment, come in several sizes, and are guaranteed. If one ever breaks, they replace it for free. I’ve never had any that worked as well, held my hair better, and were as comfortable.

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  25. I hear you. I hear you! I have been using the same sort of barrettes for sweet forever. And finally they all were broken or lost. ! I cannot tell you how many replacements I’ve tried. When I found them (and labeled “classic” of course) I am pretty sure there was a spotlight light from Heaven and a chorus of angels.

  26. Sophie,

    Truly enjoy your blog and your funny every-day life excerpts. May you continue to find joy in the little things like hair clips and enjoying 5th grade humor at the movies : )

    God Bless and Be Encouraged,

    Laci Ortiz
    http://www.goodmedicineministries.org

  27. Just wanted to make you aware of an issue I had when trying to get on your blog site this morning. Kept getting the message “Request has been denied because it triggered WAF. Contact your web host if you’re not a robot.” Got this message on both my laptop and Kindle. Re-booting did not help. Did a clean-up scan on my laptop and got it to work there, but still got the “robot” message on my Kindle. Called my internet provider. They said they could not give technical assistance for Kindle. Getting ready to Google how to do a clean up on Kindle when I decided to try one more time. IT WORKED!!! Don’t know what the issue was — just know I am not, and never have been, a robot.

  28. This made me crack up! Thanks for sharing your life with us…the serious, the sentimental, and the silly. (And old-school hair-clips are DEFINITELY in the “serious” category! :)

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