Today, as one of my 54 errands (that number is merely an approximation and may not be completely accurate), I had to return a few things to Old Navy.

And because I am apparently surrounded by a powerful magnetic force field, not one but two cash registers just up and quit working while I was trying to make my returns.

So while the check-out counter turned in to Troubleshooting Central, Land of No Working Registers, I ambled around the store a bit.

And I saw these adorable pants. FIFTEEN DOLLARS. OVER HALF OFF.

These, too. FIFTEEN DOLLARS.

And while supplies are a little limited online, there were lots of sizes in my store. I bet there are lots of sizes in your store, too.

Finally, it was only by the power of the Holy Spirit that I was able to walk out of the store and leave these shoes behind. So I would really appreciate it if one of you would buy them and I could live vicariously through your cute shoe purchase.

Thank you.

And carry on.

Normally I just circle the really good grocery deals. You know, like if Land O Lakes butter is two for five dollars, or Cokes are five for eleven dollars, or Pillsbury biscuits are five for five dollars.

But when I saw this? I needed arrows.

I needed three arrows, to be exact.

And then some exclamation points.

Because while I have no idea whether or not the price is good, DO YOU SEE THAT THERE ARE TWO CHEESE FLAVORS IN ONE BOX?

TWO CHEESE FLAVORS? IN ONE BOX?

Sharp cheddar? AND parmesan?

IN ONE BOX?

This is an unexpected, precious blessing.

And while we’re at it, do y’all have a preference in the Cheese Nips / Cheez-It showdown?

Personally, I find Cheez-It to be the far superior snack cracker.

As always, I welcome your comments on this deeply important topic.

But please, let’s keep it civil.

Yesterday I told Big Mama that if she had any plans to go in Target or Old Navy she’d better not step foot in either store until she’d put on the full armor of God, including the oft-neglected Pocket Shield of Thriftiness.

But because we are enablers in that we enjoy, well, enabling each other to find the absolute cutest clothes possible, she then asked me to tell her all about every single thing I saw and please, oh please do not leave out a single detail.

And if you are sitting at your computer feeling somewhat skeptical as to whether or not Big Mama and I actually talk about clothes as much as our blogs would seem to indicate, all I can say to you is OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Just ask Shannon, who, God love her, was subjected to the misfortune of walking through store after unending store with us for an entire Saturday. Big Mama and I not only like to shop - we like to shop and then say things like, “Well, if I had this coat, it would absolutely be my signature piece,” and “These hoop earrings are perfect for when you need to give an outfit a little ‘pop’ but don’t want to drag it down with a necklace” and “You have to buy this, there’s no way I won’t let you buy this, IT IS AN INVESTMENT.”

Because clothes totally earn interest for you, internets. Just ask your financial planner.

However, since Big Mama and I are in a season of life where we’re not exactly earning big wads of cash money, most of our oooohing and ahhhhing and hypothetical accessorizing must be confined to window shopping. As opposed to actual, you know, shopping shopping. Where you buy things.

But make no mistake: we long to shop. And for now we rest in the peace of knowing that we are being refined during this particularly difficult scant-shopping season, and because we are more than overcomers, one day we will shop again, hallelujah.

And in the event of an unexpected financial windfall, there may even come a day when we are able to shop in stores where the clothes aren’t just a hop, skip and a jump away from a produce section.

That would be quite fancy, don’t you think?

Anyway, Big Mama and I actually have three (THREE! 3! TRES!) blog-related trips planned for this summer, and we’ve spent an inordinate amount of time discussing what we’ll wear on those trips because, as Martha would say, we don’t want to be too dressy, but we don’t want to be too casual, either, I mean sometimes you can just get away with wearing jeans and a blouse, jeans and a blouse!, but we really can’t do that because we need to be more dressy casual, dressy casual!, you know, like with some cute slacks and a shirt that is tailored but not too fitted, of course, because you don’t want to be immodest and certainly you want to be comfortable, you just have to be comfortable!, but then if it’s just a cotton shirt it could get wrinkled!, it could wrinkle!, and DO YOU SEE HOW HARD THIS IS? DO YOU SEE?

Well, I’ve run across a few spring clothing items that I think are absolutely adorable, and I thought I would share them with you because I can’t really shop for anything other than air right now (please do not get me started about how my computer won’t hold a charge anymore and I am going to Africa for blogging purposes and call me crazy, but a dependable computer might come in just a little bit handy, and I can’t talk about it anymore or my breathing will become somewhat shallow and erratic).

So let’s distract ourselves with clothes!

Like this.

And these, ohmyword THESE, for they take me right back to 1981 and a dog-eared copy of The Preppy Handbook.

Because I knew all about preppy when I was, you know, eleven.

And do you have any idea how well this would cover a post-partum tummy? Even if the post-partum was almost five years ago and please don’t judge me because I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO FRIED THINGS?

For the record, it would cover the five year-old post-partum tummy absolutely beautifully.

As would this.

And I would love to wear this shirt untucked with some jeans.

I say that, of course, like I ever tuck in anything. But if I’m being perfectly candid, I should probably tell you that I really don’t think I’ve tucked in anything since 1998, which means I’m coming up on a decade of being tuck-in free.

It is some sweet liberty, my friends.

And in the interest of versatility, I should point out that I love these pants, even if I do have to go up a size in them because the waistband hits across the post-partum belly area, only who do I think I’m even kidding, it’s totally the DEEP FRIED belly area, and strangely enough, I’m pretty much okay with that.

Also: I am now craving fried dill pickles.

Dipped in Ranch dressing.

And for our skinny friends, we have this shirt. SO cute.

But I would never ever wear that much elastic around my upper arms, oh good grief no, and I have two very strong reasons why:

1) That much elastic encasing my arms would render said arms completely numb in a matter of mere minutes and

2) The elastic on the upper arm area would create a sausage-type effect, thereby causing large canines far and wide to mistake my arm for a tasty pork treat. Which could lead to some springtime unpleasantness.

Because while there are some risks that I’m completely willing to take for the sake of fashion, grave injury to an appendage is not one of them.

And I imagine that you would agree.

For the last few days Melanie has been keeping me updated about Target’s winter clearance sale. I promised myself that I wouldn’t buy any Christmas-related items until the prices were drastically reduced, so when Melanie informed me yesterday that her Target had put up the 90% off signs (NINETY PERCENT OFF, my friends), I felt like it was time to investigate.

So this morning, after eating breakfast at McDonald’s, our little family went to Target. We’d been there all of four minutes when I ran across this plate:

I do hope you’re not blinded by all the adorableness.

And the cost? Regularly $2.99. But today? TWENTY NINE CENTS.

I bought eight of them.

As I was putting the plates in the cart, I explained to D. that these melamine plates are great for taking people cookies or candy during the holidays. He agreed that they were a deal, and after a few more minutes of listening to me talk about THE PLATES! THE SUPER-CUTE PLATES!, he murmured something about going to get some Starbucks.

Which is basically Man-Speak for “I think I’ve had enough of the shopping now.”

About ten minutes later, after the little man and I made our way over to the accessories and shoes because I am always on a quest to find the perfect Target tote bag, we spotted D. an aisle or so away. He walked over to us, handed me my coffee, and as we were wheeling back toward the kids’ clothes, I stopped dead in my tracks.

Because I saw these.

CLEARLY THEY ARE DIVINE.

I said something like, “Oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS.”

Then D. said, “You mean you LIKE those? Really? Hmmm.”

At which point I immediately thought that PERHAPS THIS IS WHY HUSBANDS AND WIVES SHOULD NOT SHOP TOGETHER.

So I took a deep breath and said, “These shoes are adorable. They are everything I love. They have a big wedge heel, a funky fabric, and I would wear them all the time. ALL THE TIME.”

D. looked completely puzzled and said, “But they look like something from The Captain and Tennille Show in the 70’s.”

OHNOHEDIDUNT.

The fact that he had unknowingly burst my shoe bubble was bad enough. But I LOVED me some Captain and Tennille back in the day, y’all. And I would be tickled - yay, even honored - to wear any pair of Toni Tennille-reminiscent shoes. Even if her husband did happen to dress just like, you know, Captain Merrill Stubing.

So I took another deep breath. There was no point trying to explain the appeal of the shoes, because, I mean, how do you even begin to tell your husband - who was just making casual conversation and meant no harm whatsoever - that HE HAS STOLEN YOUR SHOE JOY?

God love him.

But you’ll be happy to know that I’m doing okay now. I really am. In fact, I’m hoping to fully reclaim my shoe joy sometime in the next day or two. Because I am more than a conqueror.

And make no mistake: I will return to the Target shoe department. Alone. And while I may be standing on a wedge instead of a rock, I will stand on that wedge proudly to win soles for Jesus. And to build my shoe kingdom.

Hallelujah and Amen.

So I started off my morning emailing with Kelly about clipboards, and I decided to look around and see what the internet has to offer. Because as I understand it you can “click” on all sorts of “items” at various “websites” and put them in a virtual “shopping cart,” and then enter your “credit card number” and the “merchants,” they will “ship” the “merchandise” to your “home.”

Though I am somewhat “unfamiliar” with this “newfangled” “technology.”

(Sorry for all that quotation mark business. Sometimes I just get carried away with the silliness.)

(Or “carried away.” With the “silliness.”)

(”SORRY!”)

Here are a few clipboards I found right off the bat.

Old School - You crafty types could totally do something cute and custom with these.

Colorful Old School - This one is great if you just want a little punch of color.

Monogrammed Acrylic - A sweet friend of mine actually gave me one similar to this yesterday, but I will keep it at home because I think the acrylic would scratch if I put the clipboard in heavy-duty rotation. So I’m going to use it for papers, forms, etc. that I need for work-related stuff.

Ever-So-Sassy Personalized Clipboard - I don’t know if I could handle all the ribbon on some of these, but if you like super-girly things, they should be right up your alley.

And then Genni sent me a link (oh, you people are more helpful than you know) to the MOST delightful website, a website that made my pulse quicken and my eyes bug and I think I even got just the slightest bit dizzy.

So here are some great options I found at See Jane Work:

Sassy, Durable Clipboard - I actually have the pink and brown polka dot version thanks to Janie, and I adore it. This is the clipboard that accompanied me to the grocery store yesterday, and it did a beautiful job.

Sassy, Durable-But-Smaller Clipboard - This one is perfect for all you girls who would rather have something that will fit in your purse. I however, prefer a clipboard that I have to cradle in my arms, as if I am conducting some sort of Official Survey For Government Officials Who Do Official Things.

And finally:

File Folders That Have Nothing To Do With Clipboards But DO YOU SEE HOW CUTE THESE ARE? - When I saw these file folders, I wanted to create stacks of paper so that I could label the file folders and then give the stacks of paper cute, colorful homes.

IT IS A SICKNESS.

A sickness I will document using a green Sharpie fine point marker on a white legal pad so that I can carefully use correction fluid to eliminate any pesky stray marks before I assemble all related documents in a plastic pocket folder.

And then my heart will sing.