If you’re anything like me, this video will make your heart soar. And also sing.

IT WILL MAKE YOUR HEART SOAR AND SING!

It’s hard to explain, but there’s something special about some jazz hands choreography performed by men wearing tuxes and women wearing sah-weet Hanes Silky Reflections hose in Off Black. And when you top it off with an appearance by Kathie Lee Gifford as well as her green taffeta sash – well, it just screams “AMERICA, LAND OF THE FREE” to me.

Oh, I adore this country and its fancy production numbers.

So, in the spirit of celebrating the parade of states, big hair, sparkly evening gowns and SWEET MERCY, THE TALENT COMPETITION, I’d love it if you’d swing by here next Saturday night, January 14th, for a Miss America Viewing Party. Since the pageant is being televised on ABC this year, it should be pretty easy for most of us (the ones who are interested, at least) to tune in.

And if you’re at all curious about how this little viewing party will work, you can take a look at what happened this past summer at our Miss Mississippi Viewing Party (also known as MY FAVORITE BLOG-RELATED MEMORY OF ALL TIME). Hopefully it’ll be big fun for all involved – whether you’re writing comments or just reading them.

I can’t wait! I may even have to set up a pre-pageant tailgate party in my living room.

Or maybe I’m just looking for an excuse to make lots of dips.

Nonetheless, I’ll be here with bells on. Or a crown on. Or some clogging shoes on. WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Who’s in?

About three years ago I flew out to San Antonio to meet Melanie at a Living Proof Live event at the Alamodome. The plan was that Melanie and I would blog about the event like we normally do (over at AllAccess), and then afterwards we were going to help out at a Q&A session featuring Beth Moore and her daughters. If memory serves, the idea was that Mel and I would be responsible for some “witty banter” with the women who were waiting to attend the Q&A. In retrospect I think we were probably supposed to be like those warm-up people at talk shows – the people who try to keep the audience from getting too bored while they’re waiting on the people they really want to see.

And let me just tell you: that day in San Antonio, there were a bunch of women who reallllly wanted to see Beth, Amanda and Melissa. Which is understandable because, well, they’re darlin’.

In the weeks prior to the Q&A, Melanie and I talked about some possibilities for our “witty banter.” We figured there would be about 200 people there (in a small-ish conference room of some sort), and of those 200, we sort of (naively) assumed that maybe half of them would have read our blogs because we’d met and hung out with several of the women who were going to the Q&A. So, since Mel and I both enjoy procrastination and since we both felt like everything would go pretty smoothly if we were “bantering” in a room among friends, we decided on a very general approach and figured we’d come up with some specifics once I arrived in San Antonio.

Oh, our plan was flawed.

Our plan was very, very flawed.

For so many, many reasons.

First of all, my flight from Houston to San Antonio was cancelled, so I ended up pulling up to our hotel on two wheels about 45 minutes before we had to be at the Alamodome on Friday night. We ended up going to a late supper after the event, and we rolled back into the hotel at approximately 12:00 in the AM. Which makes perfect sense when you consider that we needed to wake up at 6:00 the next morning and then be responsible for witty banter later in the day.

(I can’t quit using the phrase “witty banter.”)

(I recognize that it might be annoying.)

(But still: “WITTY BANTER.”)

And then, once we got settled in at the hotel, the insomnia hit. OH MY WORD DID IT EVER.

Melanie and I are both what you might call High-Maintenance Sleepers, and have mercy did our collective sleeping crazy ever kick in that night in San Antonio. Both of us enjoy a sound machine when we sleep, but unfortunately both of us had left our sound machines at home. As a result, our room was so quiet that we could hear EVERYTHING going on in the hallway of the hotel. At one point we got so desperate that we turned on the water in the bathroom sink to see if that would mimic a sound machine and therefore SOOTHE OUR INCREASINGLY FRAYED NERVES, but it didn’t work at all. I finally drifted off around 3, only to wake up at 5 and find a wide-eyed Melanie sitting on the bathroom floor with her laptop.

She was typing a blog post. I don’t know why this would surprise you.

All that to say: we were exhausted when we got back to the Alamodome Saturday morning. The looming banter took a backseat to the fact that we were both a little desperate for sleep. And then, before we were even remotely prepared, the event was over and it was time for us to take our witty banter in front of the 200 women. Only – TRUE STORY – there were actually about 1,000 women LINED UP ACROSS THE FLOOR OF THE ALAMODOME, and I would venture to say that approximately 993 of those women were wondering who in the world we were and WHY IN THE SAM HILL they were being forced to listen to us.

To their credit, nobody actually screamed “WHERE’S BETH?!?!” when we walked out to the middle of the floor, but I guarantee you that most of those women were thinking it.

There are so many things I could tell you about those fifteen minutes of my life – those fifteen minutes THAT STRETCHED OUT FOR ALL ETERNITY – but I really don’t think there’s anything I could say to make you understand just how deeply, completely, filled-to-overflowing-with-awkward it all was. I mean, I’ve watched TV shows where someone stepped up to a microphone and froze, but I’d never experienced it firsthand until that fateful August afternoon. Melanie and I just, I don’t know, STOOD THERE, and all those women just, I don’t know, STARED AT US, and Melanie and I kept looking at each other and then looking at the women and then looking at each other and then looking at the women and IT NEVER GOT ANY BETTER, OH NO, it just became increasingly more painful and cringe-worthy with every passing second.

So Melanie decided to break the ice first, and here, HERE WAS HER OPENER:

“Hey. How’d y’all sleep last night?”

And then I looked at her and laughed nervously and launched into a seemingly endless description of our sound machine woes and how we turned on the water and then I found Melanie in the bathroom at 5 and OH MY LANDS IT’S LIKE I’M SPEAKING TO A FIELD OF CRICKETS AND BY THE WAY THE CRICKETS AREN’T EVEN SMILING.

After about five minutes we had the good sense to ask Travis to join us, and he totally saved the day (because, you see, the people there knew who he was, and they seemed to appreciate seeing a face that was infinitely more familiar to them than the faces of the two blogger people who couldn’t seem to do much more than stammer). Travis actually created some interaction and some fun (which, of course, was supposed to be our job, but we’d fired ourselves by that point), and somehow we made it to the end of our little segment.

I’ve never in my life been so happy for something to be over. And even though it was pretty epic in its terribleness (no kidding: I think the term “EPIC FAIL” was coined as a direct result of what happened on the floor of the Alamodome that afternoon), I like to think that the 993 women/crickets forgot all about Mel and me as soon as Beth and her girls came out on the floor for pictures and the Q&A.

Anyway, I’m sharing this NEVER ENDING TALE with y’all today because it adds an element of SWEET, SWEET IRONY to the fact that this weekend Melanie and I are the emcees for the .MOM Conference here in Birmingham. Once again Mel and I will be like the warm-up people on talk shows – only this time we are going to be PREPARED, yes ma’am we are. There are some real-live people who have worked like crazy to help us get ready for our emcee-related responsibilities, and we’re really excited about it. And also terrified. But still: really excited.

So, given all of that, I’m going to take a little bloggy break for the next few days. Tomorrow Melanie and I will hit the ground running just as soon as I pick her up from the airport, and you’d better believe we’ll be rehearsing for our emcee duties this time around. Several times, in fact.

LESSON LEARNED, ALAMODOME. YOU TAUGHT US WELL.

I hope that some of y’all will be at .MOM, and I also hope that you’ll come say hey if you’re there. Mainly because Mel and I will probably need a hug. And a pep talk. And then another hug.

Hope y’all have a great rest of the week!

Remembering the Alamodome,
Me

…but does anybody have any interest in participating in a little impromptu DipTacular this Wednesday? College football starts Thursday, you know, and since our last DipTacular was a couple of years ago, I thought maybe y’all might have some new dip recipes to share.

Here’s how it would work: on Wednesday you’d post two or fourteen of your favorite dips on your blog or Facebook page (you could post your recipes as a note and then make sure your note setting is public), then you’d copy the URL of your blog post and add it to a Mr. Linky that I’ll have posted here.

I’m assuming, of course, that everyone still enjoys dip. Perhaps the dip landscape has changed in the last two years. Maybe cupcake craze has dictated that cupcakes are the new dip. But with football season just a few days a way, I can’t help but think that at least a few of us would enjoy some dip-related inspiration.

No pressure, though – and if nobody’s up for it I’m sure we’ll all still be able to find some new and exciting uses for cream cheese this fall. I just figured that it couldn’t hurt to ask.

So if you’re interested, just leave a comment. If there are at least, say, 25 people who are game, then we’ll plan to have a little dip party on Wednesday.

Hope y’all have had a great weekend!

Several things.

1) If you’re on Pinterest, would you leave a comment with the URL to your Pinterest page? You know, something like http://pinterest.com/sassymccutie. And if your Pinterest username really is Sassy McCutie, then you need to know that I am going to be your biggest fan. FOREVER.

2) If you’re on the Twitter, would you do the same thing with that whole leaving-your-link business?

3) I just think that it would be nice if we all knew how to find each other on the Twitter and the Pinterest. Unless you don’t want to be found, of course. So no pressure.

4) Don’t forget that there’s a bodycology rich&creamy giveaway going on until July 31st. The Purina ProPlan Selects giveaway ($100 Visa gift card) will be up and running until July 21st.

5) Remember a few weeks ago when I asked for your feedback about protecting our kids online? I am forever indebted to y’all for your help. I had so much good stuff to work with that I ended up writing an article that focused mostly on being mindful of our kids’ boundaries, especially as they get older. Hopefully I’ll be able to write another article down the line that focuses more on the safety issues. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate y’all taking the time to share your wisdom. Your comments were so helpful.

Have a great Thursday, everybody!

So last night was our first annual (OH YES MA’AM IT WILL BE ANNUAL) Miss Mississippi bloggy viewing party. IT WAS A BLAST. The pageant was great and the comments were hysterical; the only thing missing, really, was an assortment of appetizers that we could all share. Though I’m guessing that sharing the appetizers would have been somewhat problematic since the viewing party participants were scattered across the country and all.

Anyway, the viewing party made me think about how fun it would be if there was a reply option in my comments, if I could just click a button and respond to something specific that a commenter said. So you can appreciate the sweet irony of the fact that (post-blog party) I discovered that I’ve actually had that feature all along. I just haven’t had it activated. Because I’m very forward-thinking and tech-savvy and etc.

All that to say: there is now a reply option in the comments. I think it’ll be more fun! so much fun! just more fun!

Because there’s nothing like hopping on board with the hot 2006 blog trends in 2011. It’s how I roll.

Happy 4th, y’all.