I’ve never made a loaf of homemade bread in my life. IN MY LIFE. The mere mention of starters and kneading and rolling and rising and etc. is enough to send me into a cold sweat. It’s just always seemed like a whole lot of trouble considering that I can pick up a loaf at the store and never even have to turn on my oven, thank you very much.

Lately, however, I’ve had a little bit of a change of heart. For the last few months I’ve been trying to eliminate “convenience” foods from our meals – with the exception of the occasional box of Cheez-Its, DON’T YOU JUDGE ME – and I’ve been looking for ways to make things I would ordinarily buy. That’s why I can now make a pretty decent homemade pizza crust, and it’s why my favorite new smell in the world is a pot of black beans simmering on the stove (oh, cumin – you do marvelous work).

ANYWAY.

Last week I picked up the May issue of Food Network Magazine (I LOVE IT), and I noticed a recipe for No-Knead Peasant Bread. I read the directions and thought it sounded do-able, but I wondered if it was way more complicated than the recipe indicated. After a little research, though, I discovered that Jaden at Steamy Kitchen has a similar recipe on her site, and for me that was confirmation that I needed to try it.

All that to say: I finally worked up the nerve to make my first loaf of homemade bread. And I used Jaden’s recipe, just FYI.

Sunday afternoon I mixed the dough together, covered it and let it sit tight for 24 hours. Monday afternoon I floured the dough, turned under the edges, then wrapped it in a floured dishtowel and put it back in the bowl. Two hours later I flipped the dough into a Dutch oven (SO BRILLIANT, THAT METHOD), followed the instructions, and 45 minutes later my house smelled like heaven.

It tasted better than anything ever should. Alex just ate buttered bread for supper, in fact. Couldn’t be bothered with anything else.

But the grown-ups kicked the bread up a notch, oh yes we did.

Sunday night I made a batch oven-dried tomatoes and stored them in the refrigerator. These tomatoes are DIVINE and have so much flavor – which is a bit of a wonder considering the state of tomatoes in April. I also made a big pot of homemade black beans (2 cups soaked beans, sauteed onion and garlic, salt, cumin, chili powder and red pepper brought to a boil in 6 cups of water, then simmered for 2 1/2-3 hours – with about half a teaspoon of red wine vinegar added after they’re done).

Well.

Once the bread was ready Monday night, I made a little Feta yogurt sauce (1 cup plain nonfat yogurt, 1/2 container crumbled Feta, 1 teaspoon dried dill or 1 tablespoon fresh). David and I spread some yogurt sauce on our homemade bread, then topped it with black beans and oven-dried tomatoes.

OH MY WORD THERE ARE NO WORDS.

(And please excuse the shadow of my phone in the picture.)

(Remember, I am a reliably dreadful photographer.)

We absolutely loved the combo of the bread with the other stuff. It was fresh and tasty and crunchy and hearty. We decided to call it International Bruschetta (a little Greek, a little Italian, a little Mexican) – except that it wasn’t really bruschetta because I didn’t toast the bread, but that is merely a technicality. And you could do all sorts of toppings: a favorite cheese, roasted eggplant, roasted garlic, shredded parmesan on top of pesto sauce, a Caprese salad on top of the bread – I could go on and on and on. There was actually a walnut-pepper spread in the magazine that looked delicious, not to mention glazed figs – but I think my people would revolt if I served them either of those options.

Regardless, I still can’t get over how easy it was to make bread in a Dutch oven. I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS POSSIBLE. I think my life is changed forever. In fact, I think this is going to be the spring of eating Homemade Bread With Some Stuff On Top Of It for supper.

And I can’t wait.

I’m not an expert on anything. That’s why you rarely see any how-to posts in this little neck of the bloggy woods. Oh, I could probably score pretty high on some sort of Bravo reality programming quiz, but as you might imagine, the demand for how-to posts on that particular skill is practically nonexistent.

(FINGERS CROSSED, though, that my running mental list of the Real Housewives’ finest moments will come in handy one day. Maybe I’ll get to provide the correct spelling of Bethenny’s name in a heated round of Trivial Pursuit. As Ramona would say, I’d be all over that like white rice.)

(I fear I’ve shared too much.)

(Anyway.)

Weekend before last we went to my hometown to see the family and celebrate my parents’ birthdays. Sister and her hubby were planning to be there, too, and I thought it might be fun to cook a big birthday supper. Without going into all the details of what’s been going on with our extended family over the last few months, I’ll just say that so far 2010 has been a HUMDINGER, and given that, Mama’s and Daddy’s birthdays seemed like a great excuse to get the cousins together and eat and laugh and trust that better days are ahead.

And that is exactly what we did.

I am notorious for wanting to cook 15 different dishes when I’m cooking for company, but I really tempered that tendency for the birthday dinner because 1) I wasn’t cooking at my own house and 2) I tried to do as much as I could ahead of time so that I could actually talk to people and lo, maybe even enjoy myself. And do you know what? The plan worked beautifully.

So here’s what we had for supper. There were probably about 25 people by the time a few latecomers stopped by.

Asian Pork Tenderloin
Shrimp and Wild Rice Casserole
Party Salad (it doesn’t have a name – it’s just what I throw together when we have company)
Ree’s Rolls (I used dill instead of rosemary)
Pound Cake with Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream and Fresh Strawberries

And because I did everything in stages, it wasn’t stressful AT ALL.

(Disclaimer: before you read this next part, you should know that I recognize that there was probably a better, more efficient way to pull off the dinner.)

(Perhaps my crippling lack of confidence is yet another reason why I never write how-to posts.)

(Also: I feel like I need to be giving away free chocolate to those of you who have actually stuck around long enough to read this thing.)

(Regardless, here’s my strategy. Though I’m sure there’s a better strategy, and it’s probably yours.)

(PLEASE BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE SOARING NEW HEIGHTS OF BORING THAT AWAIT YOU IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS.)

Thursday afternoon I made a triple batch of marinade because I was cooking 6 tenderloins (I bought Tyson plain tenderloin 2-packs). I put 2 tenderloins in a gallon Ziploc, then covered with marinade. All three Ziplocs went in the refrigerator. Later that afternoon I made the first of two pound cakes.

Friday afternoon I made another pound cake. Then I made the shrimp and wild rice casserole (5 boxes of wild rice, cooked, 5 cups of freshly grated sharp cheddar cheese, 5 cans of cream of mushroom, 5 Tbs. Worcestershire, 2 lbs. of medium frozen shrimp, thawed). I divided the casserole into three Pyrex dishes, covered them, and put them in the refrigerator.

Late Saturday morning I packed everything in coolers – including the frozen roll dough. Sister was already at Mama and Daddy’s, so she went to the grocery store and got all the salad stuff (hearts of romaine, red onion, fresh broccoli, mandarin oranges, almonds and dressing), coffee fixins and ice cream.

Saturday afternoon we made it to Mama and Daddy’s. Two hours before supper, I put the roll dough on cookie sheets and let it rise in a warm oven. Then I chopped up everything for the salad. About 45 minutes before supper – when the roll dough was out of the oven – I cooked the tenderloins (they only take 25-30 minutes). Then I cooked the casseroles, which came out of the oven just as people were starting to arrive. Sister and Paige set out all the china and glasses and whathaveyou.

While everybody visited and watched Kentucky bust my NCAA bracket to pieces, I put the rolls back in the oven.

Once the rolls were ready, everybody served their plates buffet-style, and I sat outside with Sister and Paige and ate supper and visited. Paige helped me fix and serve dessert while Sister started to tackle the kitchen, and I think we made a good team. We actually cooked for a crowd and enjoyed ourselves, too.

WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT.

By the way, here’s the birthday boy and the birthday girl.

And some sweet cousins.

And some of Mama’s daffodils, which really have nothing to do with anything, but they were blooming like crazy that weekend.

So. What about y’all? Any tips or tricks for staying sane when you’re cooking for a crowd? Any reliable, crowd-friendly recipes you’d like to share? Do you break out the paper plates or polish the silver? Do you cook everything yourself, or do you sometimes get a little help from the Colonel or Popeye’s?

Please note: I will always – ALWAYS – support getting a little help from Popeye’s.

OH YES MA’AM I WILL.

This afternoon Alex went to the park with a friend, so I sat down on the couch to write a blog post and promptly fell asleep. FELL ASLEEP. WHILE SITTING ON THE COUCH. I woke up about 40 minutes later after some vivid, technicolor dreams and had no idea where I was or how I got there. But I took advantage of my last few minutes of free time by watching an episode of “Murder, She Wrote” while drinking my prune juice and popping some wheelies in my HoverRound.

Anyway, I cooked supper and cleaned up the kitchen and watched a little election coverage on CNN (remember: I have FoxNews issues. I know many of you think that’s unpatriotic, but in my opinion they need to SIMMER DOWN WITH THE GRAPHICS, and yes, I appreciate the irony of my wanting a news organization to tone it down when I am in fact a person who likes to CAPITALIZE A LOT OF WORDS).

So now I’m back on the computer again so that I can finish what I started before I was overcome with a touch of the narcolepsy this afternoon.

You’re welcome for all that completely unnecessary backstory, by the way.

About six months ago David decided that he didn’t really like chicken anymore. He didn’t make a big proclamation or anything, but I noticed that whenever I’d make anything with chicken in it, he’d sort of load up on side dishes and push the chicken-related main course around his plate. Not to mention that the leftovers would sit in our refrigerator until they grew old and lonely and finally hobbled off the shelf in search of a home where they’d be appreciated and lo, even loved. By diggity.

Well. One day I was making a grocery list, and I decided to find out once and for all what was going on with him and poultry. I asked him what he’d like to eat that week, and he rattled off a list that did not include a single item containing chicken – except for Melanie’s chicken cakes. So I said, “What’s going on with you and chicken? Are y’all on the outs?” And he confessed that he and chicken, they were done. Over. Tarred and – say it with me – FEATHERED.

Now obviously D’s anti-chicken stance had an immediate impact on the menu-planning and cooking around our house. But since I don’t really love chicken unless it’s battered, deep fried and in a box that says POPEYE’S on the side, I realized that I was okay with a chicken hiatus and just needed to figure out more ways to cook beef and pork. On a budget. Without buying steak very much at all ever.

Easy breezy!

At some point I ran across a recipe for flank steak in Cooking Light, and we really liked it, but then our grill quit working and flank steak can be pricey and oh my word am I really devoting this much energy to writing about meat? SWEET MERCY I’M ANCIENT.

Is the HoverRound charged yet? Mamaw here needs to run some errands.

Anyway, here is my current favorite recipe for meat-that’s-not-chicken. It’s London broil. Alex actually calls it “that good meat you cook, Mama,” and whenever I make it he practically claps his hands.

All righty. Cast of characters.

Except that you don’t need the little teacup of Kosher salt. I forgot to move it. But since you have soy sauce for your marinade, you’re well-covered in the salt department. Just FYI.

(See? I haven’t even gotten past the first picture, and I’ve already failed terribly. I don’t know why you people bother with me.)

(By the way: that photograph is STUNNING, isn’t it? Notice how you can’t really read any of the words on the ingredients. Completely intentional on my part. Along with failing to get all the ingredients within the frame of the picture. Artistic license, you understand.)

(And if you think I managed to capture some sort of step-by-step tutorial on how to make this delicious meal, then clearly you are way overestimating my efficiency and follow-through.)

So. Mix together this stuff.

1/3 cup lite soy sauce
1/4 cup sesame oil
1 tablespoon honey (or brown sugar works great, too)
1 tablespoon Worcestershire
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper (we like LOTS of pepper, but by all means stay in your pepper comfort zone)
1 teaspoon garlic powder (or 2 cloves fresh garlic, minced – I was fresh out of fresh garlic – BADABING!)

Mix well. Reserve a couple of tablespoons that you’ll use later to cook broccoli. Pour over the London broil in a Ziploc bag, then seal and refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Or overnight. Totally your call.

Now go read some blogs or paint your nails or catch up on the DVR while the marinade does its magic.

After meat has marinated, pull it out of the refrigerator and let it rest on the countertop while you make the yogurt sauce:

1 small container plain yogurt
1/4 cup Feta cheese
2 teaspoons dried dill (1 tablespoon of chopped fresh dill would work great)
fresh lemon juice to taste
1/2 cucumber, peeled, seeded and chopped (if it’s in season – cucumbers didn’t look great at the store yesterday)

Mix all ingredients in a small bowl (double the recipe if you’re cooking for more than 4), and you’ll end up with this:

Be still my heart.

Make sure you preheat your oven to 450, then turn on your stove fan and get ready to sizzle.

The London broil I used yesterday was only about a pound and a half, so obviously cooking times will vary a little if yours is bigger or smaller. But using my cast-iron grill skillet, I followed the same basic procedure as Ree’s steak how-to: turn up the heat on the stove to medium high, let the skillet get hot, rub some butter on the skillet, then let that meat get good and seared on both sides.

I probably cooked the London broil two minutes on each side (1 minute, rotate 90 degrees, another minute, flip, 1 minute, rotate, another minute, then sling it in the oven).

Once you put the meat in the oven, let it cook on 450 for about 10 minutes or until it’s done just like you like it (if it’s an extra-thick cut, be careful and check it with a meat thermometer – it will take longer to cook all the way through). Yesterday I wrapped mine in foil after I took it out of the oven so that it would cook a little more without getting dry. Whether you wrap it in foil or not, be sure to let the meat rest about 10 minutes before you slice it.

When you’re ready to eat, slice the meat very thinly across the grain (if you slice with the grain, the meat will be chewy). Ours was a perfect medium – our favorite.

Then I grilled some onions and sauteed some broccoli in those two tablespoons of reserved marinade. We made stuffed pita sandwiches with the meat, broccoli, grilled onions and yogurt sauce, and MY MY MY – so delicious. I also love to do grilled squash for the pitas, but the squash in the store yesterday looked very pale and fragile. So I let them be.

Tonight we used the leftover London broil for fajitas. I grilled more onions, warmed up some tortillas, put some cheese, salsa and sour cream on the table, and we were good to go.

So there you have it. That good meat I cook. It’s versatile, tasty and pretty economical considering that we always get several meals out of it.

Okay. I’m all done now. I think you’ve endured enough at this point.

I’ll be sleeping while sitting straight up in my HoverRound if you need to find me.

So, it snowed here today. Sort of. I mean, there were some flakes that fell from the sky, and occasionally they came down fast enough that we looked at them and said, “Oh, that’s pretty,” but in terms of anything that would enable us to make snowballs or snowmen or snow angels or snow creatures of any variety at all – well, um, NO.

But we had such a great day. Alex, our sweet neighbor B. (she’s not just four – she’s four AND A HALF) and I went for a huuuuuge walk, and the two young’uns ran up and rolled down every single hill. We had a blast. It was just one of those times when the gray weather was our friend, and it was hands-down my favorite day of 2010.

(Yes, I know that 2010 is only seven days old, but still. Big fun. I would share pictures except that I didn’t take any because our camera battery was dead. You’ll just have to trust me.)

Now earlier this week I was all set to make a bunch of tailgating food for tonight’s game, but when I started reading through your comments on yesterday’s post, I got a great idea from Gina. She mentioned that she was making sliders, and that immediately struck me as something David would love. So I shifted strategies, went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon, cooked everything late this afternoon, and may I just say? The sliders? HUGE BIG GIGANTOR HIT.

I had about a half a bag of frozen rolls leftover from Christmas (I prefer Rhodes, but this was some other kind), and this afternoon I put the rolls on cookie sheets so they could thaw and rise. I seasoned about a pound and a half of ground chuck, and after I mixed it up I made 12 small patties, then covered them and put them back in the refrigerator.

And since I recognize that reading a step-by-step, pictureless rundown of how I made sliders is only slightly more exciting than if I were to read you an instruction manual about food processor assembly, I’ll just cut to the chase and make a list of everything I put out on the counter for slider assemblage.

- sliced rolls
- hamburger patties (adorably small-ish)
- ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard
- Provolone (oh wait – I forgot to put out the Provolone, but I’ll still leave it on the list because it would have been delicious)
- Ranch dressing (made from the little Hidden Valley packet)
- grilled onions (I used 1/2 sweet onion)
- bacon (I cut six slices in half, then fried them)
- sandwich stacker pickles (cut in half)
- salsa (this brand is our current favorite, and MY WORD it’s tasty)
- avocado (I don’t really have anything else to say about the avocado, but I seem to be on a roll with the parenthetical additions, so I thought I’d write something extra in the interest of consistency)

So there was all of that stuff, and then I made homemade French fries (the kind where I put about two inches of oil in a Dutch oven on the stove and then COOK UP SOME SLICED TATERS), and I think it was one of my fellas’ favorite meals ever. D loved being able to fix different kinds of burgers, and I loved that I found a new way to use frozen rolls. Alex loved that we had hamburger patties AND bacon. He’s sort of a fan of meat.

Okay – I need to give the game my full attention. Bama’s up 24-21 with three minutes left, and they just recovered a fumble on UT’s three yard line. So clearly it’s time to do some yelling because remember, I THINK THE PLAYERS INSIDE THE TV CAN HEAR ME.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

And for at least the next three minutes: Roll Tide.

Edited to add: today is the last day to enter the $500 L’Bel Paris giveaway – don’t forget to enter!

As much as I love to cook, I have never really been one for baking. It’s way too exact for me. I’d much rather make something where I can throw in a dollop of this and a dash of that and a heap of something else and then stick it in the oven until it smells like it’s done.

Plus, baking sometimes requires special equipment like candy thermometers and double boilers. And also baking doesn’t involve nearly enough cheese.

But.

There’s something about Christmastime.

And for the last couple of weeks, I have been baking up a storm. At least by my standards. Compared to your standards, I’ve probably just been baking up a light shower. Nonetheless, I thought I’d share a few bake-y recipes that I love.

Note: you will not see any homemade candy on this list. I draw the line at having to use a candy thermometer. It’s bad enough that baking requires me to do all sorts of math.

- Mama’s Pound Cake – It’s a classic.

- Hummingbird Cake – This is one of the first layer cakes that I ever made, and it’s still one of my favorites. The pineapple in the layers makes me so happy.

- The Bar – I made this recipe for the first time tonight, and OH. MY. WORD. I don’t know when I’ve ever tasted something and thought, Well, this is just butter in all its glory. I’m taking these to a Christmas party tomorrow night, and then I’m going to make another batch next week because my mama WILL. LOVE. THEM. Three sticks of butter makes everything better, you know.

- Coconut Cake – I’m not usually a fan of coconut. But these cake layers are so delicious that they totally won me over.

- Peanut Butter Blossoms – Peanut butter. Chocolate. Sugar. Butter. What’s not to love?

- Lucy’s Chocolate Pie – My grandmother’s chocolate pudding recipe is the best. THE BEST. And in a baked pie shell? With some homemade meringue on top? Perfection.

(Just FYI: for my meringue, I whip four egg whites with 1/4 cup sugar and 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar. When the egg whites make stiff peaks, I spread the meringue on top of a cooled chocolate pie, then put the whole thing in the oven until the peaks start to get some color on them.)

- Apple Dumplings – These are so good that I talked about them for two days after I made them. Could not get over how something so simple could be so delicious. I’m planning to make them this Christmas Eve, in fact.

- Chocolate Citrus Cake with Candied Oranges – I made this cake last week. I skipped the candied oranges step because it was after 10 at night when I iced the cake and MAMA NEEDED SOME SLEEP. My cake didn’t turn out nearly as pretty as the picture next to the recipe, but let me tell you what: the layers of this cake – and the chocolate ganache in between – are ABSOLUTELY DIVINE. I think when I make this cake again I’ll probably just do the cake with some whipped cream and candied oranges on top. No icing. The layers are THAT good.

So those are my favorites – what are some of yours?